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I need advice, is my marriage over because of Meth?


janit my marriage over because of Meth?
Okay this is my first post and I need to know some answers if anyone can help. My husband of 22 years left us in July 05 on the 4th of July to be exact. He had been involved in an affair with a reportedly bad meth/alcoholic/bipolar hooch for 3 months before leaving us. If the rumors are true about her putting meth in his beer at the bar...could he have gotten addicted that quickly??? Enough to leave us without so much as an argument? She even made an appt for him at her lawyers office before he left home and I rec'd divorce papers in the mail by the end of August of last year. He has not tried to contact me at all and just the night before he left he told me as I was falling asleep that he loved me and couldn't ever imagine life without me...I don't understand. My divorce falls final 2 weeks today...OMG !!! He has never as so much as answered his cell phone when I call him. The last time I tried to reach him was back the end of May of this year. Any ideas???? Is my marriage really over..
     Replies...
Loraura Re: my marriage over because of Meth? 
If you're not familiar with how meth affects brain chemistry, maybe this will help explain why your husband seems to have instantly turned into another person over night:

Meth and the Brain
JUSTCATS Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
I hate to say it, but be thankful that your marriage is over, if he is still on meth. Nobody deserves to live the rest of their life, with a meth addict.

Meth addicts change completely, internally and externally. They become bitter and angry and violent. NOTHING AT ALL MATTERS TO THEM, EXCEPT FOR THE NEXT METH HIGH, AND HOW THEY ARE GOING TO GET IT.

Meth addicts lie, lie, lie to cover up their addiction and anything that comes in the way of getting that next high. They hear things and see things and get absolutely paranoid...

Stick around and read all you can, and ask questions. The addicts here are real sweethearts, and so honest. IMHO I would let the relationship go. Save yourself...
dark
fairy420
Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
my husband left me in February of this year and our divorce was final July 5th we have a fifteen month old daughter and were married for 4 years. anyways I wasn't aware that he had been using for months even while I was almost dying during my delivery he was tweaking and I've been finding out that he had a girlfriend and had been joining strange sex personals. I am still in shock and miss him so much I don't understand how he changed everything over night either. all I can tell you is hang in there and hope he gets the help if needs you cant make him do it. just stand back, protect yourself emotionally and love him! good luck to you
janit Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
Thanks for all the responses but you guys-- isn't 22 years worth saving??? We aren't just talking about a few years here...yes he's always been an alcoholic and yes he could be a real dick butttttt - never this. if he did want to get help and a miracle happens and he called me and asked me to help him - should I??? My vows said for better or worse and in sickness and in health....OMG - I can't believe this is really happening to our family. I still need to know if anyone can answer it. CAN SOMEONE BECOME ADDICTED TO METH IF IT WAS PUT INTO BEVERAGES. The kids all want me to let it go and move on, but I just can't. The youngest child is now 19 and in the army and I'm going to be alone...all alone. I miss him very much we did everything together, he was my best friend. I feel like half of me was stolen....thank you for the web site I can't wait to read it.
Kathy as
cmom
Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
Janit
Nobody can tell you what to do. Go with your heart. You asked for opinions and here is mine. More than likely, he is lying. More than likely he is addicted to meth that was a choice made by him, especially considering the fact that you say he is an alcoholic. Forgive me if I am wrong and I may be. The signs of meth addiction are there and in my opinion it was more than likely his choice and not inflicted by someone else. I'm so sorry for your pain. I feel you as my daughter is an addict.
janit Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
Sometimes I have a habit of getting ahead of myself - here are the facts-- tell me what conclusions you can make of them; ok.
1. Kids and I went to Florida for 1 week - left A/H home alone.
2. We came home he was very different - secretive and hostile. Not always but 90% of the time.
3. He no longer was very willing to give me his check on Fridays. Skipping work a lot for the previous several months.
4. The kids were telling me that when my car pulled up in the driveway dad gets off his cell phone. And son tells me dad was talking with a woman. He could tell by the way he was talking. I didn't believe son.
5. A/H tells me he is a lonely man and that he knows that as soon as son graduates I am divorcing him. I tell him he couldn't be more wrong that I love him and he's doing life...he didn't believe me.
5. He no longer wants or enjoys doing all the things we did together. i.e.: fishing, flea markets etc.
6. He was trying to pick arguments with the kids and I more so than normally. (Alcohol) We were not easy participants as we learned years ago how to detach.
7. At the very end of the holiday weekend he was washing my car and just threw the sponge down and announced that he was done. I said with what? He just replied,  "with all of it." I said what do you mean? He didn't answer and went into the house grabbed a few things and left through the front door so as to avoid daughter and myself sitting out back where he normally would leave by. Then we heard his truck leave down the driveway. I asked daughter did your dad really leave? She said yes. We haven't heard from him since.
8. Four months go by with no money no nothing. The holidays come and go and nothing for the kids or on their birthdays.

