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Methamphetamine: Stories
and Letters of the Hidden Costs
Addict at moment of conception
I came across your web site
while doing some research on meth addiction. As I begin to read the letters from
various people it was like reading bits and pieces of my own life. I too got
involved with meth and even though it was for a very brief time, thank God, it
almost completely destroyed me. I’ve never seen a drug so evil and so utterly
destructive as meth. If I started at the beginning of my life’s story this
letter would be way too long. So I will just share what my experience has been
since I got involved with meth. It didn’t take me long to go down hill fast. I
skipped the elementary ways of doing it and went straight to shooting it. From
the very first time I knew that I was hooked. I loved it. Nothing ever made me
feel the way meth did. And I had even been on morphine for over a year. After
trying meth morphine no longer held a hold on me. I had once said that
READ THIS PLEASE Meth Set up
My Love Letter My story...and theirs hi, my name is stacey and i
am 18. i don't know where to begin. i guess when i tried meth the first time i
just said...oh i just want to try it once. see, where i grew up is pretty much
right in the meth capital of the state i live in, just out in the middle of
nowhere...but it's everywhere...the devil owns that county. so i tried it, and
the next day my skin was crawling real bad and i was like, i'm never going to
try this again, i don't like this feeling.... drugs
Meth and drug programs
Sorry Meth Story price of meth in alaska
Dear Keith
Meth is amazing! You cant
believe the amount of work you can accomplish; how organized and focused your
mind seems to operate. How amazing you are in bed. And it only takes a tiny bit!
And it's cheap! Break The Cycle It isn't too late to save
your dream. Email letters to kcimeth@yahoo.com All submissions become the property of the KCI The Anti-Meth Site. The KCI The Anti-Meth Site reserves the right to reject any submission. The
reader should be aware that the KCI The Anti-Meth Site is not responsible for the content of
any submission. Editing changes for clarity, spelling and readability is for the benefit
of the readers. Some stories may be graphic. HOME
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Email letters to
kcimeth@yahoo.com
Problems with Meth
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My boyfriend and I have known
each other for a little over six years, but only became involved almost a year
ago. Way back in 2000, while I was busy being pregnant, he got heavily involved
in the meth world and we went our own ways. I refused to be around that element
while he'd been successfully sucked in. I had always felt close to him, so this
was greatly disappointing to me, but I forced myself to concentrate on the road
I had created. I had a baby to take care of. But apparently, my friendship never
drifted from his mind. Every once in a while, he'd drop by my house (I was
living with my dad) and hang out, or sleep. I had no idea at the time, but he
was coming down pretty hard from a meth binge and needed a place to crash. Being
the sympathetic person I am, I gladly welcomed him with open arms and was
actually glad to have his company. Most of my friends had followed suit and dove
into meth, even my best friend/cousin who I never saw anymore, so I really had
no friends. So, this trend of him appearing and then disappearing continued
until I literally ran into him at a job I had last year. He had just gotten out
of jail and was on his way to rehab, but was picking up a tape recorder for
writing. I was excited to see him (it'd been 2 years since the last time we'd
seen one another), and glad he'd been clean and was trying to help himself. I
gave him my cell phone number and told him to call me when he could. We kept in
contact and after rehab, we were talking to each other every day and night. One
day I asked him if he wanted to move in because he mentioned he was thinking of
moving out of his mom's and he jumped on my suggestion. I was happy, but for
more than one reason. He and I had been involved sexually one time back before
my pregnancy and I was looking forward to see if it would continue. He moved in
and things seemed pretty nice. He had cute habits and a goofy sense of humor
which I hadn't had the opportunity to see before. But after an old buddy of his
entered the picture, he was suddenly out all night, lying to me and bragging
about going to strip clubs. I admit, we weren't officially
"girlfriend/boyfriend", but we were sleeping together and I was hurt by this. I
tried to keep my feelings hidden about this, but then he admitted to me that
he'd had a relapse on "dope" or meth. I told him I was disappointed in him, but
I didn't want him to move out. I felt that if I asked him to leave, he'd dive
even further into meth, which is something I didn't want. I made the mistake of
smoking weed with him, stupid really, and got him in trouble because he gave a
dirty UA after a visit with his probation officer. He refused to turn himself in
because he was looking at getting revoked on his probation, months in jail. So
suddenly he became extremely paranoid and that very night he came home from
peeing the dirty UA, he pulled out a little baggie with dope in it and said,
'!@#$ it!' and smoked it. He was too scared to live in our old apartment because
he was so nervous about the police knowing where he was, so we pulled up our
roots and moved into another apartment not too far away. It seems like as soon
as we moved to the new place, his use spiraled out of control. Suddenly, it
seemed all he was doing was having strange people over at all times at night,
constantly driving them around, always fiending for more, more, more, always
going to other tweakers houses/apartments/hotel rooms and buying more. Any girl
he was shepherding around I was extremely jealous of. I'd be at work and think
of what he was doing and if he was cheating on me yet, or if he'd been caught by
the police. I'd call him any chance I'd get if I was away and started lying to
our families about whether or not he was using, though it was blatantly obvious.
I was smoking weed every night with him as "time to ourselves" and as a way to
get him to sleep. Usually, I'd go without sleep just because there were other
people, normally girls in our place and I didn't trust him worth anything being
alone with any of them. I was suddenly always tired, always paranoid, always
irritated, always jealous. He started dealing and he was almost non-existent and
when he was around, he was extremely moody. He had a twisted sexual habit and
treated me coldly most of the time. Then somebody we both knew killed a kid and
since we had such close ties with him, the cops came to our door. Since he had
warrants out for his arrest, he was taken to jail along with his buddy (the one
who brought him back to the meth world). They found drugs and paraphernilia at
our place, but the homocide detective investigating the murder said we were
lucky and weren't being charged with possession in exchange for our cooperation.
