Letter to my meth addicted son

We took out a loan for 3500.00 for a lawyer for this. A loan that will take 3 years to pay back.
We sat for hours in the scummiest areas of the Superior Court building. Your Dad lost 3 days of work in the last month because of this.
We wake up in the middle of the night to your normally calm laid back brother attacking you out of pure rage and frustration.
The same rage and frustration that we feel every time you steal from us.
Day after day, we deal with your girlfriend’s psychotic episodes brought on by YOU!
Yes, we blame you for this decent person’s slow decent into madness!

Yesterday, you were ordered to 3 years of probation and fines over 3,000.00, and the prospect of real jail time.
Soooo, what did you do?
You took all of the money that you had left and went out and used!.
Then, while supposedly looking for nail clippers you stole MORE money from me!

Is there a common denominator here?

I think that you know what it is, but do you really SEE it?

Apparently you don’t so I’ll tell you what it isn’t.

It ISN’T meth.

It is your REFUSAL to admit that you NEED help to overcome Meth.

Until I see you ACTIVELY seeking help to overcome this problem, I will assume that you have no interest in quitting.

And if you have no interest in quitting, then I can only assume that you have no interest in alleviating the tension, frustration and pure hell that that your drug use is causing to EVERYONE living in the same house as you.

In coming full circle in this line of reasoning, you need to be aware that I need to take steps to protect my family from the choices that you make and the life that you are CHOSING to live.

Some day, I’m sure that you will look back and truly see the damage that you causing, but by then it will surely be too late.

I realize that I’ve been choosing to “help” you over the best interests of my family. That was wrong for two reasons:
1. Only one person can help you and it sure isn’t me.
2. There are more deserving people in this family in need of my help, people who aren’t’ bent on self-destruction and bringing everyone they can with them.

I’m going to give you back your court papers; they are your problem, not mine anymore.
I’m giving you back all of your problems; none of them are mine anymore.
You can continue to live here as long as you do not interfere with our lives. Emotionally, legally or financially. If I have any reason to believe that any crime is committed here ie...drugs in the house, theft…..I will get the police involved and you will go to jail. So you may want to think twice about staying here.
As sad as it is to say, you in jail will be a welcome respite from your unwillingness to seek help, and the hell that your CHOICE to use meth is causing us.

If and when you should decide to ACTIVELY seek help, your family is here for you…until that time you are a stranger here.


Your Mother

You are doing the right thing ... Hold true to what you have said here ... because addicts become immune to threats ... they don't hear what you say, but rather what you do.

Stand your ground ... You are in the right direction

Passion

Your letter made me cry, its one I may be able to write some day. Mine is 21, pregnant, has lupu and anothor autoimmune disordre, either of which could kill her themselves.
She lives in another state, not with me..some guy I have never met, but thru one person I know down there (mo)he cooks the crap. Once I found out what it was made out of, right now I feel little hope that she will live, and I dont know anyone who would get ahold of me! This is the devils drug, no two ways about it. evil stuff. So I pray, and wait for an answer..its so crazy because all I can do is wait..Its maddening! Becc

CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING STRONG ENOUGH TO DO WHAT MUST BE DONE!! I am so proud of you!! I have had to make some "tought love" decisions lately also, and as a mother of an active using meth-head druggie daughter, I have just returned home from court. She is relinquishing rights to her child, MY grand-daughter over to my EX husband, not even a blood relative.....EXCEPT for the fact that she will not agree to substance abuse being listed as a reason for the parental termination, the caseworker is just as determined to keep her drug use part of the record.........SHE IS STILL IN DENIAL.........imagine that??? It's a tough one, especially when you're the MOM, so if you would like to email me, please do wishanhope4one@yahoo.com, and we can discuss further. In the meantime.........STAY STRONG, DO NOT LET HIS ADDICTION LEAD YOU TO A BREAKDOWN..........GOD BLESS YOU
Cyndi

