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You KNOW when a meth user is using!


gravel
girl66
Your KNOW when a meth user is using
Its been a while, but I see a lot of the same questions, over and over... "how will I know?" How do you Know if they are using, if they are doing it, if they are coming down?" etc....

First off, I believe there is this thing called "your gut" - you should listen to it.

Second... You Know. Your friends, your family, strangers, don't need to tell you if your children, significant other, and those in between are using meth. Maybe you need validation, to think your not crazy. But in any event, If you have spent any kind of time with the person in question, You know they are different.

Most of those here, recovering, or non users, Know. The recovering addict could spot one a mile a way, and unfortunately during their using days, they probably thought no one, "knew" about them. I think that is possible, some were able to "hide" it for a little while. But eventually the non-users would figure it out... Or the non users probably now, can spot a user a mile a way....

I haven't lived with my still using ex-husband in a year. I don't have to talk to him, I don't have to see him, but I still Know. If I did see him, that would just be more obvious, by me looking at him. I KNOW he is not him anymore. Having me waste my money on drug testing him, was the biggest waste of time, I could have done.

So, my point, search yourself. You know the answer already. Its not about knowing... Its about what you are going to

**DO WITH THAT KNOWLEDGE*** Life with a user, does not get better. Ask just about anyone on here. They don't miraculously have a light bulb moment, and just stop one day. So its up to you to decide what you are going to tolerate. Either you are going to spend your life with a drug user, or spend your life being manipulated by a drug user (children), or you are not.... period.... Once you can answer that question... the rest will come to you.

Everyone's deal breaker is different. Its not going to be easy, but you will find peace eventually...
     Replies..
notold
ash
Re: Your KNOW when a meth user is using
Hi gravel
I agree to an extent... In my case I was so full of self doubt I couldn't make a decision to save my a$$. I wasn't able to just know... if ya know what I mean.

Yea I had a gut feeling but my self doubt snuffed it out. It's just wasn't that cut and dry... until the little codependent me got some help. 
Indian
ashe
devil
Re: Your KNOW when a meth user is using
Gravelgirl~

What an excellent post!

Thank you!
1Head
light
Re: Your KNOW when a meth user is using
gravelgirl66 - I couldn't agree more!

For 12 years, when asked if my son was using... my answers were always qualified in some way (my "gut" always knew the real answer)

-- no, not that I know of
-- no, I don't think so
-- well, he has been eating, so I don't think so
-- I really don't know, but I doubt it


Ask me now (or in the past 14 months) if my son is using and my answer is simple: No

I know what I see today - it's recovery!
quiet
lonely
alone
2003
Re: Your KNOW when a meth user is using
You're right. When you know, you know. I've been trying to tell myself that I'm wrong, or that I'm not qualified to know for sure, searching the websites for "symptoms" and "signs." I just got one, about two hours ago. He came home, gnawing on his mouth really really bad, and jumped all over my 72 year old mother. He told me I had better not have been on the phone at all today, and she told him I could "talk to whoever I liked." That did it. I thought he was going to hit her! He's 50, 6 foot tall, almost 300 pounds, and my mom is 5 foot 5, maybe 120 pounds, very frail and has a heart problem!! She thought I had been making up stuff about him, told me "no one suited me for very long" and that he couldn't possibly have the anger problem I've been telling her about. Surprise! Now I have to get my act together, stop being so scared of life without him (Ha!) and figure out what to do. Trouble is, I know what all he's capable of, and I'm scared silly. I know the law doesn't mean anything to him, he's been in trouble more times than once and laughs about it, they just smack him on the wrist and say "bad boy" and laugh with him. He's made me totally dependent on him, I had to give up my job to keep him happy, and in this area there are no jobs. Now I have to find one, fast. Wish me luck guys, I'm gonna need it.
luve
piphany
Re: Your KNOW when a meth user is using
nice to see ya gravegirl-I like that post-thanks!

And then when ya KNOW.....soon it won't matter as much...until one day you are FREE!

Letting go of even being In THE KNOW is my goal. And in the very very end, love is all that is left standing and it's not man/woman-made.

Seems that I, personally, am in the part of the dance or carnival ride that one day I KNOW and as soon as I do, the addict in my life pops in to try to prove me wrong-kind of like a game of "catch me if ya can....I know ya want to..." "Na Na Na Naaa Na Na", " I tricked youuuuuu" "You can't live without meeee", "Ha Ha, you let your guard down...".........and other tricky little demons in my head all teasing me to just "Try to Be Right and In The Know" It's the game between Living and living in h3ll.

