KCI The Anti_Meth Site

Can I smoke meth one more time or will I be back at day one of hell?

Ms Rosie	Can I smoke meth one more time or will I be back at day one of hell? I smoked meth heavily for a couple of months and have now been clean for a couple of weeks. My roommate smokes and I desperately want to smoke right now! I have had depression my entire life and have taken all kinds of medications for it. I feel like my brain is not producing dopamine (or serotonin or whatever) now that I smoked so much, and it will take a very long time to start producing it again. Is that true? If I smoke one more time, will I be back at day one of hell? If you know what I'm talking about, please reply.
Replies...
coffee diva	Re: Can I smoke meth one more time or will I be back at day one of hell? Yep. Start over at day one of hell. Don't do it.
Ms Rosie	Re: Can I smoke meth one more time or will I be back at day one of hell? I still live with the people I starting using with, and I can't decide if I should move out or not. Today is the 1st time I've actually considered relapsing. Any suggestions?
Night shade	Re: Can I smoke meth one more time or will I be back at day one of hell? If you are capable I would move out. It is oblivious to me that you want to be in recovery and that is a good thing. However it involves changing a lot of things, namely cutting yourself off from the people you know who are still using. You need to start building yourself a support system, namely the more people you cry out for help for the more that people will come and help you. I recommend going to a NA or CMA (if there is one) meeting in your area and build that support system. But it begins with talking to people, and talk to people in recovery. But whatever you do, do not use. If you have to get out of the house you are living in and take a walk. Removing yourself from the situation of people, places, and things will help.
danimal 55	Re: Can I smoke meth one more time or will I be back at day one of hell? It all starts with the first one, and if you want to experience depression like never before...smoke some meth. You've made it two weeks, and you will continue to make it until you take that first hit off the pipe. Next time [heaven forbid] you may not come back. "One more time" HAS BEEN ONE LAST TIME FOR MANY AN ADDICT! Dead IS dead! Read through this forum and pay close attention to the desperate cries of those struggling to un-hook....this IS your life you're gambling with, and if you think it won't happen to you....you are sooooo wrong! It's more than just your life on the line, all those who love and care for you will pay a high price for your demise, the pain, aguish and despair you inflict on others is un-thinkable. Nobody wins...everybody loses. The security of illusion will soon fade to a cold, grey prison of your own design. Life or meth? Choose one....'cause you can't have both. This helps me every time I type it, so here...My fav. Your life is Gods gift to you What you make of yourself is your gift to God And if you do find yourself in the belly of the beast, you know where to come.
Bent But Not Broken1	Re: Can I smoke meth one more time or will I be back at day one of hell? Hello and welcome to KCI! Smoke meth once and return to meth-hell is a certainty for me, and I'm sure many here feel the same way. *Quote:* I still live with the people I starting using with, and I can't decide if I should move out or not. Today is the 1st time I've actually considered relapsing. Any suggestions? If it were me, I'd move a.s.a.p. If you don't know or associate with those who use, thoughts of relapse diminish for sure and disappear over time. We generally can't maintain the same associations as we did before we quit. Private counseling, NA, CMA, Celebrate Recovery, AA...all these are excellent resources to give you the tools for living the clean, sober life. KCI has been one of my saving graces big time also. Whatever you do, don't use. Again, welcome to KCI! There is much wisdom, love, support, and many great people here who care and will listen to you anytime. Make this a new habit instead of meth . You'll be glad you did (coming from someone who feels much gratitude for this place and these people).
