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If you found some Meth, what would you do?
Meth
Phobia |
If you found some Meth,
what would you do?
Hello all...
Sadly the amount of relapses here on the board the past couple
of weeks, coupled with a whole bunch of others who keep having
thoughts of using have been somewhat discouraging to me
I have a question for those who have just started on their
recovery, those who have been in recovery for any number of
years or decades and those who have been in and out of
recovery...
Question: If you were offered or found some meth now,
what would you do...honestly???
I would especially like to hear from those who can say a FIRM
NO!
How did you arrive at that level of determination?...What did
you say to yourself and what thoughts ran through your mind to
give you the strength to say no.
I feel that the ultimate test is being able to say NO when you
have it right in front of you (not that you go looking for it
intentionally of course)
It is possible and so much easier to fight this when you keep
yourself away from it...But there is always this possibility
that you might accidentally have it right in your face - then
what???
Any thoughts will be much appreciated...the pulling power of
this drug is just immense and so scary!!! |
| Replies... |
| Sfj |
Re: If you found some Meth, what would you do?
FIRMLY: NO !
I have found a bag on the ground a few times since getting
clean.
Once, it was a pretty fair amount. My guess is about eighty
dollars worth, in the parking lot across the street from my
house. I gave the whole bag to my rehab counselor.
Another time, about a quarter gram. I threw it away.
A few months after graduation from rehab, I was visiting a
friend who went through the program with me. He lit up a meth
pipe and after he took a few hits, he handed it to me. I said,
"No thanks."
Seriously, I was not the least bit tempted.
I'm not going through this again. EVER. |
imlost
inky |
Re: If you found some Meth, what would you do?
Quote:
But there is always this possibility
that you might accidentally have it right in your face -
then what???
I can answer this because I have had it
in my face.
My husband returned to using after 8 years clean- offered it to
me more than once- even went so far to drop some in my coffee a
couple times .
Yes, K, he did .
He did it in front of our middle son who was 16 at the time,
laughing while he did it saying I bet Mom cleans the house now.
No, Mom didn't. It made me so very very sick, I spent the
day in the bathroom could not leave the toilet. The first time
it happened, I just thought it was a virus.
The second time I said from now on I will get my own coffee.
It never happened again. I know for a fact I will turn it down
because I have.
I know for a fact I have no desire for meth or it's hell.
I know what I will do because I have done it.
Quote:
How did you arrive at that level of
determination?
Honesty, brutal honesty- nothing but
honesty. No lies, no sugar coating, deep soul searching, a lot
of fixing, and a lot of honesty.
Things I was ashamed to admit even to myself.
For me,11 years clean, it is easy to say no too. I just can't
get past the shame to do it again. And I am not so sure I never
want to get past that shame.
It keeps me strong.
Yes my husband has turned it down since he got clean - many
times.
Only he knows if he is a firm no - or a no and run like hell.
I know what he says- he says it is a firm no.
Hard for me to believe that when he is still drinking. |
Nyte
Passion |
Re: If you found some Meth, what would you do?
Personally, I would be pissed off about it ..
and tell the person offering to go fk themselves .. with a never
mind if you're using meth you're already fked. Then I would
proceed to tell them the painful reality of continued use.
I don't play when it comes to meth .. and anyone who knows me ..
knows I speak my mind .. with blunt force.
I am 100% completely turned off to meth .. wouldn't do it if it
was handed to me on a silver platter .. I detest it .. and I
like it like that |
chris
gonz |
Re: If you found some Meth, what would you do?
I would be insulted.
After ALL I've been through. How dare you!!!
That would definitely be someone I'd never want to see again.
ICK!! |
no more
mething
around |
Re: If you found some Meth, what would you do?
It
happens, where it is right in front of us and we have to make a
choice....
I wrote about this just last week, my coping mechanism for
triggers. Danimal pointed out the HALT thing, hungry, angry,
lonely, tired. I was definitely 2 of those things when I got
triggered last week. Walked in to a houseful of tweaking people.
