click
mom |
What can I expect from my meth addict in
outpatient treatment?
My bf is supposedly 10 days clean, he's been going to an
outpatient treatment program for the last 3 days...
He's been grouchy, which I've expected...and I know he can't
kick all this within a matter of days, even weeks or maybe even
months...I know this logically. Of course my emotions want him
to at least show that he's making some improvement, yet I don't
see any. Maybe improvement isn't he right word...more like him
really wanting this. Granted he is going and he looks good when
I see him after, I think the groups REALLY help. He even said he
still wants to get high REALLY bad, and they talk about it in
the groups. But he gets to my house after, and he's just a mean
ol grouch.
Today I am worried because he gets paid and its Friday. I asked
him what his plan is so that he won't get tempted and he says he
doesn't know...and seemed like he didn't care. So, I'm not sure
if he will relapse today or not.
What can I realistically expect from him during this time? Is he
going to relapse a lot? Is he going to be mean? Is he going to
just shut down? For how long?
I have so many questions... |
Replies... |
Loraura |
Re: What can I expect
from my meth addict in outpatient treatment?
Quote:
Of course my emotions wants him to at
least show that he's making some improvement, yet I don't
see any. Maybe improvement isn't he right word...more like
him really wanting this.
Things usually get worse before they get
better. Sometimes, much worse.
If things got better when an addict quit -- they wouldn't be an
addict!
It's the fact that it's worse, much worse, without using that
keeps them using!
No one WANTS to feel like crap, physically or emotionally.
Meth is very alluring because it IS a fabulous anti-depressant!
It is a cure for the depression that it causes! If it didn't
have such horrible side effects, no one would ever WANT to quit.
The pain of continuing to use has to be MORE than the pain of
abstaining for the addict to make it through those early months.
Sometimes that pain is intangible to both the user, and their
loved ones. |
click
mom |
Re: What can I expect
from my meth addict in outpatient treatment?
I see. So, because he's hasn't
felt much pain from actually using (example: has a roof over his
head, has a job, can use his mom's car at will, has food) he
might actually not want to stay quit... |
Sfj |
Re: What can I expect
from my meth addict in outpatient treatment?
If he is going to an outpatient
program, be thankful.
Realistically, at this point, it is all you can expect. Give him
encouragement for doing that.
If he settles in to a good routine with treatment, he may want
to consider 12-step meetings at some point. Pushing him to do so
however, will often backfire. You can make an encouraging
comment, but try to avoid being pushy or controlling.
I also suggest reading Cassandra's posts. |
Loraura |
Re: What can I expect
from my meth addict in outpatient treatment?
Quote:
What can I realistically expect from
him during this time? Is he going to relapse a lot? Is he
going to be mean? Is he going to just shut down? For how
long?
Expect nothing that HE doesn't co-sign.
Seriously, setting expectations for him will likely cause you to
be frustrated and angry.
If he sets expectations for himself, then I would suggest that
you support him in his efforts.
But taking away all of your own expectations, and just accepting
what the outcome is, will prevent a lot of frustration on your
part.
The other questions you asked have different answers for every
addict. I'm sorry. I know you want answers so you can feel
prepared and have some security in "knowing". Unfortunately,
there just ARE no answers in advance to those types of
questions, in my opinion. |
click
mom |
Re: What can I expect
from my meth addict in outpatient treatment?
He is doing some sort of 12 step
groups along with the outpatient treatment...its a requirement.
Its also a requirement that he gets tested while he's there for
two weeks. If he fails it, he has another chance. If he keeps
failing, then he gets kicked out. He's going to a program called
Life Ring.
I understand not being pushy,
but really sometimes isn't it what someone needs to wake the
hell up? |
luve
piphany |
Re: What can I expect
from my meth addict in outpatient treatment?
Yes Clickmom, it is, but it's
usually not what a loved one needs to do to get some peace and
happiness. It's such a frustrating but very real fact that the
more a loved one pushes, the sicker and more miserable they (the
loved one) become.
Many people find peace and some serenity in the 12 step programs
for loved ones of those in recovery-Alanon, Naranon and Coda are
all support groups for you and all of us who have alcohol and
drug addiction in our family and friend's lives.
The family support forum is under the community tab on the top
of the home page and there is a wonderful moderator and lots of
people who share your h3ll |
forget
suzette |
Re: What can I expect
from my meth addict in outpatient treatment?
Quote:
What can I realistically expect from
him during this time? Is he going to relapse a lot? Is he
going to be mean? Is he going to just shut down? For how
long?
everyone knows, anything goes.
......it depends on how hard he hit bottom when he quit.
if it wasn't a major extravaganza of loss and pain........he'll
go back.
I agree with lorauora's 1st reply.
.....no one wants to feel like crap...and they won't forever.
it's like he's holding his breath, waiting to breathe.....speed
is that breath.
I moved so I couldn't get to it.....I was angry for a
year......and still not completely balanced even tho I see a
shrink
this is a long, hard, endless battle.
...do you really want to do this?
good luck. |
le
grumps |
Re: What can I expect
from my meth addict in outpatient treatment?
