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I quit meth, now what?


iquit I quit meth, now what?

I quit using on November 13. I have banished this drug from my life but my wife doesn't believe me. I know I did this to myself, but it feels terrible to have her looking at me funny every time something seems even the smallest bit off kilter. I used on and off for over a year but I have decided this is not what I want to be remembered for, so I quit. Pure and simple.
Well, the first week was fine but now she thinks I am lying all the time again. About stuff that doesn't even matter. I know she is having a hard time trusting me but what can I do to help?
She wants me to take drug tests when she deemd they are needed but I find this offensive and unfair. I agreed to take them but even this hasn't made her believe me. She thinks I am just one big ball of lies.
I know I shot myself in the foot here by lying so much before. But now I am clean and would think she could give me the benefit of the doubt. But no. She won't.
I understand where she is comming from, but I don't think she understands that I really am done with meth. I don't even want it anymore. I would much rather have her and I know I can't have my cake and eat it too.
Will she ever believe me or will it always be like this?

     Replies...
TnSkye Re: I quit meth, now what?

It takes a very long time to trust someone and that trust can be broken in a half a second.

Actions speak louder than words so stop TELLING her and keep trying to SHOW her.

Find some program that fits you and spend your time in recovery. Learn about life after you quit. Tell her to go to meetings, tell her to come here.

I know where she's coming from. I am that wife too. If my husband did quit, it would take me a long, long time to trust him again.

By the way, did I say WELCOME?!! Welcome! Keep coming here and sharing with us. As I said, bring your wife along on this journey as there is much for her to learn as well.

bush
baby
1979

Re: I quit meth, now what?

I beleived my husband the first time he told me he quit. He had total trust back. I never questioned him when he did something.
Then something happened and he started using again about a year ago. The lies came. Now I am back to square one. Except he hurt me worse this time because I feel dumb for trusting him in the first place.
I beleive he could gain that trust but now its going to take alot more than "baby, I quit, I promise". He has to really show me actions not words. I don't believe words anymore.

sickand
tired77
Re: I quit meth, now what?

I think your wife will re-gain the trust she lost... But it will take time!

You didn't become entwined with meth overnight. The lies you refer to have probably been scattered out over the entire course of your using. Right?
So if you (like most users) lied about your use, what recovery does she have to base your promises on this go round?
I am in a similar situation & just want to tell you that trust is a thing you earn... not a thing you are entitled to.

I think as time goes by & if you continue not using, that she will grow to trust you again. She will!
But you need to understand where she is coming from. She doesn't have a lot to base your sobriety on just yet.
Good luck!

nine
years
clean
Re: I quit meth, now what?

Hello iquit, and Congratulations on getting clean. The trick now is to stay clean, and you can't do that by just abstaining.

Why not hit some NA meetings? Believe me, you'll learn alot about what to do when those thoughts of doing it "just once more" happen, and they will happen.

The other thing is, trust takes time, especially trust that has been broken or damaged. That kind takes even longer. Be patient with her. Also, you know I was so damned proud of myself after I got clean and stayed clean, I would have pissed in anything for anybody, because I was so damned proud of myself.

What's the big deal on testing for her? If it makes her feel better, isn't that what you want? For her to feel like she can trust you again.

Well you're going to have to earn that trust back, and maybe humoring her by testing is the way to do it.

Again, I'm glad you decided not to live your life, or die actually, with meth in it. You're a smart guy.

Penelope Re: I quit meth, now what?

I personally don't think trust is something that should just be given back - but I do think you can EARN her trust back by continuing to be honest and SHOWING her you are honest instead of just telling her you are honest.

Give it some time.

forget
suzette
Re: I quit meth, now what?

yes, it will be like this so long, you'll think it's forever.

trust is like a glass ball floating above you.

if it is shattered by either lack of belief or betrayal
it can take years to repair it.

my advice is ...learn from it.

the relationships you have, that you care about, treat them carefully and respectfully.

I don't think it's fair to either of you to be together.

you are honestly trying and still being accused.
......eventually you'll snap, and actually do it
because you are getting grief for doing it.
so....why not?

she has been lied to, she has reason to belive you might be lying.

if it means alot to you to save this relationship.
...take a break for a few months.
you dry out, and heal
....... and let her cool off.

that's all I have for you.

Guene Re: I quit meth, now what?

It will take time and trust is gained by time. Just hang in there, she had to go through alot with you so now your just going to have to prove to her that you have changed.

danimal
55
Re: I quit meth, now what?

I "quit" too.....countless times, with many clean months between relapses.
Now what? If you're like the rest of us, you'll try and whiteknuckle your way through this, and like the rest of us...you'll likely relapse repeatedly...until you're actively involved in a DAILY ritual of recovery.
My pride, ego, and arrogance were huge hurdles for me in early recovery as I deluded myself with solem vows and "sincere" promises to others. Too many times I showed up at IOP groups declaring "I'm heeeeeaaaallled...I have seeeeen the light!"...only to find myself slamming meth later that day.
Of course your wife has little faith in your words, this is EARLY abstinence/recovery..for both of you.
Expecting your wife to spontaneously recover from what she's been through is unrealistic, not unlike your spontaneous "recovery" from meth addiction.
Stick around here, the answers you both need are here, and you'll soon realize how much alike we all are, and besides...who wants to be "terminally unique"?
Your wife needs to see something more tangible than "I quit", but more importantly...you owe it to yourself to reinforce your intent and get involved in recovery, 12 Step,i.e. NA/AA for example. You, your family, and the world around you stand to benefit greatly, and trust me...our addictions "are but a symptom".

tom
ripped
Re: I quit meth, now what?

Quote:


but it feels terrible to have her looking at me funny every time something seems even the smallest bit off kilter.


That's because for the last 12 months you have been irritable, abusive and have probably even lied your arse off to her, living with a meth user/addict is hell, it's even harder when they are hiding it from you.
Quote:


I know she is having a hard time trusting me but what can I do to help?


Stay off the meth and be a decent person, your partner wants to trust you again or she wouldn't be giving you the time of day, but as others have mentioned you are going to have to earn it the hard way and over a long time.
Quote:


She wants me to take drug tests when she deemd they are needed but I find this offensive and unfair. I agreed to take them but even this hasn't made her believe me.


You were using for 12 months, you have been off for less than one (not including the times you fell off the wagon), stay off it for twelve months and stick with the tests and you may begin to get somewhere, your partner went through hell and is now giving you a chance to prove yourself, she must really love you. It's time for you to make a choice mate, happiness with your partner or death with meth.

Don't blow it, this could be the last chance you have for a truly happy life.


See also:

Help! I need to Drug Test my spouse

Quitting Crystal Meth / Methamphetamine

Quitting Meth: Things to think about

How do you know your ready to quit Meth?


Back to Crystal Meth & Methamphetamine Questions, Answers & Advice


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