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How do I cope with the meth addicts denial?


methhurts
families
 

Coping with addicts denial...HOW?

Hello, I am wondering something....but first I'll explain: I have given my hubby several drug tests and he has yet to pass one! On one of the tests the second required line on the test to show it was negative was not there (meaning he was using meth).
The other two times, the line was VERY faint, yet the control line below that on the test was DARK. So I concluded that my hubby was indeed using meth, and that there were traces of it in his system.
HOWEVER....he INSISTS that the drug tests are fake, and that they are not made to test for meth (even though I bought them from Ebay from Rapid Drug Test Company...even though the tests ARE made to test for meth, coke, pot, ect).
My hubby Dan has the mood swings, violent temper, he sweats ALOT at night, he eats tons of sweets after he sleeps for about three days (crashes).
He has sores on top of his thighs( needle marks??)..and YET..he insists he is NOT using drugs.
There are times that he will addmit to using coke, crack,( "in the past" he always says, and says he used those drugs LONG time ago....) and he even admitted that he saw his best buddy snort meth.
But for the most part, I'd say 99% of the time, he denies his drug addiction.
I am just wondering this: HOW Do Others Cope with the one you love DENYING the FACT they use drugs??
I feel like I am watching my husband drown in a lake ,and every time I throw him a rope, instead of taking the rope , he fingers me and tells me to piss off. He insists he has NO problem, yet I feel like I am watching him drown in his addiction.
How does one cope with that? I love him, I want to help him, I want to do the right thing, I beleive in God, I don't want to be hate filled like him and turn my back on him.
Besides, I cant leave, I have no money, no wear to go. I have no family here as my mom has my sister living with her.
I have a nine year old daughter, no job. I was going to school, but now thats done I still have no work.
And, no, I can't go on welfare because up here you can't get welfare unless you are a native, or have a child under three.
Sooo my only logical choice right now is to stay with my meth addicted husband (no I do not use).
I wish I could understand how to COPE with the fact that HE does drugs, but denies it. His denial is the absolute MOST frusterating thing about this whole horrible situation. I can not simply wrap my brain around the FACT that he IS using and HE KNOWS I KNOW YET DENIES IT!!
He simply wont addmit it.
He has not been home for two nights now. Says he would rather stay at his car repair shop.
Yup, but he's 'not using'...ahem.
I think if he would just addmit it, I would not be so angry that he is using , and perhaps I would be able to pray once again for his recovery.
Right now all I am praying for is peace from him.
I wish I could understand his addiction, and I try every day to inform myself about addiction and recovery.
For now, until I find a job when my daughter goes back to school, I am stuck wondering when he will addmit it.
I am stuck wondering how other people coped with this question of "How do I cope with the addicts denial??"
How do/did you get past that HUGE lie?

      Replies...
desp
housewife

 
Re: Coping with addicts denial...HOW?

Oh Girlfriend, how I feel your pain! My husband was in denial so long, it didn't get any better once he told me either, mine had such horrible mood swings, he would also sweat alot, lately he's been so gassy. It sounds that maybe he is blaming you? Mine did that, saying if things were better here, he would'nt have to use anything, I would get so down, even though I knew that was the drug talking, of course we get so upset when they do that, it is a devastating drug. They seem to get so caught up in it, and when he is denying, you are in that now.
All I can say is trust your gut. When & if he does admit, try to find out what you can do to help him, but the key is him, not you, not me either.
I always knew when sam was using, the signs were so apparent to me.
At least you've reached out to others who will probably give great advice, I always have to remember that the one I loved so much is gone in spirit, even when he isn't using, I'm usually blindsided, I always think he'll stop.
But I'm a Dreamer Try to keep your sanity and nerves at bay, that's such a downer for me..

upagainst
thewall

 
Re: Coping with addicts denial...HOW?

You said you loved him and wanted to help him.. Honey I'm am so sorry but you can not help him until he's ready to help himself. Try as you might this is his choice and nothing you do until he's ready is gonna change him. Honey may I suggest you hold onto your hat because the road ahead is very bumpy, rocky and rough.
Drug users have perfected lies. They tell the sky is neon green in a way you believe them. You feel sorry for them. Sometimes you blame yourself thinking tit was something you did that made the person that way. I would urge you to contact an Al Non or NA group in your area. How much does your child know about this addiction? 9 YO's are pretty smart.
The children are the real victims in all this mess. I will say a prayer for your situation, but you know deep within what you must do.

nikki
 
Re: Coping with addicts denial...HOW?

the best thing that you can do is keep coming to websites like these. my daughter has never admitted that she is an addict, even when we found crack in her dad's car~"mom that is roach bait that belongs to my friend" and then it was "i gave a ride home to a friend and he must have dropped it, it wasn't mine, HONEST!" and i was gulible enough to believe her! but now i am empowering myself and i have opened my eyes to all the signs that were there but i chose to ignore. i have told her in a letter that i know she is an addict and that i will not listen to her falsehoods any longer, and that if she wants help to try to recover, than i am there for her, but nothing else. and there is nothing else i can do. one thing i have learned since coming here is it is up to them, not us. keep coming back to the message board and you will start to get stronger.

i'm praying for you, me and all of us out there who are hurting.

Hopein
Jesus

 
Re: Coping with addicts denial...HOW?