Quote:
I understand not being pushy, but
really sometimes isn't it what someone needs to wake the
hell up?
In my opinion, not really. Being pushy, or
even "encouraging with an agenda", is something that can turn an
addict off from being open with loved ones.
When I was quitting, and beginning recovery, I hated the idea
that I was having to change for the sake of other people's
sanity. Why do /I/ have to change? Why are /my/ actions the bad
ones? Why must /I/ do all this stuff like go to meetings and
groups for the sake of what /other people/ consider to be
health? I wanted to feel good, and I wanted my RIGHT to feel
good!
I don't know if other addicts here felt this way, but I felt
like attacking my drug use was an attack on me personally. I was
extremely sensitive to how people interacted with me. I remember
my dad renting me a storage room when I was going to rehab to
put my crap in there. The entire time I was extremely grouchy,
angry, and rude, even though I did appreciate his help. It was
like one "false" move from him, and I would feel like this
powerless child who was not in control of my life. And that made
me angry, and made me want to b*tch him out and go my own way.
My friend was there too, and I asked her if I was acting
unreasonable, and she said YES... your poor dad is just trying
to help you and he's being really cool about it, too.
Good lord, I do not miss feeling like that!
If he is not "seeing the benefits" yet of being clean, it
probably means that he is still conceding "himself" in his mind.
He is probably resenting the fact that he needs to change, even
though he knows deep down that he does have to change.
No one likes to be "wrong". And when an addict finds out that
how they have been managing their lives is "wrong", it can
sometimes be a hard thing to accept, especially since making it
"right" is such an emotional investment. It's really hard to
make things "right" when we are so used to our mal-adaptive
behaviors.
The fact that he is attending outpatient rehab and meetings is
*HUGE*. I agree with Sfj, that is a major point where you can be
encouraging to him. He may feel patronized if you ask him
everyday what he learned, or if it looks like you are vulturing
over his progress.
But asking him how he is doing, telling him you are proud of him
for taking care of business, and trying to bring something to
the table in terms of your own appreciation and stability in
your *own* life will help him have something to "work" with.
I know it's hard, it's a balancing act that is feels nearly
impossible. But the benefits for both of you will come if you
guys can just stick it out..
I hope this was somewhat helpful to you, I know it was long... |
click
mom |
Re: What can I expect
from my meth addict in outpatient treatment?
thank you le grumps for that
post. I think I see what you are saying.
I just talked to him tonight and yep, I was right, he used
again. He said he felt so crappy, he just "had" to. I didn't
yell, didn't say I knew it. Just said why? Said, you have now
set yourself back to start all over again.
So, now what should I do? He's coming over tonight and I really
don't know how to react. Do I just act like nothing has
happened? Do I try to talk to him again?
He did say he went to a meeting today...though he didn't go to
his group again. Is it even helpful to go to a meeting when you
are high?
He mentioned to me the other day that when he goes to these
groups or meetings that he feels like his reward should be to go
get high. |
le
grumps |
Re: What can I expect
from my meth addict in outpatient treatment?
Awww, that's a bummer that he
got high again!
I think I am a little late in responding to this, but when you
see him, definitely acknowledge that it did happen, but try to
steer his focus to the future. 10 days is good, and he can go
far past 10 days if he just lets the shitty part of quitting
meth run it's course.
He really reminds me of myself when I was trying to quit.
If he went to a meeting even though he got high, well that can
be a good sign. Anyone is welcome to come to a meeting, even if
they are high. I'm guessing that if he went on his own
motivation, then he is probably feeling some shame because he
used again. Does it seem like he's a little ashamed?
There was a time when I was in "limbo", right before early
recovery. I would quit using, last a few days, then use again.
Through all that time I was going to meetings and an outpatient
program. I wanted to quit, but it was so hard to stick it out
through the withdrawals. But I did stay close to the program,
and eventually I did what I had to do to STAY away from meth.
But yeah, I would go to outpatient, and be so excited about my
"progress" that I would.... go out and use.
But it was so critical that I stuck around anyway, because it
kept real recovery within sight, I just had to move toward it.
Recovery won't meet us halfway.
Let him know that you are sad that he used again. But tell him
to stay close to his meetings, and his outpatient. That they are
the folks who can help him feel better. He just needs to push
himself to keep coming back.
I really hope the best for you. |
luve
piphany |
Re: What can I expect
from my meth addict in outpatient treatment?
grumps, you wrote some of the
most revealing answers to my question as to why the addict
doesn't seem to feel any appreciation whatsoever to those who
love and help him/her. Thank you! Clickmom - I bet that helped a
lot. I'm sorry he used, but yes, if he was planning on going to
another meeting-that is courage in action! He will be taken care
of in meetings-I mean that his guilt and frustration will be
soothed just by being in a room with people he is obviously
feeling a little accountable to. He must feel something for
himself to want to go to a meeting and seek help. Did you say
you had been to meetings with him? If so, then you know that his
fellow addicts / alchies will support him on his path and you can
step back and cheer from the sidelines in your own way.
grumps, you're a hero to me today |
