KCI The Anti_Meth Site

What purpose is a "higher power"?

kennedy 64	What purpose is there for higher power? Hi gang... I have NEVER knocked anyone's belief in a "higher power", and I'm not going to start now, but... I have seen a lot of bad things in my life, a lot of death, a lot of suffering. I just got back from visitation of probably the nicest kid I ever met (straight as an arrow; no drugs, swore rarely, but he did have the occasional beer and shot... the boy could NOT drink worth sh_it!). He was killed on Saturday doing what he loved best; working on the water. Crushed between a couple of boats... I guess the point I'm getting at is this; what purpose is there for this "higher power" to take people like Nate? I mean, c'mon already! WTF! Which brings the point back to addicts; how many "test's" are there? How much do we (or, in this case, me) have to endure without saying @#%$ it all and running for the nearest pipe? Why? Why even bother? I'm not trying to being a drama queen, but today just really "iced the cake" in a manner of speaking; I'm just sick of people dieing for no god damned good reason! Sorry, I guess I need to vent.
Replies...
imlost inky	Re: What purpose is there for higher power? The pipe won't bring Nate back. The pipe will put you where Nate is. I am not into organized religion- but I am spiritual. I don't know the why's - I gave up trying to figure them out years ago after a good friend has his house trailer fall on him in front of his wife and 3 young children, and after another good friend got burned up in his mobile home after saving the 2 babies, he died with the 8 and 9 year old children, and after DJ ,a 16 yr old hung himself, Jerry another 16 year old died in a head on crash after he had quit drugs, and Chris another 16 year old drowned while fishing in a pond- the same pond he and my son had fished 100 times. I don't do why's. I don't know, I will never know. All I know is here - for this moment I am a lucky one, I have my family to say I love you to. For this moment. So I live it - knowing that those that went on before me guide my way. I hear them in my dreams. I know whatever there may be after death - whether it is heaven or hell - there is something because I have felt their presence with me every step that I take. I feel them still - no one will ever convince me otherwise. I know there are no guarantees- I know life spins on a dime- I know to make the most of each and every moment because it may be your last. And I know life is so very unfair- for every beauty there is a pain. I am truly sorry for the loss of your Friend, Bob- truly I am. I'm sorry I can't give you the answers you are looking for. They are the best I have.
Flyf1sh 3r	Re: What purpose is there for higher power? I have come to this conclusion about my higher power. My higher power is the force of creation. Some people define this as "God" The universe is very complex. This earth is very complex. It would be impossible for everything to co-exist without anything "bad" happening. It isnt perfect, "God" isnt perfect. "Bad" things happen to good people, and visa-versa. It isnt "gods" decision. Sorry for your loss. Honor him by not running for the pipe.
danimal 55	Re: What purpose is there for higher power? All that dies..has first to live. Humans are constantly pushing the envelope and tragedy is a part of everyday life. 10 out of 10 people die, it's that simple, no one gets to determine when or how we exit. We build our homes and cities on storm ravaged shorelines, fault lines, downstream of huge dams, and even at the foot of active volcanoes, then we marvel at the "destructive" force of nature, some even dare blame "God". When I look at the mountains out my front window, I realize they're ancient seabed [limestone] and that this brief exsistence is but a bleep of the big picture. I think good people like Nate are taken to new assignments where they are needed, it's our loss, not Nates. I'm no bible thumper but the story of Jobe always comes to mind. Believing in nothing ain't it! And I feel that blaming "God" is'nt "it" either. And Bob, running from our feelings and sucking that glass dick is exactly what the meth monster would love to see. Honor Nates friend and take care of yourself. [he just might be watching]
Graffin	Re: What purpose is there for higher power? I've seen a lot of death and suffering on the job just like you have. I can re helping our MET team pull down a 12 year old kid that had hung himself in a bathroom stall at school. I had to tell his mother. I can recall after watching her instantly go insane, I thought to myself..Why does this stuff happen? I had to deal with a vehicle accident recently with a mother and 4 kids that were killed. The youngest was decapitated. I always come home with those visuals and say WTF? What's the point? I've lost people on a personal level as well. Many I just could not understand why. I will never be able to understand it. I've never been overly religious. I haven't been to church in 10 years, but I do have a real hope that there is a higher power. My philosophy is simple. I'll take each day at a time and try to help someone each day until it's my time to go. I'm sure a pipe, or regular drink would help me cope on a temporary basis, but on the long-term it will only add to the BS that you will have to work through emotionally. Hit your problems head on man. Don't use a quick fix to mask the real issues. You can only control you, not the world around you. You are strong enough to recognize you have/had a problem and you came here to try to resolve it. Talk it out, don't mask it with smoke. My condolences for the loss of your friend.
