KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Our son the meth addict- need advice

peg59	Our Son the meth addict - need advice Well here I am again needing advice. I know some of you know about our son. He lives in a small house that we own. He sold his jeep. Has nothing to drive now. He is still paranoid, he has tore up everything that is electronic. Thinks the house is wired for audio and video surveillance. I think he has ran out of dope now and can not find any of his so called drug buddies that are 75 miles away to come get him. We moved here last August in another town. He just got out of prison in August and said he wanted to live in our smaller house so that he could get away from all the people he knew before. Start over, but that was before he got out and as soon as he gets out he makes a hit with some one he used to know before he moved here. He blames us for his screwed up life. He wants to fight his dad and accuses him of doing stuff over at the house to force him into rehab. He even walked over the other night wanting in our house to fight with his dad, I called the police and he decided to walk home. We have tried talking to him to no avail, Now what I need advice with is, do we just take him food, and let him stay there, this is a very small town in Tennessee, no place for him to go. No shelters, or anything like that. We have called the mental health and was told that he would have to be clean and sober before they can evaluate him. He must want to seek help. In the meantime, we are at our wits end. Some days he talks normal and other days he makes no sense at all. He gets very angry and violent, I think only with his dad and me. It is winter here, so we hate to throw him out, so what should we do now. We are not giving him money. I figured all that we can do now is to take him food and let it go at that. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Replies...
Loraura	Re: Our Son the meth addict - need advice As long as his basic food and shelter needs are being met, what would make him think his life is unmanageable and that he might need to make some changes?
imlost inky	Re: Our Son the meth addict - need advice Peg, if he is out of dope, isn't he clean and sober? Or is he drinking now?
peg59	Our Son-Need Advice I think he is out of meth, I don't know about the pot and yes he is drinking now. I don't know exactly how much meth, pot, or drinking he does.
Mrs Korea	Re: Our Son the meth addict - need advice If he just got out of prison in August, isn't he on parole? Doesn't he have a parole agreement? I know when my husband gets out in 19 days, he will be on parole and he has an alcohol clause in his parole agreement, saying no alcohol until he if off paper. Just curious. How long would you say, just an estimate, you think he has been off of meth? Can you clean out the alcohol in the house? Especially since it is yours...
imlost inky	Re: Our Son the meth addict - need advice Good point- yep. I was going to ask- how is he obtaining the alcohol?
Tender hearts KS	Re: Our Son the meth addict - need advice *Quote:* As long as his basic food and shelter needs are being met, what would make him think his life is unmanageable and that he might need to make some changes? Agreed.
peg59	Re: Our Son the meth addict - need advice He is out of prison with no parole. He served all his time. The only way I know that he is getting beer is because he had some visitors last Friday. They must have brought it in. I think he may have been out of meth since Sunday, cause he started yelling and cursing me and his Dad by Tuesday. We think that is because he is out and wants more. I asked him why are you yelling at us, have you done more meth. He said no, I wish I had some to do, cause it makes me feel better.
peg59	Re: Our Son the meth addict - need advice He thinks his life is unmanageable, because he believes that we are the cause of him hearing things and that we have planted video and audio cameras all over the house. He said he wants to get out and that won't help him, that he is stuck because of us. He said that he can't work cause we or someone is screwing around with his head trying to make him think that he is crazy. We cannot convince him that it is the drugs.
Saved inillinois	Re: Our Son the meth addict - need advice I'm sorry, but it doesn't sound like your son's willing or ready to accept responsibility for any of his actions. Maybe it's time for a little 'tough love'. Boot him outta your house and tell him that you love him, but you can't watch him do this to HIMSELF any longer. Tell him that if and when he decides to get help, you'll support him all the way. It's going to hurt, but it's your only choice right now. If not, you continue to suffer the way you have been.
