I fear my friend is back on meth

StaceOfSpades

I fear my friend is back on meth.

I just joined this forum. My friend might be a member.
Anyway, I have my suspicions. I haven't talked to her in days, and she has told me she wants back on it. There's just so many things going on in her life, and she can't handle it. I've try supporting her the best I can. I've tried to keep her away from meth, and be there for her, and be there to prevent her from using.. but now that she has her car back.. she is able to go wherever she wants, especially to her dope man.
I don't know what to do.
I love her to death, and I know her life is hard, but she's making a huge mistake.

eyesopen83

Re: I fear my friend is back on meth.

sounds to me your doing all you can do...unfortunatly you cant make her stop no matter what you do...but what you are doing, supporting her the best you can.is all you can do...i hope she relises that although her life is hard now, it will be fuking hell with meth...

Nishi

I fear my friend is back on meth

Sorry to hear about your friend. I know exactly how you feel. My baby's father is an addict. He recently told me he relapsed. I've tried for years to help him with his addiction, but I've never been successful. It sucks to watch your loved ones make such a big mistake. There really isn't anything you can do. If she wants to use she will. All you can is be there for her when she needs you, that is if you will still be her friend while she's using. No one would blame if your wern't. It's not your problem, it's hers. Though I myself have never been able to turn my addict away. That's the problem it makes you so mad but you love them and want to help. It's good for her to have you for a friend. Maybe you can make her see that she needs help because her addiction will only end badly. Whatever you decide I hope you feel better and I will pray for your friend!

StaceOfSpades

Re: I fear my friend is back on meth

When she first started using last year around August.. she stopped talking to me, like she is now. She knows that if I find out she's using, I'll give her hell about it, so she doesn't talk to me.
Yet, somehow, she comes back to me whenever she's having a hard time, or she's run out of other friends.
I'm having a hard time in my life right now as well, and I honestly considering using, but I know of the consequences, and so does she, but she just doesn't care. She lost a loved one in December, her boyfriend, and since then, she hasn't been the same. She wants to join him in Heaven.

Nishi

i fear my friend is back on meth

Oh God!!! Don't even consider using meth!!! If you know the consequences why are you even saying that? I've never used but I've seen the effects it has on people and YOU DON'T WANT THAT IN YOUR LIFE!!!!!! I've lost people I loved, both my parents, and I'm having a horrible time right now with my child's father and other crap, but have never considered using. Please, I know life can suck real bad at times, but don't make it worse. You will ruin your life and possibly someone else's!! If your friend is contemplating suicide (wasn't sure if that's what you meant by "joining him in heave") she needs professional help. That is definatly not the answer! I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. Have you ever considered counseling? It might help you not feel so overwhelmed. Just please don't use the last thing you need is to ruin your life with meth. Trust me IT WILL NOT HELP! I will pray for your peace of mind, be strong!!!!

StaceOfSpades

Re: i fear my friend is back on meth

Thanks Nishi.
I wish my friend knew that.
Over the years, I've learned how to get over my problems without drugs. I just wish she could. I know she's strong enough.
I don't want to tell her mother, because I don't want to narc her out. Her mother figured it out before, she will again, I'm sure.
March 17th, her mother was going to send her off for 11 months for using. A rehabilitation thing.. I'm not sure.
We both cried our eyes out because that was the last thing she wanted.. but now.. I wish she had gone. It could have helped her.
I feel like a failure. I'm supposed to be her best friend, yet I can't save her.

k8kanguru

Re: i fear my friend is back on meth

Hey Nishi
I replied to you on your other thread but I think if you're looking for good advice you should buy a tape recorder and record yourself talking to another person in need and then just play it back when you're not sure of yourself.

You've got your head screwed on well but please feel free to keep coming back here just for the reassurance.

Best wishes to both of you,

K8.

Nishi

i fear my friend is back on meth

You sound a lot like me. I feel like a failure sometimes too. I just have to remind myself that I'm not the addict, he is. You can't make someone quit if their heart isn't in it. My addict's always telling me he hates meth and he wants to quit. Then he's sober for awhile, but then something always happens. He can't deal with stress or his emotions. Eventually he always runs to drugs. I used to think, ok this time will be the last if I just love him enough then he'll see what a good person he could be and he will want to be clean for me and our son. However, now I know he has to figure out why he uses, what triggers him to want to use. I know he really does hate the sh*t and that he does love our son, but until he realizes why he needs drugs it will never change. They cycle will never end if your friend doesn't figure out why she is using drugs to cope. I hope she can figure it out because it makes me so sad to think of anyone going through the hell I've seen my ex go through. Just because she didn't go to rehab in March doesn't mean she can't go now. Maybe she should talk to her mom about going, it couldn't hurt and maybe it could save her life!

