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Meth boyfriend says I'm the problem...how do I accept reality?


Lexi
Sun
shine
Meth boyfriend says I'm the problem.....how do I accept reality?
I am new to this group and I am so confused, hurt  and angry right now......

My boyfriend is using meth more and more I think.....last week he was up for 3 days........then crashed over the weekend and became mean.........
He says he doesn't have a problem with it and he says he is grouchy with me because I "@#%$" at him......which is true but I feel like I'm stuck because it is such a roller coaster to be on.........when he's using he is so nice to me, very affectionate, loving and helpful.......but I always know that it's going to end so when I know he's using, I immediately get angry with him.........

Then he's always complaining when he comes down that he's sick, his throat hurts, his teeth hurts.....but never believes me when I say it's because of meth............

Today I told him not to use at work or else I'm done, but he knows it's not true and so do I......then he always says I can't control him..........which I can't......

How do I accept that I can't control what he does? This is making me crazy........and I'm not the one hooked!!!! Any advice or input I would appreciate, I've cried every day for 2 weeks..........

How do I get support???
     Replies...
Love
Met
Re: Meth boyfriend says I'm the problem.....how do I accept reality?
First of all I am sorry for what you are going through. Ok let me tell you I have been dealing with this for a year now. And you have to make a decision to make you better. And you also have to tell him that he either stops or you go and you have to stick to it or he will just keep on doing it. And if you really love him try and give him help but do not lose yourself like I have. Because you will regret it like I have.
gfofan
addict
Re: Meth boyfriend says I'm the problem.....how do I accept reality?
That's a hard one too, from my experience it never gets better just worse if he doesn't get help. Many think they can do it alone, they really can't. They may start and be ok for a bit then fall, they fall harder and fall even harder. This is what I have experienced first hand. I also don't have a problem, he had the problem. I know it's hard to leave when you love them so much, but you have to think about yourself, and what you want out of life. Can you live your life happy one minute and miserable the next? I know I sure couldn't. I want to be happy all the time if I could. It was hard to leave him when we split, I still loved him, but he was cheating on me and was going to leave anyway to it ended. It was for the best for both of us. He may be miserable, but oh well. He made his choice he is a man, he loves his drugs. He still says he loves me to this day, but I don't believe him anymore.
So girlfriend it's up to you if you want to wait it out and see if he stops, the magic word IF, or think about yourself and move on. He is not the only man on the earth, took me a bit to realize that one too cause I love my ex so much too. But like they say their are other fish in the sea and I am getting my boat ready 
I can only speak for myself here, everyone has different views on the subject, I only know what I have seen or went through. For me CLOSING THE DOOR is the best thing for me.
Lexi
Sun
shine
Re: Meth boyfriend says I'm the problem.....how do I accept reality?
We have been together for almost a year, too.........I just never realized how much he actually uses until now.......and the more I try to get him to stop the more he does it........

We have broken up before for short periods and I am always lonely and crying..........why am I so lost without this person that doesn't even care if he hurts me?

It's just hard, I wish I could be stronger....not what I want long term.............
love
man
hate
meth1
Re: Meth boyfriend says I'm the problem.....how do I accept reality?
This is totally classic behavior of a meth addict. Everything he is exhibiting right now will continue to get worse and worse, unless he gets serious help.

You might as well put boundaries on him right now. If he is unwilling to get help you should seriously consider getting out.

Please remember they ALL blame everyone else for their bad moods, addiction, etc....

Sorry
Guene Re: Meth boyfriend says I'm the problem.....how do I accept reality?
Lexi, I wish there was an easy answer, boy wouldn't that be wonderful, but there isn't. He is an addict, and his drug is more important then you sweetie and you have to decide which is more important to you??? Do you want to live like this forever or do you want to move on and try to make a better life for yourself?