I was scared stiff and quit weed instantly. He was in jail, I lost my job and
had to move out of the apartment and up to live with his grandma until my
finances were straightened out. After he got out of jail, he admitted to me that
he'd said some awful things about me, and cheated on me with one of the tweakers-chicks
that he'd been spending time with that I'd had a feeling about from the
beginning. (I'd even told him to choose between me and her without actually
knowing anything for sure when he was with her and "forgot" to pick me up from
work one night). I forgave him, but it's been impossible to forget, especially
knowing that I let that girl stay over at my place and even trusted him to be
around her. He said meth makes you crazy, makes you believe that what you have
isn't enough. Even so, I still feel inadequate. Fortunately, I never picked up
this habit, but it still picked me up and strangled me. He's been clean for
almost 7 months, let's just hope this continues.
My name is Connie and I am 36 yrs old. I call myself an addict
since conception because I was doomed right from the moment of conception.
Drinking and using was accepted and expected in my family. I never had the
choice my kids have. I talk to them almost on a daily basis and I would go thru
every bit of hell again so that I can give my kids the choice I never had.
Addicts and alcoholics run deep in both sides of my family. My mom is a
recovering addict with 3 yrs clean but my father is 55 and still running and
gunning. Meth has completely consumed him and claimed him as its own. I started
drinking at 12 and smoked pot and drank heavily for years. Then i experienced
crack then shooting coke at 19. I fell in love with the needle. I managed to
stop the needle for 10 yrs but continued to smoke pot drink and smoke primos (
crack laced joints). I did crank for first time at 26. By 29 I was in full
throttle and found my way back to the needle. I had 4 kids by this time and beat
them on a daily basis. I never had any sleep and was angry all the time. I felt
completely hopeless and tried to stop my heart by smoking an eight ball of crack
in less than an hour. My kidneys, liver and heart have permanent damage. See, I
am one of those addicts that will take one drug to counteract the effects of
another and this has caused me to almost die. I checked myself into rehab in
2000 and have relapsed several times. Been clean though for 19 months now!!
Hi. My name is Justine. I got
introduced to the drug meth from a close family member, my Aunt. Yes I have to
admit I loved it. It helped me get up for school, get involved in my homework,
and be happy and cheerful at work. Well, that didn't last long. Not to long
after I started using I left a secure, loving home at the age of 18 with no
where to go and no financial stability, I quit school with only two months left
until graduation, I left my job, and I cut all ties from the family that loved
me and cared for me so much. I surrounded myself with horrible, ruthless
criminals. I depended so much on meth in my daily life and it ruined me, well,
so did my Aunt. She and her husband separated. She got a place and I moved in.
We had things stolen. She lent money to people and we never saw them again. We
stayed up for days, we were bad influences to her children. I lost 50 lbs., I
picked at my skin. I thought I loved my boyfriend who was in jail for possession
of meth. I thought I was happy. Boy, was I confused. The drug that i thought was
helping my everyday life was ruining me and killing me. My spirit was dead. I
was dying. I ended up going to jail for 22 days for a prior event. When I got
out the boyfriend was out and deep down I knew I didn't love him anymore, but
the urge to get high made me ignore that fact. My Aunt was a completely
different person, she wouldn't talk to me, she was obsessed with this drug
dealer who just used her for his bitch and her car and her house which was no
longer a home. In the 22 days I was in jail she visited me one time, never wrote
me. My mom visited me twice a week and wrote me a lot, also put money on my
books. I don't know why it didn't click to me then who really loved me and cared
about ME. All of the friends that I thought were my friends weren't, they no
longer had interest in me because they had met my Aunt, she had money, a place,
a car, and drugs of course. After a while she no longer trusted me or even liked
me. She used me as her babysitter, her housemaid, and the person responsible for
all of her wrong decisions and actions. I am now back at my loving, secure home
with no contact to any of the mentioned above, back in school, and getting ready
to be a single mom. I just want all to know that the second I started using meth
I lost everything one at a time and you won't be any different. Yes the high
might be nice but it will kill your dreams, goals, personality, spirit, and
eventually you will die. Since I have had no contact with my Aunt I have heard
she lost her kids, her job, and her car. She continued with that life and she
lost everything one at a time, just as I did. Now that I am living a sober, pure
life I am gaining one thing back at a time. As my mom always told me it is
harder living a bad life than living a good life, and that statement I heard all
my life couldn't be of more truth. Good luck to all and I hope this touches you
and you don't have to go through these experiences to realize the truth. Working
Citizen of the United States
hi my name is Tara im from
australia and my boyfriend has recently started smoking meth flat out from the
moment the gets up in the morning that's if he has been to bed the night b4
which isn't very often, he will usually have it in his hands for over and hour
before he will put the fucking thing down, he lies alot and not only that but he
gets really aggressive, one morning after he had been up all night on the shit
we got into an argument over it and he pushed a pull table into me, other times
he has spat at me grabbed me, picked up a brick and hurled it at me and
threatened to smash the shit through me... i am with Tina the wife of the meth
user on i hope all meth users burn in hell because they are not just hurting
them selfves but everyone else around them i love my boyfriend and i don't want
the meth to take over our lives and i especially don't want to end up 6 foot
under myself 
Hi, I read all of the letters
and wanted to share my story. I have been doing meth for the past 7 years. I was
aware of how dangerous it was years beforehand, and told myself I wouldn't do
it, though I have taken ecstacy, ketamine, and ghb. I always told myself I would
never start. When I started, and did it the first time, it was higher than I
ever had been before. I quickly began taking it every weekend. I realized that
the people around me were taking advantage of me, using me for getting things.
For awhile, I thought I could control it. I thought I had control. Definitely
not.
