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Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?


kiss
ashlyn
Clean of meth or not - how can you tell?
I am curious to know how to tell if someone is clean or just acting like they are clean. Maybe he just learned how to "manage" his use? He used to inject and smoke.

He is working full time, gained his weight back, he's going to NA and overall seems sane. He's still selfish and thinking about himself (meaning he expects other people to do what works best for him not considering what may be best for someone else-he doesn't concern himself with inconveniencing other people) and he's sometimes vengeful and will do things just to make my life more difficult. I wonder if he is sincere or just being manipulative.
     Replies...
vctry Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
How long has he been clean?
kiss
ashlyn
 
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
clean for about 2 months
vctry7 Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
That sounds about normal. I was crazy for about a year after I quit. My husband was a total jerk, and I do mean a complete total jerk. We were both almost as bad as when we were using. A lot of family members didn't believe we were clean. I thought it would never get better.
scorpio Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
Have you heard of Alanon? Its a 12 step program for the loved ones of the addict. Check it out.
kiss
ashlyn
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
That's a very good idea Scorpio!
The effects of this drug are so overwhelming for anyone involved in the addicts life.
Rachel
sue76
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
Quote:
He's still selfish and thinking about himself (meaning he expects other people to do what works best for him not considering what may be best for someone else-he doesn't concern himself with inconveniencing other people) and he's sometimes vengeful and will do things just to make my life more difficult. I wonder if he is sincere or just being manipulative.

That selfishness is not always cause by meth use. Was he selfish before the meth use? If yes then chances are that he is just selfish. Some people are just that way.

Scared
Angel
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
I have to agree with RachelSue.

Quote:


He's still selfish and thinking about himself (meaning he expects other people to do what works best for him not considering what may be best for someone else-he doesn't concern himself with inconveniencing other people) and he's sometimes vengeful and will do things just to make my life more difficult. I wonder if he is sincere or just being manipulative.

This sounds more like a personality trait, than a meth situation during early recovery.
Although....I had severe anger issues, short tempered, and just felt pi**ed off even if nothing was wrong, during my first 6 months of recovery.

Like rachel asked....was he like this before his meth use?

kiss
ashlyn
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
He was quite the opposite before his use. Very giving, thoughtful and responsible. He would help anyone who needed it and didn't expect anything in return.
Kell
happy
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
Two months is not very long. I know it can be tough to give the benefit of the doubt. Hopefully, if he continues to DO everything he should be doing clean, and not just SAYING he's clean, it might be easier to believe. Actions are what speak.

I think a certain element of selfishness might be necessary for him right now. If he is clean, he is probably really uncomfortable. He is used to being high. That is a very selfish life. I was only concerned about getting and staying high when I used. It was me, me, me. How am I going to get what I need, when I need it. Now, he is concerned with how am I going to stay sober. How will I get to a meeting. How will I make it through this day clean. Hopefully, in time things will balance out. Bad habits and behaviors he's learned can be unlearned. Focus can be changed.

I think the Alanon or Naranon is a good idea, too. It can be really good for a loved one to have their own meeting. It could be really helpful to you. Please don't forget that the most important thing for you to do is take care of yourself the best you possibly can. I'm glad you posted.
Rachel
sue76
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?

Quote:


He was quite the opposite before his use. Very giving, thoughtful and responsible. He would help anyone who needed it and didn't expect anything in return.

You know as loved ones when the people that we love are using, we seem to think that "If only" they would quit using then life would be good again. What we often unintentionally ignore are the things that we read from other people that are in recovery. We tend to think that if the using is gone all the problems will be too. But recovery brings it's own set of problems with it.

You are expecting him to be the same man that he was before he started using and it is not going to happen. Just as you have been changed by his meth use, so has he. And do you really want him to go back to that same man that thought that meth was an acceptable answer to the problems in his life?

Some things may change and some may not. He may become less selfish the longer he is in recovery. He may not.