Tender hearts KS	Re: Our Son the meth addict - need advice Tough love is the hardest thing to do. I have a 29 year old daughter who called me the other night, bawling. She needed a truck to move her things because she had been evicted from yet another place. She has had no job for over 10 years now. She has lost custody of her kids. She did time on felony meth-related charges. She's on probation and now has a new fine for driving on a suspended, in addition to the other fines. None of this has motivated her to seek a better way of life, including living clean/sober. I gave her a chance, a roof over her head, food, a warm place to sleep. Those things were given to her with rules set down. She broke the rules, I showed her the door. Why would your son have any motivation to change his life when he KNOWS he has a roof over his head and food to eat? Honestly, where is the motivating factor in that for him? I must be missing something. If nothing changes, nothing changes. Okay, so his usual using buddies are 75 miles away. How's that one working? I KNOW HOW HARD TOUGH LOVE IS! My parents could not grasp the concept and for ten years they enabled me to the tune of 40 grand because I couldn't pay my bills, rent, etc most of the time. Ever hear the term 'killing someone with kindness'? Don't get me wrong, my parents did the best that they could with what they had. I hid my addiction, and they thought all my troubles were because of the people I hung with. So they kept providing for me. When God intervened in my life, I was down to 109 pounds (I am 6' tall), had blown out all the veins in my arms, was pregnant (miscarried in treatment), and couldn't hold my head up straight I was so weak. The doctor at the treatment center said I was about 2 days away from death had I not been taken to treatment. It really sounds to me like things aren't working. So what are you willing to do? Talking to him isn't working, he knows his basic needs are taken care of by Mom and Dad. He's violent with the two of you, and now he's drinking when he can't get the meth.
demo debi	Re: Our Son the meth addict - need advice Boy this sounds like my dd.....she almost has my dh and son (pharmacist) convinced it is all from the septic infection she had.....or from her hep c???.... I can't do anything at this point but nod my head with them and say sure that could be it... We are still taping her, videoing her, etc... Even had her and her husband and kids over for dinner....it actually went well, but at 11:30 that night she calls telling me how much she loves me because she thought her dh had hit me and I was outside and it got her so upset.... I would just make sure your son has food, etc...nothing else and if he comes over again, call the police again.....and if he is ranting and raving on the phone hang up......that's what I do.... It's just so hard.... We've had her watch some of the intervention shows but SHE'S NOT LIKE THEM.....
Lives With Wolves	Re: Our Son the meth addict - need advice It is so difficult to draw the line between helping your child and enabling him. For me, when the line starts to cross over and make my life miserable, it has gone too far. I don't have the answers or the advice to solve your problem. None of us do. You have to do what is in your heart and soul and right for you. What I do know is that Meth use changes a person and you are not dealing with your son if he is using Meth. You are simply dealing with the face of Meth. Meth can and will hurt you - emotionally, physically. Meth will take your sanity, your possessions, and leave without caring. Your son could kill you before he kills himself. Only you can protect you. Meth is very, very ugly.
LLounge	Re: Our Son the meth addict - need advice As much as I wish I could Peg, I can't give you any easy answers. The only thing I can offer to you is my very limited experience with an ex-meth user. He too thought that his apartment was wired. He broke thru walls, tore up drywall. I understand that is "normal" for a meth user... or perhaps an ex-meth user? Perhaps someone could enlighten us? I'm so sorry for your plight. I lean towards the tough love tho'. Otherwise, why in the world would he want things to change?! I certainly wouldn't. Wishing and praying for all the best for you and your family. Altho' I've only been here for about 2-3 weeks, this seems like an excellent place to get answers to your questions. KEEP asking, girl! Answers gain us knowledge about this beast.
Starry Sky	Re: Our Son the meth addict - need advice In my experience, I was a throwaway kid living in Cali. The reason I did dope was to forget about everything bad that happened to me. Granted, this is not an excuse, but I had no one that loved me, I didn't have a home, job, money, etc. Ironically, what made me quit it all (meth, heroin...yeah, I was a junkie) was getting pregnant. My son (now almost seven) was the only thing that made me feel like life had something to offer. I'm not saying your son should have a kid, because it sounds like he's got it made pretty well. Perhaps you should give him some tough love?
Ignor amus	Re: Our Son the meth addict - need advice You are in a world of hurt, and I am sorry. I think you should call the police and let them deal with it. I don't think you should give him any ultimatums, because at this point it sounds like he is violent and paranoid. That's why I say call the police or his PO. I wouldn't want to see anyone get hurt, but from the sounds of your post, that may happen if you dump anything "unpleasant" on his lap right now.