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Does meth take away feelings or compassion?


LLounge Does meth take away feelings or compassion for another human being?
Your ability to be compassionate and sensitive towards others? I just returned from a trip to GA where I met a friend of mine that I've known for 23 years. He'd relentlessly pursued me for 2 months and I agree to fly out to see him. When he picked me up from the airport, he gave me a quick kiss. After that, that was about it for any affection. I got to GA on Friday, and by Sunday morning he was wanting to take me to my mom's house. His reasoning was "I just can't handle this right now. I've got too much going on in my life right now." I was absolutely flabbergasted! Not meaning to sound vain, but I don't think it was my looks as we've known each other for so long he knows what I look like.
During the entire 45 min. drive to my mom's house on Sunday morn, I couldn't stop crying. It wasn't a "sympathy attempt" either. I was just so disappointed and sad as I didn't know what I had done to cause such an about face. And he never would tell me either. He was just so cold, so calculated, so unfeeling! He even said "I don't have a heart anymore. No, that's not true, my heart is 5 times its normal size due to the 20 yrs of meth use."
PLEASE someone enlighten me! I'm still devastated by all of this. I'm a very caring, compassionate person and this has hurt my heart tremendously. I've wondered, "Was it me?!"
(BTW, what prompted him to take me home was on Saturday night while he slept, I went to touch his leg as he was uncovered and I wanted to make sure he wasn't cold. I barely was able to feel his leg hairs before he was in my face and screaming at me to "Not ever sneak up on him like that again! I've had guns, knives pulled on me in the middle of the night... don't EVER f*ckin' do that again!" It about blew my hair back how violently he reacted!)
Sorry for all the rambling... guess I got a bit carried away.
Anyway, is it me or did the meth take away his ability to have any feelings or compassion for another human being? He certainly wasn't the person that I've known for all these years. Thank you in advance for your input.
     Replies...
forget
suzette
Re: Does meth take away feelings or compassion for another human being?
it's not you.....he can't do his dope with you there.
he's a nice enough guy to not try and get you strung out too.  he's embarrassed, and ashamed....... the speed is covering it.
SOS
1988
Re: Does meth take away feelings or compassion for another human being?
has he been using meth for 20 years?....daaaa&&&mn surprised he's still alive...yeah,  meth  will make you something you're not, makes you crazy and oblivious to everything....well save one...more meth....everything besides tweeking is in the background....not real....sounds like someone's lost their mind
imlost
inky
Re: Does meth take away feelings or compassion for another human being?
Quote:
Anyway, is it me or did the meth take away his ability to have any feelings or compassion for another human being?

Yes. In my experience, yes.
You say things because they are the right thing to say- the expected thing- you act because that is what you know you are supposed to do-  but mostly, you are the walking dead. That is the best way I can describe it.  You don't feel - not as someone who isn't using would. Everything is distant.
About the only time you feel alive is when you are scoring, you are screwing, or you are angry.
At least that is how it was for me. The rest of the time is just there. Nothing is felt.

LLounge Re: Does meth take away feelings or compassion for another human being?
He told me that the last time he used meth was on the 4th of July, except for one slip-up in Sept. Am I blind? Maybe he is still using, I don't know. I believed him when he said he was straight, but I wasn't looking for any signs that he wasn't. But he certainly was "oblivious" to any feelings that I had and couldn't seem to get me out of there fast enough.
I guess there's absolutely no hope of any sort of relationship there. How tragic, because he certainly used to be such a wonderful, kind and caring person.
Loraura Re: Does meth take away feelings or compassion for another human being?
Does it really matter WHAT the reason for his behavior was?
He is who he is, and who he is now is @#%$ scary.

So don't be a volunteer for more misery.
luve
piphany
Re: Does meth take away feelings or compassion for another human being?
Yes, his heart is gone and sounds like he can't find it right now...may take years.

In short, forget about him. I'm not being coarse or uncaring-believe me, I've got double size heart these days and it's sooooo touchy that I felt your sadness in every word because I experience the shock of the "lost heart" syndrome in an addict I love everyday-when I think there might be a speck left...I'm blown away to find that there is none.
vctry7 Re: Does meth take away feelings or compassion for another human being?
Quote:
Does meth take away your heart?

Yes. I could feel hate, but I could not feel love - at least not like I was supposed to.
I could not feel others pain. It was either that or I just didn't care. I'm not sure at this point.

I didn't care what people thought about me, either.

trying2
bme
Re: Does meth take away feelings or compassion for another human being?
Quote:
Does meth take away your heart?

