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Recovering addicts and the loved one of the addict help each other


amart
1279
The recovering addict and the loved one of the addict.....
fairly new to this site and new to recovery.....I'm recovering from a very brief stint with meth and recovering from an addiction to my husband, a meth addict of two years.......forgive this question if it is naive.

On this site are so many meth addicts, recovering addicts, and family/friends of addicts....are we all in the same category or is there an unspoken line drawn between them? I love this site dearly and have come to rely on it just a few short days, but wonder if there are boundaries not to cross when addressing an addict when I am a loved one affected by addiction or vice versa. Does that make any sense? Hoping there's not an us vs. them mentality, but also hoping that if there are unspoken "groups" I don't offend anyone while I'm here.

I fear this came out all wrong. Hope this was taken the way it was intended.
     Replies...
sickids
gurl
Re: The recovering addict and the loved one of the addict...
I thought more about this and thought I would explain why I believe there are no lines. Just treat others as you would like to be treated is a good rule though.

I think the addict does have something to offer to the loved ones of addicts we ( the addicts ) help the loved ones better understand what their loved one is feeling and has gone through.

And the loved ones can help the addicts too by telling their story of what they have went through or asking questions about the user in their lives it reopens the eyes to what we used to be and how we have hurt our own loved ones.

I think we are therapeutic to each other and go hand and hand in our recovery.
TerryCa Re: The recovering addict and the loved one of the addict...
Hello! That's a point blank question, I have found here many addicts don't want the non-user giving advice on how to stay clean. Or act as if they (non-user) knows how a user feels (really feels).

Then you'll get the other side, the families that say the addicts don't know how the families really feel while the user is using and/or in recovery.

But, these are minor irritations (imo) and I feel it doesn't mean you cannot respond to any or all posts.

I just try to treat others the way I want to be treated. I like to try support people here as well as get support.

Others will be along whom will give you more ideas, thus this is how the board works imo.
amart
1279
Re: The recovering addict and the loved one of the addict...
Quote:
I have found here many addicts don't want the non-user giving advice on how to stay clean. Or act as if they (non-user) knows how a user feels (really feels).

I think that's what my fear is. I've spent so long trying to "fix" my husband with advice from my point of view, always trying to keep sight of not REALLY knowing what he feels or the battles he fights, so I am so willing to jump in on the addicts' questions. I guess I know and we all know what perspective we're coming from and that's probably why this board works so well.

I also tend to think I have a unique perspective on things since I was headed towards addiction and lost myself in it for a solid month (although again, i know that is nothing compared to most on here) as well as was a victim of my husbands addiction as well.

If nothing else, this board is very cathartic eh? Even just writing out our rambling thoughts, even if no one responds, seems to be more therapeutic than just journaling. After all, I think in some shape or form addict or loved one, we all just want to be heard.

Thanks for listening. Hope to get to know you all so much more.
TerryCa Re: The recovering addict and the loved one of the addict...
Quote:
If nothing else, this board is very cathartic eh? Even just writing out our rambling thoughts, even if no one responds, seems to be more therapeutic than just journaling. After all, I think in some shape or form addict or loved one, we all just want to be heard
Well, hopefully the board is more then the mere writing out our rambling thoughts here. It's real people listening and caring.

And as far as just getting thoughts down on paper, maybe for some that is why their here. For me it's reaching into myself and being vulnerable and sharing my insecurities and life and trusting others with the information.

Hopefully this site will be helpful to you to.

<<<Hugs to you>>
amart
1279
Re: The recovering addict and the loved one of the addict...
This site has already done wonders. Its amazing how similar yet different everyone is. What a relief to know people have lived my hell, can help me through it, and I can do the same for them. It's Good Stuff
Naiev
Newlywed
Re: The recovering addict and the loved one of the addict...
If there has ever been any 'forbidden' questions, I've asked them all!
Don't be afraid to ask the recovering addicts here questions.

Just remember - from what I've learned - the dope affects people differently - so depending on the question - you may get different answers, and you may now know which "why" relates to your husband. You'll get an idea, but one's experience is not the same an another's.

Again - I'm glad you're here.
Jamie
J1979
Re: The recovering addict and the loved one of the addict...
I'm a recovering addict and the loved one of a addict. My boyfriend of 4 years is a addict like myself. We used to do drugs together until I got into outpatient treatment and found out I was pregnant. I'm nine months pregnant, my due date is this Sunday November 5th. He is in outpatient treatment and on methadone for his heroin addiction. We both have dual addictions to heroin and stimulants like cocaine and speed. He is still struggling with using upper's even though he's in treatment and whatnot. He isn't working a recovery program really. He shows up for treatment and his methadone dose but he's not attending a support group and he isn't doing one on one counseling. He is getting on Antabuse to help combat the cocaine and speed cravings. The treatment center requires a blood test prior to getting on Antabuse and he just left a blood sample last Saturday so hopefully when the results come back he can start taking the Antabuse within the next week or so. I've see die hard users that did cocaine or speed daily either stop completely or cut down to using only once a week and even then they were using because they were hanging with people that used. They weren't having overwhelming cravings that were making them go out and look for the drug. I really hope the Antabuse helps him.

Currently he stays off the dope for anywhere from 5-7 days and then uses for 1-2 days to satisfy the cravings and then goes without using for another 5-7 days until the cravings come back once again. He uses to use daily, so did I. When I first tried to quit I went through the same thing. I would refrain from using for a week then use and the go another whole week before using again. I was making progress as far as not using daily but I got stuck in a rut using once a week. The reason a person does this is because their body is so used to having the substance in it that once the body clears itself of the toxin the body goes crazy craving for more of the drug to be normal. I'm taking trace amounts that linger after a addict has come down from their high, this is what I'm talking about. Once those small traces leave the body the addict starts craving like mad. Anyways I'm not living with my guy because of his addiction. We see each other and talk daily and he spends the night a once or twice a week. Lately he's been around the house more because I could go into labor at any time and we want to be together when the baby comes. Still I'm not counting on his completely because I don't let him around me when he's high or coming down. So if he's using that day I go into labor he won't be there because he won't be at my house to travel to the hospital with me and I won't want to have him meet me at the hospital if he's all tweaked out.

I also have codependency issues that I'm starting to address and I really appreciate the advice and support I receive here. I don't really come here for advice on my drug addiction recovery because I attend a support group and I'm in outpatient treatment. I come here for support in dealing with my addict boyfriend. If I was struggling and needed advice I would probably appreciate it from whoever was giving it as long as they tried to relate to me as much as possible.
JUSTCATS Re: The recovering addict and the loved one of the addict...
Quote:
If there has ever been any 'forbidden' questions, I've asked them all!
Me too! You can ask the addicts anything, and they answer it as well as they can. Everybody is sooo cool around here.

Just be considerate of others feelings, but that doesn't mean, that you fear asking questions. If you are afraid that someone may be offended, I always mention, that I have a question, that I don't mean, for it to come out in a bad way...

~exfiance is an addict
le grumps Re: The recovering addict and the loved one of the addict...
Funny I just saw this thread after posting on the "I am glad you loved ones are here" thread.

This is a place where the addicts and loved ones are not "at odds". Occasionally a person will get ruffled if they feel like they aren't being understood, but generally if you ask something or say something that people don't agree with, they will be pretty straight up (not mean) about what exactly the disagree with.

And of course, there have been a lot of very interesting, sometimes heated discussions that in my opinion are really productive.

At any rate, welcome! Make yourself at home, there is plenty of room!

See also:

The Brain Chemistry of Being a Loved One

How to support an addict without sounding sorry?

Hard time having compassion for the addict


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