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Suspect teenage daughter using drugs, how do you know?


Concerned
Mom
Suspect teenage daughter using drugs, how do you know?
I'm new here and may even be in the wrong place but I am desperately trying to figure out what is going on with my teenage daughter. I know absolutely nothing about drugs so I am grasping at straws here. She is 19, BEAUTIFUL!, but cares about her looks only every once in a while. Most of the time she looks dirty. She calls into work A LOT! She hangs out with questionable people. All of them, my daughter included seem to have no ambition, other than to have a good time. We always find lighters in her purse, but she doesn't smoke. Her teeth seem fine. She never seems out of it. She eats A LOT of junk. At meals, she only picks at her food. She is very moody. Loves the family and hates the family. Doesn't listen, ever, even to simple house rules and lies about everything even if it's trivial. Takes things from us and her siblings without asking...all of the time, like clothing, candy, jewelry, make-up, CD's, electronic devices and doesn't return them...things that are obviously not hers and she doesn't see anything wrong with it. Can anyone help or is she just a normal teenage girl?
     Replies...
sierra
Nights2
Re: Suspect teenage daughter using drugs, how do you know?
My s/o has a almost 18 year old daughter. Much the same way. Now I do know for fact (cause she brags about it) she smokes pot, drinks till she falls down, smokes Marlboro lights, has lots of sex with lot of different people (guys and gals), has done some harder drugs (not sure what), feels it is her place in life to break rules cause that is what they were made for

She does not eat a lot because she tends to be a big girl and she don't want to be fat. She is excessively clean cause a boy might notice her. Runs with a real rough crowd, most on probation or been in some kind of trouble. Makes low d's or f's in school. Has no ambition to do anything. She all about her and nobody else.

Is that normal teenage behavior? I don't know. My parents would have killed me dead and buried me under the porch.
no more
mething
around
Re: Suspect teenage daughter using drugs, how do you know?
Could be meth, could be pot, could be x ...
What's her skin like? Does she sleep for unusually long periods of time? My teenager can sleep till the afternoon, but I mean like days ...
Look at her eyes....are the pupils large and fully dilated?
Or are they red and bloodshot ?
Lives
With
Wolves
Re: Suspect teenage daughter using drugs, how do you know?
Hi, and welcome. I am a mom with a “recovering – I truly hope” Meth addict son, who is 20. What concerns me about your daughter is that she is STEALING – not just borrowing and not returning. That is the mode of operation for people on drugs; to steal, sell cheap, buy drugs. Seems to be heavily related to Meth. Stealing is NOT OK.

Your other statement about her “looking dirty” makes me think of Meth. No ambition, hanging out with questionable people – maybe just rebellious, I would be concerned. Lighters – another sign – what does she say about that?

Eats junk, picks food, moody, love/hate family – could all be normal.

Not following simple rules and lies – METH.

Based on what I have experienced. Meth is a very serious problem. Stay here and read and learn. Ask questions.
Concerned
Mom
Re: Suspect teenage daughter using drugs, how do you know?
Her skin seems normal...how long does it take to notice a change in skin and teeth? She doesn't sleep for days but she does sleep odd hours and just recently began staying out all night and into the next day...even after being told that wasn't okay. We packed her things and she moved out.

You know, I never noticed anything going on with her eyes, or nothing really ever jumped out at me but that could be because since I don't do it, I don't suspect others.

Another thing...she is on the cell at all hours of the morning and night when you would think she should be asleep.

The stealing is stealing but as far as we know she doesn't sell anything. We always know who took it and we find it buried in her room or in her car. The lighters she always says is someone else's. The lies are a huge problem. She lies about stupid things like drinking water instead of say...a coke. Not really but still...really unimportant things!! She starts a job, keeps it and works real hard, then tires of it, starts calling in and quits that one and gets another job. Certainly not how she was raised. I am so frustrated!! Thank you. I like the way you broke it down for me. That helps!

Lives
With
Wolves
Re: Suspect teenage daughter using drugs, how do you know?
When I was in my "total idiot" stage of knowing nothing about meth - I noticed these things about my son.
His face was flushed and his eyes were red.
He had a tick (sudden jerking) on his face (I called him on it) he lied.
He would not eat. He actually would take the lunch I prepared for him and stick it in his dresser drawers. We found FISH one day - YUK!

He began sneaking out at all hour of the night.

So, does your daughter live with you now?
The cell phone use is VERY SUSPICIOUS.

I would be tempted to do a drug test on her and start talking about rehabs. She is 19, so your insurance probably doesn't cover it.
Concerned
Mom
Re: Suspect teenage daughter using drugs, how do you know?
No, she doesn't live with us right now. She moved out after we packed her things and we haven't heard from her in over a week. Very hard. So many emotions to deal with. She was acting like our house rules were for her siblings but not for her. Started not coming home at night and then not until the next afternoon...only to change clothes. She'd say they were going out to eat then I wouldn't see her again until the next afternoon. She supposedly was spending the night with her girlfriends. BTW, she has new friends all of the time. She can't keep a friend for very long for some reason. I hate jumping to conclusions but something is going on...the hard part is figuring out WHAT???
Lives
With
Wolves
Re: Suspect teenage daughter using drugs, how do you know?
Doesn't sound good -
I'm probably one to jump to conclusions - but it looks like Meth to me.

As you learn:
REMEMBER -
You didn't cause it.
You can't control it.
You can't cure it.

I agree that you did the right thing (Tough Love) in asking her to leave if she won't follow your rules. Something is definitely up. And, you can't allow her younger siblings to go thru all that - it is not fair.
Not good for you either.

What to do next? My personality would be inclined to try to find her. Confront, drug test her, intervene, try to get her into rehab. I just have to try everything I can before I would just let go. The earlier the problem is caught and dealt with the better your chances of recovery. I have no clue if this would work - but, it is what I would want to do.

