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Codependent and distancing issue with my past addict


Weeping
Cloud
Codependent and distancing issue with my past addict
I'm codependent, and I've been trying really hard with distancing myself from my ex/best friend / addict. I still love him so much, but now I'm starting to accept the idea that Kyle isn't going to get better. I'm not saying he definitely won't, but there's a chance.

It kills me. And the thing is no matter how much it hurts, I can't cry over this - but I'll cry over trivial stuff. Like the other night I was thinking back to our first date and how shy we were. And when I thought of how he slipped his arm around my shoulder in the car and held my hand I started to bawl. I don’t get it.

I haven't been in contact with him in over two months and the wondering is really getting to me. I just want to know he's alive and circumstantially ok. He’s the world to me, but I can’t help him and it’s driving me insane.

I start one on one therapy this week, I’m really nervous.

I met a guy the other day. He’s sweet - he fixed my car for me when the battery went dead the other night. We’re supposed to go out for coffee, but whenever I start to get a little excited or anxious, it is quickly followed by massive guilt. I feel filthy or something.
     Replies...
Indiana
shedevil
Re: Codependent and distancing issue with my past addict
Detach with love. I liked that. I learned about it in Al Anon. I practiced it. It helped me restore some sanity in my life.

In my case (and everyone is different) When I began to explore the possibilities of taking the next step with a very wonderful man that has been a very close friend of mine (over 25 years), I felt guilty also.

The guilt had NOTHING to do with my ex and everything to do with me. I felt guilty because I was not giving myself the time and attention that I need to put into my recovery.

I decided to just remain as friends until I am ready to pursue this. God love him... He told me he will be like the Motel 6 commercial... He'll leave the light on for me!
luve
piphany
Re: Codependent and distancing issue with my past addict
Weeping Cloud, in a "normal" "healthy" world, going for coffee together IS just that-a friend thing-a people needing to be with people thing-an innocent thing-risk a little happiness for yourself. And for gawd's sake darling, ya don't have to sleep with the guy

no, really, take baby steps to making yourself happy. If you weren't supposed to go for coffee with the guy in the big ole scheme of life, he wouldn't have helped you, he wouldn't have asked you and you wouldn't have given it a second thought-tell me I'm wrong-just try!

The letting go response to Sleepless' post by Scorpio addresses just your little dilemma-check it out now funk soul sista (a little Whitey sings the blues...) I better go to bed cuz I'm gettin silly

Hey, as much as I would love for some nice guy to ask me for coffee and help me feel a little tiny bit desirable....it's not happening and I'm going to believe that it's because my God's got some more stuff for me to do with myself, but if it does happen one of these days, I'm getting healthy and ready for just a little baby step to FUN!!!

luvin ya
Weeping
Cloud
Re: Codependent and distancing issue with my past addict
I don't know, I feel bad because I think he'd be a good potential boyfriend. Oi
luve
piphany
Re: Codependent and distancing issue with my past addict
GO FOR COFFEEEEEE is my vote, though I think I feel your feeling. Let go and let it happen   

See also:

Codependent Issues and Topics


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