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Why would a meth addict run from kindness and care?


paceset Why would a meth addict run from kindness and care?
I just don't understand why my dearly loved meth addict always runs from happy times, kindness, love, caring, birthday cake & ice cream,  presents...why not just say no thanks instead of destroying me? Is this some major form of evil producing brain damaged sociopathic torture? He sees nothing wrong with ruining every last good thing in his life and tends to point his evil at me most without any conscience.  People just tell me to get rid of him and they are right (that's easier said than done) but what I go insane wondering is why? Why hurt me? It happens every holiday my birthday, his, xmas (of course) even mother's day. He's just a boyfriend but I do have kids and he used to be so kind and considerate. I always carefully ask if he really wants me to make dinners, have celebrations etc. and he always promises that he does and then like he is demon possessed, he screws me over and leaves me with filet mignon broken in tears. ........Why? Why do I feel like I am the only one in the world who is his friend but he hates me?
     Replies...
recovering
freak
Re: Why would a meth addict run from kindness and care?
Did you said just a boyfriend? Ok let him go
Used to be kind and so considerate? Used to but not anymore.
Why are you feeling bad for his actions? Why do you feel hurt?
You're dealing with a meth addict, not a normal person, that's why.
Do you think you'll feel better if you don't expect anything from him?
It might be a little tricky but you have to figure that one out.
I'm sorry for what you're going through....
Meth takes away all the good things a man used to have..
Sad but true... please take care..
another
messedup
bymeth
Re: Why would a meth addict run from kindness and care?
>>>but what I go insane wondering is why? Why hurt me?>>>

Because you are allowing it. Do some reading on codependency. Best wishes to you.
gillian
marie
Re: Why would a meth addict run from kindness and care?
They run because they can't deal with reality. Because they don't feel any emotion but anger on that drug. My husband has told me it was because he couldn't feel anything but mad. He would avoid any family gatherings because he felt guilty and that everyone would judge him. Its sad, but it won't change unless you change how you deal with life. Be true to yourself,
TerryCa Re: Why would a meth addict run from kindness and care?
Paceset,

This is so sad. I'm sorry you are dragged into this! Your bf is an addict. You know they love their drugs more then us. The meth provides more pleasure then all the wonderful things that you mentioned which are under normal terms pleasurable.
A good person gone bad - Yes
To return - Maybe
When and If - Don't know
What do we do - pray, deal with our own life and get educated on the addiction.
Peace of mind to you. And bless you and your family.
Carry on -
Kell
happy
Re: Why would a meth addict run from kindness and care?
I went out of my way to avoid my family, and all our holidays and fun times together, too. My situation was a little different, because I didn't even want them to know I was using. I was afraid they would try to stop me, and I would do anything, including cut myself off from them, totally unexplained, to keep using.
I did have some contact with my mom, who I was living with during part of my using, she just thought I was acting "weird" and had "bad" friends. She swears to this day she didn't know I was on drugs, but she asked me to leave her house finally, because of the way I was acting. I'm very grateful she did that. Eventually, I lost so much more, and began to see the truth of what meth can do to a life. I was lucky, I hit a very ugly bottom, fairly quickly after she kicked me out.
If this man is "just a boyfriend" I would suggest you let him go. Don't put yourself into the position to be hurt over and over. You already know you are getting hurt, it doesn't make any sense to allow it to happen to yourself over and over. He won't "come around" if you keep being nice to him. You can't change him. Right now, it sounds like he's only ruining special events. In most cases, his behavior is likely to get much worse before it gets better. If he's not more than "just a boyfriend" I suggest you protect yourself and your children and get yourselves out of this situation. It might help him, someday, to know that his using had a consequence, and that that was losing you. Maybe. But it is up to him to help himself. You can't fix him.

It is really hard to see how meth can change a person. It is really hard to accept that the person you once knew is no longer running their own life. Please understand that the drug is running his life, and he is not really the same person. I know that my behavior was not anything I would usually do when I was getting high. I am responsible for all the awful things I did, but I never would have done those things if I wasn't using. I was morally bankrupt, meaning, I was not acting by the morals I believed in. I did things I knew to be "wrong" every day, without a second thought, or just used the guilt as an excuse to get more loaded.

I hope you keep coming here to talk. Sharing and asking lots of questions seems to help a lot. There are a lot of really wonderful people here who will share their lives and hearts with you. I wish you all the best.
paceset Re: Why would a meth addict run from kindness and care?
Kelly, I so appreciate your kind reply to my simple yet very complicated question. I have been dealing with his addiction and my codependency for a couple years. I have gotten very educated and know all the "pat" answers to all the meth questions and am quite educated to counsel anyone under the same weights I am, but what I guess I need so badly is just compassion. It seems that most meth addicts are textbook addicts and so is my BF but there are so many unique facets to my life and his as well. I've read most of the books and yes, I'm a codependent and an enabler but and experienced and realistic one and I like brutal honesty but nothing has really answered my question because he won't. He asks for my support and care-I don't chase him or keep him here, he won't leave BUT he for some evil reason, tortures me-lies to me about how much he is trying and how much he appreciates and cares for me and I know I am his only friend. He tells me he wants dinner  (the only healthy good food he eats) He tells me he likes the little bits of normal happy good life I give to him, but then...at the same time he acts like he is plotting to destroy every speck of me emotionally. I guess it is just too hard for me to believe that he is plotting and evil, but I do believe God's warnings that when we give over our minds that the enemy or Satan moves in as quick as he can and IT MAKES ME SO MAD AND SAD I just want to roll over and give up-so that's my deal to deal with but why the pathological lying ON PURPOSE? Does it really make him feel better about himself? He is probably the meanest emotionally abusive split personality meth addict I've ever met and since he's lived here, I've met more than I can count. PLEASE someone tell me, "Do hardcore meth addicts sit around and plot about how to hurt the ones they love (or used to love) and love them?" Kelly, thank you so much for being kind.

See also:

Why love isn't enough

How can we, as loved ones, help meth addicts?

Loving an addict, the weird part...

Why does my boyfriend love me today and hate me tomorrow?


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