You can't change him, he has to want that for himself and only he can do that. Nothing you say or do is going to make him change, nothing. I am so sorry for what your going through, but if you read on there are so many here who are going through it too. Look deep down inside of yourself and ask what is more important, living in peace or living with a meth addict who doesn't care about anything but his drug.
forget
suzette
Re: Meth boyfriend says I'm the problem.....how do I accept reality?
Lexi, welcome to the board.
....if he's saying you can't control him, the love of meth is greater than the love between you.  He won't be able to see what it's doing to him,...... anymore than you can see what he's doing to you.  You know how you can see the problem so clearly when you look at him? ....but he can't?
I see what's going to happen to you.......you are going to waste MORE years of your life enabling  this guys drug habit.  you are going to pay the bills alone, you are going to cover for his irresponsibility, you are going to be lied to.
Meth is just like he found another woman.......she will come first, not you.
she already is coming first.  no amount of cussing and fighting will help.
.....don't waste your breath.   pack up your stuff and try to find happiness.
....I guarantee you, you won't find it here.
good luck to you.
....this is the truth as I know it and it doesn't effect me either way.
I just hate to see more time slip away for a lost cause......this guy is going down.
want to go to?
......stay with him.
love
man
hate
meth1
Re: Meth boyfriend says I'm the problem.....how do I accept reality?
Gosh Suzette,
I love hearing your kind of advice. I carries so much weight because you yourself was an addict. Thanks for being so honest.
jacks
mom
Re: Meth boyfriend says I'm the problem.....how do I accept reality?
My daughter blamed EVERYTHING bad in her life on me: anger, depression, meth use. bla, bla, bla...
Luckily I'm a tough person and I knew it was total CRAP!
Still hard to live with though.
Don't let him bring YOU down, and you'll be more mentally available to work the situation.

Good Luck!
forget
suzette
Re: Meth boyfriend says I'm the problem.....how do I accept reality?
I studied for 22 years in the school of hard knocks.
.........it's all I'm completely qualified to give an accurate hypothesis on.
.....besides a waitress, of coarse.
all we know is all we are ---nirvana
danimal
55
Re: Meth boyfriend says I'm the problem.....how do I accept reality?
As meth addicts we guard and covet our addictions, NOTHING is more important as our brains become conditioned to function with meth. The chemical changes in our neuro-chemistry are radical and our actions and words defy any sense of normal logic. Our loved ones end up being scapegoats for our absurd behavior as we shirk any and all accountability. As you gain knowledge of meth addiction, he will be working overtime to fabricate the most absurd bullshyt and lies you've ever heard.
Without drastic measures and the realization that he is a sick man, he will continue his downward spiral...and like all addicts, he'll do his best to take you with him.
As long as you remain his emotional hostage, things will only get worse, for both of you. Stick around the forum, you'll find ways that you can change your life for the better, regardless of his actions.
Wishing you courage, strength, and peace
Lexi
Sun
shine
Re: Meth boyfriend says I'm the problem.....how do I accept reality?
I can't believe this..........it is so weird to even think that I am with a meth addict......it's hard for me to even say...I honestly thought all this time that he was an "occasional user".........
I am in counseling now.....he encouraged me to go at first, telling me that I need it because there's something wrong with me.....now that I'm going (this will be my 3rd week), he is now saying that she doesn't know what she's talking about............
He has brought my self confidence to almost nothing....then he is the one who likes to bring me up........I'm tired of his emotions and moods influencing mine so much....and i think my friends are tired of listening to my ups and downs and all he does.........
and I'm independent......i own my own home, and take care of my son (who's dad passed away to cancer).......i know in my heart i deserve better but growing up with an alcoholic father and mother who put up with it, i have a strong fear of abandonment.....
it is helping a little to read the messages............
Lexi
Sun
shine
Re: Meth boyfriend says I'm the problem.....how do I accept reality?
What type of boundaries do you mean? It seems like when I try to put my foot down and tell him what I won't tolerate, he does it more and then lies about it.......

