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Dilated Pupils a sign of using Meth?


tilmorn
comes
Dilated Pupils and meth usage
I have a few questions. My boyfriend of 2 yrs. has been a light user all his life. What I mean as a light user he uses maybe 4 times a month or less. He smokes crystal and I had this gut feeling that he was. So, I confronted him and he confessed. Now its been a month since that disscussion and I gave an altimation that if he were to ever use again we were over! Now I can't believe him or trust him that he is really off the meth. This is my question....He says he has quit but his eyes are dilated at times. Like this weekend he had his kids and didn't have time to break away and his eyes were fine, but like on Fri. when he got off work his eyes were wide and huge!! I believe he is still using but he swares he isn't. Has anyone got some good links that can help me or even some advice???
Thanks
     Replies...
sickand
tired77
Re: Dilated Pupils and meth usage
Quote:
What I mean as a light user he uses maybe 4 times a month or less.
I'm sorry, but "4 times a month or less" isn't what I would call a light user. If you think about it, that's about once a week or so...

Is he the one who told you how often he uses? Because he might be telling the truth... but then again, it might be even more often than he's confessed to. Users tend to lie as a way to protect what they're doing & make it seem not SO bad. Just something to think about.
Quote:
Now its been a month since that disscussion and I gave an altimation that if he were to ever use again we were over!

Hon, an addict won't quit because YOU want them to. You can pass out all the ultimatums you want, but HE has to want to quit or it just won't happen. I'm sorry.

He may have quit using, but I hate to say that he probably didn't. The dilated pupils would really make me wonder... is he displaying any other signs of use?

Loraura Re: Dilated Pupils and meth usage
Drug test him, or just leave, if you can't be with someone who is a user.
Tamtom Re: Dilated Pupils and meth usage
doesn't everyones eyes diolate from time to time? seems if this guy was tryin to hide his use he would have never let you know in the first place, even when confronted, unless he was actually caught in the act.

if my wife ever told me she did not trust or believe me, the only thing i would be able to say to her is why is she still here. without trust there is nothing.
tilmorn
comes
Re: Dilated Pupils and meth usage
Thank you for all of your responses. Yes, I believe he is trying to quit, but at the same time I believe he is still using. He knows I can't trust him, but we are at least rying to work it out. But he knows I have never used the drug and don't appove of it either. To be with me you have to be meth free!! I am just looking for some awnsers. Everyones eyes dialate from time to time, but like his eyes are dialated throughout the week but then on weekends they are back to normal. I believe his usage is during the week when hes working. I do plan on drug testing him just for my security.

Thanks
imlost
inky
Re: Dilated Pupils and meth usage
Personally, I couldn't go by that. My husband's eyes may or may not dilate.
What I did notice as a sure sign was his attitude and speech towards me. Subtle changes- stuff I had forgotten.

Okay, so his eyes still dilate- what's different?
what's changed?
tilmorn
comes
Re: Dilated Pupils and meth usage
See thats the thing, he is a good hider at not showing any change when he has used. His attitude and speech is still the same. He is a very kind and gentle man all the time. He said he uses it to get a little energy (whatever) but thats what he said. He does seem to be very busy at times, like always on the go or working in the garage, but other than that I never caught him or anything, he actually told on himself when I confronted him and I went on my gut instinct that he was using!!

Thanks for all of your responses, if anyone one has any other good links please send them.
Thanks
imlost
inky
Re: Dilated Pupils and meth usage
Quote:
See thats the thing, he is a good hider at not showing any change when he has used.
So in other words, nothing has changed?

When they quit, when they work a recovery, there is change.
Subtle changes-
You still get the red flags for a minute- but it is always just one red flag- something catches your eye that reminds you of the using days.

Your boyfriend has been a user all his life- then you know the user, you don't know the boyfriend.
When the boyfriend shows up, you won't miss him.