Are these the actions of a meth addict?
janit Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
I forgot to mention that at our last hearing which was in August just 3 weeks ago. He must have lost 50 or more pounds!!! I have lost 20 pounds over the last year due to this whole mess. But 50???? His face was all sunken in and it was about 90 degrees outside and he had on long sleeves. Probably to hide the weight loss is my guess. But he was filthy. He would have never gone into a court house looking like that. And he would not utter one word to me. He just sat there looking straight ahead. No emotion no life just dead eyes. I wanted to just cry. Someone told me that his teeth were not great. He always had beautiful teeth. When he left us in July 05 he was 180 pounds and 5'8" which hey you guys he was a stud muffin and still is in my eyes. I only see sickness surely the man I married is in there somewhere isn't he? I'll shut up now. Thanks for all of your patience but I just have to know.
JUSTCATS Re: my marriage over because of Meth?

Quote:


CAN SOMEONE BECOME ADDICTED TO METH IF IT WAS PUT INTO BEVERAGES

Yes, they can become addicted if it was put in their drinks, but in my opinion, that is another meth addict's lie to cover up for his addiction.

He makes a choice every single time he uses. He is an addict, plain and simple. The disregard he is showing for you and his children is purely the way that an addict acts. They care about nothing more than their addiction.

If he wants to get help for his meth addiction, that is wonderful- but you cannot do it for him~ YOU CANNOT RESCUE HIM AND SAVE HIM. THE CHOICE HAS TO BE HIS.

You asked for our opinions and we gave them to you. Whether you listen to what we have to say, and take our advice is up to you.

We have been where you are. There are many of us that have hung on and stuck it out, with our addicts, until it nearly killed us. Believe us, we are not heartless people here, when we give you advice.

I was also, in a relationship, with my addict for many years. I stuck by him and gave him the benefit of the doubt, over and over. What did I get in return-lied to, financially broke, and cheated on with a meth wh*re, and physically battered, when he went into a paranoid frenzy.

Like I said, read and ask questions. Take what we are saying from our experience. See his addiction for what it "really is." He is NOT the same man that you married- I guarantee that. The meth devil has taken that person away, just as he has my fiancé, sons, daughters...

JUSTCATS Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
Quote:
Are these the actions of a meth addict?

YES, YES, YES, YES YES!!!!!! The writing is all over the wall in bright neon letters. YOU HUSBAND IS AN ADDICT!

janit Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
Okay Justcats, now I'm crying pretty hard and the reality has just HIT me... I know all of you are right. I want to take this time for all of your input and I will let it go now. my marriage is over and my husband has gone to the dark side. I will stay strong for the kids and grandkids and just move on which is all I can do anyway. My heart goes out to all of the loved ones and addicts out there and I wish there was something I can do. I know that it has to be his decision and his alone. He is not interested in getting well nor have I had a chance to confront him with what I know. It doesn't really matter now anyway. You were brutally honest and I read your bio and my heart hurts for you as well as for all who responded to me. I thank each and every one of you. You know what? When he and I taught our kids say no to drugs....what part of that didn't he get? Love and hugs to all.
Sfj Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
How Meth Addicts Think and Feel

 

JUSTCATS Re: my marriage over because of Meth?

I'm sorry I made you cry. I just wanted you to see the reality of the situation, and save yourself and your children the heartache.

Believe me, I have lived it. I didn't want you to hold on to a relationship with an addict, like I had, when the writing is clearly on the wall.