HI i am a 14 and i have lost
one boyfriend and a bestfriend to meth. It was the most hurtful thing that i
have ever went through. I thought i was going to die myself. I was scared when
they both started using it and i did not know what else to do but us it too. It
was the worst thing i could have ever tasted. And i did not do it anymore after
that, but they keep using. I did not know what to do i would be just sitting
there talking to them both and they would just start laughing or crying or
screaming out of no where. Like they were some kind of animals or something. And
they keep using for a long time. And they got so skinny that you could just
almost see right through them it was scary. I did not know what to do i was just
so scared that i would just sit at home and not do anything or go anywhere with
neather one of them. Then one day my boyfriend or ex at the time cause it just
got way to out of hand but i still loved him and he called and said that he
wanted to come over and see me. So he drove over that evening and we where just
standing in the living room and he just went crazy almost and just started
hitting me. And then my father walked in and got him off me and made him leave
and then about a month later i found out him and my bestfriend had died. Cause
they where going down the road and was high of corse and had a car reck and come
to find out them two had been fouling around and she was with child. I still
miss them both to this day i just wished i could have gottin them help. Now i
feel like am the reason that they are both now dead but i have talked with some
people and i found out yeah i could have done something but it was their own
falt. But i hope they both know that i miss them and i still love them both even
to this day. i was 14 at the time but i am 16 years old know. And i have not let
a person i know get by with doing meth or any other durg. Well at least their in
a better place were there is nouthing to hurt them now. 
I would
never , ever do that nasty stuff meth. You know the old saying. Never say never.
I was staying with a person who was know as one of the biggest drug dealers in
our town so their was always lots of dope. The type of people who would come and
go out of this place would not be the type of people that you would want your
dog to hang out with and yet here I was in the middle of it. I saw things and
heard things and found out about things that I wish I could forget. My own
health went down hill so fast that it scared me. I lost over 25 lbs. in less
than a month. My hands had open sores on them and were so dry that they were
cracking and splitting and had gotten infected. My face was pale and sunk in. My
body was dehydrated and depleated of the nutrients that it needed. Meth poisons
the body and sucks out all the necessary elements that we need to stay healthy.
What I saw was a picture into hell itself. Meth is the most evil drug that there
is and no one can convence me otherwise. It takes and takes and takes and won’t
stop until it has your soul!!!!! I am now 9 months clean from meth and
everything. I’ve been given a second chance at life and today I am so greatful
that I’m alive and free. I have made a decision in my heart to do anything I can
anywhere, anytime, anyhow to help share my story, experience, strength and hope
with anyone who is struggling with this demon and wants help. And by the way I
didn’t go into any treatment center to detox. I did it at home with the help of
a very dear loved one and then when I was physically strong enough I got my butt
to an NA meeting and found a sponsor and started working the steps. I had a
choice either get busy living or get busy dying. I decided to get busy living.
Thanks for letting me share. 
Oh my. Where to begin...
group...I tried crystal meth for the first
time and shortly after that I became addicted..I started going out with my now
ex boyfriend who is still a HUGE methead...He still breaks into cars and
garages(for nice bikes and systems, valuables, etc) to trade them in for
meth....but I used to do the same with him and his buddies to...He had just
turned 17 when we started going out and his buddies( they were like 25-28 years
old). but anyway...I was only addicted to it for 6 months straight but I know
ALL the effects of the drug....I have seen a lot of crazy shit happen when
people are on the drug(example....brutal beating. killings). Oh....one night
when I was on meth...I lost 12 pounds within 12 hours...It was scary...I'm so
glad I don't do it anymore.....I look so much better and feel so much better
to......Everyone I used to hang out with.......still does it...and their livies
are probably a living hell......And as for my ex boyfriend...he now has the
worst case of HEPATITIS C and he's only gonna turn 19 on March 1st. His skin is
yellow and he looks extremely unhealthy. I feel bad for him...And who knows...he
could have AIDS or HIV. I don't think he'll live untill he's 22 the way he's
going, but IT"S ALL BECAUSE OF CRYSTAL METH!!!!!! I'm glad I'm out of that
lifestyle. BUT TO ALL OF YOU THAT WANT TO TRY CRYSTAL METH....DON'T, BECAUSE IT
WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE AND THE ONE'S YOU LOVE TO. and to all you that still do
it......stop before it's too late, the way your going, you'll be dead before you
know it. If you don't die from the drug, you'll die from being killed by another
junkie. IT'S A CRAZY DRUG THAT'LL MAKE YOU GO COMPLETELY INSANE!!!!!!!!
We picked up "Hitchhiker" and he had a bulb. Naïve me wanted to try “da
shit” not knowing what it was, too afraid to ask. SO I did, one hit, but not
good enough. We had dropped off Jay and Teddy (my then best friends) and once
again wanted to try “da shit.” I liked the taste, I liked the way we smoked it.
Oblivious to the world around me and what I was doing I wanted and feigned more,
we parked in a field overlooking highway 212 and paranoia was overcome by my
feign for more. We smoked all night and all morning until sun broke through the
clouds. I went home spun, lost and wanting more and more. I felt in a cloudy
haze. The funny thing is I smoked the shit before I even knew what drug I was
using. Then jay told me. She told me what happened to her. And at the moment I
laughed… remembering my sole promise not to ever do this shit… and not only days
later doing it and wanting even more… So my wish was granted and I got more.
Maybe too much, maybe not enough? Either way I enjoyed my buzzs but the days
after were hell. I decided to have some control and only keep it the weekends.
Ha. Fuck that. Frustrated and upset because my smoking privileges had been taken
away for the weekday I laid on the couch grim. So I got what I wanted and I
crashed the next day, the wrong day. New Beginnings. A place where fuckups go.
Where I went. But only for two days. I hated it. I hated myself. And suicide was
an option. I wasn’t ready to die. I wouldn’t be able to have my shit. I came
back. On house arrest, again my thoughts were suicide. Option B. the shit.
Option B it was. More shit and I was happy again… at least for a little while.
It tore me down like a mad driven dog infected with rabies. Continuously smoking
the bulb, the pip, a foil, was a habit and when I didn’t have it I crashed.
Hard. It was almost too much until I started to feel like shit and the only way
to overcome this was by smoking more. So more I got. I was happy. I was scared.