Until then, you got the user.
tilmorn
comes
Re: Dilated Pupils and meth usage
you are exactly right!!! I have known him for about 8yrs. and he at times was a heavy user when he was with other women and we were just friends. Now we have been together for 2yrs. And during this 2yrs he has been using. I have only known the user not the boyfriend and I don't know which he is at this point. It's very confusing for me because I am 28yrs old with two girls and cannot have this kind of person in our lives. I thought when he moved in he was drug free. I even told him at that point that if he were to make this move into our home that it would be us and not with the meth too. I had this gut feeling for about the last 6 months that he might be using just by the fact that he was always on the run doing something. He has changed by being home more and trying to be closer to me because he knows he screwed up. We do love each other but I don't know who I am in love with the boyfriend or the user? I am eating myself up inside due to not knowing what the hell is going on!! I think I know what I need to do, but I am trying to give him a second chace due to the love and overall good relationship that we have shared. He has never yelled or raised a hand towards me or my kids. He has always been a kind and gentle man. I just can't torture myself anymore.
Thanks again for your advice!!!
Tender
heartsKS
Re: Dilated Pupils and meth usage
Quote:
It's very confusing for me because I am 28yrs old with two girls and cannot have this kind of person in our lives.
Being a parent is the toughest job we can ever have.

Even after I got clean and sober, I refused to look at my codependency issues, and had several unhealthy relationships. That affected my kids tremendously. My youngest was 12 when the last relationship ended. That was the turning point for me because I saw the pain in her eyes, I was filled with pain, and I realized that I had continued to put men in my life before my children.

I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you that children live what they see. My 29 year old daughter is now an active addict, and she has picked out the sickest boyfriends she can find (one ex is currently serving time in prison for molesting two 8 year old girls).

I would suggest getting some help for yourself, whether it be naranon, alanon, counseling etc.

You've known him and chosen to be friends with him over the past years in spite of his heavy using.

It's critical that we take a look at why we do what we do, why we are attracted to people who can be unhealthy for us in our lives. Only then can the cycle be broken, or we continue to seek out the same types of companions, knowingly or not.

Knowledge is power, and you are worthy of a loving caring companion who is not in the grips of addiction. Your children deserve a mom who is happy and confident with self. I will keep you in my prayers.
tilmorn
comes
 
Re: Dilated Pupils and meth usage
Thank You for your comments and please keep us in your prayers and yes I do pray that God gives me the awsners to my questions. Its just hard in the world we live in today with all these new kind of addictions
Loraura Re: Dilated Pupils and meth usage
Quote:
I am 28yrs old with two girls and cannot have this kind of person in our lives.
Then why DO YOU (have this kind of person in your lives)?
imlost
inky
Re: Dilated Pupils and meth usage
It isn't new- it's been going on since the beginning of time
The difference is now, they are not hushed hushed, while everyone looks the other way pretending not to see the elephant in the middle of the room.

I hear you on the not beating you- not raising his voice to you- thereby relinquishing any doubts you may have about his being a suitable mate.
He doesn't meet your idea of an abusive mate- so he's a good catch.

But what you are not seeing is this- you have children you are raising up to not do drugs-
yet a man influence in their lives indulges quite a bit.
Double standard- kids live what they see, not what they hear.

As a parent who lived the double standard for a lot of years, and as a parent who did my time with addiction, hindsight is 20/20.
Don't have any expectations of your children hearing what you say when they see how you live.

Not judging you, not telling you what to do, just telling you what is ahead.
You can't have it both ways. Kids see more than you think.

So why are you lowering your morals, your beliefs?
How is it you can overlook the obvious?
That is something you can control- something you can fix.
You owe it to yourself to find out why.
tilmorn
comes
Re: Dilated Pupils and meth usage
Thanks for all of your advice. I am co-dependant on a user. I do relize that. I am trying to pull him away and bring him back. I'm not sure if that can even be done. I love this man so much and if it weren't for me being so dumb to meth I would've already known he was a user. Yeah, in the eight years we have known each other, I have known him to use, but didn't know it was still a issue. When we started dating he knew my feelings on meth and I told him then that if he were to be a part of me and my girls' life that he were to leave meth behaind and from that point on I thought he did. Like I said in my other posts that I have never caught him or even found any, I just have had this gut feeling that he was using, why I don't know. But I confronted him and he confessed it all. I believe he told me as much as I need to hear cause he knows I am a dumby when it comes to drug knowledge. I have never used meth or even seen it so he knows he can tell me what he wants and I will believe it. I think he has told me the truth but maybe not everything. But I'm not to sure if he really quit or not because its been almost 2 months since we had that discussion and I really haven't seen much change. I figured he would be going through a detox phase but I really don't know @#%$ about this drug other than what I have read.

Thanks again all

See also:

Dilated Pupils and Methamphetamine Use

Questions about pupil dilation


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