They say meth is the devil's drug, and there is nothing more truer. Register, and keep coming back and learning about this addiction. It helped me through the pain, and helped me to let go and save my sanity.

If you register, send me a PM and I will send you my email address, if you would like to talk..

janit Re: my marriage over because of Meth? 

Okay...I'll register and I would like to talk to you too - thanks for the invite.

Sfj - Thanks for the website - I can't believe what I'm reading there. I want to learn more so I'm leaving here for the rest of the evening and reading some more. Can this drug be for real???? What rock have I been living under.

Macy
stiller01
Re: my marriage over because of Meth? 
Janit

I am sorry you are going through this. Same thing happened to me. Only I was not married. But I went to San Antonio for work and came back to a complete a-hole. He was mean and secretive. We have date night 2 nights a week and he would leave in the middle of them. Only to him it was ok. I cried so many tears. I didn't understand. Then I came to this board and learned. Educated myself. Went to Ala-non. I moved out. Anyway the point is to educate yourself. Meth sucks. It makes people lose interest in everything they cared about. Stick around as you will learn a lot from the peeps on this board.

If he is going to use be happy he is not around. He did you a favor by leaving. Just read other people's stories who live with it everyday!
Janit Re: my marriage over because of Meth? 
Macy - I'm so sorry that that happened to you hun. I just don't understand ....call me naive I guess. How can they turn away from all that they've known or cared about. 22 year investment in property, kids, spouse etc...even grandkids. Will they ever regret it? Thanks for responding to my cry for help.
Savedin
illinois
Re: my marriage over because of Meth? 
Janit,

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I wish you could've lived the rest of your life not knowing that meth existed. It is the devil and it rips families apart. Please educate yourself and know what you'll be dealing with. Know that addicts lie lie lie. Do you what you can to protect yourself from your husband while he's under the spell of this drug.

You and your family will be in my prayers.
Janitw Re: my marriage over because of Meth?
Thank You Saved...I miss my husband verrrrry much and even if he wasn't doing the meth thing, the alcohol and the cheating would have done my marriage in anyway. I don't know if I could have hurdled that part of the pain and will now never know because my divorce is final in less than 2 weeks from today. Brought about by him and his meth addict girlfriend who he moved in with. But I will stay strong and forge ahead. Thanks for your concern and your prayers. I wonder though if he will try and come back. Do they try???
nine
years
clean
Re: my marriage over because of Meth? 
Quote:
If the rumors are true about her putting meth in his beer at the bar...could he have gotten addicted that quickly???

Yes.   No question about it.

Quote:


Is my marriage really over..

I'm sorry to say this, but, it seems pretty clear to me that yes, it is over.

Quote:


CAN SOMEONE BECOME ADDICTED TO METH IF IT WAS PUT INTO BEVERAGES
Yes, sweetheart. Yes indeed.

My name is Lori and I was addicted to meth for 13 long years. I've just turned 50 and I'm a little over 10 years clean.

The man who later became my husband for 15 years, now my ex-husband, introduced me to the meth monster. To make a long story short, I finally hit my bottom, got clean, and after I did my husband, the love of my life, wanted nothing more to do with me. The addict that he was and still is chose meth over me.

I understand how painful this is for you. I really do. It still hurts me, and it's been over 10 years. I couldn't believe what had happened to me and my little family. I couldn't believe the mess we made of what once was a really good thing.

But we did. And when I tried to fix it I had to face the fact that I could only fix me. So my marriage was over. And I was devastated, as you are now.

My heart goes out to you. Welcome to the forum. We are addicts, recovering addicts, loved ones and family members of addicts, and we welcome you with open arms and open hearts.

I hope we can help you to help yourself recover; it's not just us addicts who are affected by meth; it is the loved ones and family members of addicts as well, and I'm sorry for that because you didn't volunteer for this gig. The addict chooses to use, but you had no choice in the matter whatsoever.

It's a shame. A damn shame.

See also:

Is Love Dead with my husband?

Anyone start detaching while in relationship?

Found out my meth addict (ex-fiance) is a new daddy

Practical tips for surviving a spouse's addiction

Husband / relationship question - why does he neglect me?


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