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When do you give up on an addict?


Captain
24
When do you give up on an addict?
So those of you who read my story know that I have a severe addict living with me, one besides myself.

When I met Bob he was married and I was also in a serious relationship. All four of us often hung out. Bob's wife and my boyfriend ended up sleeping together, and leaving for Vegas with each other. Bob and I were good friends through all of this, we talked everyday, we were both in the same situation. I had always had a little crush on Bob, but never acted on it. Months later we both ended up trying to forgive our exes.

Bob seemed to have everything, a wife, two beautiful daughters, a house, a really nice car, and a good job. I started hearing rumors that his wife had kicked him out on the streets for being a drug addict. She did. He was living in various motels with his tweeker friends, he was staying up for 10days, the only thing he had left was his car. He must have pissed off the wrong person because in August when he was standing outside of a motel, he got sucker punched in the jaw. He was careflighted out of the scene. He was unconscious for 5 days, jaw broken in 5 places, skull cracked open, and had a 20% chance of living. He woke up to his wife standing over him her first words were "You would have been better off dead". After this he moved out of state to stay with his parents because he was unable to take care of himself and his injuries.

One day I was bored and decided to test his phone asking if it was still his number. It was, and we talked practically non stop from then on. He was sober because he had no drug connections where he was living. We talked 6 hours a day, he told me how he never wanted to go back to that life, how he missed his daughters, and how he always knew he wanted to be with me. He flew out here to be with me. It seemed perfect because we had been friends for so long. It was great when he first got here, we were using but we were always together, he came home every night. I have always had an image in my mind of the stereotyped "drug addict", never actually seeing it. If you saw Bob you would think he had been using for years. Not true. He only first tried crystal meth one year ago. He was a bit of a coke head before that. I had just first tried it too, and I was there when he first tried crystal, he didn't even know how to use the pipe. A year later I still have everything I had then plus a lot more, I have accomplished a lot in one year. He has lost everything, his marriage, his daughters, his house, most of his friends, his job, even his car was impounded.

I took a picture of him on the first day he got here and I took one of him yesterday. IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE THE SAME PERSON!!! He is soo skinny, his face is extremely sucked up. He is exactly what I thought a "drug addict" would look like. We have been getting high off and on since he got here, but have been on a semi-regular sleep schedule. This time he has just refused to stop, he wont go to bed. On about his 6th day of being up he stopped coming home, I am suddenly not allowed where he is going, there was weird text msgs on my cell phone that he had been using. I have tried to talk to him but then I am "trying to be his mother, trying to control him".

Its hard for me to see him as this kind of person, because I have seen him when he is not like this. Do I just give up? If I completely kick him out, he will be back to living on the streets like he was months ago. He was my friend for a long time before we were ever anything more, do I just abandon him? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
vctry7 Re: When do you give up on an addict?
First, I can't tell you what you should do. Only you know what's best.

But, I do know a couple of things - kicking him out does not mean giving up on him. That means protecting yourself. If he is going to continue to poison himself, he will do it with or without living with you.

Also being around an active addict jeopardizes your recovery.
danimal
55
Re: When do you give up on an addict?
I'd walk away from the whole twisted wreckage if it were me, that doesn't mean giving up on Bob, it means separating yourself so you can recover from your own addiction....while you still have "everything"...
but keep in mind...
*The Best Things In Life...Aren't Things*
Hang on to Bob and you're hanging on to meth. Guaranteed!
The whole gig sounds like a meth induced soap opera...
take away the meth and see what's left.

Bob has abandoned himself and you're not responsible for his own self deception and self betrayal, if he ends up on the streets again it is entirely on his own accord.
Show Bob an example of a successful recovery as there is little or nothing else you can do for him.

And do it from a SAFE distance.
imlost
inky
Re: When do you give up on an addict?
Captain, you have your hands full saving your own sinking ship.
You can't be his lifesaver. You are drowning.
When to give up? As long as there is breath, there is hope.
When to remove from being an active part of your life?
When you are doing all you can do to stay clean and fix you.

Right now, you have all you can do to take care of you.
Bob is grown- he can take care of Bob.

You look a lot different too these days.
You resemble a tweaker yourself.
Best to take care of you now.

Because you are the only one who can save you.
Captain
24
Re: When do you give up on an addict?
You all are so right. He just came home from another all nighter. This is by far the worst I have seen him. He was pacing, accusing me of stealing his phone charger. Digging for change, asking for money, and searching the carpet for god knows what. I asked where he was all night and he proceeded to freak out about me asking him anything. Its one thing to feel bad kicking someone out when they are your friend, and they are nice to you. But this is ridiculous, even the guy he brought with him was looking around like "is this really happening?" I can't handle this.... I know I have to do something. I vaguely recognized the guy who was with him, he took a college class with me last year and he used to be very attractive, now he looks like he could be Bob's brother, all sucked up. I am packing his things right now. Today is my first day sober in about 3 mo, and I am going to keep it that way.
imlost
inky
Re: When do you give up on an addict?

Quote:


Today is my first day sober in about 3 mo, and I am going to keep it that way.
Good Girl. Exactly as you need to -
Fix you then you can worry about fixing someone else.
How are you doing? Head clearing up any?  Cravings holding off?  Do you have a plan in place for when they do hit?

You know we are open for business 24/7  Keep that in mind OK?
Just for today I choose life.
You can do it- one day at a time.
Captain
24
Re: When do you give up on an addict?
Normally when he would come back, all i was worried about was that he gave me something so I could get high all day. I could have been like that today but I didn't even want to give him that satisfaction, when he went to put something in the pipe I told him to keep it cuz apparently he wanted it more than me. When I was high I thought everything around me was the same. I looked around today and realized how f-ed up everything is. I used to have a really cute apartment, now it smells like smoke, its dirty, it looks like a tweeker house...oh wait it has been. I look around at all the nice things i still do have and wonder how long it would have taken before him and his tweeker buddies would have robbed me. I feel robbed already. I am going to clean my apartment today, I think that will make me feel more normal. I am going to throw away anything that has ever been used for drugs, I have gotten so careless about things that are left in my apartment. I think if I lock up my apartment really well, I will feel okay to go to my moms house for a few days and get away from this mess. I don't want people I care about to have to look at me the way I just had to look at him. It makes me sad to know they probably already have.
imlost
inky
Re: When do you give up on an addict?
You did good Captain- very good.
I am real proud of you - that was awesome.

You know something? I think you are going to okay.
I believe you will make it out of this hell just fine.
Cool Beans...........you made my day.
Now I will be warm and fuzzy all over 

You did good.

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