KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Visiting an addict without 'triggering' meth usage

sumgirl	How do visit an addict without triggering meth usage? I need some advice, I've been clean for 5 months and my friend recently called from his halfway house and wants to "get coffee and catch up". He's an addict and was for an incredibly long time. We used together once in awhile, but nothing serious. Our friendship was always more important than meth. (Funny b/c that's how we met, through a 'connection') I know he's having a really hard time in rehab but that he's doing really good. I haven't spoken to him in a couple of days, but promised we'd talk soon. I really want to see him and support his progress, as I am his only friend that is supporting him through this...he does have his family, but there's definitely rebuilding going on there. My question is: how do I visit him, without 'triggering' him? How do I encourage him to stay clean, can we talk about the past? What are the rules? Please help...b/c I'm a little unsure of how to handle this!
Replies...
Loraura	Re: How do visit an addict without triggering meth usage? I'm sure he would appreciate a visit. It gets pretty lonely when you have to cut off all your using friends. I'm sure he would appreciate just a regular old conversation about life. Things like how you're doing, any good movies you've seen lately, things going on in the news, etc. Ask him how he's doing, what his favorite new thing he's learned is, what are his future plans. Help him remember that there is plenty to talk about, without returning to the subject of using.
Just Ol Ma	Re: How do visit an addict without triggering meth usage? Maybe asking your sponsor to come along to give you a little confidence? I think maybe keeping a visit short might be helpful, schedule an hour or so for it. Maybe avoid conversation that triggers you, since you did use a few times together, it may be that you both would have the same triggers in some things. Remember your own program and use it, hon.
danimal 55	Re: How do visit an addict without triggering meth usage? Trying to help other addicts in early recovery can be VERY dangerous, it was for me. The addict I tried to "help" the most is dead now and was the last connection I made as well. Step 12, helping other addicts, is best saved for later after we've worked the first 11 steps. Not to say avoid this person entirely, but be cautious, two addicts together can result in a spontaneous relapse for both, cunning, baffling, and powerful unseen forces and the power of suggestion can do us in VERY quickly. Avoid war stories and focus on recovery if you want to encourage this person, we all need encouragement. Twice I had 4 months of clean time before getting too close to other users and relapsing I suggest "helping" at a safe distance form others addicts.
imlost inky	Re: How do visit an addict without triggering meth usage? Dan has some very valid points there ,Sumgirl, especially as you are still having days that it is a battle for yourself. Perhaps those visits should be in public for the time being- take him up on the cup of coffee offer. But be wary if the topic should turn to using - instead focus on what helps keep you strong in your recovery. Recognize in yourself those days when you might not be feeling as strong as you had been - those days reach for your support rather than be a support. Be honest about that with your friend. You can teach him just as much if not more by letting him know you do have weaker moments and this is what you do to gather your strength back. I do think at this point , it would be best to encourage your friend to set up other sources of support as you are still early in your recovery.
Hemet chik	Re: How do visit an addict without triggering meth usage? I like ma suggestion, bring your sponsor, someone safe. This is a sign as to your stand on this addiction. You don't take it lightly and that way, if by chance, he had the wrong idea...problem solved. I tend to be untrusting, almost with everything Some of my old friends tried to visit with me when I was home in cali a couple of months ago, I told them all on the phone I was clean and guess what not ONE of them called me when I actually was there. be careful and remember you come first, with time comes wisdom.
sumgirl	Re: How do visit an addict without triggering meth usage? Thanks for all of your advice! I think I'll just keep talking to him on the phone for now, he understands that I'm battling just like he is I have some news to tell him though: I haven't told him about the baby OR getting married...I'm worried that telling him could send him into a relapse, or encourage it...making him feel like "my only clean friend is abandoning me"...any advice for this?
Loraura	Re: How do visit an addict without triggering meth usage? An addict looking to relapse will use ANYTHING as an excuse. One of the things he has to learn to do is handle emotions without turning to drugs. It's OK for him to be happy and/or sad. He has to be able to handle both!