Confessions of a former meth buzz hunter

girl
GoneMild69

I have a question, and I wanted to keep it "hypothetical" to protect the innocent~~ and well, the not so innocent.
In other words, the hypothetical person is (drumroll) me
Do you think the following story is that of a bag whore/ prostitute or is it just typical behavior for an addict? (Feel free to substitute the term "bag whore" or "prostitute" for "buzz hunter" or "lacky" or any other term that might be more conducive to healing & less offensive.)
She started out as a good girl~~attending college and driving around in a lipstick purple car, dressed like a sexy Catholic school girl.
She had edge, she had it going' on.
She knew it, everybody knew it.
She could handle her pot.
THIS INFORMATION IS JUST BEING GIVEN TO SET THE BACKDROP FOR WHAT "SHE" (I) LOST IN MY BATTLE WITH METH.

Then she met him.
He basically told her what he thought she wanted to hear in order to get with her. It worked~~ he had done his homework.

4 years later they were still going out.
He'd just put a ring on her finger in fact.
He meets a (meth) Maker, who I will call Mr. Wizard
and becomes an eager apprentice Maker.
They all three go on a bender: pot, crank, & crack, mostly crank.
They move in together, and are soon joined by a groupie.

The couple's bond is completely destroyed.
He becomes even more violent and hyper sexual with other people.
She becomes psychotic ~~as she has Bipolar and is damaged goods due to post traumatic stress via bad relationships anyway.

She can only recall the fear that her Maker, Mr. Wiz, was going to hunt her down and rape her. The shyt wasn't free anymore: she'd have to sleep with him and prostitute. She said no, made a stink to high heaven by telling her BF.
Her BF doesn't support her during her nervous breakdown/ meth withdrawal.
This was around Christmas time a few years back.
The woman leaves.
He (her ex fiancé) was her drug connection so she returns for the love of Meth. They resume intimate relations even though hate has replaced love. For the record, the sex isn't worth a hoot anymore although it used to be off of the charts. The resentment grows deep, and the woman gives him oral in order to get a chance to slit his throat.

Because she would not put out to or punk for Mr. Wizard, her meth supply gets cut off. Her fiancé claims that they all just need a break from Meth and refuses her need also. She leaves her ex fiancé in order to avoid drastic violence...
and because there was no Meth there.

Do you think that was the behavior of a bag whore or prostitute? Yeah or nay. IN OTHER WORDS, I DON'T EXPECT YOUR ANSWER TO HAVE TO BE ONE OR THE OTHER.

SweetP1126

Re: You might be a bag whore if...

I think that was the behavior of an addict. Plain and simple. My opinion.

Trish

I had to come back and write more on this one. Why does this "hypothetical" girl have to be one of the 2? Either a bag whore or a prostitute. It is that kind of BS that keeps an addict down. Very sad.

mystical
women69

Re: You might be a bag whore if...

I agree with SweetP1126. But it is also just my opinion.

Mysticalwomen_69

FSOAB

Re: You might be a bag whore if...

I kind of think that it takes everyone their own time to figure things out.. It don't matter if you drive the cutest car.. Money? I had lots of money at one time and I was not sleeping around.. It don't work that way for me and I got very depressed and slept a lot.. I didn't do drugs either. Money can buy you a quick f.. I didn't have to pay for it. lol I'm just not that shallow in my opinion...

Cindy Lou

luvepiphany

Re: You might be a bag whore if...

How's about the guy who lives sometimes in the motel with his old lady (literally), rides the bike around stealing stuff out of peoples yards, garages, cars, garbage, Wal-Mart, then pedals over to the dealers car, throws the bike in and drives around for a few days doing the guy with the bag's bidding...whatever criminal act that may be...all for the dope. No sex-not even thoughts of it really-too busy pilfering and stealing...that's my idea or one...which is the same idea of have of a meth addict.

An ugly name for an ugly way to be hooked on an ugly drug living an ugly hell

luv

girl
GoneMild69

Would you condemn me as a bag whore/ prostitute

If you read the edited version I come out of the closet with the identity of the "she"/hypothetical person. As you have probably figured it out, it's my story from about 3 Christmases ago.

