More going on than just addiction

Savannah
05

I think that through out active addiction and even before addiction, most addicts have other prominent problems that seem to make the addiction worse and vice versa.

First we think "wow my life sucks, gee I'm fat, or I wish I had friends" and those are some of the problems that usually lead an addict to start using in the first place.

Then we start using and along with the many problems that are a direct result of using (bad health, rotting teeth, trouble with the law) other problems arise because of the life we are leading and quite often because of preexisting problems that are worsened by our drug use.

So we decide to get clean and for a while things are great! Partly because you get an endorphin rush when your finally able to produce them on your own again, but mostly because our relationships with those who really care strengthen, we start to lead a life with real meaning and feel more worth while, and we no longer worry about cops, bad dope, or that bug under our skin.

Life is going so great and you think " Hey nothing can happen now, I'm clean", but even people who have never done drugs before have bad things happen in their lives. Though I think newly clean addicts tend to take it a little harder, like " Damn I messed up my life so bad and finally turned it around.....now this!!"

Like me for instance...I've had two miscarriages sense getting clean. With the first one I though " How can so and so have 5 healthy baby's when she smoked dope during each pregnancy and me who is clean and not even smoking cigs looses her child??"

Well I am afraid that life does go on and we need to stop looking at the past as a tally board and realize that no matter how much we have gone through we are still bound to suffer more.

People gain strength, courage, and wisdom from pain and suffering. I have learned and grown so much from all the crap I have gone through. If everything just "poof" got better then I would have not learned so many valuable lessons that now keep (or at least help) me from making the same mistakes over and over again.

Never before would I have ever imagined I would be saying this....but I am grateful for my suffering.

Just some things that were floating around in my head
Thanks for listening

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