I too told my son to leave since he wasn't following the rules, staying out all night, doing drugs in my house, etc. I offered him rehab - and he decided to go (1 month). He then went to a half way house and failed miserably. I rescued him again, and brought him to my house, he really didn't want to go. He knew that the streets were his only other option. That was over one year ago. It took a long time for his brain to heal. He did relapse recently. He seems to be doing excellent at the moment.
Concerned
Mom
Re: Suspect teenage daughter using drugs, how do you know?
Oh my...How did you know he was doing drugs? Were there any symptoms, any clues? How old is he now?
djmom11 Re: Suspect teenage daughter using drugs, how do you know?
Could be drugs. Pot sure is one for zapping ambition. Could be emotional problems too. Or perhaps a combination of both. If she is telling lies about things that don't matter then she surely won't tell you she's using drugs. I wish you the best of luck and pray that all works out for you and your family. I know how hard this can be. I am the mother of a recovering meth addict.
Concerned
Mom
Re: Suspect teenage daughter using drugs, how do you know?
My biggest worry right now is that she is somewhere out there (without family) and we don't know where she is or if she is okay. I really feel like I am supposed to be doing something for her and not this tough love stuff!!
sierra
Nights2
Re: Suspect teenage daughter using drugs, how do you know?
Concerned Mom, the tough love stuff is not for me either. My son will go hungry, he will not sleep in a ditch. I will not throw him out.

I reckon every situation is different. Not knocking anyone that has ditched the loved one.

I'm thinking' there are better ways. 
upagainst
thewall
Re: Suspect teenage daughter using drugs, how do you know?
Mom's are allowed to worry about our kids. However, after numerous years of this behavior some mom's choose to put it on the back burner.

Hi I am a mom of a (well I'm sure if she quit or not) meth user. I am raising 2 little grandsons because she has other priorities. In the beginning I worried myself sick about where she was, if she was okay, if she was cold, lonely, had food etc....... After countless sleepless nights and more often than not a phone call after 3-4 weeks saying "Oh it hasn't been that long since I called" I chose to place her in the care and command of the Great Man upstairs and concentrate on the boys, the innocent victims of drug abuse.

When I first started learning of her drug use, she was very hateful in speaking to me, she lied insistently about things that did not matter. Lied about being late, saying crazy stuff like ran out of gas, she was in my car sometimes and I filled it up on the way home from work. Do they take us for idiots? She had creepy looking friends just dropping by.

Anyway, long story shortened for you I put her out to save the boys from CPS. I think she is in Louisiana. She calls on occasion to talk to the boys, always from a blocked number, so I know at least she is still alive. I pray for her daily, as I do for many on this board (you know who you are). Journaling has become a past time, when I can. Writing down feelings and venting have helped me get through some rough times.

Sending blessings for your momma heart, many of us have been there and are still there.
Concerned
Mom
Re: Suspect teenage daughter using drugs, how do you know?
Sierra and upagainst...thank you so much. Your words are comforting. Question....What do they do if they are not asleep? I can't imagine having all of that time with nothing to do (no work, school, sleep, etc.)
sierra
Nights2
Re: Suspect teenage daughter using drugs, how do you know?
Quote:
What do they do if they are not asleep?
Well, my son watches tv, listens to his music.
He works a day here and there. Sometimes all week, sometimes not any.
Mainly hangs with his friends. They work on cars, shoot pool, play cards or whatever.
I am seeing some changes here. I think maybe he has a g/f and is trying to do better.

To me, not much of life. 
upagainst
thewall
Re: Suspect teenage daughter using drugs, how do you know?
She used along time before it finally dawned on me.
I have raised the boys since each was born, even though she lived there too. I took them to a sitter because she just would not get up and take care of them, she would claim to be sick or claim they kept her up or always something. She would stay out all night sometimes, I accused her of being a vampire. She slept alot during the day and later I found out she had all kinds of questionable people in my house while I was at work. I did not put her out right away, this went on for 4 -5 years and did not get better and then her so called friends started with the CPS thing. And forced me into having to decide; her or the boys guess what? she chose what she did and they had no choice. It was not an overnight thing that I found out she was doing this and put her out. Oh no, I had her committed twice to rehab for suicide threats or attention getters as I call them. After the 2nd day she signed herself out.

Really what I want to say to you is if you are a religious person place your child in his care and let go and let God. No it will not help much but I believe in the long run HE will do as he says and give this mom her hearts desire. I remain faithful to him and take my grandsons to church and pray for their mom. That and journaling and working and running after them. A pretty full life. Hang in there.
nine
years
clean
Re: Suspect teenage daughter using drugs, how do you know?
Quote:
She doesn't sleep for days

This is a good indicator that she could be using a stimulant, such as meth, of some kind.
Picking at food, lying - lying is a big indicator of meth use, disrespecting others property and others period. Signs of meth.
But you can't really know FOR SURE, and even if you did, what can you do about it?

Unfortunately, all you can do is protect yourself and your property. If it IS meth, you're in for the roller coaster ride from hell. HER addiction will try to take you down with it as well.

Stick around and learn. I truly hope we aren't talking about a meth problem, because it is a vile, very, very STRONG addiction. Meth grabs a hold of you and it doesn't let go.

My name is Lori and I was addicted to meth for 13 long years. I was 40 when I got clean, and I've been clean for 10+ years.

My prayers are with you and your family, and your dear daughter.

Concerned
Mom
Re: Suspect teenage daughter using drugs, how do you know?
Sierra,
I don't think I was clear on my question...What I meant was if they are using...what are they doing with all of their time-since don't sleep? Do you know? Or are they doing what every other kid does?

See also:

Daughter is Using Meth Topics


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