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Did you, as a meth addict, mean to take advantage of your family?

JUSTCATS

A Question for Meth Addicts

I am still trying to come to terms, with my ex-fiancé / addicts meth addiction. I understand the addiction, more since coming to this site, but I am wondering about other things.
My question is this: When you were high or jonesin' really badly, did you "knowingly" set out to "take advantage" of someone close to you, to get money for more meth, or were you so "messed up mentally," that you had no idea that you were about to screw over a family member or spouse?
I know that you can only answer, as it related to you, but this has been eating at me for awhile. I have been wondering, if my ex-fiancé, Greg, "knowingly" tried to take advantage of me with, lies to get more meth or if he was in a "mental fog", not knowing what he was doing?

He described his mind, as being in a "mental fog" back then, and I have heard someone else describe being on meth the same way- exactly what is your thought process like, while using? I thought it would make your mind race... I didn't think you would be in a fog...

I am trying to understand what he did, and why he did it, so I can let go of the anger and move on...

forget suzette

Re: A Question for Meth Addicts

it's a caveman fight or flight primitive impulse...

.....me need meth

me + meth= NO PAIN

I gotta get it.
I gotta get it.
I gotta get it.

there's a way...
...............I'll pay them back later!

imlostinky

Re: A Question for Meth Addicts

Quote:

I'll pay them back later!

Absolutely positively you betcha.

Except later never comes.

nineyearsclean

Re: A Question for Meth Addicts

Yep. Exactly what Suz said.

There is nothing more important than knowing where your next line, hit, whatever, is. Nothing at that moment in time.

Later, you'll pay the money back, or you'll make it right somehow, because you really need this and you're not a bad person, just really desperate for more dope.

You justify everything that feeds your addiction, even though you know in your heart of hearts that what you are doing is wrong, wrong, wrong.

You need the dope; you do what you gotta do to get it. And all the while you are telling yourself that you will deal with the messes you made in order to get it, after you get it.

Get it?
l

Penel0pe

Re: A Question for Meth Addicts

It's all about the dope. It's not about anything more than getting another bag, come hell or high water.

I wish more people would put as much effort into their recovery as they put into getting another bag....

forget suzette

Re: A Question for Meth Addicts

ANYTHING.
.....we could have had whatever we wanted.
we wanted meth.

if we'd only put all that effort into ANYTHING else with as much passion..
....we could have had something worth all that bullshit.

Kellhappy

Re: A Question for Meth Addicts

yup, i agree with the others...i used to start getting nervous and upset when my bag was getting low, and tried to get more before running out. nothing was more important than getting more dope. sometimes i felt badly about what i did, but it didn't really matter once i got more drugs. in my experience, there isn't much of what people consider your conscience involved. meth leads to sick, sick behavior. even if i knew i was doing something terrible, it didn't matter. it's horrifying to look back on sometimes. on the other hand, it is good to know i don't have to go back to that ever again.

JUSTCATS

Re: A Question for Meth Addicts

Thanks for all of your replies. I guess, in the back of my mind, I knew that meth was the most important thing for him at that time. It's too bad that he didn't have that much determination, to get clean.

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