I wasn’t happy. I loved it. But even more. I hated it. I never wanted to see it
again. I wanted my life back. I was getting better. At least I was hiding it
better. I went to school. But she didn’t. We smoked for two weeks straight.
Before school. After school. Until I went home at 9. probation and meth didn’t
mix too well. Even after I’d sneak out. They’d sneak in. life was at its best.
At least I thought it was. For her it wasn’t. school wasn’t an option. She
didn’t go. She got sent. My best friend. Amanda. Rage. I went crazy. Everytime I
would think of this shit tears would form. I went from being happy and loving
the shit to hating it deep down inside and wanting to forget it all. My life was
getting better. I had foster parents. And the shit came back once. No. this time
paranoia overcame my feign and the shit left me. Two weeks later, two weeks of
being clean. My birthday. Presents! My present. The shit. I was devastated and
overcome with grief and fear. But all the anger for the shit inside me was taken
out on itself. So I slipped once and I went back home with my birth mom. No one
knew I slipped. Everything was cool. I’ve been clean since then. Until now. As I
sit here I ponder over letting my clear sense of thought leave my mind for one
more bulb. And I decide yes. Bulb it is. It's never gonna leave. My mind that
is. It will always be in the back of my mind calling me to smoke more. All I can
do is fight it. For my future. For my life. 
Hi my name is Tim from St.Cloud Mn Im 32 years old. All my life I
stayed away from illegal drugs till 1999 when I got divorced I started drinking
till I ended up drinking to the point of intoxication every night.. I tried to
quit drinking in 2003 . I stopped drinking went in to get treated for depression
Dr. gave me prozac.. I was thinking I was finlly going to get my life on track.
My best friend Tom at that time ended up moveing into my house and it did'nt
take long I was influanced enuff to go back to drinking...
The reason I stumbled upon
this site is due to some very unpleasant circumstances in my life. I have been
struggling with severe anxiety and psychosis for quite some time, and I believe
it is a result from long-term drug use.
I'm a 46 year old mother of 3
(ages 20, 22 and 24). I was one of the naive ones, because my 20 year old
daughter was addicted to Meth for about a year and a half, maybe two years, and
I didn't have a clue. I knew she was acting strangely, but she's had some
emotional issues ever since mine and her Dad's divorce a few years ago so I
thought that's what it was. Then I asked her to decorate the Christmas tree one
day a couple of years ago. When I got home from work, nothing had been done. My
daughter's response was that she couldn't do it and started crying hysterically.
She was afraid she wouldn't do it right! Then she started getting up early in
the morning (which was unusual for her), getting her purse and heading out the
door to go to work with my husband and saying some very weird things. She had
been hanging out with my daughter-in-law's mother and sister. Apparently, they
were all on Meth, and I didn't know it. She said that being with them gave her
something to do and, since she had no other friends, I felt sorry for her and
didn't push the issue. How stupid was I? She lost weight (about 30 pounds in a
month) and started staying gone all weekend with her boyfriend. We tried
everything, but nothing we said seemed to phase her. She was going to do
whatever she wanted to regardless of what we said or did. Then she started
talking to herself and hearing voices, and I knew we were in real trouble. It
was always the same thing, the devil's voice and friends who wanted her dead.
One morning she tried to hang herself because a voice told her to. It had taken
a while for me to get it, but I was finally getting it. My daughter had a
serious problem and was in deeper than I ever imagined. We've spent the last two
Christmases with her at the hospital, once for a week, the last time for a
month. I don't know the extent of my daughter's use. I always thought it wasn't
as bad as others I heard about. I guess I believed what I wanted to until the
ugly truth slapped me right in the face. The truth is that my daughter's not the
same person she used to be. She's on three medications, and the doctors have
diagnosed her as being bi-polar and paranoid schizophrenic. She's doesn't like
taking the medicine, but she can't function without it. How long will she have
to take Lithium, Abilifi and Effexor twice a day just to function? I don't know.
Will she ever be normal without it? I don't know, and neither do her doctors.
It's possible that "ice" did something to her brain that can't be fixed. Just
don't fool yourself like I did. This is the devil's drug -- created and marketed
by the devil himself! I believe that with all my heart. Why do people do it
knowing what it can do to them? Because they love the way it makes them feel -
like everything in the world is good. Like they can do anything. Girls who have
been heavy all their lives can lose weight without even trying. Guys with
lifelong ADD can stay focused and function better than at any other time in
their lives. I read on this site that no one gets off Meth without doing jail
time or dying. My daughter hasn't done either, but then, there are more ways to
die than one. Don't try it just one time. Because you'll probably like it.
You'll probably love it. And it will cost you. Be assured that it will cost you
dearly. You're no better than anyone else who ever tried it. You'll probably
lose everything you have. Your house, your car, your good job, your kids, your
husband or wife, your freedom, your sanity. The good news is that with a hell of
a lot of work, some things can be replaced. The bad news is that no matter what
you do, some things can't. 
Hi my name is Alycia. This is my love letter. I met my fiancee when
we were sophomores in high school. We got into some trouble there shortly after
and moved to Colorado to be in a drug treatment program while in jail until he
turned 18yrs old. We lost touch after that, I then ran into him again in a
Wal-Mart, and we started dating again. 
Hi! I am withholding my name for personal reasons. I am almost 40
years old and I have been watching the destruction meth has caused for the last
18 years. It killed one of my friends. Sent my ex to prison. Broke up many
families and has taken away many children. I have read a lot of the stories on
your site and it is sad and enlightening. There is both hope and despair. My
problem is I have dabbled in drugs since I was 18, never really became "hooked".