How do I say it to not put him on the defense?
forget
suzette
Re: Meth boyfriend says I'm the problem.....how do I accept reality?
got any fears of abandoning him?......this is Mr.. toads wild ride.
you got to feel it's your destiny to deal with meth addiction. because that's what your life will soon be about.
.....his addiction.
*hugs*

get out of there..........at best, the non addicted him still loves you.
but the addicted him is getting more power and it loves dope.
Love
Met
Re: Meth boyfriend says I'm the problem.....how do I accept reality?
Ok hun, I am going to give you some more advice...seeing that I am, was, and still may be in your position. I am sorry you have a fear of being abandoned. I come from a long line of codependent women. Do yourself one favor NONE of this is your problem and in your head. Another is yes of course he is going to lie and continue what he is doing when you put your foot down, the meth is what rules. And also he does this because you end up coming back. You teach people how to treat you by what you will allow them to do. You need to figure out how long you can continue living in meth hell. And do you have kids with this person?
Lexi
Sun
shine
Re: Meth boyfriend says I'm the problem.....how do I accept reality?
I know........no easy answer, right????
We have no children together...........it hurts. This is so unfair that I get affected so much by what he does........I've been trying to do more things on my own.......and find myself again.............it's just hard i do feel in a way like his meth is already controlling my life........i wish i would have know all this sooner.....
Love
Met
Re: Meth boyfriend says I'm the problem.....how do I accept reality?
Well hun, I am not sure what to say but yes their addiction also becomes yours. I have personal experience as I am still going through this mess as well. And at some point which I am coming to is you have to choose you and hope someday he does too. But you have to get a stronghold and what you want your life to be and as what I have been dealing with I can tell you,

You do NOT want what is ahead of you.
hurt
467
Re: Meth boyfriend says I'm the problem.....how do I accept reality?
OMG - what is written here has been my life for 13yrs with my ex boyfriend. One week from today i finally laid down the law and said I am gone. I did not get a tear or I am sorry out of him all i got was good you have been wanting this for a long time now. The only advice i can give you say what you mean and follow through. I told him i was leaving and i am, this is the hardest thing i have ever done. but i will make and so will you once you decide to follow through. plus stay with your counselor my ex said the same thing about me that i needed one, well it is him. i wish you a ton of luck
imlost
inky
Re: Meth boyfriend says I'm the problem.....how do I accept reality?

Quote:


.why am I so lost without this person that doesn't even care if he hurts me?

So what person are you lost without?
there are several to choose from within this one body- and not one of them real.

When he is using, he loves everybody.
When he runs out, he hates everybody.
Nothing special there.

What you love does not exist. It is an illusion- Together but alone.

Less than a year, already many break ups- it will get a lot worse before it will ever begin to get better.
Cut your losses, run while you can.
The man you love is in your imagination- your imagination goes where you go.

angie
Ncali
Re: Meth boyfriend says I'm the problem.....how do I accept reality?
So basically - this man has to take drugs in order to love you.
That would be like finding some man that you decided you wanted to love & wanted to love you back ... except .. he wasn't capable of doing so ... Only you discovered these magic little pills. You slip them to him ... and he loves you while they are in his system ... when they weren't ... He doesn't and he treats you like such - so then you give him the pills again .....

How Long do you think you would be okay with this ?
Probably Not very Long - or Probably Not at all.
You said your independent and you own your own home -
I really really don't mean to hurt you when I say what I am about to say .... But coming from someone who once was lost in my own addiction ... and from the perspective of you guys not being together very long .... if I were him ... and with someone for the length of time you guys had been together ... someone who seemed willing to put up with my B.S. and who had it together .... My bet would be that I would take that ride for as long as I could possibly take it .... that is what drug addicts do.

I say take imlostinky's advice.....
Cut your looses ... get out now while your still ahead in this game!
Guene Re: Meth boyfriend says I'm the problem.....how do I accept reality?
Lexi, You said you have a child, how does he treat him or her??? Listen to Theresa, cut your losses and start anew, he's just using you. He has no respect for you at all and this situation is not good for your child either. Time to ask yourself, what's more important for you and your child being happy or you and your child living in hell the rest of your life, I'm wondering does this guy work? does he help pay the bills, What is he doing for you and your son? ask these questions ok?

See also:

Husband / Boyfriend Use of Meth Topics


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