No, It just makes it so you can't hear or feel your heart.
And what is worse.....is ( for me ) you will never feel it the same ever again.

lynne Re: Does meth take away feelings or compassion for another human being?
it DOES matter that you understand what happened to you!
if you understand WHY he was this way you will feel better about yourself! some said forget why he was this way run. but you are hurt and an explanation may make you feel better about what was a terrible experience.
it was not your fault.
meth addicts are this way! the ex i had would have the coldest look in his eyes when dealing with me sometimes. i was chilled. deep inside he was a sweet man who loved his grand nephew and had compassion for animals. but when he and i lived together and he was back deep into meth, he could not get rid of me fast enough! and HE had been the one asking ME to live together.

i am on this board slowly healing from being "had". he pursued me and then when i fell in love and moved in with him i was something to be gotten rid of in the end.

only be glad that you suffered just a weekend and not more.
i am sorry you experienced this. my ex used a long time too and by then i think they feel their life is ruined and everyone can screw off. their emotions and maturity are stunted and it just ends up sucking for the non user trying to establish a healthy intimate relationship.

it was not you. it was him. the jerk asking you to come all that way then being a dick. you poor thing. 
Guene Re: Does meth take away feelings or compassion for another human being?
Quote:
Does meth take away your heart?

Sad but so true, My daughter turned into someone I never knew, she became mean, yelling all the time, hateful, not the girl I knew, I'm so sorry, it's hard to see someone you care about or even love become someone else. Hugs Bobbie

soso
confused
Re: Does meth take away feelings or compassion for another human being?
Hi Hon,
I understand your pain, I have felt it. My addict and I have 30 years together, and a marriage and kids. I thought I knew him very well. Some of the things he is capable of doing now amaze me. He was almost the complete opposite of the person he is today. I don't get it. I hope it is the meth because I don't want to accept that he is this person on his own.

Good luck to you and I would advise you to stay away if you can. My life is a living hell wanting this man to be who he was before. I know he will never be and it hurts so much.

You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it.
Pink
Anne
Re: Does meth take away feelings or compassion for another human being?
Does meth take away your heart?
I think it does. I know it did to mine.

My heart changed and gave up on loving the only man I ever fully loved and cared since childhood. I knock him down from the pedestal where I held so up for almost 25 years.

It was not easy. The hellish rollercoaster of emotions he put me through the years. The humiliating situations that robbed my self esteem. And the most funny, my willingness to give up and be an addict like him. And how funny this meth is... not even when we were together, I NEVER felt the "oneness" with him-- the very essence I was looking for. Not even with intense mind blowing intimacies. I almost got destructed. Luckily there was enough saneness left for me to realize and bolt out.

Now, I would be lying if I don't admit to "craving" once in while. The triggers (thanks to reading and lurking here, I know and can identify them now ) are just there and often so hard to resist. But for 5 months now, I'm proud to say, " I'M CLEAN ".

Reading someone here said that you can never be the same after Meth scares me though. First and foremost, for me; I've become very irritable and depressive. And the constant headache ( is this normal?). I used to love books and read like crazy--I lost that now. Is that a change of heart ?

The addict that I loved ? He become cyclical manic depressive. Evasive and blaming everyone around him. Which is too bad, he used to be so smart, loving and faithful. I wish he can be the same when he finally turns around. Not for me, but for his sake cause no one could ever love him now as he is -- a meth head.
LLounge Re: Does meth take away feelings or compassion for another human being?
I can't thank you all enough for your feedback. It has helped me to realize that it "wasn't me". I don't have the highest of self confidence anyway, so to walk away (or better yet, be pushed away) not knowing was murder on me.

And for all of you who have experienced this personally, my God I don't know how you did it! One weekend for me was hell. You're stronger than you know!

And for all of the ex-meth users, my heart goes out to you. Positive thoughts and sincere well wishes sent your way. In addition, you TOO are stronger than you know!

Thanks again! My heart is a bit lighter today than it was yesterday.
lynne Re: Does meth take away feelings or compassion for another human being?
some of us chicks are a bit frail and sweet and we really care too much about people. so when we get jerked around like that we are so hurt and confused.

some people are tough. they shrug it off. hey he was an ass----. but some of us are not that way.

we get sooo hurt cause we care sometimes too much. we are way too sweet. then we blame ourselves automatically as we think not enough of ourselves, i think.

it was him the meth and had nothing to do with you, to reiterate.
trying
2bme
Re: Does meth take away feelings or compassion for another human being?
Quote:
some people are tough. they shrug it off. hey he was an ass
I have read alot here in in the past few days, and I would like to bring up a point.

Guys are not the only addicts that are cruel and mean.
My Ex wife did the same cruel things as men do, and men might not show it.... but it cuts us just as deep.

And for me.... Its a wound that will never heal, one that I carry in every relationship I have been in since our break up. Woman are not the only ones that get emotionally beat down......We have hearts also
Meth
Phobia
Re: Does meth take away feelings or compassion for another human being?
Hello there...I am so sorry to hear your story and I can feel your pain...
But meth is a horrible horrible horrible (x1000) thing for anyone - both the addict and their loved ones...
And it NOT only takes away your heart...it takes away everything - even death.

Educate yourself and know what you're getting yourself into should you decide to ride this out...

Love and strength to you...
LLounge Hey, trying2bme?
I absolutely concur with you! This is not a gender specific thing. It can and does hurt men just as much as it hurts women. Just so happens, my experience was a male addict hurting me, a female non-addict. But that doesn't lessen the pain when the tables are turned.
I'm deeply sorry for the hurt that was caused you, and the fact that you're male certainly doesn't diminish nor lessen your ability to feel just as much, if not more, than we do.

See also:

Hard time having compassion for the addict


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