Whoa! I've never heard it said better, there is love written between every line of well articulated truth. You're so right about surrendering and getting the help an addict so desperately needs. I drove a friend to Spokane Wed. for a 90 day inpaitient program [his 4th inpaitient experience], the poor guy looked like he'd lost his best friend, indeed he had! In spite of having 6 wonderful kids at the top of their class's, a wonderful wife who has endured 20+ yrs. of his meth insanity, he still struggles.
He wanted to be dropped in the parking lot, nah! Nice try I signed him in He looked like a deer in the headlights as we were leaving out the front door.
When they're ready, they're ready, your letter may not get your son ready, but he knows where he stands now. I'm sure that will stir some notion of accountability on his part! A truly amazing letter Thanks for sharing it.

smom5, You may have just taken the first step to save your son's life. Stick to your guns momma!
I am a recovering addict who did the same @#%$ to my family. Tough love is what braught me to my knees.
A LOT OF IT.
I too feel the love in everyother word of your letter.
love and peace, bg75

I can't imagine your frustration and pain, I know all about this Devil Dust from my Husband, I have been battling this horrible drug with him for way too long, my husband is 45 years old, I'm sure your son is much younger, this drug will rob your life, looks, health and will always be available, how sad,that some people can just try it and others marry it. I suffer through these years with his additition, my situation prevents me from leaving him, your love keeps you from leaving your son, stay strong, let him know he has a soft place to fall, I pray he stays clean

We are on the same page!! My meth-head Daughter lost custody, & 1st day out of rehab filled her Ritalin Scrips & a bottle of Jack, instead of going to visit her alloted 2 hr time with her children!!!! She did not spend enough time in rehab & I think she will give up her children at some point!!
She is also in denial!!! This website has helped me keep my "sanity", & led me to going to meetings, next is Therapy for me, I will not let her choice's ruin my life & the lives of her children!!!
God help us all!!!

SMom5
I am so sorry you are going through this. I may have to borrow words from your letter to give to my own son.
This is so hard watching our kids destroy their lives and what they put their family through. My son could have such a great life, but he chooses to continue with his meth use.
His quality of life sucks right now. People who do not do drugs or have never done drugs, just sit back and say, "why is he doing that to himself". I have learned to try and let go as best I can. Your letter was a good letter and gets the point across. I know it was hard for you to write it, but you did the right thing. No one can imagine what a Mother goes through having to tell her own flesh and blood to not come home until they clean up their act. It's our instinct to protect our children. But we cannot protect them from this horrible drug. We taught them to tie their shoes, feed themselves and etc. It's now up to them to do the right thing. We have to go on. We will always love them no matter what, but we do not have to put up with the abuse that a meth addict brings our way. Hang in there, I'm thinking of you and your family
Meth sucks, big time!
DeeDee

I cried when I read your letter. My son has never stolen from me but I know he is using. He is so thin. He is 26, I use to cry myself to sleep over it but after awhile I had to turn it over to God! As parents it is hard to watch your child suffer and hurt.
I loved your letter so much!!
Thank You

sorry for what all your going thru. I hope everything turns out right and your son makes the right decision.

Im currently nine months pregnant, the father of my unborn child has had and still has an alcohol and ice problem.I new he had a problem with alcohol but he was able to hide his problem with ice for about a year into our relationship. A month later i found out i was pregnant.After four or five times of finding it in our apartment i kicked him out and i was three months pregnant. A few months later we got back together and moved into my house that i own. Things went well for a couple of weeks but soon thing got much worse. He still drinks and drives, even thoug he's on six years probation for crashing into some one and causing the man to lose the bottem part of his leg while drunk.He finaly told me he was leaving me the day of my baby shower and now lives at a known meth house and goes to his mothers to shower and sleep once in awhile.He told me that he was not ready to be a husband or a father and that we are on diffrernt paths.He has not spoken to me in almost three weeks and if im at his mothers he does not even look at me he just leaves. His mother has helped me so much and is very upset with her son.But she still lets him come home and says nothing to him and that pisses me off. I wish she could stand up to him the way you have stood up to your son. He's an only child and takes advatage and is very selfish.Now im worried about my babys safety on top of all this.Good luck to you and i will pray for you.