I like to smoke pot and drink, that's it. My downfall could have been
cocaine,but I got out before it was too late and stayed away for many years. I
even got to the point where I could be around it and not want it, not feel the
cravings! Very proud of myself for that one, it was hard! My problem now is I
want to go back. I read the stories and think, "No! Don't do it". It's just that
little voice in the back of my head saying YES! it won't hurt if you just
dabble! Ha! I know better and have managed to stay away. (Cocaine talks to you
also!) I have a wonderful daughter, she means the world to me. I am a single mom
and just trying to raise her and better myself. I just recently got out of the
relationship with her father. Long story, he is a major a-hole and caused me a
lot of heartache and despair. The problem, everything is fine now and I am doing
well. Good job, nice house and car. I started hanging around with some old
friends of mine and I know they use. I have never been subjected to it, but I
know they are doing it. I have some anger issues against my ex and I feel like
he is always watching me or having someone watch me and I don't know where to
turn! I think that is why I want to become self-destructive. I feel like I can't
be myself anymore, he has hurt me emotionally more than anyone will ever know
and I believe I am trying to escape by using again. I haven't, but boy do I want
to!!! I must admit that sometimes I feel like a "tweeker". Hiding in my house
with all the shades and curtains shut, watching everyone and everything around
me. Wondering if they are following me. Is it okay to wear this, do this, go
here, go there. It is seriously driving me crazy and I don't know what to do. I
know drugs are not the answer. I was at a party one night with these old friends
and it suddenly hit me, they have not changed in 10+ years. Some hold down good
jobs, but basically, everything is the same!! Same drugs, same people, same
songs. Another problem I have, I really like one of these old friends. I have
always liked him and wanted to get together with him, but we have always been
with other people. Now we are both single and there is a chance. I don't need
that chance, but I want it. I seem to want a lot of things lately, none are good
for me. He is an addict, shoots and anything else you can think of . He does not
look like he does drugs. Clean cut, etc.. I find this strange as all the stories
talk of a change in appearance, he looks the same. He has never been fat and
right now he feels like he has meat on his bones when I hug him. Why hasn't he
changed? Why no sores, no dark circles? Is he straight? No, I just want him to
be. He flat out admitted he went on a 2 week dope binge and that is why he had
not called. I know I don't need this in my life, I love my girl and would not
let anyone or anything hurt her! He would just lead my down a road of drugs and
destruction and I know it would ultimately lead to a loss that would be
unbearable. I don't need to lose weight, I am naturally thin, even after giving
birth and I do not look my age (would like to keep it that way!) I have made a
promise to myself to just let it go. Don't hang out with them anymore. Quit
going to see them. Just distance myself. But I am lonely and it is hard to do. I
have friends, I am lonely for male companionship. There are plenty of men out
there who want to date me, but as they say, you can't help who you love or lust
for. I seem to be attracted to the "lost souls" or addicts. I want to care for
them, I know that doesn't work. I just dumped a guy because he lost his two
children due to neglect and drugs. I just couldn't deal with the fact that he
let it happen to his children. He won't take the blame. Blames his mom or his
ex. It is his ex's fault, but not his moms! Their house was unliveable, they let
the children (2 and 3 years old) wander the streets because they were sleeping
off the drugs. You know, same old story, diffrent names. I DO NOT WANT TO GO
DOWN THIS ROAD!! I know I am no better than anyone else. I come from an
Upper-middle class home. So do all my old friends and look where they are!!
Still on drugs, still living day to day! I want to travel with my daughter and
show her all the beauty there is in this world, not all the ugliness that comes
from using. I just feel vulnerable right now and sometimes my true friends are
not that great of a support system. Too much going on their lives to listen to
my pleas for help. The stories have helped and for that I am truly grateful.
Please pray for me!! Please let me get through this very hard time in my life
and become a better person for it. I need and deserve it and so does my
daughter.
sad how it is, right now i miss
that feeling. i tried it for the first time not even a year ago, i think
sometime at the beginning of april or so..... the 2nd time i did it was right
before my high school graduation....something u can only do once and i was spun.
i ran into someone i hadn't seen in a long time in towards the end of june...i
guess i was set up....cuz i spent from then until the middle of august on
meth...there might have been maybe 4 days in that time i didn't do it. i was
home maybe 5 days of that time, other than that i stayed wherever and i worked,
i waitressed and dishwashed at a fast-pace restaraunt in a town close to where i
stayed all the time. i guess at the time, i didn't realise....maybe this is a
bad idea, driving dealers around with meth inside of my car registered in my
parents names....(2 of those dealers are now in prison) about 2 weeks into it i
remember telling the ppl i was hanging out with..."i'm not an addict, i just
want to have some fun before i leave to go to college" and now i realise why
they all laughed at me for saying that comment....i'm little to begin with....i
lost at least 20 lb i was down to 110, my collarbones stuck out, my cheekbones
were prominant, my eyes were sunk in and surrounded by dark rings...i looked
like total shit and i didn't realise it really... i lost all of the friends i
had before then....at the beginning of july i became engaged, but i wouldn't
quit meth for him, every time i talked on the phone with him while i was one it,
every day for a month and a half, i was nowhere near loving, i sounded like i
hated him, i was so hateful towards him...my best friend for over 3 years...my
fiance...i was so mean to him, and i didn't quit for him... i was engaged for a
month and a day and then i broke up with him, bc he still wanted to work it out,
but i was fucked up and i knew nothing would be the same btwn us ever again, so
that was the only thing i could do, end it...we don't talk anymore and i ruined
how he will be around any woman for the rest of his life. i never was home and i
always called to say i wasn't coming home...once again. i went home one day and
my parents asked me about it and i just laughed it off like...ya, "like i'd do
anything that stupid, it's so bad for you" it got to a point where ppl could