Do ya Know what I mean? I bet some do. Pretty soon, by the grace of a loving God, I won't care one way or the other. It will just be enough to be Living.

We, too, do recover
Indiana
shedevil
 
Re: Your KNOW when a meth user is using
My ex was abusing meth for 10 years before I became "enlightened". It took several months between a friend telling me "Hey, your husband is hooked on meth and it's real bad" to "Holy shyt, he really is doing meth!"

I just had to keep making sure, double checking, know beyond the shadow of a doubt that he was using. He kept denying it and I kept letting him...

I was the ostrich that had it's head buried in the sand. All that time I was in denial, I kept losing more and more and more.

I didn't want to believe that there was a problem. I couldn't accept it. I mean, who wants to realize that the person that they married and shared a life together has an addiction to something as horrible as meth? That the very same person that they loved was keeping lying and betraying them?

I kept making sure... I had to be sure... Right down to the last broken pen, wad of foil, lightbulb innards, and overdrawn account... I had to be sure...

I can now look back at all of that and amaze myself with questions... Why? Why? Why?!

I was in denial also. I was just as sick as the addict was. I was as co-dependent on him as he was dependent on the drugs.

What a sick sick time in my life. Oh, the crazy things that I would do... And why?

Because the addict made me do it? I'm afraid not. I allowed it to happen to myself. It didn't stop until I made it stop. The ride was over for me and I was getting off of it. Screw that... I was leaving the d*mned amusement park!

End of Chapter One...
gravel
girl66
Re: Your KNOW when a meth user is using
I am not gonna sit here on my throne and say I didnt do it too, I did. But years ago, It finally came to a point, of I dont need to prove it to anyone, that he is doing what I have always known he is doing...

Like I was on a mission to prove to his family, my friends, hey I live with a drug user. And calling everyone in the world b/c I found a hollow-ed out pen n the wash mashine... well damn... mine was dealing so I had a hellova lot more evidence than that...

And what I really mean to say too... It doesnt matter if you see them, if you dont, if they are saying they are clean... you KNOW b/c of how they interact with you when the Truly are clean. And I dont mean the coming down part. You Know. All the behaviours my exhusband displays, makes me Know. Even if I dont see him or speak to him.
* B/C - Clean, he would not, Not see his children.
* B/C- Clean he would not have a "woman" he met in a bar on Thursday, moved in with him by Friday.
*B/C- he would not forget the holidays, his children's birthday. and not even show for XMAs.
*B/C- Clean he would be humble, and not haughty.

And the beat goes on... so quit questioning yourselves. That's all I meant. Yeah its hard. It hard to get yourself back in line. But dammit get some spine about you. I was somebodys stomping mat.. and I will NEVER allow that again, from a user, or Non-user.

I took my vows serious, when I married... but in the part... Till death do we part.... well, I cant "love him to my death" - No one can ask you to... and that was our life was... my slooww death as he dragged me down the rabbit hole... (and i didnt or dont do drugs).
luve
piphany
Re: Your KNOW when a meth user is using

Quote:


All we can do is accept the way things are and have compassion for the other loved ones of addicts.
Indiana

Here is an example of just that idea.

Sister #2 married an alcoholic fairly chauvinistic guy way back when. He was nice to me most of the time, didn't seem to drink and may have been in AA, I'm not sure, but I do know that I snitched pot from him more than once when I was a teener.

I did know of some relapses where he got very violent with my sis and my dad tried to set him straight(the good guy alcoholic that thought he could fix it)...things sounded a bit better, but I know that through the years my sister drove me crazier and I wanted to be around her less and less. Now I know that it was probably due to her going insane living with an alcoholic/addict without proper tools to cope. They divorced.

Sister turned to church-became a Christian and fell full on into her mission work etc. I can't say I really wanted to be around the righteous chickie much then either during those 5 years, but AT HER WEDDING, I saw such peace and beauty and pure LOVE in her, around her, and between her and her new hubby-whom I really like. I believe there is healing and recovery for all.

I won't ever be the "pot calling the kettle black" again.

See also:

Using Signals / Signs of Users on Crystal Meth

Physical / Medical signs of Crystal Meth use


Back to Crystal Meth & Methamphetamine Questions, Answers & Advice


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