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Do meth addicts really love?


sotired Do meth addicts really love?
Just looking through this message board and saw many times that it's said that a meth user is the same no matter where he/she is. Here's my story then question...my ex left me for someone else. she was his brothers ex and a known tramp. she used to do meth but no longer does. from what I have known of her she's very controlling but she treats women much different then men = you have to know the type. anyway here's my question. are meth addicts really the same with whoever they are with? meaning my ex would be home and would get irritable, would get mean, would miss work, would sleep for days wouldn't come home- we would fight because i hated when he was irritable or would just pick fights or especially about money - him running out of it. i even tried to not say anything but he would pick and pick and pick. so why does he seem to be doing so good with her? Yes, he is my ex and i shouldn't be worried and you may say i will probably never know but come on it does hurt to see that he could possibly being doing good with someone else when i have tried so hard. i know he is still using because he looks terrible. but what is she doing that makes him want to stay with her. i don't think they fight (they have both told me this) (i've had a couple of "run ins" with her) but wouldn't he pick fights with her and be irritable too? i know he has no responsibilities there - we live in a 4 bedroom house she lives in a one bedroom apartment. so they don't have the same circumstances as me and him do (we also have 2 kids). i even let him come back home one time and he did good but then he left again to be with her. would giving him praise all the time and just being so stupidly sweet have won him over? do meth addicts really love?
     Replies...
imlost
inky
Re: Do meth addicts really love?
Quote:
she used to do meth but no longer does.

are you sure?

Quote:
i know he is still using

I'd say so is she.

Quote:


so why does he seem to be doing so good with her?
Because she isn't standing between him and his baggie.
Quote:
wouldn't he pick fights with her and be irritable too?
Quote:
i know he has no responsibilities there

What's there to fight over?
No bills, no responsibilities, come and go as he pleases, use all he wants - what is left to fight over?

You know just because they don't fight doesn't mean he is doing "better".
Using meth - no one does "better".
It is always just a matter of when - never if.
His house of cards will fall- and him with it.
It is just a matter of time.

Thank God, you have made it out in time.
Or else, it would be your house as well and you right along with him.

silly
veronica
Re: Do meth addicts really love?
I agree with everything Theresa said. If she used to use, and you know he is using - my bet is that she is using too. And if she isn't, it's just a matter of time before she does or just a matter of time before he treats her the same way he treated you.

Be thankful you're out of those shoes. Really, I hope you know how lucky you are to be OUT (I'm sure it has nothing to do with luck). I give you credit for being strong enough to be on your own.

As hard as it is, don't worry about him and what he's doing. Just be thankful it's not yours to do!
Indiana
shedevil
Re: Do meth addicts really love?
^^co-signed...

(sigh) I can honestly say "Been there done that". I asked the same questions myself. I was the one that saved him and supported him and helped him get into rehab. I was the one that took care of his kid and his affairs when he couldn't. So he cheats on me and dumps my a$$ and is with a "recovering" addict who has been clean for a couple of months. He had it all with me. No financial worries, blahblahblah... Yeah, its painful and ruins our self esteem.

Well, you'll never know the true answers. In my case, I've come to my own conclusions. They deserve each other. My ex couldn't handle a "normal" woman with decent morals and values. He felt he couldn't live up to my expectations. Yes, a cop-out, but it worked out in my favor...

I have been away from him for 6 short weeks. I am doing extremely well. The "stinkin thinkin" happens rarely. I've discovered that it is SO much easier NOT to have to take care of a broken person. He wasn't "all there".

He has a very low self esteem and he is very selfish. Maybe he needs a co-dependent recovering addict to cling onto him and make him feel needed.

At this point, it really doesn't matter, does it? We all just have to go on and live our lives the way WE are meant to live them. I don't think that we are supposed to pine away the past and the "what ifs". To be honest with you, if he didn't do this to me when he did, I would have probably walked away on my own.

I can say this because as I am working on my 4th step, I am discovering that I don't have what it takes to spend my life with an addict. I want someone that is whole and that can keep their word. I want someone that is dependable and that can talk to me about anything. I want someone that can have an intelligent conversation with me. I want someone that has good manners and that will excuse themselves if they fart. I want someone that will not hit up the buffet 3+ times and keep on eating. I want someone that is not laying on my sofa sleeping in his underwear when my friends come over to visit.

I don't ever want to spend another evening on the sofa holding hands with someone for 3 hours and the only thing being said is "Loveyou...Loveyou...Loveyou..."

Get my drift? See, this is just an example of the behavior that we accept. I was raised better than that. I taught my son better than that. I do not have to tolerate that...
luve
piphany
Re: Do meth addicts really love?
Ok, right now I'm praying, "God, will you please put men in our lives that we deserve, that deserve us-the newer healthier us, God. Then, God, please bless us with good pickers and the wisdom to really verify. Thanks God"
Indiana
shedevil
Re: Do meth addicts really love?
Sweetie...

They are out there just waiting for us. The catch is that we have to get out of our funk to be able to see them...

Trust me, they're waiting for us!
luve
piphany
Re: Do meth addicts really love?
Do you mean our good pickers are waiting for us or our good Men??

I'm still watching the sky for a swooping in man!!
at least we are funny
Indiana
shedevil
Re: Do meth addicts really love?
Hehehe... You crack me up...

My picker is in the shop for warranty work. You know, that scheduled maintenance and stuff. In the meantime, I am taking the time to get the rest of me back up to par.

OMG... The other day I went shopping for a new bed. One of the shops that I went to was a wholesaler. The guy that owns the shop expressed a genuine interest in me!