Meth is the devils drug and satan is the father of lies. If you tell a lie long enough you actually start to believe it. I think they truly believe that if they keep up the denial then there is no problem and we are the crazy ones.
Denial is my husbands biggest problem. He just cannot admit that he has an addiction. Why should he change or get help for a problem that does not exist in his mind? They have to want to help themselves and until they meet that realization, the meth cycle will just keep going until something happens. Let him go. Take care of yourself and your daughter and let him live in his world of denial. I'm in the same situation, so I'm sorry, I don"t feel like I'm much help. I don't understand why they do it, but one of these days the TRUTH WILL BE KNOWN.

Penelope
 
Re: Coping with addicts denial...HOW?

Quote:


HOWEVER....he INSISTS that the drug tests are fake, and that they are not made to test for meth



You deserve a Hell of a lot more credit than that - are you supposed to believe that?

Tell him to give it a rest, fess up or shut up. He isn't the one in denial - he wants to MAKE SURE that YOU are the one in denial! He's not in denial - he's just a liar. He knows EXACTLY what he's been up to, and the fact that he is CAUGHT RED HANDED is a threat to his addiction. So, he's gonna keep lying to you about it to protect his precious meth.

Remind him that you ARE a very intelligent, capable woman, and you won't be buying the Brooklyn Bridge from him any time soon.

"Denial" means "I use drugs, but it isn't a problem for me."

"Lying" is saying "I am not using drugs" when you are.

I didn't admit my drug use was a problem until my life came crashing down around me, and there was no-one left to throw me a rope.

danimal
55

 
Re: Coping with addicts denial...HOW?

Hubby has you right where he wants you, broke..most likely a result of blowing the family coffers on meth. Addicts choose to assume in some twisted way that their loved ones are obligated to tolerate the endless lies and addictive behavior...AND... an addict will show huge righteous indignation and pretend "hurt" and resentful when their bluff gets called, like...."how dare you not believe this line 'o crap", I am the almighty TWEEKER! In my world, we ALL knew I was full of it, but I still lied and... "they" still knew it.
{{{{ACCEPTING}}}} the fact that you're being lied to, and not expecting the truth, can save a lot of greif and disappointment. It's a tough realization but it's one that can ease your suffering. We're simply not used to being fed a pack of lies, we WANT to believe the addict! I mean c'mon! everything "sounds" so good. A.I.A.S.... LOOK for the truth....... you're NOT going to hear it! Accept that fact.

methhurt
families
 
Re: Coping with addicts denial...HOW?

Hey all, thanks for the input. I hear ya and it is good to just vent sometimes. I do come back to this forum every now and then, and this forum HAS helped alot.So thanks again...

imlost
inky

 
Re: Coping with addicts denial...HOW?

He won't admit it. Not until he is ready.
So what can you do for you?
What is your transportation? Do you have your own vehicle or are you like me , just one and he takes it?
If you are stuck with one, is there anyway to get your won vehicle? Or do you have access to a busline?
Anything?
First thing will be to get a job , any job - never mind if it has anything to do with what you went to school for.A job.
Start squirreling away any money you can - $5 , $10.I know that is easier said than done when the drug is taking it all. Quarters, nickels , dimes- they all add up.
It is a start. It is something positive you can do for you, for your daughter. It can at least make you feel like you have some control.
Hon, that makes such a difference.
You may be stuck for now - But that key word is just for now.
Any steps you can take to gain your independence, your freedom, your life are worth taking. If for no other reason than your self esteem and your emotional strength.
You will be surprised how much clearer your mind can be if you can just get out of this rut for just a short time.
Start there- then we'll work on what else you can do to get your life back.

Devas
365

 
Re: Coping with addicts denial...HOW?

I know your pain, I'm sorry you are in the situation you are in. 2 things stand out to me in your post. You said you want to pray for HIS recovery and you are trying to UNDERSTAND his adiction. First off hon, you need to seek for your own recovery, recovery from loving and staying in a bad relationship with a drug addict who is unavailable to you. Unavailable in so many ways, emotionaly, physically, and spiritualy. I know in my own personal circumstance I too wanted nothing else but for him to recover. But I wanted him to recover for all the wrong reasons. I wanted him to get better thinking that it would make me better. It was so painful to not be able to help in any way. I did it for 8 years. Then the time came when I hit my own bottom. I stopped trying to focus on him and focus on myself so that I could be a better person. I still struggle with him. He is not living with me, never the less, I am still involved. I sought recovery through al-anon, spiritual readings, meditation, and prayer. When we can stop focusing on them we then have the tools to move on for own well being. I am not telling you that you have to leave him. I am just saying that you can't cure him, you didn't cause it, and you can't control it (his addiction). You can only seek recovery for yourself, try looking inside yourself for you instead of him for a change. I am sure you will find many beautiful things inside yourself, just waiting to come out and blossom. Right now it sounds like you are completely engulfed in nothing but his problems..............Look deep. you have enough of your own to work on. Let go and let God.......... Please dont torture yourself trying to understand why he does the things he does. Don't waste you precious time thinking one day you understand it all.......we can never understand this disease. It is baffling and cunning..the addicts themselves dont understand it. Blessings sent to you for some peace and joy in your life.......


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