barely understand what i was saying when i was talking cuz my words were so
slurred...i stopped going to church, i spent all my time & energy doing it,
driving around, looking for it, and working...... that's all. then it happend,
one day at work i got so paranoid, my brain was so shot...anyone who knew
anything about meth or did it could tell i was an addict and just spun out of my
mind....i thought everybody in the restaurant was looking at me, and could tell,
and were talking about me and the ppl i hung out with. by the time i clocked out
i couldn't think straight, i thought if i left work in my car the secondi got
onto the road i would get pulled over, so i called a friend and paid her 20
bucks to come get me. while i was waiting i ran across the street to the bank to
deposit my 80 bucks in tips so that if the cops were to search me they wouldn't
wonder why i had that much cash in my wallet....i was just sketched out and
gone....i freaked out everyone. people i had done it with started to cut me off
cuz they knew i had gotten too far into it way too fast. 2 days later i went
home, i was coming down hard core and my dad comfronted me told me my ex-fiance
told him and my mom everything about what i had been doing and i flipped my
lid...i started jsut yelling and it was terrible, i don't think i've ever been
so mean. my dad told me to "look at myself", and all i did was scream back, "i
know i look like shit, i know it do, ok" i got my car taken away and was just
finishing up my job bc i was going to leave for college in a few weeks. my last
day of work i was there for 45 minutes but had to leave bc i was withdrawing so
bad i was in the bathroom puking my guts out. for 2 straight weeks i had
nothing....after being a beginner, and going on a month 1/2 meth binge, i was
totally cut off. i could barely sleep at night, my skin crawled constantly, i
had a continuous migrane and was puking....i was in hell. the day i got my car
back, the weekend b4 i started college, the first place i went was to get meth
and ended up doing it that weekend. i came home 2 weeks later on labor day
weekend...didn't even visit my parents...just looked for meth and eventually,
the day i had to leave, i found it. i went 2 1/2 months......without it..until
the weekend b4 thanksgiving..and thanksgiving weekend. amazing after 2 1/2
months i still craved it, thought about it, just the thought of curling up with
a pipe in my hand with the smoke rolling right now makes me feel like finding a
car and driving 4 hours just for that purpose.....even after all the bad things
that happened to me, after all the shit i put everyone thru, the friendships and
love that i lost, how awful i looked.....i'm a different person now than i am b4
i started using, my personality....my brain is fucked, sometimes i feel just
retarded, and i think back to days this summer when i wasn't even on it and i
was still "stupid as fuck" so to speak, and i still dream of using, at this very
moment.....i am dependent and at least half the time i think about using
meth.... it is the one and only love/hate drug out there. i know what it does to
ppl...i'm more afraid than u could possibly realise about going up back home for
Christmas in a couple weeks, but yet i look forward to it....both for the same
reason. see i went 2 1/2 months, but i did it again, i'm back to the crawling
skin, headache, withdrawl(like i am every day) mode. it's no lie to say that
Satan is inside of my soul and at least, if not more than, half of it belongs to
him and only him. i regret ever trying it, but the other half of me doesn't.
PLEASE, i beg u, stay away from this drug. it's so easy to just try it, but so
damn hard to quit, it eats at your soul constantly. it's evil.
We fought drug addiction in my sons life for fifteen years.Then
lost him at 36 to a drug over dose.We were good parents.Lived in a nice part of
town.Very involved in our children's lives.We were robbed by drugs of our only
son growing old.He was robbed of any kind of life that was worth much.His life
was ruled by one drug or another for the last 15 years of his life.Not to
mention the hell we went through with him .Praying,begging,pleading,bribing.One
recovery program after another.Our son at 21 was a police
officer,handsome,smart.He had a good wife and 2 cute kids by the time he was
23.But by then he was so hooked on steroids and pain killers he didn't care.He
progressed from there to everything else,legal prescriptions to illegal street
drugs.Jail the whole 9 yards.In Sept of this year 2005.We buried our handsome
son and a large piece of ourselves.You hear the sayings people throw out like
get between your child and drugs no matter what it takes.Have you ever tried to
get between an addict and their drugs?I don't believe there was anything we
didn't try.He had damaged his heart over the years with all the drugs and it
only took 2 little pain patches...one was 2 days old to kill him.The pain an
addict suffers is not much greater than the family that is living the nightmare
with them.Now he is dead and we are still suffering..I only wish it were me and
not him,but only if he would live on as a non addict.Addicts die from the moment
they start drugs.We lost our son 15 years ago but we buried him 3 months ago.Our
hearts are crushed.We never have stopped loving him.And I do believe only God
can help an addict.Not rehab.
I am 21 years old, I
graduated High School. I have read some of the stories I seen on the web-site. I
have been through alot, in my life, but nothing has ever brought tears to my
eyes the way this web site did. I have NEVER used any type of drug, I tried a
cigarette once, and about got sick. I am really sorry to hear that this world
has gotten so bad. It makes me sick to read some of these stories, the moms,sisters,dads, and wifes, who care about there loved ones. They don't even
realize what they are loosing. For once, before you snort,swallow,or inject that
drug, think about the ones who loves you,you only have one life and it's short
enough live it and be happy. Make the most out of life, don't take your life
away. There is always someone out there who will listen, and help you. The main
person who will listen to you watches over you everyday, His name is God. Have
you ever heard the saying God loves you, well he does. Look at yourself, and say
I can do this, I can get help, and I will. I deal with my problems, like anyone
should, in a reasonable matter, I have people to talk to. I don't rely on a drug
that's weak, it takes a stronger person to say NO, only the weak say O.K. I'll
do it. Be strong and have faith in yourself, because I believe in everyone of
you, and I'll will go to bed tonight and pray for all the crystal-meth users out
there. I hope that some day this drug can be put away with because I don't want
my son to even know something like this existed. It's sick, and sad, that God
gave you life, and you are disrespecting him by taking it away from yourself.
LOOK AT WHAT GOD SACRAFICED TO GIVE YOU LIFE. BE APPRECIATIVE!!!