Indiana
shedevil
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
I totally agree with Rachelsue..
I had the same experience with my ex. In the beginning of the relationship he was kind compassionate caring and giving. That didn't last for very long.

He proved how selfish he was. He was still that way in "recovery".

Now it seems that he projects that he is a better person and that he isn't selfish. But the truth is that he is a wolf in sheep's clothing.

It was very ironic reading the post about the pathological liars and this post about selfishness... Especially since I ran across the information on Narcissism.

Some people have more issues than just addiction.
luve
piphany
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
I know shedevil, doesn't it just make ya wonder, "which came first, the chicken or the egg?"
Awww who cares today?? oh yeah, I still do But, tomorrow, tomorrow, I am going to do something fun! I'm not going to wonder anything except whether or not I can do something to make myself a little more joyful!
Indiana
shedevil
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
Luve...
Did you read this part...
Quote:
But the question who did what to whom (and even why) is irrelevant. What is relevant is to stop mourning oneself, start smiling again and love in a less subservient, hopeless, and pain-inflicting manner.

I found it in one of the sections from the link that you provided...

Sweetie... It is time to make today a good day. Don't put off til tomorrow what you can do today!

luve
piphany
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
Oh, it's a great day!! I'm just a still wondering a little-I admit it. I wouldn't be here if I wasn't wondering. How about, awww who cares!!! This evening I'm going to make a wonderful dinner for my 12 year old and I and maybe go to an NA meeting and be JOYFUL and thankful that I'm not a meth addict!?
See, I am working joy into my recovery along with seeking knowledge and wisdom and peace....a few hours at a time. The hard stuff is healing but more often now, I am going to try to take a break and just have fun-forget for just a few hours then a few more but I don't think I can ever stop wondering completely.
I still don't get much of the regular stuff done, but that's going to have to be ok.

My message is trying to say that it's ok to quit wondering about those hard things in our lives-yes, right now, today---you are right-not tomorrow-RIGHT NOW (but I'd miss ya'll)
Indiana
shedevil
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
That's the ticket!

Yeah, I have moments, too. But I look at the positive...

The moments are fewer and farther between.
The moments aren't paralyzing anymore.
The moments are being replaced with better things.

Enjoy dinner and your evening!!!
SOS
1988
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
I used to be a really nice guy, and still generally am I nice person but I won't give without expecting back or won't give unless I deem the person worth it. Meth has made me meaner and more bitter and I don't think that will ever go away, I see the trash in people and it disgusts me. I wont be as nice as I could have been and (in my humble opinion) he won't be either.
guest
who
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
kissmyashlyn you said,

Quote:


He was quite the opposite before his use. Very giving, thoughtful and responsible. He would help anyone who needed it and didn't expect anything in return.

How long was he like this? Be really honest with yourself because, ultimately, it is only going to effect you. Perhaps, he was being all those positive attributes you stated because he wanted something ( panties to drop, companionship, etc. .)
If this was the case, maybe he is being more of his true self now and when he was using. In a perfect world, when people are Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and addiction is involved, we give them the benefit of the doubt that they were Dr. Jekyll.

The cold hard truth this may be Mr. Hyde. This change might have nothing to do with his addiction. He may continue being a prick for the rest of his life.

Addiction may mask the truth after it is long gone. Follow your heart, ask it.

Indiana
shedevil
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
That was an honest to goodness brutal and very much needed wake up call...
luve
piphany
Re: Clean of meth or not? How can you tell?
Guestwho, do men want companionship? I have forgotten about those kind. Are they really out there? Oh, and your little panties drop line...well, ya know that's a trigger for sex addicts....
Wonderful response all in all. I need to ask myself those honest hard questions every day. I can't answer them completely yet, but it's important for healing to ask.

See also:

You KNOW when a meth user is using!

Signs of meth use

How do I know when he's using Meth?

What using signs should I look for in a meth addict?

Is there a smell when you use Meth?

What does constricted pupil or pupil dilation mean?


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