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Same story, different people - husband using meth


Lubie Same story, different people :(
Hi, My husband and I have a seven year history of me being naive and him being sneaky and very creative in hiding his problem. Long story short, two kids and a few years of mini-hell's later I finally understand what is going on and the more I read the more sense things make. I was so confused about why our relationship was getting so bad, now I get it. I always knew there was something going on, but I thought he was bipolar. We had many conversations about it as a matter of fact. I finally somewhat found out last year that him using meth might be a possibility. I couldn't believe it at the time it was such a horrible thought to me, so I completely dismissed that as his problem, although I thought way in the back of my mind that I would be smart to keep an eye out just in case. A few weeks ago I walked in the laundry room and there was something blocking the door. I moved it out of the way so that I could open the door all the way and there was my husband trying to hide something from me. I asked him what he was doing, still not understanding what I was seeing, and he started babbling some weird gibberish that confused the hell out of me. I was trying to look around him to see what he was doing and he kept blocking my view. I finally saw something covered up with a paper towel and instantly remembered the glass pipes I had found the year before. I decided at that moment the best thing to do was play stupid and walk out of the room, which is what I did.

Since then I have gone through just about every emotion a person can feel. Shock, broken heart, sadness, betrayal, anger, pity you name it. I have told a few people that are close to me who I trust because I am trying to decide what the best course of action is to take on this and I'm trying to make sure beyond a doubt that this is what he is doing. When I confronted him last year after I found those pipes he was adamant that he wasn't doing anything like that and insisted that those were from a long time ago and he never got rid of them. I don't know much about this drug, I'm from the East Coast and never knew anyone who did this before I moved to Colorado.

Since a few weeks ago I have been reading everything I can to make sure this is what he has been doing. He has some of the signs but not all which I understand is possible because everyone reacts differently and it depends on the amounts he's doing.

Let me just say that I can tell immediately when he is altered, it takes one glance in his direction and I can tell it was just that in the past I didn't know it was because of a drug so it would confuse me. Now that I know or am pretty sure anyway, I write down every time I see that look on his face. I suspect he must not be doing a huge quantity of it because he is able to work every day. He forces himself to sleep although I can tell that he's barely sleeping and he can hear everything when he makes himself sleep. He also makes himself eat when he's doing it, but he doesn't eat as much as when he's not doing it.

He has patterns of doing this and has had these patterns for as long as I have known him and we've been together. He seems to vary on the time depending on what's going on but now he is what I call "jiggy" (messing around in the garage and doing his laundry) for about two days and after that he sleeps from the moment he gets home from work until he has to go back again for about three days. Then he has a day or two of being a real pain, like staying in our room all the time being gassy and stinking...omg, nasty too and thinking he's the funniest person in the world. These are the days when he gets mean, yells if people wake him up and goes nuts if our girls are fighting or anything like that and these are the days when he has a hard time sleeping for any length of time, he can only do it in spurts. Then it's back to the jiggy thing and the same pattern over and over. Occasionally he doesn't do it for two weeks, but mostly now it's once a week.

.Gets jiggy for at least two days.
.Sleeps all the time for at least three days.
.Builds weird crap in the garage.
.Fixes things around the house only when he's "jiggy".
.His eyes are dilated sometimes, but not every time.
.Gets very moody when he's crashing.
.Gassy...gawd yuck
.Heartburn after about three days of crashing.
.Picks at his skin, but not enough to leave marks.
.Never hangs out with anyone anymore, has no friends that I ever see.
.Doesn't play the guitar anymore which he used to love to do, was his favorite thing.
.He fells very hot sometimes, like he's on fire on the inside.
.I can feel his heart racing sometimes and even see it beat through his chest when he lays down.
.Eats a ton of candy right after his crashes, anything sweet but especially ropes, twizzlers and that kind of thing.

I know there's more but I can't think of anything else right now. Amway, the reason I'm posting is that I have a friend of mine who I told what I suspect about this and she was over the other day when it was day 1 of jigginess. I said "Look at him, he's high" and she called me yesterday and told me that he didn't look high to her because his eyes weren't dilated. I know he was high, I can always tell and she's right his eyes weren't dilated but they aren't always. I'm not sure why and that confuses me, but I know for sure that he was high on something. For one thing, other than just knowing by his face was the fact that he fixed our camper and he would never do that normally, he would be in bed. His eyes were dilated the next day he was doing it which was yesterday. So I know that the next thing that will happen is that he will come home from work tonight and take a shower and go straight to bed.