Wanted some myself....the energy, anyway. Not necessarily the
drug.
I take myself, in my mind , through the WHOLE process, including
the feelings that go with it. About halfway through, I don't
want it anymore.
When I get to stinky and sweaty and bug eyed and coming
down...lying, hiding, shame, and depression...my fantasy of
doing "just a little" is over.
I'll settle for a Starbucks. Frappachino...chocolate mint
flavor.
Now THAT sounds GOOD.
I use visual techniques for all my issues, really. Who I want to
be...acting "as if"...behaving my way to habits I want to
include in my life.
Self respect, the realization that what you ARE affects the
people you have either created or incorporated in your life. I
am needed by these people I live with. My actions are not
without consequence.
I must behave in a way I can be proud of, and that my kids can
look to for positive influence.
I'm not proud of what I did in the past while addicted to meth,
when it was my sole focus. But I can be proud of the way I've
come out of it and have the attitude of gratitude for who I am
now.
So, to answer your question....NO....I wouldn't do it.
Today I'm not going to use, and neither are you. Tomorrow, I
don't plan to use, either. Yesterday I didn't use, so that gives
me almost 14 months totally clean. July 17 will be 10 yrs out of
the life of meth for me. I just still had those sporadic one
night stands with it.
I didn't do my technique until last year, when I went to
counseling and learned how to do it.
It works for me. |
angie
Ncali |
Re: If you found some Meth, what would you do?
I can Say a FIRM No.
What I would do - Is probably a little nervous laughter - like
when you see an Old EX friend .... and I would flush it.
Period.
I have No desire. THANK GOD. |
angie
Ncali |
Re: If you found some Meth, what would you do?
How did I arrive at the level of
determination - it happened all on its own - over a matter of
time ... through working the steps .... and building a solid
foundation ONE DAY at a time. No forcing it or willing it ... Or
swearing off ....
God has a sense of Humor .....
My first year sober I was surrounded by recovery - I pretty much
ate, drank, slept, danced, laughed, etc etc etc recovery ...
with recovery people, at recovery places ...
And for whatever reason - I hadn't had any brushes with anyone
having any on them ... or didn't find any - I was pretty
sheltered .... I did see a guy in broad daylight at the bus stop
..... shoving some speed/coke up his nose
for the whole world to see .... But other then that Nothing
.....
And then to the exact day --- wham the weekend of my sobriety
Birthday - my 1 year clean date ....
I have to up and leave my safety net and go a state away for my
aunts funeral .... She was a Diabetic --- I LOVED THE
NEEDLE..... She had tons of them ,..... tons.
If I were gonna use - or had the desire -- I would have stock
piled those needles away in my suitcase to save for LATER ----
But I didn't.
the minute the Clock Struck Midnight on 11/16 2003 my Sobriety
B-day .... I was in an apartment with my family who were all
sitting around getting drunk and taking trips to the garage to
smoke Pot ....
Alcohol, Pot & Needles OH MY .....
I just looked up to God and Laughed .....
And Thanked him ....
The old me would NOT NOT BEEN ABLE TO DO THAT.
Since then I have also found the baggie on the street ... I have
searched girls belongs coming into detox and found pipes and
dope etc etc etc .....
Flushed it and broken the accessories.
Again Thank God !!!!! |
daniml
55 |
Re: If you found some Meth, what would you do?
I was asked to identify a meth pipe
recently....
loaded with meth!!
It took about 3 seconds to break down into a sobbing mess,
so I think that's a NO!
I had just made a sick joke about there being a hit for me in it
only to be overwhelmed by grief that a very dear family member
was smoking the shyt.
This addict can't afford to live with a shadow of doubt, ANY
loose pegs in my thinking are a relapse waiting to happen.
Again! identifying triggers & MANAGING triggers are essential
tools that we NEED to learn about... and APPLY! if we hope to
stay ahead of that demonbastard drug.
So get hip! "What if" needs to be answered before it happens.
When we know that we don't know, then we know.......
we're going to fuk up! |
no more
mething
around |
Re: If you found some Meth, what would you do?