Trish,

Your original answer was along the lines of what I had hoped to read, that it was just addiction. I'd like to go to the next step and write that it doesn't define who I am now.

Trish, Mystical Woman, and Danimal~~

Even in the unedited version I never wrote that there were only 2 options: bag whore or prostitute. However, looking back I can see where you'd draw that conclusion; it was on count of the title wasn't it? I wanted to get something grabby; that was the first thing that came to mind, and the fireworks going off celebratin' the New Year distracted me. I hope I've made that clear in my edited title and abridged version of the story so I don't offend anyone else.

So y'all think that my attitude/ feeling dirty about the past might be part of the shyt that's holding me back in life and in recovery?

girl
GoneMild69

Would you condemn me as a bag whore/prostitute

I've edited the story for clarity because the original did come off as shallow in the intro, talking about how "she"/ I had much more going on. I intended to include how "she" had/ I'd lost everything to meth at the end, but I didn't get around to it. I wuz in a hurry to wrap up the story/ close my emotional floodgates and celebrate the new year.

Meth definitely is an equal opportunity destroyer.

girl
GoneMild69

Would you condemn me as a bag whore/ prostitute?

luv, To answer your question, I'd call the guy in your scenario a "buzz hunter" or a "lacky." It would seem that "bag whore" might fit too ~~although you hit the nail right on the head by writing:

"An ugly name for an ugly way to be hooked on an ugly drug living an ugly hell"

luvepiphany

Re: You might be a bag whore if...

I wish I was huggin the addict free from the evil bondage of meth-any one of em! HUGS!! For All even the ones still suffering-even though they want none

Happy New Year

lonelyluv

girl
GoneMild69

Re: Confessions of a former meth buzz hunter

*Giggles* & holds out mistletoe, blushing

A great big cyber hug

Sfj

Re: Confessions of a former meth buzz hunter

To girlGoneMild69,
Ok,
You asked for feedback, so I'll join in.
Here's your question:

Quote:
Do you think the following story is that of a bag whore/ prostitute or is it just typical behavior for an addict?

Well, If I understand what you're asking, then the answer is yes. It is typical, or if I may, I'd say it is common.

But I get the feeling that you are really trying to ask something else, or that you'd like to have a discussion or dialogue about your feelings over what happened.
At this point, I don't think we have enough information, in other words, you haven't posted that much for us to get to know you that well. I hope you do though.
In the meantime, please go ahead and continue and I'll try to respond as appropriately as possible.

jes78

Re: Confessions of a former meth buzz hunter

u remind me of me. i know what i did, but when i actually say the @#%$ out loud, I'm like oh @#%$, did i do that? what you did is in the past, it doesn't make you who you are today. you aren't that person any longer. lets make this new year one for new beginnings. we can't change the past, but we learned from it.
we never have to go back, that life is over. unless we choose to pick up. jes78

girl
GoneMild69

Re: Confessions of a former meth buzz hunter

ThanX a million SFJ!!! I really need someone to talk to.

I mean, there's more to the part about Maker. I think ~~I'm pretty sure ~~something happened that I don't remember that is causing me to hit a speed bump in my recovery. Heck, I only recall about 12 hours out of the 4-6 month run. And I've been told some crazy stuff that allegedly happened, but I'm not sure if my informant is just repeating gossip or was just saying it to mess with my head. My t says that even with hypnosis I might never be able to get those memories back, and to be honest I'm not sure that i could handle it if I did remember. What I am sure of is that I have never been so terrified of anyone as I was/ am of Maker.

Is it possible that someone could've really slammed me without my permission and then sold me and my not have any memory of it?

For the record, I don't recall ever slamming any type of drugs and I don't recall seeing any track marks, but I have been told different.

I guess what I want to know is how to overcome feeling so dirty/ raped/ cheap, and so forth. My closest guess is to focus on the spiritual ~~not necessarily organized religion.

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