Oh, the other thing she said is that his face isn't broken out and they always always have face break outs from the poisons and toxins in the stuff, is this true? Because his face has never been broken out...maybe just one or two zits once in a while that's it. His teeth aren't rotted either, he actually takes very good care of himself in the grooming department.

I hope I'm not rambling here, just trying to find out for sure if this is what he's doing before I confront him because if my suspicions are correct I cannot stay with him unless he gets help, I have children to think of and take care of.

Thanks for reading.  
     Replies...
TnSkye Re: Same story, different people :(
My husband's eyes hardly ever dilated. His skin did not break out. His teeth were rotting, but not that other people can see. He ate and maintained his weight most of the time.

In fact, had you stood the two of us together and were asked which was the tweaker, you'd have picked me.

After I found out just how bad my hubby was and was remembering how long he'd been an addict, he tried harder to hide it.

He would use small amounts during the day, just to make it through the day of work. He would come home and eat a little bit, then crash.

He would wake up sometime during the night and leave. He was never there when we woke up in the mornings. He wasn't living with us at the time, just crashed there every night.

I had left my husband in the mid 90's because of his drug use. This last time, I didn't want to take the easy way out, so I set out to learn about this drug and addiction.

I'm glad I did. This time when I decided to leave, I was completely informed and knew full well what I faced either way.

My advice to you is to keep learning. Knowledge is power.
Lubie Re: Same story, different people :(
Thank you so much for your reply. I just edited mine because I remembered a few more things. I'm pretty sure this is what he's been doing, there are too many similarities and I can't find anything else that has most of the signs that he has other than meth.

After I walked in on him in the laundry room he started to change again. He was getting very moody and accusatory towards me before that. We had started fighting a lot in the last year and every time I would ask him why he thought we were all of a sudden fighting in this way he would say if I weren't such a @#%$ we wouldn't have a problem. This was funny to me since a few years ago he used to tell me all the time that he loved my personality so much because I wasn't a nagger. Since I caught him he's been overly nice to me. He's been going out of his way to make sure that I don't get mad at him and to make me happy. I guess he thinks this will make me less suspicious but he's way wrong on that one.

Anyway, thank you so much for sharing part of your experience with me. It helps to know that I'm not going crazy. I sometimes feel, especially when other people don't seem to see the effects on my husband, that I may be over exaggerating or thinking there are things there when they are not.

I'm quite nervous about confronting him full on since he tries so hard to cover it up. Makes me nervous how he'll react. He's not a violent person normally, but then again I guess I don't really know him as normal like I thought I did.

Thanks again, I really appreciate your input.
Time4
Change
Re: Same story, different people :(
Lubie you just described my husband to a T. The only difference and tell tale sign for me is that his face does break out and welt and he does pick sores on occasion. Other then that I've never noticed dilated eyes. I have a hard time telling if he's high or not.

You've obviously caught him and know what he's doing. The best advice I can give you is to quit looking for signs and second guessing yourself. You'll drive yourself crazy.

Learn all you can and have plan in place before you confront him. You threatening to leave with the kids most likely isn't going to get you the results you want. An addict will do anything to hide the addiction and keep his safe net... you. When backed into a corner and told to give up the addiction they can get really nasty and some get abusive and mean.

Yea you think they'd never hurt you or the kids but then again you didn't think he'd do meth either. Learn, have a plan and be prepared for the worst is the best advice I can give you... Oh yea and don't drive yourself crazy looking for proof that your right to use to persuade him to get help. Nothing you say or do will get him to get help... he'll decide when he's ready. Do what's best for you and the children.

Welcome... sorry your here but rest assured you've found the best place for support, knowledge and help.
TnSkye Re: Same story, different people :(
Sounds a lot like meth to me. My husband has used every drug under the sun and NOTHING makes him act like meth does.

