KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Using other meth addicts as a scapegoat

Juliett55	Using other meth addicts as a scapegoat Dear addicts and their loved ones. I, first, want to say that this website has been not only helpful, but a life saver for me and my beloved addict, many times. It is truly a gift. I agree with a lot of the things in the Pene10pe post, "Blaming others for relapse". I do think that the addict is undoubtedly responsible for his or her own sobriety, along with all the responsibilities that go with it. But......, I also see that the addicts are very vulnerable and sensitive people, esp. in the beginning of their sobriety. Some of them trade their addiction for AA, NA, or this website. Which is a much better and healthier choice. I got some of the most valuable advices from the addicts on the site. I happen notice that we, the loved ones, sometimes tend to use other addicts as the scapegoat for our own anger, resentment, unfulfillment, and grief about the addict in our life. I know that those things do not happen intentionally, but they do happen. I think that we, close ones of the addicts, need to understand how important it is to maintain respect and kindness, and to keep an open mind towards other addicts on this site. At times, we can actually help to save a life. REMEMBER!!! Although we are also recovering, we don't have to fight the pain of withdrawals and the state of loosing our mind because our body can't physically stand to be calm for a minute without screaming "GIVE ME THE DRUG" If we learn to treat other addicts with respect, forgiveness, and understanding we might have more success in dealing with our own loved ones.
Replies...
danimal 55	Re: Using other meth addicts as a scapegoat Beautiful post 55! Addict or not, we all come here looking for a sounding board and needing to be heard. And by the same token, addict or not, we all bring with us many different shades of anger, resentment, unfulfillment, and grief, whether it's a drug or a drug addict wreaking havoc in our lives. Regardless of which side of the "fence" we're on, we all show up here "very vulnerable and sensitive people"....and there will be some cross-fire as many of us have waited a looong time to let off some steam. And you're so right 55, when the prevailing theme becomes respect, forgiveness and understanding, we will/do have more success in dealing with our loved ones, & each other. When in fact we DO work for, and with, each other. And it's each other that we learn from....lets TG for each other. Again, a beautiful post 55. TY for the reminder
luve piphany	Re: Using other meth addicts as a scapegoat Juliette, I practice every day having compassion, understanding and love for the addict right here and in alanon/naranon and NA. I also practice saying NO to addiction in my life because of the pain that these addicts have gone through. I practice so that I can live a healthier more positive life with our without the chance to put my practice to work on the NOT RECOVERING addict I love. My presence here is for ME because as I get healthier, it helps the whole world. One day at a time. I've really thought and thought about it and I can't think of where I've seen any loved ones take out their anger on the recovering addicts here, though. Honesty in our own feelings is the most important gift we can give to each other. If a recovering addict feels my pain, it may hurt but ultimately it helps the addict to not want to hurt the ones who love them, and hopefully, they don't think I am taking out my anger on them. I can't think of anything more hope filled and healing for me than seeing addicts recovering right along with me. Big ole difference between a recovering addict and a using one... People are people and I gain much love for all people right here on this site.
soso confused	Re: Using other meth addicts as a scapegoat Juliette, I understand where you are coming from but it is hard to be a loved one of an addict. Maybe we don't suffer from the comedown or whatever. What about the STDs, the lies, the broken promises, the financial bullshit, the ruined credit, the legal aspects, the heartbreak, the children's emotions, the love we extend to them when they promise to get clean yet never do, the lies, the lies, the lies? This is all done by those who love them while trying to keep a job, run a family and not use substances to cope. I have a lot of resentment and frankly I am sick of hearing about the addict and what they go through. You might tell me addiction is a disease and that is what I have learned in counseling. I get it, but what I don't get is that one has to fight it. I fight my vices all the time. I resist smoking, I resist overeating, I resist running from it all. I am just plain ANGRY and sick to death of being the strong one.
Juliett55	Re: Using other meth addicts as a scapegoat Sosoconfused. I absolutely understand how you feel, you have every right to. What I'm learning is that doing through addiction for the addict and for their loved ones is the hardest thing they will ever do in their life by far...., but it is also the time when we grow and mature the most, God puts u sin the situations we can handle. I feel that the more I learn how to calm down, to be the mature one (without asking, "why me?") the easier things are. It could be that years later I will have some trouble in life and he will be the mature one to help me, one never knows. Most of the addicts are very kind, sensitive, talented people. This drug must be horrifyingly strong for them to do thing they do to us. The other option is-they could die. Basically, I believe that people pick up from each other, even when they use they can recognize the progress in their partner's or their friend's maturity. And sooner or later it will reflect back on them and back on you in the most positive unpredictable way. Don't give up, but take time to remember yourself, what you do does matter.