XOutlaw Woman	Re: What purpose is there for higher power? I am sorry for the loss of this young life. One never knows when their number will be called and time's up. It is one of the questions I want to ask God when I am called to Heaven. Why? Why do the good die young? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why is it that those who hurt others, and profit from evil, live long lives? Maybe they need to live longer until they get it right. I do not have any answers, but I have a lot of questions. Maybe the ones called early are the lucky ones. My boyfriend says we are living in hell here on Earth. Don't know....wish I did. Part of the bigger picture and plan is all I can say. A picture we cannot grasp. A plan we have no concept of.
Was Tweaked	Re: What purpose is there for higher power? "Heaven collected another valuable soul" "There is no death, only a chnge of worlds" There are really no words or explanations for what happens...sometimes it just SUCKS!! The pipe will not help, only time. Condolences to the family. Thinking of you buddy.
I miss the old me	Re: What purpose is there for higher power? I am so sorry for your loss I hope you find the peace and the answer you need But I want you to re he passed away *Quote:* doing what he loved best; working on the water at least it was something that he loved and he sounds like a wonderful person i know if I had to fight the good fight i would want my best soliders at my side. My brother passed away at 6yrs old, he had 37 surgeys before he passed and there is not one time that i re that he didnt care about someone else before himself and i had all the same questions that you do. I am not telling you to go pray or anything like that but i am saying just ask your questions and u will get the answer in your heart i am here anytime you need me or u just want to vent.
ian	Re: What purpose is there for higher power? I really didn't want to comment this but I just couldn't help myself. If you took closly it's going to sound like I'm bi-polar on this subject. Iv'e had a lot of tragedy in my life as well, it started from doing drugs but there are always other factors to keep in mind. I lost my brother to a stupid DUI accident, he got a ride with someone home, feel asleep in he car and as far as I know he never woke up from that. My wife Maya has had a lot of tragedy in her life, she was abused in many ways by many people for a VERY long time. I grew up an atheist with a jewish twist and my wife is jewish, you know what Iv'e found out over the 26 years Iv'e been alive, You need to do what works for you and your loved one when it works and stop doing it when it stops working. I don't believe in god but that doesnt mean I can't have relationships with people who do, the whole 'higher power' thing you were talking about is more of an AA/NA type of slogan that they like to repeat. Iv'e had a lot of problems with those programs as well back in the day and for all it did to me I can't help but carry resetment against it, I'm not saying it's not a great organization that helps a TON of people everyday and it is probably a good support groupd if you agree with their idealogy but for me it just wasn't what I was looking for. I'm going to post a link to my old drug story on the bottom maybe that will explain it better than I can right now. I just wanted to tell you that your not alone, there are MANY other people who feel the same way and the sad thing is because AA type groups are so common they get discouraged after going for a few times. If you ever feel like talking to me please message me here or email me at dazed_confused11@hotmail.com Don't get discouraged from quitting just because of thing hasn't worked for you. Iv'e been to NA for many months and many meetings and for me, it did a lot more harm than good. It was pretty sad to see people that havn't touched a drink or did a drug in 20 years and their whole lives still revolved around meetings, all their friend are recovering drugs addicts and they can't stop because they will fall right off the wagon. I think it's sad because there is soooo much more to life than spending your time contemplating what