KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Son using Meth; how do I get thru this?

sem736	Son using meth; how do I get through this? I have an 18 year old son who has turned into someone I don't know. It has been one thing after another since his 18th birthday. Yesterday one of my son's friends came by and said he thought he was doing meth. And he helped me get some drug kits - actually his mother gave them to him for me as he went through rehab last year. My son had always said he would take a drug test if we didn't believe him - I guess one way to try to control us. I told him I wanted him to take a drug test; he agreed but wanted to do it later. He then called his Dad and admitted to having "tried" meth once and it would show on the test. He returned when he said he would and took the test and it was positive. He refuses to go for any help. He's 18 and legally I can't make him. I am so mad at his Dad because he won't back me up on anything I want to try. His idea of a plan is "hope" - hope he'll realize its wrong and bad for him, hope he'll do something, just hope. How can I get through this? I can't do it alone and I feel so alone.
Replies...
chris gonz	Re: Son using meth; how do I get through this? Ask your husband, will hope bring your son back should he overdose? God forbid. Will hope keep him out of jail when he gets busted with illegal drugs on his person. Maybe hubby needs an update on how much time meth possession carries. Also.. did you know if dope is found in your home or is being sold from your home, via phone calls, you can loose your home to the DEA. I know lots of people who weren't using but dad or someone else was and she lost all her stuff, even the restaurant... hope will be a sorry call when you're standing before a judge saying... yes, you honor, we knew, but we were hoping you all wouldn't find out?? hope is a good thing, but reality is for real. hope things work out, that wasn't meant as sarcasm, I really do hope your husband looks at your son's addiction for what it is. How much does he know about meth?
hdftboy	Re: Son using meth; how do I get through this? Quote: How can I get through this? I can't do it alone and I feel so alone. Good first step by starting here. I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this horrible drug. Good time to nip this is now. Talk with him, share this site and the lives that have been effected by this demon. Encourage him to post here. Have him read what will happen if he continues. For you, please stay and keep posting here. I helps to just let the fingers fly with your feelings.
jacks mom	Re: Son using meth; how do I get through this? There's not much 'hope' (if any) that this'll just 'go away' on it's own. He knows it's bad, he knows it's unhealthy for mind and body, he knows it's illegal. He Knows. He knows. He knows! He's going to have to make that choice to get clean on his own as he IS an adult. I was lucky enough to have a minor child that was using therefore I had a lot of folks on my side. Still...it wasn't easy. In the meantime, you need not to enable him. You DO NOT OWE HIM A THING!!! Except to try to support him in his need for help. Your husband is in denial. Have him look at this message board and 'GOOGLE" a few sites for him to read. Hopefully he'll change his mind on this. My daughters user 'peer' group, most in a fairly affluent background, were in denial when my daughter first ODd. They did not 'get on it' right away and I can't even begin to tell you where this drug may take one when it isn't intercepted! Good luck.
Loraura	Re: Son using meth; how do I get through this? Being that he is 18, there is not a lot you can do. If he is living with you, you can kick him out. Until HE FEELS he has a problem with it, you will have no luck convincing him he needs help with his "non-problem".
boys36	Re: Son using meth; how do I get through this? I am the mother of a 24 year old daughter doing time in prison for manufacturing. She started using at age 16.She lost 3 kids because of her addiction. First and foremost I want to say this .............You are not alone hun there are many of us right here on this board that are going through the very same thing. I felt that way when I came here and also felt it was something I did to make my daughter use. Don't blame yourself Mom. It is not our fault that they chose to use. The thing that helped me most was this board (my husband was very nonsupportive also) The people here are wonderful and have been right where you are. My daughter tried every drug out there but meth was the drug that got her. I wished , hoped, cried and worried about her. I was a mess emotionally not knowing for days on end if she was dead or alive. So you see you are not alone you have found a great place right here. I am so glad you found this site. Now I understand that until my daughter wants to "fix" herself there is not a thing I can do. I understand that I didn't cause her to use. The responsibility to "fix " her falls on her shoulders. If I would have had to power to fix her she wouldn't be messed up with drugs in the first place. I know what you mean about not knowing who your son is anymore. My daughter was the same way. She was a beautiful sweet girl. Never said a vile word until meth. Then after she became addicted she would say things that would make a sailor blush. She never came around family. I miss her but she chose this path and there isn't a thing I can do about it except keep loving her until she can love herself. Welcome to the board Mom and keep coming here.
scared mom	Re: Son using meth; how do I get through this? I am the mom of a 20 year old former meth user who started using at about 18. There is recovery so ALWAYS retain hope. Having said that i can not tell you what you should do because everyone is so very different. I can tell you what we went through...here is the short story. We set rules of not using if he was in OUR home. He used he got kicked out and could not return until he was willing to get clean and stay clean. At one point we supported him in a rehab house and he stayed clean for a while there came home last summer and slipped again the first of this year. He left on his own accord this time although since we felt that it could have been a one time slip we were willing to work with him with very strict house rules, he was not willing to do so. He left. He went to Indiana with a friend for several months and came back early June clean and with a strong desire to do right and get back in school. He is working and finished summer session at college and starting fall session today he is doing great right now. I would suggest making rules (if he is living with you) that he must stick with. If you want him to test then he either tests or leaves. BUT do not make rules that you can not abide by. AA/NA/CMA/Smart recovery are all free programs he may want to check out. Send him here if he is willing there are many former users who would love to talk to him and will let him know there stories. Good luck, mom, I know just how hard this can be.
Hurting inCA	Re: Son using meth; how do I get through this? Thank you all for taking time to respond. I know this won't be easy or quick. And I will keep pushing. I don't want to lose him and I won't just sit around and do nothing. We are making rules - probably didn't have enough of them before. We have an appointment tomorrow at a rehab center for an assessment. He wants to go to college and he doesn't want to be driven and that was the condition of being able to drive to and from school, no where else. I had read some of the posts and that is why I posted this. I know there is hope along with a lot of hard work and tears, too many of those. I will keep checking back.
Penel0pe	Re: Son using meth; how do I get through this? Quote: How can I get through this? I can't do it alone and I feel so alone. DO keep checking back - you're not alone anymore!!!!
forget suzette	Re: Son using meth; how do I get through this? Quote: His idea of a plan is "hope" - hope he'll realize its wrong and bad for him, hope he'll do something, just hope. I think that all you have right now too. ....educate yourself. so when the moment comes where you can do something you'll know what. ....have you brought the kid to a shrink? could there be a real problem he's self medicating?