StaceOfSpades

Re: i fear my friend is back on meth

Nishi, your husband sounds a lot like my friend.
After she left rehab.. and started hanging out with me again, she seemed really happy. She was staying away from all of it.
A guy that she has loved since her 9th grade year, started talking to her, and gave her motivation to stay off the stuff.
Something happened with that, and she lost her motivation completely. He was the only thing keeping her off of it besides me, and I couldn't do it alone.
Part of me blames him for it, because if they had gotten together.. she would be off of it by now.
She's miserable right now, and she'll only become more miserable if she gets back on it as bad as she was. Before rehab, she had started shooting it, instead of smoking it.
Her love that died in December, he was on it when he died. I figured that would be enough motivation to stay off it, but apparently not.
Part of me wants to tell her mom, but if I do, and her mom sends her off for 11 months.. she'll hate me. And I can't stand that, even though it will be helping her.

StaceOfSpades

Re: i fear my friend is back on meth

But.. thanks everyone for the support. I haven't talked to her directly about it yet, but I will, if I can. (So far I've called her three times, no answer, and she's gotten online and has ignored my messages.)

Nishi

i fear my friend is back on meth

You know deep down you can't blame that guy for her using. She needs to learn how to deal with things emotionally not chemically. Dealing with things with out the drugs hurts. She has to face the truth about her life and that is hard to do for most people. It's hard for us to admit that most of our problems in life are somehow caused by some choice we've made. Nobody likes to admit when they've messed up their life cause then they can't blame anyone else for their problems. Rehab would probably be good for her or at least going to NA. She needs to learn a new way to deal with life. Maybe you could go with her to a meeting, they can help non addicts too. If her boyfriend died and was using and this didn't make her quit she needs more help than you yourself can offer. She's an addict and I'm sure if she thought about it she'd know that she should stop she just can't on her own. Just don't get so overwhelmed with her problem that it causes you stress (yeah I know easier said than done) Hopefully you know what I mean, you can't fix her even though you deseperatly want to. I think you have the same problem I have, I know I can't fix my ex and I tell myself over and over I'm to stressed out to deal with him and I'm done, but darn it if I don't get sucked back in everytime. That's the down side of helping someone, but if you can make a difference that would be wonderful and I think that's why we keep trying, we pray this time it will be better, this time it will work, this time they'll get it and maybe one day they will.

scaredmom

Stace

Hon
This is so NOT your fault. You sound like a wonderful and supportive friend. It sounds like when your friend uses she is not interested in being a friend. That is very typical behavior for an addict.

Is your friend under 18? If so i would REALLY encourage you to tell her mom. Your friend will not be happy about it but even if you lose the friend it is worth the shot of her mom being able to get her into a rehab.

Good luck

Was Tweaked

Re: Stace

The best way to help your friend is to tell her mom. Sometimes we have to risk losing those we love in order to help them.
Tough decision but think you already know what to do :-)
Best Wishes!!!!

forget suzette

Re: Stace

let go...

you did'nt cause it, you can't control it, it's not your fault.

there's nothing you can do.

Lexi Sunshine

Re: i fear my friend is back on meth

I know my boyfriend is a user, too and it is hard not to try to "change" or help them............I think the same thing, maybe if I do everything right and try to make his life perfect, he won't need that........but it doesn't help, he does what he wants.

It's hard for me because he is so nice when he is using and I just wonder why he can't be that nice all the time? Do you ever think that? It's wrong though becuz then I'm really blaming myself, and it's not me.......

Plus he doesn't see that he has a problem with it........

imlostinky

Re: i fear my friend is back on meth

Quote:
Part of me wants to tell her mom, but if I do, and her mom sends her off for 11 months.. she'll hate me. And I can't stand that, even though it will be helping her.

So her dying is a better alternative to her hating you momentarily?
Sorry but I don't get your logic on this one.

Her boyfriend died using in December, your friend wants to join him in Heaven-
so is this something that her Mom really has the right to know?
I certainly think so.

I'm a mom. I have a right to know- 9 months of carrying my child inside of me, all the sleepless nights I had caring for them after birth, all the trips to the ER for busted heads,eating tylenol fruit chewable tablets, even when my boys got "grown" and had a head on collison on Mother's Day a couple years back-
I think all of that earned my right to know if there is a problem with my child - any of my children.
Especially if there is still something I can do about it.

But now, you can always be a good friend and let her Mom find out the hard way- when it is too late to get help.
Personally, I think in the long run, your friend won't hate you at all for telling.
I think in the long run your friend will say thank you for helping me save my life.
I think that is what would make you a good friend.
Just my opinion.

Remember, we are only as sick as our secrets.

chrisgonz

Re: i fear my friend is back on meth

Call her mom and tell her. You can do that with love.

If it were my daughter, I'd be so mad at her "friend" for NOT telling me.

My kids and I are totally honest with each other, right or wrong.

Sounds like she re-nigged on her part of the deal with her mom.

If she can't do recovery on her own, then she needs HELP.

You'd be doing her a favor and giving her a wake-up call by being
HONEST!!!!

You could also be saving her life.

Much peace,
Chris

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