Does remorse ever set in for Meth users?

Last night my step-daughter came over with ultra-sound photos, saying, "it is a girl"! I said, "You're that far along, that they can tell the sex of the baby"? (we thought she was maybe 2 months along) "Oh yes! I am 4 months, Due on April 25, isn't she cute"? she said.

This extremely sick feeling ran through my body and I am sure it came across my face. She was using so heavily all during this time. I would think she would be a little concerned, using meth, the health of this baby, not being married, no job, no car, and pretty much no life.

She has shown no remorse for dropping out of her "Massage Therapy" school; which her mother had already paid the $6,000 for, how she ruined the car we let her use, and for the big mess she let her life become.

SFJ explained, "the molecular structure in her Central Nervous System, brain, has been changed". Because of Meth use. Is this why she doesn't feel bad or guilt over anything? Will she someday?

It is just amazing to me that someone can not care one bit about anything they have done.

You'd be surprised.

In some recovering meth addicts, remorse becomes overwhelming.

The guilt and shame are so intense that suicidal thoughts are not uncommon.

It is a very fragile condition.

Also, remorse is the reason many return to active use.

Although she isn't using right now, chances are without proper therapy/recovery, she will start using again.

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In some recovering meth addicts, remorse becomes overwhelming.

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The guilt and shame are so intense that suicidal thoughts are not uncommon.

Can these feeling lead to relapse as well?

They sure can, meth is very effective at relieving the pain of guilt and shame.

ive been told by many addicts that they go and use then they feel so much remorse that they go use more to deal with the guilt over having used. vicious cycle.

I totally expect her to continue use in the near future. Her parents think she is doing fine right now, and I am positive they are in total denial. I don't even mention anything to my husband right now. As long as it looks fine, it must be.

What is making me crazy is that she does not show remorse and appears to not even care about anything regarding her life situation.

Hubby has recently told me something like this. When he left and was living by himself doing all the dope he wanted. He said he would have "clear" moments, cry, and then do more and more dope, sometimes an 8-ball a day, so he would not feel those feelings of all the pain he caused. The dope started it, and he'd do more and more and more to cover it up.

Isn't it funny...he started using to bury the pain of two deaths in his family when he could've dealt with them in a healthy way. By the end, he was doing all that he could to bury what he had caused from starting in the first place.

Vicious cycle...yes.

I'd ask the girl to take a drug test with no warning. IMO, when they are carefree and happy is when they're using.

To concur with the rest....remorse is an emotion that keeps us on the treadmill, not only are we medicating our emotions but we're also doing our best to avoid the many faces of withdrawl.
Regardless, that baby has no say in this matter and needs to be represented as the mother is unable to do so.
That child is already meth addicted and IMO... some form of legal intervention would be in order to protect the rights of the unborn.
Everything is NOT "fine"!

Umm,

I agree with alot of what's been said here... but also in my experience people who have been supported through their life will seldom feel remorse untill they see the realities of life first hand.

What's $6000 to someone who's never made it? What's a car to someone who's never bought one, registered and insured it?

To a child it makes perfect sense that if someone has something to give you then they must not need it. It must not be a big deal.. and however much they like it to them it is only *their* problem when they destroy it.

I find that users who have lived life on their own by their own means before their addiction have a much better grasp of remorse and personal responsibility than the users who began using when they were essentially still children at least in the sense that they were still being taken care of.

In my opinion a person addict or non-addict will rarely really understand the consequences of their actions untill they experience them for themselves.

Oh, I know everthing is not fine. When I did last mention to her dad that she was still using, he said, "well she doesn't sound like she did in AZ., all chatty and hyper".

I would love to have her take a drug test. I don't have that call.

She went to the Dr. yesterday for her first pre-natal exam. I am sure they would have taken her blood pressure, and wouldn't it be high? Or if she hadn't used the day before maybe it would be regular?

lostinky made mention that her husband didn't go thru traditional withdrawl symptoms. Maybe this kid doesn't either.

Thanks for your support everyone. I have no one else to talk too, because I am trying to back off the situation. It is too hard to just ignore with the worry I am going through.

