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Husband using meth for 11 years - Why can't I cry?


GaFlake Husband using meth for 11 years - Why can't I cry?
I have been married for 20 years, and found out 6 months ago that my husband has been addicted to meth for 11 years. I went through all the emotions. I was pissed, hurt, and most of all felt very deceived. I cried alot in that first couple of weeks. Since then, I realized there was nothing I could do about it, and decided not to let it get the best of me. My heart has grown very cold and calloused over the last few months. My dog died today and I can't even cry. WTF is wrong with me. I am so sad, but I cannot cry. I am worried about me. Any suggestions?
     Replies...
corty
shell
Re: Husband using meth for 11 years - Why can't I cry?
Its your hearts defense mechanism.
I went through that too It lasted a long time...
But one day I cried ...
I'm still not the same person I was before but I didn't expect to be either.
I learned I grew my heart is colder but its still loving
I don't know what else I can say.
Other then everything runs its course.
Guene Re: Husband using meth for 11 years - Why can't I cry?
Hi Hon, Welcome to our board and first I'd like to say how sorry I am about your dog, and I'm sure you will cry soon, it will come when you are ready.
Second, I'm sorry to hear about your husbands meth addiction and It must have been a big blow to you and the life you thought you had. It's sad that you had to find out after that many years, but you have found a good board with a lot of caring people who will help you deal and support you right now. Hugs
vctry7 Re: Husband using meth for 11 years - Why can't I cry?
It took me a long time to cry again. I was married to an addict and then became an addict, too. I didn't cry for a long time. I am 3 years clean. Now, I do, but it's over silly stuff. I think I am getting back to the point where I should cry about things that really matter. It takes time.
JUST
CATS
Re: Husband using meth for 11 years - Why can't I cry?
I'm with Corty on this one. It is like a defense mechanism. The same thing happened to me, and I was worried about it. You will be able to feel the pain, when your body and mind are ready.

I am so sorry about your dog. I am an animal lover too, and losing one, is like losing a child. I just went through this myself in June.

((((HUGS))))
silly
veronica
Re: Husband using meth for 11 years - Why can't I cry?
I go through cycles ... where I'll cry non-stop and am really depressed ... to where I'm just completely numb and unable to cry. I think it's a defense mechanism - your body, heart and soul know that you can't take anymore so it shuts down.

I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your dog - I have a 9 month old that I'm very attached to and I can only imagine your pain.

Sometimes I try and separate myself from everything and anyone and just tell myself that it's time to let go. Then I cry and cry and try to get it all out.

Anyway - thinking of you!
Indiana
shedevil
Re: Husband using meth for 11 years - Why can't I cry?
At first I was so much in shock I couldn't cry. Then the tears wouldn't stop.

It sucks.
Weeping
Cloud
Re: Husband using meth for 11 years - Why can't I cry?
If you aren't already in counseling, you really should sign yourself up for some sessions. After everything that happened with Kyle (the most recent suicide attempt, going to rehab for 6 months and staying clean only to start using again) I still find it exceptionally hard to cry over anything now a days. After a while your body just gets so exhausted from everything it just can't do it anymore. I'll pray for you.
GaFlake Re: Husband using meth for 11 years - Why can't I cry?
Corty- are you a counselor? This is exactly what my counselor said this afternoon, it was a defense mechanism, and I would cry when it was time. I thank everyone for their posts, hugs and prayers. This means so much to me. Thanks for the help.

no more
mething
around
Re: Husband using meth for 11 years - Why can't I cry?
Some reading I've done about that said that the 6 to 9 month mark after discovery is where the anger sets in. At first, it's like shellshock, numbness....it's stages of grief, actually.

Grief over the loss of your fairytale, what you thought was your reality only to find out you've been living a lie.

You build the walls of stone around your heart. We have to. To let go and cry feels way to vulnerable and open for more hurt. I cry over everything....if someone cries or throws up, I'm right there with them....but to cry for MY pain, any pain, is still hard.

We gotta let down our walls, break up the cold ice or roots of bitterness will take over.

We do not want to spend our lives behind those walls waiting for the next blow to come.

I've been hanging out with me lately....taking out feelings I've been storing up and have been able to out and out sob, those way down gutteral sobs that cleanse the soul.

It's been 9 months since I found out some past sins of my husband. It's been almost a year since my parents died.

It's getting better, but man, I was worried about my stone cold heart there for awhile. Give yourself some time and don't expect too much from yourself.

Acknowledge how you ARE feeling and don't worry so much about what you think you SHOULD be feeling.

Take a look at the stages of grief....this is what we are dealing with. Loss and grief.
 

See also:

Anyone started detaching while in relationship?

Loved ones of an addict, which one are you?


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