KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Trying to decide if my friend relapsed

kricky doo	Trying to decide if my friend relapsed I was just looking for someone to help me. My friend went to rehab and is now at home. She has done really well until recently. If you are a friend or family member of a recovering addict then you know that you watch their every move. Recently I found a butane torch hidden in their house and a glass pipe in their vehicle. I did not mention the torch but I did mention the pipe and of course there was an excuse for it. i have noticed people at her house that I don't recognize and people spending the night a lot. I think she has relapsed but I don't want to confront her without being sure first. Please let me know what I should do!
Replies...
Broken N2	Re: Trying to decide if my friend relapsed 1st up if it was hidden how did you find it? Were you going through there things?? Str8-up I think that's wrong even if you care for someone!~! Give this person a break and allow them to come to you if they need ya....there is nothing you can do to stop them if they are using again...they know the drill if they've been in rehab... Just my opinion.
kricky doo	Re: Trying to decide if my friend relapsed Well, I should clarify, it wasn't hidden just put between the couch and wall and I was asked to help clean their house, by them. I would never go through anyone's stuff but it was just out of plain sight. I agree with you about the rehab thing but there are children involved. Thanks for your help!
Ignor amus	Re: Trying to decide if my friend relapsed I don't think confrontation is going to help anything. Be there for her, but don't enable her. If she's using again, there's nothing you can do to stop her. If she's not using, continue to simply be her friend. But to answer your question, in MY opinion, there's no reasonable explanation for a pipe, and she's probably relapsed. But you can't do anything about it if she has. And that's just my opinion, I may very well be wrong.
danimal 55	Re: Trying to decide if my friend relapsed Only your friend can decide what she needs, it simply isn't up to anyone but her....unless it becomes a case of a child's welfare, in which case the child's needs and safety MUST be considered. We can wear ourselves down worrying about who needs what and lose ourselves in the process. Like Broken mentioned, she does know the drill, and like the rest of us, she'll do what she wants until it becomes too painful. We have VERY hard heads! And we're full of BS when we're using. i.e. The pipe says it all. IMO
kricky doo	Re: Trying to decide if my friend relapsed Thank you so much for all the help!! As a friend to an addict it is so hard to not want to fix the problem. All of you are exactly right that it is not my problem it is hers. Enabling is so hard to stop because you don't want to not be there for that person, it is hard to draw the line between being there and enabling. I just want to do the right thing. Thank you soooooo much!
So much guilt	Re: Trying to decide if my friend relapsed You just have to step back and let her decide what she wants to do, but as you are stepping back, you need to be very observant for the children's sake. Please watch after them and take them into a different setting if the time is right for you. As a friend, take the children to the park, to the movies, out to McDonalds anywhere to get them away. And as all have said, don't enable your friend. Confrontation is just a given no answer anyway, until they are ready to talk to you about it and confront you. There isn't anything you can do for your friend until they want to do it for themselves, but the children don't have a choice. Keep talking and I hope this has helped you.
BentBut Not Broken1	Re: Trying to decide if my friend relapsed Do these new people seem/look high? Is your friend behaving like they were on meth? Up and can't sleep or eat? Crash suddenly, disappear for hours/days, angry, depressed? Is your friend spending money, getting or making lots of phone calls? If not, it could be as simple as they were hidden from when your friend was using before rehab. If the behavior fits meth use, get the kids out safely and with someone trustworthy. Personally, I'd show your friend the torch and pipe and see what reaction you got...but in a very loving, caring, understanding manner. Those kids do come first so be vigilant for them. I'd mention that if your friend wants to be with the kids, and they admit using, it's time for some tough choices and they are treatment with loving support or find your buzz but not around the kids. This might not be right for you and if it isn't, do what you feel is right...protecting those kids always! I'm just so sick of meth that I don't play nice. I raise folks bottoms when given the chance (beats jail and death any day of the week). I give loving ultimatums with plans ready for those who are ready to quit using and work recovery. It corrupts everyone it touches and I'm just not going to let someone slide when I can lovingly give them an alternative. I'm keeping you, your friend, and those kids in my prayers. Please keep us posted and Thank You for caring. Welcome to KCI also!
Loraura	Re: Trying to decide if my friend relapsed People DO find hidden (and then lost and forgotten) drugs and paraphernalia after they have stopped using. It could simply be left over from before she went to rehab.
kricky doo	Re: Trying to decide if my friend relapsed Thanks for the response. I would accept that answer about left behind stuff from before but when she went to rehab I helped clean out paraphernalia and other things that would be a trigger. I know for fact that it was not there from before. I was advised to watch for signs of use and I have. It is not as bad as before but I have noticed her not caring about her appearance, having a trashed house, being late for things, people in and out, lots of phone calls etc. Like I said, it isn't as bad as before but the signs are there. I just don't want to say anything even in love and be wrong and make them mad because they feel like I don't trust them. I am confused!!!
kricky doo	Re: Trying to decide if my friend relapsed I just had the strangest feeling that the paraphernalia night not even be hers. I am not trying to close an eye to it but her significant other has been staying with her and has claimed since she went to rehab that he would be clean when she got back. Maybe, just maybe it is his or another friends and she is trying to just believe them. It is a stretch but for right now that is what I am going with because she has looked good so I just need to wait.
k8 kanguru	Re: Trying to decide if my friend relapsed The recovering addict needs to 'own' their own recovery. Too much interference, however well intended, from those who love the addict makes it easy for them to shift responsibility for their recovery onto those who want to control it. Then, in a testing time or when they've argued with the people taking responsibility for their recovery, it becomes all too easy for the addict to forget it was THEIR recovery and they need to fight to hold onto it. If the recovery is 'owned' by someone else then it's easy to discard.
writerjp	Re: Trying to decide if my friend relapsed I am with everyone else. You can be her friend and be there for her. You cannot help someone who does not want to help themselves. She has to decide what she wants to do. I hope that it gets better especially since there are kids involved.
kricky doo	Re: Trying to decide if my friend relapsed You all have been so helpful, I really appreciate it. Your advice makes sense to me and I will follow it. I am really glad to have found this site.