you did wrong. I'm a hugh fan of therapy on the other hand, specially congnitive behavior therapy in all it's forms. Not that it works for everyone, we are all differant people. I'm just telling you what has worked for me. I don't want to go on and on and evnetually I'll just end up getting on somebodys nerves (iv'e seen a lot of zealosy from 12-steppers, specially those who are new there or those who have been there for 25 yers and will probably keep going for the rest of the lives. The way I see it and what I mean by there is much more than that than life after drugs is that if your surrounding yourself with recovering drug addicts and you can't stop going to meetings and it becmes a huge part of your life. In one way you are still very much obssesd with drugs, even if it means your whole life revolves around 'recovery' you are still very much involved in the 'drug world.' I don'r know anyone these days in real life that used to be a junkie, I have my beautiful wife now, we got married 7 months ago and she has been terrific but she never used to be addicted to drugs. I know what your all saying, but going to NA 4 times a week is MUCH better than being strung out on drugs but life isn't black and white. You made some mistakes but you can fix them and the most imortant thing is to take it as a 'phase' for lack of a better word and move on with your life as soon as you can. Don't forget the bad times ofcourse, it will help not only keep you in check but also remind you to where that road can lead if you pick it back up. I wish you all the best from me and my wife Maya, I know how hard you can be but I know your strong enogh to pull through this. Hope this doesn't offend anyone I really tried to hold back and not go on some sort of rant. You don't have to be a junkie forever, it's something that will pass if you work at it hard as you can and don't give up, my wife always says as you that the secret to life is push back a lot stronger than you get pushed around and not giving up. If you ever want to talk to someone please don't hesitate to drop me a line in my message box here or at dazed_confused11@hotmail.com I realy do understand a lot of the things you said about drinking every once in a while too, I was never an alcoholic either even though I used to drink very heavily when I was younger (well, really young at about 13 yo). And once again, about death, I know it's something so permenant and the harder you try to 'fix' it the harder it will be. Try to work on yourself and be there for the people you love. Don't forget about those who passed but don't let it take over your life. I have those moment a lot too but the sad truth is it's something your going to have to accept as a part of life and because people are differant we handle it in differant way. I hope we can keep in touch and if there is anything you need to even some advice or someone to talk to please don't hesistat to drop me a line. I don't mean to sound selfish but it would probably helps me in more ways you could imagine, that's why Iv'e been coming to this message group on and off for almost 3 years. Best regards to you from me and my family, I knew you'll make it through this. Don't feel bad about bitching and mouning here I do it all the time it helps me get out everything that's on my chest and it's a lot less dangerous than sending angry letters to people who wronged you in the past. It's more like an online interactive diary I guess at this point in my life right now. --NOT-- that I'm not grateful for all the support I gotten when I tried to get off drugs by myself the last time I did it, I'm very appriciatetive of having this place around. I hope we can keep in touch Bob, and even if we do just remeber you are strong enogh to do this. BTW one more thing that really helped me when I was first detoxing is cognitive behavioral therapy, I know that might cost a lot of money for 1 one 1 sessions but if your interested there is a lot of great reading matterial and support groups for those kinds of things on www.smartrecovery.org Take care of yourself, keep in tocuh and be safe, you really are doing the right thing, be happy about it!