I have many meth users in their 20's, 30's and 40's always seeking
guidence from me as they see me as someone who has educated themselves on
opiates, barbituates and meth. I try not to judge them, but point out that
anytime they find that their drug of choice (alcohol included) has taken or is
nearing taking top priority in thier thoughts and therefore their lives, then
they have entered the realm of selling thier soals in order to destroy whatever
is left of themselves. DRUGS ARE A ONE WAY STREET, AT THE END DESTRUCTION. But I
just cannot accept the criminal justice system offering drug offenders a drug
program over prison or jail time when these programs are set up to ensure
failure for the largest percentage that pass through their so-called drug
re-habilitation schedules.
hi my name is sarah and im a
meth user. hopefully soon to be in recovery. let me tell you what meth has done
to me and my loved ones. well i first did crank, loved it but didnt really have
the means to get hooked. then my sister and her boyfriend got on it and offered
it to me. ice i mean. i fell for it hard. i have been using for about 3 years. i
used a little even while i was pregnant. i have a 6 year old a 3 year old and a
2 year old. it is the only drug i use and i use it whenever possible. my body is
a walking sore from all the picking at myself, i want to quit and plan to
tomorrow. this is my last night tweeking and i ask for your prayers. 
I know what its like to deal with Meth. I haven't dealt with it
first hand but did grow up with it thru my older sister and it ruining my life.
I was reading in your website and others like it to learn the
longterm effects of meth since I have abused the substance. I've been clean for
four months now but have been noticing shaking and intense craving for meth and
any other substance that produces a similar high. Anyways, my main reason for
contacting you is to report prices. Prices vary due to the purity of the
product. Less than one quarter of a gram can be sold for fifty dollars and can
keep you awake for forty-eight hours. Meth that has been "cut" will usually go
for ten dollars per tenth of a gram but is only sold in half gram increments or
more to make sure that the consumer gets enough "good" to come back for more.
The way they distinguish between cut and good is the size of the crystals.
larger chunks are the pure meth and smaller chunks are either part of a bad
batch or crystalized b-12. The only way on the street to know if the crystal is
meth or b-12 is to use it because b-12 has the same nasty ass taste. I am
voluntarily giving this information to help. Meth f*@#ed up my life. And still
is. I've been trying to join the Marines but omitted this information in talking
to my recruiter. After seeing the longterm effects, I know now why they asked me
and I realize that I must come clean for my safety and everybody elses. But you
know what? If it wasn't for the cravings I would never have looked into the
subject and probably would have relapsed. Thank you.
I met my baby's father jordan
when I was about to turn 19. He used drugs. I now understand why he acted the
way he did. I fell in love with him becaue he had a great sense of humor but the
longer we went out the more violent he became. He would choke me, I watched him
choke his mother, I watched him choke his grandpa.I think I stayed with him so
long because I didn't want to be alone and thought I loved him, which I did
don't get me wrong, but I should have left him before things got so bad. I ended
up having his baby. I don't hear from him the last I heard was that he got
kicked out of where he was living. I am glad his grandfather finally took some
action. nobody would stand up to him because they were too afraid of what he
would do. he has a very bad temper and would hurt them. It maked me sad to think
julie will never have a father who cares about her. only about himself and
getting his next high. 
I have a story. I was in a relationship with a man for thirteen
years, In the eleventh year of our relationship, he started using meth. At first
I was okay with it "cause I loved him and everything that he did was okay with
me, I even started using with him. We had always had great sex but this made it
even better, Bob never was much on talking to me or opening up so, when he was
on Meth, we had some of our best times together talking (at first). Then I
noticed that this was not a week end warrior thing it was and had become his
whole life, I woke up one day wondering what am I doing and tried to convince
him to give this drug up and he told me "never". I had to make a choice, being
that I did not want an addiction in my life, life is hard enough to have to rely
on something in order to get by,,,we fought over the drug and he would lie to
me, and tell me he was not on it when I knew that he was because of the way that
he would Grind his teeth and constantly "build" new pipes to smoke it out of,
the fights got worse and I asked him to move out and I told him that I would
give him one month to get his money together and get a place. (which I don't
know why I was even that generous), he had plenty of new places to go....That
month he locked himself into our bedroom not coming out unless he was going to
work or to get his fix. He came addicted to this drug at work. He ended up with
a girl that he worked with also that was addicted, they would say he would come
in with black eyes and all banged up like they would fist fight. When I kicked
him out, I found drugs and paraphernalia all over my house...I could have lost
my children and or my home over this man. His relationship with he did not last
long, don't know why, I try not to ask it hurts to bad for people to tell me
anything good or bad/like I had a friend that worked a temp job with him for a
while and could not believe how bad he looked and instead of feeling like "Good
he deserves everything he gets, it killed my heart". Since I have not been with
him ,I have heard that he cannot keep a job and that he looks really bad,
skinny, dirty and greasy and his vehicle had been reposed. What gets me about
this is when I kicked him out, I did it in hopes that he would open his eyes,
instead he is just more involved than ever. His family was glad that we were no
longer involved (they never gave me a fair chance), but the do not intervene
with his addiction, In fact he comes from an addictive family and if he gets
into trouble, they will just smack him on the hands and send him on his way. I
guess that it is not my problem anymore, and I am glad that I decided not to
live like this. When I went to his family they thought that I was just being
vindictive. I was trying to have them intervene cause they "love him". I have
yet to get over this man, I moved from the town, cause everywhere I went was his
family and I felt like I could not move on, and I felt like "How come it was so
important for them to keep us away from each other, yet not important enough to
help him in the help that he needs. I have done several 100 hours in research on
the subject and what it does to your body, this man use to be one of the
smartest men that I ever had known, Now I don't know what kind of damage his
body and brain had endured from the Meth. Like I said, I am out of the picture
but I feel like there is something that I need to do to help him...because I do
and always will love him. I don't want to be back with him ever because he is
not the same man the drug has changed everything about him. I loved the Bob that
I knew...But, I do care enough about him still that I would be his friend and
help out and steer him in the right direction if he ever failed....... Please if
you have never tried this...stay that way..it is Death.....97% of the drugs
users of meth...never get off the drug completely...they go back.... ... This to
me is like a Suicide this man has killed the man that my children and I knew and
loved...........And a Suicide leaves families forever grieving and asking why
and what could I had done? I have become a Christian now and it actually saved
my life and his/cause I was going to shoot him for breaking my heart......Now I
pray to move on in my life...but I still have reoccurring dreams about this man
and that he is reaching out to me, and these have happened at least two or three
times a week, I have prayed why cant I move On? and that is why I feel like
there is a purpose for me to still carry this man and his burden in my heart and
my thoughts everyday.... Can you beleive that I can still carry this with me
after two years? I am trying to forgive his family for not seeing the truth...I
hope that he gets off this drug, I pray for him everyday. You may share my story
if it will help anyone.......And I pray it does. Thank you and God bless you and
what you are doing with the stories or users and the families/people in there
life that they affect.