And, yes, you can literally see their hearts beating at times.
Lubie Re: Same story, different people :(
Hi Time,

I know that you're right, it is driving me crazy second guessing myself all the time. It's even harder when the people around me question me because that shakes my resolve. I know in my heart this is what he's doing, it's so hard to face that my life and my children's lives are going to change so drastically in such a short amount of time. Everything I have known with him is a lie and the future I thought we had is suddenly gone. It's devastating. This is the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, it's hard to handle.

But, he picked the wrong person to hide behind because I will not live my life protecting a drug addict. I especially have to think of my children and what is best for them. I am a very independent, strong willed person and I thought he knew that, and I know he knows how I feel about addiction. This has shaken me somewhat, but I know that I can take care of myself and my kids without him and I know that I can move on. I am not a doormat and I am not insecurely thinking that I need him in any way.

I have been working on a plan and saving money since I found him in the laundry room. I felt a strong urgency to do that and after reading your reply I'm very glad that I felt that way.

Confronting him scares me because of how much he tries to hide this, it makes me think that he might be desperate enough to do anything to continue his addiction. I am trying to determine the best way to confront him on this and at what time. I know it will have to be soon, but I need a few more weeks before I will be ready to leave, three...four at the most. Any suggestions or ideas on that would be great.

Thanks again
TnSkye Re: Same story, different people :(
When you confront a meth addict, you can expect:

Him to deny and turn it around to look like YOU have the problem. You may even believe it when he's finished.

Him to admit it and make promises that will be forgotten in the next hour. They know how to turn our hearts to mush over and over again.

Depending on where he is in his cycle, he could become violent.

Knowing what you are dealing with is very important. No matter how well you knew your husband, you can't always predict what the addict in him will do.
Time4
Change
Re: Same story, different people :(
Yes my husband did the overly nice to me... anything and everything to keep me off guard.

I too felt like I was overreacting and blowing things out of proportion. That mind set kept me on the horrible emotional roller coaster for years. The manipulation... blame and guilt that he threw at me kept me down for far too long. I lost a lot of my self-esteem.

Lubie... it's not you.. has nothing to do with you. You're not a bitch and you haven't done anything wrong. Don't second guess yourself or what you gut is telling you.

He's doing drugs... you caught him in the laundry room.

Learn and make some decision based on what is best for you and your children. Don't make any decisions based on wanting or needing a reaction or change in him. Catching him and proving to him that you know what he's doing won't change him.

He's an addict. If he wasn't he wouldn't hide in the laundry room with something in front of the door.
Lubie Re: Same story, different people :(
Hi Tn,

Thanks for the information, I get so nervous about what's going to happen.

I'm trying to determine which cycle has made him the most irritated in the past. Normally I think it's been just after crashing, but he changes all the time so it's hard to say.

He goes ballistic when I tell anyone what he's done. For a few months he had been calling me some nasty names and when he heard me telling one of my friends what he was doing he went nuts. I couldn't believe how crazy he got and you don't even want to know what he called me, I never heard anything so vile or disgusting in my life. I had already told him last year that I was an inch away from leaving him because of his complete disrespect towards me in the last year. So since the laundry room thing he's been trying to change that too. Getting off track here, my point was that you're right I don't know how he'll react to anything and he's already showed me that in the last few months.

Maybe I'd be better off doing it after I leave with the kids. I don't know how that would work though, I'm thinking I'm going to have to tell him before I go. I know one thing for sure, I can't let him think I've told anyone else or he'll have a freakin' fit and if it's anything like that last one it won't be a good thing.
loveman
hate
meth1
Re: Same story, different people :(
Eyes only dilate when they are in a "overdose" state. When they become "chronic" users they don't dilate as often.

The day you stop second guessing yourself is the day you set yourself free from the blame and guilt that he will inevitably try to pile on you. You will be able to move forward.

Your husband sounds like an addict to me. The only thing you left out was any sexual things that happen with meth addicts.

It is a progressive disease and will escalate in time, most likely.

I'm sorry for you. I'm going through the same thing. I'm probably further along in than you because my addict can no longer live with me and my children.