forget suzette	Re: Can I smoke meth one more time or will I be back at day one of hell? if you feed the demon. you're exercising your addiction muscle. at about the same pace.......only instead of buff, yur fukin ruff! ...it gets stronger. It says ...let's get dope, I got ideas!....... you can't function with out dope! tard! ....and the universe seems to work against you like you are on the wrong side. Strange DARK freaky, bizarre, inexplicably ....too unlikely to explain, but it's there. if you feed your soul, your inner voice, the "knowing" one, and also the one that really loves you....and tries to save you, gets clearer, and starts whispering the answers to direct your life again, you dream, you have premonitions, esp., instinct, awareness. ...and strange wonderful miracles present themselves that you KNOW you wouldn't have gotten using......also inexplicable. has anyone ever noticed that? .....the most unlikely things happen against you or to temp you on meth? ..........I got stories! then you recover and hate life but small miracles come to reassure you that you are on the right path? as clean time goes by.. you don't think of hiding the tin foil, and having enough lighters, scoring..... and all the things that were priorities, in the life become passé. now you are like the rest of the world, trying to catch up to be even again. ......you press on. you start to think of other things to do with yourself that would make you happy. ....when you relapse, you are OUT OF the hard knock life! ......free! everything seems so bright, you have all these ideas on how to fix your dull ass hard life, and keep going!...you wonder why you stopped! you are ALIVE and on TOP this time! life ain't so bad now! you won't wanna stop! .......and even if you do it takes it's dopamine payment. then the bad things start happening. .....you leave your debit card on a counter, lock your keys in the car with it running....dumb crap, that costs you.. you do more cause you are so mad at yourself, to feel better...avoid things that would have made you happy before, but now you don't wanna do lunch with you mom, or see a movie with a friend.....sheeeyat! you are too busy for sitting, you are busy LIVING! you think...so you cancel, put it off, make another arrangement, forget, not show, loose your wallet, bla bla bla... then things start coming back at you... ....friends are pissed, bills are past due, car windows broken from the key thing, your job fires you, you now are moving into your car, dope isn't working anymore. you quit again. you got all this crap again... ...your brain isn't functioning right, quitting doesn't put you back where you were mentally. so you figure you are screwed either way. Education ....is what comes from forgiving yourself for learning the lesson. how many times will we beat our heads on that brick wall, before we understand? ....I'm right there with you.....If I smash my head against the wall one more time! it may be a different out come!...it MIGHT help. ...interesting, you get smarter and more damaged at the same time. one day we'll say. "I'm going to keep this little bit of brain I got left, ........and pass on the misery this time"
4molly	Re: Can I smoke meth one more time or will I be back at day one of hell? Please don't do it. You have been clean a few weeks. That's a great start. Move out if you can. Surround yourself with people who don't use. Your roommate is too much risk for you. Meth almost destroyed my family. My husband is in treatment now. It will break you if you let it. Emotionally, spiritually, financially, and in so many ways that I can't even describe. Meth is the devils drug. Stay straight. You can do this. I will be praying for God to give you strength. Welcome to KCI. Keep coming back to this board. It really does help people.
forget suzette	Re: Can I smoke meth one more time or will I be back at day one of hell? see a doctor if you can, and tell him how you feel.
imlost inky	Re: Can I smoke meth one more time or will I be back at day one of hell? Yes you will start over. Yes it will start the cravings all again. Yes it will make a bad situation worse. and yes if at all possible, please move out. It is hard enough to quit as it is. Damn near impossible if you have it in your face day in, day out. I couldn't have quit under those circumstances. I don't know anyone that has.
Loraura	Re: Can I smoke meth one more time or will I be back at day one of hell? When you smoke meth, your brain has no choice but to destroy dopamine molecules for the 12+ hours it takes to break the meth down and get it out of your system. Every time you use, you lose more dopamine. Your body does replace that dopamine, but it takes a long time. Studies show that recovering addicts who have not used for 18 months have about 80% of normal dopamine activity. Every time you use, you put yourself further behind in recovering, physically. 1 day on meth requires much MORE than one day off meth to make up for it.
forget suzette	Re: Can I smoke meth one more time or will I be back at day one of hell? you may, or may not go back to counting from day one.....that's your choice. I wouldn't.....I have my own ways to stay clean.. and "day one" makes me wanna be sure I relapsed as well as I could. what it will do, is take another piece of you...no matter what day you count it as. you'll be a chump. ...and me too, everyone. you can't slide under, or climb over that fact.
