BF High again! When will this nightmare stop!

I am so mad right now

My BF came home all high last nite. He said I want to let you know that I went and messed up my days being clean. He had 44 days clean!

Like I couldn't already tell he was high.

Barging into the house as if he's trying to catch someone besides me here! Waking me from a dead sleep.

Going to the phone to check who called and pressing redial?
I mean really what is that all about? Your the one whose out getting high me at home sleeping

Turning on the computer to the PORN sites and getting out all the PORN CD's. Then telling me go put on something sexy. As if you could do anything, CRYSTAL DICK!!

Then having his sister call and call and call because he took her stash! Like I already knew she didn't just give him $80.00 worth of SH*YT!

Plus he had a pipe in his pocket. Like I wasn't going to notice?

Asking me why the blinds were open a little in the computer room? Because you left them that way. Paranoid man, Forgetting things all the time!

I HATE this and don't know how much more I can take before I just lose it completely! The one thing I am glad about is that I didn't use with him which used to happen. I have 52 days clean!! I love him so much and he can be a wonderful man when he's not using. I just don't know if I can deal with the withdrawls again and again and again..

He s , crashes, gets angry, gets violent, and then everything is my fault for a while. Right now he is still in that loving, I love you, you do so much for me mood.

In a couple days that will all change once he's out of Sh*yt. I'm just lost and confused right now.

If you got this far thanks for listening.

I am sorry you are dealing with this. Maybe you should re think this situation. What comes to my mind with you only having 52 days clean is this can not be good for your recovery. You need to start thinking about yourself as it is obvious he is not. Just my thoughts. Good luck to you.

SweetDreams2U- Congratulations on being 52 days clean! Don't let this guy ruin your recovery! You are doing so good. While your at home sleeping he's out getting high! You shouldn't deal with his crap. It seems like you let go of one thing that is hurting you why not let go of everything that is hurting you?

Know that I am here for you!

Thanks for replying.

I told him that I didn't want to continue our relationship if he was going to continue to use. He says "it was just a slip and he won't continue to use". He says "he won't get verbally abusive and violent with me again." He says "things are better since he's only using about once a month now?"

He says, he says, he says. I love him soo much and I know that I would hurt like hell if I left him. But could that hurt be any worse than how I feel right now?

I'm going to see if he'll agree to go to an NA meeting. I'm in Ventura County CA. Maybe someone can direct me where to look.

Thanks again for responding to my post..Lost in Cali

Hello SweetDreams,
I just left my husband friday night, I know where you are coming from but at least yours is willing to admit it. Mine tells me he is doing nothing wrong just hanging out with his freinds and if I don't like to get the F**k out. I have two boys from a previous marriage. And I can not put them through this anymore. and of course my husbands mother thinks he does no wrong, it is okay for him to get high and drunk and drive around with no lic. That is my fault too. I am the one at home trying to get her to see what is going on in front of her face, but she believes him. I know my husband is using Meth, He has told me he would use crank some and that was when he would get real violent, then he quite, now he is back to being very violent and acts as if he hates to even look at me. So What I am trying to say is I know it will hurt for you to leave, it hurts me deeply, I love my husband and I want the man I married back but I also know he loves Meth more than me and my kids. But I have to think of my self and my kids. We deserve better than that, just like you.

Hi Peachy,

I am so sorry that this drug has taken your husband from you. Your priority will have to be yourself and your kids. I agree you deserve better than this and so do I.

It's just tough to say when enough is enough. I guess I'm strong in some respect for not using but weak when it comes to changing anything else.

May God watch over us all!

I am so glad you have chose to stay away from the drugs too. My brother is also on this stuff and he has been sober 3 weeks now, I know he has a long road ahead of him, but at least he is man enough to try and over come this and not be in denial like my Husband, Don't get me wrong, I love my Husband dearly and I always will, I set everyday and beat myslef up and feel like I have failed him in some way. Maybe by not being a better wife to him and keeping him away from the drugs. I know it sounds crazy but I do. And I feel like I have left him to die because his mother says it is me not him. She has always seen no wrong in him, he is also an alcoholic and she turns her back and babies him, tells him what to do. I just hate that I can't make him admit to me what he is doing, so maybe I could help him.