Don't listen when people say they don't look like they are high. No one will know like YOU. YOU know!
loveman
hate
meth1
Re: Same story, different people :(
Also......a meth addicts teeth start to rot at the gum line. Have you looked closely there? They can hide rotting teeth for a while. Sorry

Lubie Re: Same story, different people :(
Hi Love,

Oh yes, he's got some weird sexual things going on. I feel it as a detachment from him, like he treats sex as an experiment and kind of detaches himself and analyzes it...does that make sense? It's hard to explain, but very strange.
Lubie Re: Same story, different people :(
I'm going to have to look closer at his teeth when he gets home. I haven't noticed anything like that, but it's possible that I haven't looked close enough. The other thing I've noticed is that he hardly ever looks me in the eye. The only time he does is when he's high, which I think is weird because I would think it would be the opposite. When he's not high he won't look at me, I have to hold his face to make him look me in the eye. Weird.
Meth
Phobia
Re: Same story, different people :(
Lubie, welcome and I wish this didn't happen to you.

But unfortunately meth is just such a monster and destroys lives all over the world. The steps you have taken so far - coming here, educating yourself, putting yourself and your kids first etc etc all seem to be in the right direction.

I'm quite sure your hubby is on meth....from what you described I went through 99% of that last year. I too was wondering what happened to my marriage and thought it was work stress or the fact that he could be bipolar that was causing all our problems. Until things blew way out of proportion and I discovered that meth was the culprit.

Meth addiction is a progressive disease and if he doesn't quit, things between the 2 of you will just get from bad to worse...and I don't want to sugar coat things here but it could even lead to death.

However, don't let YOU be responsible for his addiction...this is HIS problem and he has to work on it. All you can do is support him emotionally if he shows the resolve the quit.

Recovery is possible but it has to come from him...there is nothing you can say or do to force him there.

I practiced 'tough love' and thankfully, with the help of the people here and God, my husband (recovering freak) is now into Day 80 of recovery. We are still fighting this battle day by day...sometimes even hour by hour...

It is trying for him and in the process it becomes trying for me and the kids as well...

Stay strong and take good care of yourself...you will need all the strength and resolve to deal with what lies ahead.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers...
Lubie Re: Same story, different people :(
Thank you for your post. You're right apparently this stuff is worse than an epidemic. It seems that almost anyone I've talked to about it around here knows someone personally who is or has been addicted to it.

I know he has to get the help when he's ready, but since he tries so hard to cover it up I'm thinking he must not be ready. I have a hard time believing that's the road he will choose at this time, I hope that I am wrong but will definitely not hold my breath on that one.

Congratulations to your husband for quitting! I hope that things work out for you both and that he is successful in his recovery.

It makes me tired to think of what lies ahead. I can only think of one day at a time most of the time lately. Right now my focus has been to work as much as possible and save as much money as I can as quickly as I can.

Thank you again for sharing and being so kind. Good luck with everything!

Hugs, Lubie
Loraura Re: Same story, different people :(
Hi Lubie,

I've written some mini-articles on how meth effects the brain, as well as other meth related topics. You can find them here..

There are links at the bottom of that article to other things I've written up that might be helpful while you learn about meth addiction and what your husband goes thru as a user.
Time4
Change
Re: Same story, different people :(
It's a good idea to check into your legal options. The differences and options your state has as far as legal separation, divorce and child custody. I felt it was important to secure my children.

My husband had hidden major debt from me that I could have been responsible for... even though it wasn't in my name it was still considered marital debt.

My husband reacted much like yours... he freaked on what I was telling to whom. My reason for online support. Going to meetings for me in a small community would set him off cuz it would exposed him for the addict he is.

You may be strong and independent... but it will hurt like he|| and be really tough some days. Lean on anyone and eveyone you can count on. You have to go through all the emotions to get to the other side. It just take time. You can't be strong all the time. Give your self time to feel and heal.

I hope he finds recovery for himself, you and your children. No one deserves to be addicted to this crap!
Lubie Re: Same story, different people :(
Yes, you're right it hurts beyond description every time I think about everything that he's throwing away and how much I love him. I trusted him. I married him and had kids with him, hurting cannot even touch how I feel about all this. I have to remind myself all the time that it's not him I'm looking at anymore, it's so hard to believe because I do see him there sometimes. I'm sure you know what I mean.