Missy lynn 2241	Re: Can I smoke meth one more time or will I be back at day one of hell? I have lived that day of...I'm just gonna smoke one more and the ride from hell is off and running again. The experience I can offer is that I had to get away from the people, places, and things in my life that triggered me to use. I can only live in the today, and as an addict I sometimes have a really hard time doing that. I am surrounded nightly by people who helped me and taught me that I do not have to use meth anymore. The pain of my life was so hard, but the meth only gave me moments of relief. NA gave me MY life back. Clean and serene for 2 years now. I never could have imagined it. Miracles do happen, but the only requirement is a DESIRE TO STOP USING. Today I am living proof that others like me can find a new way to live.
forget suzette	Re: Can I smoke meth one more time or will I be back at day one of hell? it's exactly like gambling in Vegas........the money you have left, is your dopamine. and you keep betting your dopamine (well being) you will "be ok" .......meth, and a casino takes in more money than it pays out. it's a scam geared to take your sanity.
click mom	Re: Can I smoke meth one more time or will I be back at day one of hell? Here's my advice for what its worth... Two weeks ago my bf quit. He was clean for 10 days. He was just starting to really come through the withdrawals...and then he took that hit. And it knocked him right back down again. He detoxed for two more days and then smoked it again. So, I think he's going right back to where he started. I want to hope not, but taking that one hit, just sets him back SO far. In order to detox, he's going to have to go through days of withdrawal again. To me, its just not worth it. But I'm not addicted to meth, so I don't know how it is. If you've been off it, trust everyone here who says stay away and keep at it. You'll be thankful in the long run.
Rancid1	Re: Can I smoke meth one more time or will I be back at day one of hell? Sorry I haven't read this thread in it's entirety. But take this from me ( A recovering user who managed to get 4 - 5 months clean living with 2 active addicts ) GET OUT if that is at all possible. By staying there you are setting yourself up for a relapse as soon as you are feeling down. Your thought pattern sounds like you are already rationalizing to yourself why relapse would be okay. You need to get out, and soon. Hope that helps. I relapsed 3 or 4 times in the past year. Now I have moved thousands of miles away from anyone I know who is using. Relapse is the LAST thing on my mind now that I'm not surrounded by dope.
nine years clean	Re: Can I smoke meth one more time or will I be back at day one of hell? *Quote:* If I smoke one more time, will I be back at day one of hell? WITHOUT A DOUBT; YES, YES, YES YOU WILL! *Quote:* I can't decide if I should move out or not. YOU SHOULD TURN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION AND RUN LIKE HELL OUT OF THERE AND NEVER LOOK BACK! Take it from someone who knows; take it from the many someone's who know.
iw2q06	Re: Can I smoke meth one more time or will I be back at day one of hell? *Quote:* If I smoke one more time, will I be back at day one of hell? u wanna die or what? of course u going to go back to day 1 and experience all that @#%$ misery all over again... sorry... I'm pretty bitter... i hate meth... here's something else to think about... maybe u wont live after the next hit u take... to go back to day one... please don't use again...
Penel0pe	Re: Can I smoke meth one more time or will I be back at day one of hell? In my experience, there is no such thing as "One more time." You are either going to stop using, or you aren't. You stopped using for 2 weeks - if you smoke again, you're just relapsing, that's all.
forget suzette	Re: Can I smoke meth one more time or will I be back at day one of hell? I dunno, ...2 weeks clean? ..... I wouldn't call it a relapse, I'd call it still using, but taking 2 weeks off. ...........you still got paraphernalia to use with? you probably aren't convinced you are leaving the rotten whore.
Broken N2	Re: Can I smoke meth one more time or will I be back at day one of hell? All it takes is that one last toke to end your life as you know it. If you have somewhere else to go GO. But also understand that even 2000 miles away.. Meth will be there.. and somehow some way that MOFO will find you. Trust me I moved from Texas to Cal and within the first 2 months it found me. I said to myself...ahh 1 last time and here I sit 2 years & 2000 miles away and I am only 48-daze clean. There is no such thing as one last time...your fooling yourself if you think you can use and stop and pretend it never happened. Hell if that's the case then I am 40 years clean...I want my chip.. Keep using METH and you will know depression like you have never known it before.