Wow, Angie, that took.....balls....to sit
through all that. *bows to Angie*...
You constantly give me reasons to be in awe.
Danimal !! A fully loaded pipe??
Good God. Also bows to the Danimal!!
I love you guys. |
Meth
Phobia |
Re: If you found some Meth, what would you do?
Bows and kudos to all of you who managed to
fight it when faced with the enemy right in your face!
I've not been there before but I'm sure it takes more than sheer
courage, determination and strength...to be able to say a firm
NO!
But from the responses so far, it seems to me that the refrain
and ability to say no comes a lot from negative
reinforcement...be it fear, anger, shame, remorse,
sadness or guilt...
And not everyone responds well to negative reinforcement..
So is there some sort of positive reinforcement that addicts can work on to help them fight this battle with
equal strength?
Sorry to keep probing |
imlost
inky |
Re: If you found some Meth, what would you do?
Negative reinforcement from within-
Positive reinforcement from out.
That to me is the key.
Of course I do feel positive about myself most days- not all but
most.
But mainly it is the negative feel of meth for me that works
best.
It comes from inside K.
I got a glimpse - a blur of what I was on meth- the person I was
if you want to call it that- I didn't like what I saw.
I never want that view of me again.
It isn't me, it isn't who I am, it isn't what I want for myself.
Family support is nice, Friend support is nice-
but ultimately K, it is what is inside of me.
I don't ever want to be that way again.
I don't want to long for any substance ever again- to the point
I would have sold my soul to get a hit.
I don't want to be that way. It isn't me. |
angie
Ncali |
Re: If you found some Meth, what would you do?
Quote:
negative reinforcement...be it fear,
anger, shame, remorse, sadness or guilt...
I don't know - My take on this is a little
different
I DO NOT consider it negative reinforcement what So ever.
Yeah of course there is some fear ... a lot ... But it isn't the
driving force behind why I didn't use, or could say no ... Would
there be Guilt if I used ... You Better believe it - again Not
negative reinforcement ... Not in the slightest bit. shame
remorse , sadness - yup they would all definitely be there
should I choose to use .... But not one bit of that is Negative
Reinforcement ...
I think it is finally having a healthy conscience being much
more in tune with right from wrong - finally having some feeling
of good and self worth with in me .... and to go backwards and
give into what had robbed me from all of that - OHHHHHHHH that
would Kill me.
but The reasons I didn't use .... The Driving Force behind me
being able to say no .... Is because I can see clearly now. And
being out of that delusion I lived in for so Long is BEAUTIFUL
TO ME .... It is a Gift .... I can see How GOOD my Life Is today
- I Know I am GOOD Person today - and I know who I am - I like
myself ..... when I look at dope or have a choice to do some
.... whatever - what I see .... is myself letting go of me again
.... and my freedom is much to precious today ...... I am happy
... and I know happiness will never come in a bag, needle,
bottle, pipe capsule or anything of the sort .... I AM CLEAR ON
THAT.
Just Like I am the Sky is Blue - and I need Air to breathe......
I am very clear of where using takes me.
That is not negative reinforcement Just facts.
And I am in Complete Acceptance of that.
To me it is all positive ..........
All Except my Drug Tests
MethPhobia - If you mean by positive
reinforcement - someone sitting there rooting you on ... telling
you can do it .... telling you they love you and believe in you
. etc etc etc - Of course That is Great too .... But will it
give you the need strength to say No ....
Absolutely Not !!!! Maybe for the time being - but will you stay
stopped on that and that alone No. I need a Spiritual makeover
and My power or strength comes from a relationship with my
higher power (God)
My spirit had been eaten away bit by bit - day by day over all
the years -- that it was chewed down to nothing ....
I had to straighten out my spirit and my mind and body just
seemed to follow......... |
still
catest |
Re: If you found some Meth, what would you do?
I wasn't gonna answer this question...but...
