Dealing with the addict's family

Juliett55

Hi all.
I don't know if this is true for anyone else but a lot of times an addict's family is very dysfunctional, even when it seems perfect on the surface.
I'm very close to my addicts family, like an adapted daughter. I practically don't talk to him anymore but I'm very close to the family and can't just break it off. The family doesn't know about his addiction, or if some of them do they think he has been clean for a while.
I love them, but if I make one wrong move or even just feel a little sad inside I get criticized, they can read me right through, no matter how much I fake being happy. They all have this incredible sensitivity gift in reading other's mood.

I feel stuck, trying to let go of the addict, so he can grow on his own (it got to that point), but can't just walk away from the family that is very dysfunctional.

Any advice?

imlostinky

Re: Dealing with the addict's family

Juliett, you wrote :

Quote:

but can't just walk away from the family that is very dysfunctional.

That suggests to me that possibly you are still stuck in the co-dependent mode.
You are using to inflict yourself with those that are not healthy for you out of some obligation you feel because you were once involved with their son.

Quote:
They all have this incredible sensitivity gift in reading other's mood.

That isn't always a good thing. Are they reading your mood out of genuine concern? or as a way to manipulate you?

Quote:

I love them, but if I make one wrong move or even just feel a little sad inside I get criticized

That sounds like more the latter than the former.
We are quite often as sick as our addicts. It is important that you work your own recovery.
Give yourself permission to set boundaries- what you will allow and what you will not.
You are not obligated to put yourself in an emotional abusive situation.
It's okay to give them your love, wish them well, and move on.
In fact, in your case, that may be exactly how you need to be- for your own well being.
Fix you - they can take care of themselves. They are grown.

FSOAB

Re: Dealing with the addict's family

Julliet,
Hello.. I tend to think that a true friend is someone that can listen, suggest and try to understand. I call bullcrap on anyone that wants to treat me or tell me otherwise. A true friend will also call you on your bull.. I'd be re-evaluating how close I was to that family..
My opinion

Juliett55

Re: Dealing with the addict's family

Its not codependency, I actually don't have a choice. I just need to learn how to deal with them and not put myself in the victim's situation. It's worse because. the mother doesn't know about his addiction, not that it would help him anyway. But I'm too much a part of the family which has nothing to do with the addict.

TnSkye

Re: Dealing with the addict's family

My therapist told me that if I don't want to feel anxious or uneasy to not put myself in situations that will surely make me feel that way.

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