The pain of remorse kept me in relapse mode for what felt like a thousand years. Every time I would stop using, even for a few days, I would feel: the realization of every crappy thing I had done in my life, the understanding that for every acheivement I had EVER MADE, I sabotaged my own success, the knowing all of the dissapointment I had given to my loved ones, the wreckage I would have to wade through to make things right again. These are overwhelming feelings, and, like Sfj said, sometimes the idea that I was better off dead than alive would cross my mind. For me, the only way to shut these feelings down was... getting high again. When you are high, you can put all of your energy and thought into something less important, like taking apart a computer or something. You don't have to think about your life when you are high.

When the pain of knowing what I had become was apparent to me ALL THE TIME, when I couldn't deny it any longer, I decided I had had enough. Early in recovery, I literally shut down - the physical, emotional, and mental pain was too much to bare. Thank God I had support, and have learned how to cope with all of this in recovery. Working the steps has taught me ACCEPTANCE, which is incompatible with guilt, remorse, and shame. With acceptance, I was finally able to right the wrongs of my past, and have learned that by living clean today, I can slowly clean up the wreckage of yesterday.

As SFJ said:

You'd be surprised.
In some recovering meth addicts, remorse becomes overwhelming.
The guilt and shame are so intense that suicidal thoughts are not uncommon.
It is a very fragile condition.

My nephew DID indeed end his own life by committing suicide. He had several times been brought to the hospital for cutting himself all over so badly we thought he would bleed to death. He died from taking a huge dose of Tylenol - not that night, about 3 months after that he dropped dead. He had a hard time quitting Meth, alcohol, and other gang related activities.....only he knows the true reasons. He was 25.

I think it was Danimal who said that someone needs to intervene on behalf of the unborn child, and I concur whole-heartedly.

Let her screw up her own life if she sees fit to, but in my opinion, she has no right to damage her unborn child so that the child has to live with the mother's mistake for the rest of its life.

I would contact the doctor and advise them that she was more likely than not, using during her first trimester. Then I'd see where it goes from there. Others who have been in this predicament have better advice on exactly what steps you can take, but I wouldn't sit back and do nothing.
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What is making me crazy is that she does not show remorse and appears to not even care about anything regarding her life situation.

If and when she ever gets into recovery, the remorse will hit her like a ton of bricks.

It did me. It hit hard. I can't believe that with all of the destruction I had to face, I didn't go back to using to numb the pain. To this day, after all these years, I am haunted by regret. I am haunted by the memory of the wretched woman I once was.

Someone else said that for younger addicts, the remorse isn't as bad as it was those of us who were older, and I suppose that probably is true. I don't know.

Just know that the person you are dealing with is not your step-daughter, it is the drug addict inside of her; it is the meth that has turned her into a monster. I mentioned to another mom in another post earlier that it's almost like being possessed, and if meth is the devil's drug, which I believe it to be, then what does that tell you about who's controlling the addict.

Please do what you can for the baby's safety. Once you have done whatever is in your power to do, then, if you have a faith, look to your faith for hope. You won't find it in the eyes of a tweaker.

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I would think she would be a litte concerned, using meth, the health of this baby

If she doesn't acknowlege it then it didn't happen.
You'd be amazed at what you can bury down like it never existed.
The closer it comes to delivery, the longer the clean time, the more reality will hit.
At least for most.
There are some though that are just lacking and will not experience any guilt.
They lack empathy- the ability to put themselves in someone else's place.Experience the feelings they might be feeling.
I don't know why.
I just know it is.

Now, I agree with everyone else on does the remorse set in-
for most,yes it does,and yes the guilt is terribly heavy.
And yes it is enough to throw you into relapse.

It is always the hardest to forgive ourselves - always.
We can make excuses for everyone else, justifications but we can not for ourselves.
We are our harshest critics and our own worst enemy.

If she ever showed signs of empathy,of accountability prior to drug use then I would expect for that to return.
If that is the case then she really would need to be in some type of counseling , support group.

I also agree with sfj and I experiance overwhelming remorse and hopelessness daily...

If I was'nt on meds I would crumble, and use again I imagine,
............speed is the only thing that makes guilt stop.

with meds you feel like you can correct somethings...
with out it's just the most hopeless and zapped out dispair.

I can't say enough about how much my meds help me balance
and keep me out of major depressive additudes that leave me feeling... numb and lathargic.

the dark horrible memories I can dredge up are really painful.

you'll get to a point where you are over it, and she dwells on it eternally.

if you don't get her to a doctor at that point, I think it's a matter of time before she will use again.

just my experiance and opinion.