I hope he finds recovery too and it's very difficult for me to not be able to help him. He was always such a great guy...funny, helpful, humanitarian, always the first to jump in and help someone. It's such a waste. He's now an egomaniac who thinks no one else can do anything as well as he can.

I'm very happy that I am strong and independent, I can see how easy it would be to get sucked into his game and how much harder it would be for me to leave if I weren't. That's why I'm surprised that he chose to be with someone like me, I would think he would look for someone who would stay with him and help him cover up his problem. I have a lot of people around me that will help me, especially at my church. A few of them are psychologists and drug counselors and they're wonderfully supportive. I think my close friends have a harder time with it because I've been so emotional and they're not sure how to deal with that from me.

Thank you for your advice, it is very sound and I appreciate it.
loveman
hate
meth1
Re: Same story, different people :(
My addict became extremely selfish with sex. I almost think he preferred to masturbate at times rather than have to take care of me. He tried things he said he would never try. It was all about him and his satisfaction.

Also, about his not looking you in the eyes...My addict told me that when he is high he obsesses about whether or not people can tell he is high. Everyone he sees he thinks this. That might keep him from looking you in the eye.

I also know how exhausting his addiction can be for you. I think my BFs addiction has aged ME terribly. too much stress. Take care of yourself...its the most important thing you can do.
Tender
Heart77
Re: Same story, different people :(
Welcome Lubie! You have come to the right place for support. Many many wonderful people here.

In short my dad is a meth addict and the man I live with and love is also a addict.

Sounds like to me he has all the signs. Your friend is wrong when she said there face always breaks out. Not mine. He never breaks out or picks. His complexion is better than mine. Very good looking man...Although I see picture over the last few years and he has aged. His teeth from initial appearance are good. But have him open up wide and you will see in the back his teeth are getting bad. Just not made it to the front yet... Mine has held down a job so far. Works, eats and sleeps majority of the time. But is very very much addicted. He has the mood swings. He is mean one minute and loves you the next, sleep pattern much like yours. The eye what I notice more not the dilation is when he looks at me it is like he is looking thru me not at me. His eyes look dark and hollow. Don't know if that make sense. But they sparkle when he is not using and the color comes back not all dark and gloomy...

The sex thing. Well that is just it sex.. No emotions. Just sex and very selfish at that. He loves porn. Just really no connection anymore.

Oh in the beginning he would lie about his using. Now well after tons and tons of fight and eventually learning how to communicate and when to talk to him. He admits it and does not lie about it majority of the time. All I have to do is ask even when I know and he will usually tell me. He admits to having a problem but not willing to get help with it. Not yet. Now it took us two years to get to the point of actually talking and not yelling and screaming at each other..

Everyone is right he will progress. Mine has. Getting worse day by day. You sound like a very strong willed person with confidence. Not like me. Which is good you will need that attitude. I have to find that strength don't left him take that from you and stripe you of it. I have allowed it and now it is harder to get back out of that hole. Take care and stay here it helps. Again welcome we are all here for you....T  
Lubie Re: Same story, different people :(
Omg, T that's terrible! I'm so sorry to hear this, your dad and BF? I should feel grateful for only having one, if a person can feel that for anything related to this issue.

Do you think that's why he's with someone like me? To get my strength? It's possible. I think maybe he secretly wanted to get caught because he knew what my reaction would be, but maybe since it took me so long to figure out what he's been doing it could be too late for that. I do feel pretty stupid that it took this long, but will not allow myself to be here for one minute longer than I have to. I can't believe how hard this is though, it's the hardest thing I have ever had to face so far. I'm sorry for you and everyone else here who has had to deal with this, it's so extremely difficult. Kind of like when you hear people say I never thought it could happen to me type of thing, it's pretty shocking to me.

It sounds like it's hard for you to deal with, I'm very happy you found this place for support! Thanks for the post, you are all helping me more than you know. It helps to know that I'm not alone and gives me much more resolve in knowing that the decisions I have to make are not for nothing and not made in haste.

Thank you all very much!

See also:

Do people use crystal meth at the same time everyday?

Trusting Crystal Meth Users


Back to Crystal Meth & Methamphetamine Questions, Answers & Advice


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