I kindly explained that I was flattered but not interested. Since I eventually bought the mattress from him, (He is a very honest reputable man) I talked to my friend Jannie (ex-loved one of an alcoholic) about him.

I asked him if he minded if I introduced him to a friend of mine. So with permission, I gave him Jannie's phone number!

I have something slow cooking on the back burner with Les (buddy in NY). We are remaining close friends (as always) until we are ready to move on to the next level. Whatever happens... Happens.


Being on my own for this short amount of time has been therapeutic for me.

Maybe I'll write a new post about it.

Love ya sweetie... You know who you are... lol...
Cool
Auntie
Re: Do meth addicts really love?
Quote:
i don't think they fight (they have both told me this) (i've had a couple of "run ins" with her) but wouldn't he pick fights with her and be irritable too? i know he has no responsibilities there...
Two meth addicts = twice the fights.

If they don't fight now, they will soon enough. Once the honeymoon is over, they'll fight over:
- Dope
- Money (or lack thereof)
- Cheating. It doesn't matter if either of them actually cheats, the accusations will fly and they will fight.

There will be no trust between them. They'll constantly suspect the other of something underhanded. If one of them isn't actually manipulating or screwing the other one over, their paranoia will have them imagining proof or reason where none exists. Just imagine how she'll behave when the novelty of being with her wears off and he disappears on her for a few days or sleeps for days in her apartment while she wants him to get up and pay attention to her.
Quote:
would giving him praise all the time and just being so stupidly sweet have won him over?
Praise for what? For not coming home? For behaving like an irritable little b!tch? For sleeping days on end? For neglecting you and the kids? And that would have "won" him over? No way. The other woman didn't "win" anything.
Quote:
do meth addicts really love?

I imagine that, like everyone else, some do and some don't. (I did.) But when that big ol' monkey beckons, everyone and everything else takes a back burner.

luve
piphany
Re: Do meth addicts really love?
Oh Auntie, that is soooo cool of you to validate all of the hopeful little scenarios in our suspicious hurting hearts! Anytime you want to write more, I'm ALL eyes-a book of scenarios would be awesome-you write it and UCLAngel will act in the movie and I'll be on Oprah!!
Cool
Auntie
Re: Do meth addicts really love?
Okay, here's another scenario. He wants to see his kids, which means that either A) he visits them at their mother's home, under the supervision of their mother or B) they visit him at her apartment.

If it's A, the other woman has a hissy fit because he's at his "real" home with his wife present, visiting with his kids, just like a family. She will be jealous. Accusations will fly.

If it's B, her apartment will be full, with two adults and two kids. I live in a large one bedroom apartment and there's hardly room for me sometimes, so you can know that they'll be all over each other. If the kids are young, there will be much whining and mess-making and stuff-breaking. Let's not forget the calls to mom they'll insist on making every half hour. If they're teens, there will be much bickering, disagreeing, and back-talking. Either way, her personal space is invaded by his people. She will try to be cool the first visit or two. After the Kool-Aid is spilt on her favorite coffee table book and her cat still hasn't recovered from being picked up by his tail, her resentment of their will show through.

Hehehe!  
Jamie
J1979
Re: Do meth addicts really love?
I don't think she won anything. You said that they don't fight. Well that will end. When you are an addict and in a relationship with an addict things get crazy. My man and I would fight over dope, who got a few more units in their syringe for god sakes! We would fight over who got to cook up the dope because we didn't trust each other not to steal some of it so they could have more. We would fight over who got to shoot up first, this was when he had to shoot me up in my groin because I wasn't able to. It's a hard spot, blind shooting is what it's called because you cannot see the vein. Anyways, we would fight over who had to get into the dealers car to cop the dope. Addicts that live and use together will eventually fight over something, most likely dope. I supported our habit for the majority of our relationship. We were addicted to heroin that we had to have daily in order to function otherwise we would be throwing up and crapping all over ourselves. This was a mandatory purchase. Then next drug purchase we a stimulant of some sort, for awhile it was cocaine then we moved on to meth. Then last but not least were the benzodiazepines aka tranks or downs, these are prescription tranquilizers like Valium or Xanax or Klonopin. We needed these to mellow out from the meth and to combat the bad feelings of having the stimulants eat through our heroin. When that happened we would get dope sick, heroin withdrawal is called dope sick. Anyways I don't believe this women is not using if she is living with a addict that's using and she used in the past. Drugs are what they have in common, that is what is bringing them together. In the end it most likely will tear them apart because their relationship is based on drug use and nothing else. I was friends with my guy for a couple years before we became a couple. Still drugs played a big part in the early stages of our relationship.

You didn't do anything wrong other than get mixed up in a bad relationship. This is something many of women on this site are guilty of. We need to focus on ourselves and our recovery. We need to get to the root of the problems within ourselves so we don't continue to be a part in these sick relationships or worse repeat the cycle again with a new partner that's just as messed up as the old one we left behind. I just don't understand how so many of us got mixed up with these people, actually I can because these guys lie and are able to maintain for years sometimes. What is hard to understand is why we stayed for so long. Get help for yourself, you can't fix him. Keep posting, this is a great site. Good luck.
Indiana
shedevil
Re: Do meth addicts really love?
Jamie1979...

Very very good post.

This is the truth. Don't allow yourself to be involved in their relationship. I found myself doing so when my ex here recently. He has over a year clean time under his belt and I guess she has about 3 months.

I recognized the warning signs and I STOPPED what I was doing by focusing on me. Besides, who wants to be a part of such an unhealthy relationship anyway?!

Not ME!

See also:

Can a meth addict really have a relationship?

Can an addict have a relationship and not be sexual?

I love a meth addict and I'm miserable


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