Hi this is the first time I
every looked at the letters. I am just going to keep it simple to say I am
grateful for this sight and I hope we can all come together and pray that the
this drug will leave us for good one day. It is a terrible drug, I have only a
few weeks clean. I will win this battle I am going to get a month clean then
three months, six months a year and have no fear I can't do it alone, I have to
tell the truth and do it for the youth. I don't want innocent children to do
this drug. I have a goal to get clean. Preach to the children how it almost
destroyed my dream, how I used to scream. How I reached for god and he took the
addiction away. I was healed from 10 Yrs of damage and destruction. No I
function and act right, not run away to numb with the drug I was a bum. No I can
have real fun not fake. Go bake a cake. Eat it and not get fat. I gain weight
with the drug not lose. So I can quit and not be a loser but lose what matters
fat. Live live not lose it. I pray this in Jesus name that I will never be the
same. The drug is insane at time it seemed fun that's cause I was spun.
I am a 22 year old male,I
live in Australia...I started using typical white powder cut speed when i was
15..That soon turned to what was to become my drug of choice "extacy"...I ate
"X" every single weekend for 5 and a half years,the other 6 months i was using
meth all day every day...Its strange you know for a while i was using meth only
on weekends or sometimes only every couple of weekends,thats when i was still
eating between 7 and 10 "x" pills a night...the meth was just to top it
off....Then the pills seemed to be a waste of money,"why am i spending this
money on all those pills when i could be buying meth with that money"...And so
it began.The money i was spending on pills was now being spent on meth..and so
was rent money,fuel money,bills money every bit of money i could get my hands
on.When i relised i could no longer afford my "habbit" i built up quite a little
network of people who could not get it unless it was through me.Therefore
everytime any one else needed it i would have to get it,i would take my "tax"
out of the bag and of course be there for the use of the bag...hence i was no
longer paying for my now "addiction"...I was using meth before work,at
work,after work...as i said literally all day every day for 5 months.I could not
see how this was a problem because as far as i new no one could tell i was
using.Little did i know i was breaking the hearts of all those around me as they
stood bye and watched me slowly kill myself...My boss at work told me he was
planning on firing me when i came to him and told him i was an addict.So all
though i thought i was fooling everyone i was actually effecting the lives of
all those around me.Meth was fun at first,then as it started to create problems
in my life i started using it to cover these problems....in effect the bad
things in my life were covered up and the good things seemed great...then as
time went on the bad things stayed bad and the good things got worse,then they
got worse again and before i knew it the good things in my life became bad
things as well...so i was just using meth to cover up everything in my life,,,i
was living on a cloud of meth...not knowing what was high and what was reality
and not really caring either...When i relised i hated the idea of living a day
without meth i admited to myself i had a problem...the next day i told my father
who had been in AA for 16 years.he also had a problem with drugs but more so
with alchohol...He embraced me and told me everything would be ok..i thought it
would be ok.The next 3 days were to be the worse 3 days of my life...the pain i
went through coming off meth was intense...i lasted 12 days clean before i
relapsed..I went on a 6 day binge in which i did not sleep,eat or consider the
feelings of those around me.As i sit here writing this i am only now 5 days
clean and thanking god for every minute that passes in which i do not use the
devils drug..the one..the only...the pewtrid METH..I can honestly say that meth
came very close to taking everything i thought was special in my
life,family,carea,friends and other possesions.But i thank god he gave me a
second chance to retrieve those thing and i hold them even closer now..If
everything i went through bought me to writing this,,and by writing this even
one person out there can save themselves the pain of METH.i am more than happy
to have gone through what i did...eyesopenoncemore...............
This drug is the worst thing
in the whole world. I refer to it as the devil! My parents have been using for
years off and on, I have used for 2 years off and on I’m 17 now almost 18 my
name is Amber and my parents moved to Arizona in march of 2005 and I got left
here and am now living with my grandma. My dad started using in Arizona when on
April 22, 2005 he stabbed my mom to death this is the hardest thing I’ve ever
had to deal with I miss her so much that its hard I want to blame myself if only
I had got to go with them but I got put into the attention homes in Cheyenne
under protective custody against my parents trying to get away form that life
style. If I was their maybe I could of stopped it. Everything happens for a
reason. Now she’s watching over me and I’m helping my dad to come back into
reality I miss him and my brother so much my brother is living with my
grandparents up there and he’s doing great he’s only 15! But loosing my mom gave
me a reason to quite but I started using this summer when I got into trouble my
grandma gave me a ua I had meth in it she showed it to the cops they put me in
fCS for two weeks I got out on probation for 6 months but I’m getting off on
Jan. 14th when I turn 18 because I’ve done so good had all clean ua's and i look
forward to everyday another day clean I hope I keep it this way and the more I
let god in the more the devil will leave me alone I crave everyday but the
hardest thing to do is ay no but every time I say no I feel more and more better
about myself I test myself allot I’m around it just about once a week but I cant
do it forever someday ill half to put my foot down and stop hanging out with
those ppl. I've lost everything family myself my freedom and now i'm starting
over with a mew life if its possible for me and i’m so strong any one can do it
just put your self to it I’m praying for everyone I wish you all luck!
At first your like, "This shit's gotta be horrible for you", the
way it changes every feeling in your body, transforming you into a highly
productive, outgoing overachiever with no need for sleep nor food. "I'll just do
it every once in a while when I need it"i.e....big, overwhelming projects or
those times when you need to get an amazing amount of work done in a short
amount of time, like moving or doing your taxes. And it works. You can really
blow it out, whatever it is. 