We had to put the altamatives to our son and then had to have him leave when he did again choose to steal from us and use. It was not easy and the next several weeks were very difficult but we got through them. He is still using off and on and his situation is no better but our lives are calmer. The worry never ends but there is peace in our home.

Good luck to you and to your son. I hope he wakes up and chooses to get help and get better.

Kimberly

Wow...I wish I could have written that years ago, at least had the fortitude to be where you are now, when I was beginning this with daughter. I verbally said similar things, but never wrote it. I also said loving things and supportive. Whatever I did, it was wrong. I think you should put the little copyright symbol by that letter...awesome!

Wondering if you gave him the letter, how you are doing, how he handled it and so on. Sending you stregnth, faith, hope and love from another mom...

Boy, it would take me forever to tell my daughters story. It started when she was 11 and she is still so messed up it's not funny. She drinks, smokes, and doese Meth. She's put us through hell and we have tried everything to help her. So my question is when do you stop? How can you just turn away and say that's enough, I'm so tried and I'm sure that I'm starting to hate her so much for what she has done to the whole family. She is so mean and hatful to us all. She uses everyone and she even hates herself. I know that she'll die if we kick her out, but living with her is hell. I told her that this is it, her father and I can't deal with it anymore. A lot of people say to just let her go and find out what it will be like to live on the streets or where ever she's goes. :O(

That was an awesome letter and from one mother of an addict to another, I know how long it took you to get to this point. If only we could see this in the beginning we could save so much heartache, not only to us but to children of addicts and family members as well. We can't save them. Only they can save themselves.

Thank you for sharing, I appreciate the helpful comments and the way that you addressed the issue. Am going through same thing with daughter, I tried to have police remove her from my home yesterday. Hardest thing I have ever done. But I know it is the right thing, for her and the rest of my kids and me (at least in my head). There is only so much parents can do, the rest is up to them. Best of luck, prayers for you and your family.

You know I read and read and read so many responces to your letter and I am in the same boat there Momma. I have a daughter who is 20 and in jail, first offense so she should be released tomorrow. You know what scares me is that she will use again.

You hold your ground, I've kicked her out but she is back now, since she's been arrested I won't bail her out and she needs to walk the straight and narrow otherwise she can leave the house. I'm divorced and have no other kids she's all I have and it's ripping me apart but be tough and I hope he hits his bottom so he can climb back on top before it's to late.

Be proud of yourself and remember do as you say and say as you do because that will be all the understand.

Good Luck to you and your family, I hope for the best for us all who have loved ones on meth (the devil's drug).

Smom5,
I read your letter and it is the backbone letter of what us mothers need when our children use meth. My son, 22 years old is now in jail because of this horrible drug. He awaits his sentencing. He has been on meth for 3 or 4 years and feels that he has it under control, or better said, he is a "functioning addict". Currently, I am not able to speak or see him but I wrote him a tough love letter too. He is being given a choice to take jail time of 6 mo and do residential rehab or do a full year in jail. I have exhausted talking to him about it and basically wrote in my letter that he had a decision to make on his own. What he chooses will effect the rest of his life.
Also if he choose to go to rehab, I wanted to be clear it was for the right reasons (to stop using) not for the wrong reasos and leave me in debt. I did tell him this would be the last time I would help him. I pray daily that he chooses the right path. If not, I pray that the Lord watches over him. I also have a younger son, 15 years old who I know loves and misses the brother he wants had. My time and devotion are now directed at him. Although, my heart aches constantly for my oldest. I hide it from my son and my family but there are times I just want to scream and then remember that it is easier to be a quiter then a fighter. I will never give up on my son and pray that he finds the strength to fight this monster that has ruined his life.