Penelope	Re: What purpose is there for higher power? Life Happens, and death is a part of life. Not one of us is going to make it out alive. Why be angry with God for the one thing each of us is guaranteed to experience? Life is what it is, it isn't always fair. We will always grieve those who leave before us - this too is a part of life. Being angry with God does not change the nature of life and living. Acceptance is the key to peace of mind. ian, I like the way you turned Bob's question into yet another opportunity to put down 12 step recovery. Not sure how the death of Bob's friend got turned around into a diatribe against 12 steppers. Criticism of one program does not make your own more attractive.
forget suzette	Re: What purpose is there for higher power? ....I'm not religious, just spiritual. the difference is.... strait as an arrow, ............. the 24 hours before his death, he probibly told his mom he loved her, enjoyed the moment, appreciated beauty in nature, and his own heart. he a good meal, felt sunshine on his face, and appreciated the beauty of a woman, that caused him to think he would enjoy a whole relationship with a pretty girl who loved him and him ...love her. fuckt up on meth, 24 hours before your death, you avoided your mom, never really enjoyed a moment, never looked up or went out side, and if you did, you mis-interpreted what you saw, and were paniked. saw a bytch he wanted to fuc in the ass. some people it's their destiny to die using drugs. ....some of us wasted our lives to return and enlighten as a whole lot of people who say. We escaped reality, .............we went insane. we over came a freaking material "thing" that does'nt get to own us. if you feel unhappy... see a dr. and get the RIGHT medication. ..........or loose your soul before you get to die.
Guene	Re: What purpose is there for higher power? Im truely sorry for your friends death, I wish I could say something that would help, but life does suck sometimes and I myself wonder why bad things happen. Maybe god has his reasons, I don't know. Why does my daughter do meth, why won't she get help??? ETC..... Hope you feel better as time passes, but doing drugs isn't the answer.
Penelope	Re: What purpose is there for higher power? Wow, suzette. Great post. And, for the record, I'm not religious either. I don't need religion to have faith in God, and I am not about to criticize anyone who DOES have religion. We each walk our own path - God willing, we'll let each other do just that.
sdm sanjose	Re: What purpose is there for higher power? Ian, you stated: *Quote:* It was pretty sad to see people that haven’t touched a drink or did a drug in 20 years and their whole lives still revolved around meetings, all their friend are recovering drugs addicts and they can't stop because they will fall right off the wagon. My son is a meth addict and I want him to get into recovery more than anything in the world. Thank you for reminding me that there are AA/NA, 12-steppers that have not touched a drink or drug in 20 years. Going to meetings is a very small price to pay to have my son’s heart and soul returned back to normal. Those 12-steppers give me hope. When you get 20 years clean like the 12-steppers you mentioned, your statements will have more credibility. Right now you seem to be very bitter towards AA/NA; these organizations have proven themselves to millions of addicts for several decades.
choose freedom	Re: What purpose is there for higher power? I am sorry for your loss. I personally believe that God doesn't make bad things happen. A book that really helped me is: When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold Kushner. The promise is freedom.
Rubyy 2zday	Re: What purpose is there for higher power? Oh man, do I know where you're coming from!. I'm still not sure about a higher power. All the people I love & who love me die. WTF? It hurts & it doesn't seem fair. Especially so young. BUT I do know that death is part of life & I believe that when we die we get to go somewhere really cool, where ever we want. So it is just painful for us that are left behind. We miss them & it hurts worse than anything ever. I've spent my life running from the pain. But they are not in pain anymore. They are having a great time & someday we'll be together again. Life has 100% mortality rate. Fairy tales and movies have trained us to think that only the bad guys should die, but we all die, even the young beautiful ones. It's not punishment, it's part of the journey.
Hemet chik	Re: What purpose is there for higher power? You know kennedy I use to trip on the same thing. As a child I was raped by adopted father and step father. I was taken to church on sunday, of course. I felt how could a loving God allow this? He didnt allow it. He gave people the oppurtunity to choose their life and follow the voice they hear inside of them. Some people hear good and some hear bad. People act on those things. Death is part of life and it is something not to fear, but to understand. We dont all go to sleep and just die. That would be perfect. He was young and did die young, but the people here who mourn him have the hardest time understanding. Yet he is somewhere in the universe part of the energy force.