RIGHT AT THIS VERY MINUTE IN TIME...HERE AT WORK...I would panic
and dump it in the trash can under my desk. Probably not the
wisest of answers, but that's what I'd do. Then I'd probably tie
up the trash bag and dump it in the large trash bin in one of
our casting rooms. Then I'd frantically call/text people and
probably go see my best recovery friend downstairs and make him
stand outside with me while I had a cigarette and rambled about
it. And he would smile and nod his head...or space me out
completely...
I can create the whole day around an imaginary and nearly
impossible (NOTHING is impossible, but...) scenario.
But I wouldn't use it. TODAY. That's all I can know for sure.
AND I wouldn't WANT to use it today.
*shudders*
|
imnot
saying |
Re: If you found some Meth, what would you do?
When people relapse...its
because they want to.
Using or not using is a choice. it is that simple.
I don't want to use anymore.....so I don't.
A lot of people hide behind the term " addiction "
Take responsibility for your actions.....stop hiding behind a
word...either stay clean or don't. Its a simple decision.
|
| Sfj |
Re: If you found some Meth, what would you do?
To: imnotsaying,
You make it look pretty easy, pretty simple and uncomplicated.
Have you ever been an addict?
Have you ever been a cigarette smoker?
Have you ever been an over-eater?
Are you totally in control of all your behaviors?
Is your self-discipline without compromise?
Have you walked on water?
|
danimal
55 |
Re: If you found some Meth, what would you do?
"simple decision" ??
Maybe for some, maybe not for others.
Have a look at some brain scan images of meth users...ATE
UP!.....
Severely damaged brains that are conditioned to function ONLY
with meth, tell those addicts how "simple" it is to just
"decide".
And "stop hiding" behind your ignorance.
|
Savannah
05 |
Re: If you found some Meth, what would you do?
Quote:
Question: If you were offered or
found some meth now, what would you do...honestly???
Why not ask those who couldn't say no to
it why they couldn't and why they would waste their clean time,
that way we can get to the root of all the relapses?????
I am one that I am not sure if I would be able to say no because
fortunately for me I have only been offered it once since
deciding to get clean and I did relapse.
Would I now after a year clean say "Yes hand over the fricken
pipe and lets get high!"......maybe. I am not totally sure what
I would do. So what I do is before I get close enough to someone
who might feel comfortable offering me it I tell people I am a
"RECOVERING" addict and that I NEVER intend to get high again.
Granted that doesn't mean they wont offer, but I do not get
myself personally involved with someone who is the least bit
suspicious that way I do not have to be in that situation.
I know I can not always keep myself safe from it. I once found a
baggie of sh!t when I was walking down the road and boy was I
happy cause I was crashing hard. Sometimes I feel disgusted just
by the very thought of the drugs...sometimes I want it so bad I
taste it, smell it, and even will feel that rush...but just for
a moment.
So I am not one who could give a firm NO. Maybe that means I
don't want recovery as much as others or that I am weak....but
that drug lied to me and it lied good. I can still feel it's
fingers around my throat.
Lets just hope if it ever gets offered to me again that I will
have the strength and courage to give a "Firm No".
|
nineyears
clean |
Re: If you found some Meth, what would you do?
WITHOUT A DOUBT, NO QUESTION ABOUT
IT, ABSOLUTELY NO!!!!
Is that firm enough?
Quote:
How did you arrive at that level of
determination?...
Why in God's name would I want to go back
to that hideous lifestyle? Why would I even want to re-visit it?
That lifestyle destroyed so much that was good in my life, not
to mention the 13 years I can never have back.
I smelled meth on someone's breath a couple of months ago. She
was obviously spun, and her breath was a combination of beer and
meth. After just a minute or two of that, I literally had to run
to the bathroom in order to make it just in time to the toilet,
where I promptly threw up everything I had eaten that day.
Quote:
But there is always this possibility
that you might accidentally have it right in your face -
then what???
Then, I'll turn in the opposite direction
and run like hell and never look back, as I should have done the
very first time it was right in my face.
That's how it is for me.
I have NO fond memories of meth. None whatsoever.
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