Friend doing meth - concerned about her children!

I don't know if anyone can help me sort this out or not. I pretty sure I know the answer and I guess just need some support. Someone very close to me is doing meth. Of course you all know what comes along with that. She has completely cut her family out of her life. They are hurting so bad. Ya know I had all this stuff typed out but I'm sure you guys know. My main concern is she has 2 children. Her and her husband have joint custody. My husband finally got ahold of her the other day and tried to talk to her. He found out a lot more than we all knew. I'm concerned for the childrens safety. When do I step in? How do I help? I love her soooo much and don't want to help her husband take her kids away but I'll never forgive myself if she has the wrong person over there and something happens to them or she does something to them. Can anybody give me something...I am a christian and I pray for their safety but what if I stand here and say nothing and she dies or her kids die. i have talked to her ex-husband and told him they really didn't need to be with her right now.

Has she been in jail or arrested for being on meth?

Not for meth...for bogus checks. She got out the 18th. That is when we all really started finding out how bad it really was.

Can her husband handle primary custody? Does he do drugs? What is her home like, is it dirty and are there losers hanging around? Her husband should step in and find the answers to those questions and evaluate the danger his children are in. You yourself can call CPS if you think the children are in danger and someone should check on them, but in my opinion it isn't something that should be done unless you feel it's absolutely necessary. Getting CPS involved can be a nightmare. But if they are being neglected, having that documented can help the husband. Anonymous calls to CPS are usually not treated with as much concern as those done by people who give their names.

She has lost her job...she called me for a ride home and she looked horrible. She has shut everyone out. She hibernates in her apartment with her boyfriend and won't answer the phone or the door. The kids have said a few things to their grandmother. I have been keeping in contact with her. She told her parents where to go and won't speak to either one of them. Right now her ex can't keep her from seeing them. He has a lawyer. I talked to him the other day and he is going crazy.

Her mother said the downstairs is clean...very clean but the upstairs not so clean. The kids have always looked great. Her daughter is 11 and not stupid at all. Her son is 7. My friend always looks good except she has purple scars all over her face now and she has lost a good amount of weight. The children aren't neglected as far as food and clothes...hygene...that kind of stuff...that's why this is so hard for me because I'm thinking everything looks fine except the fact I know she does it and when I have been fortunate enough to get in her house it just feels creepy and the company she keeps now is creepy. She is so out of character for the last few months. I just want to make sure that whatever I do is for the best...for her and her children.

Oh and yes her ex can handle primary custody....he hasn't always been the nicest guy in the world but he does love his kids.

Unfortunately it isn't likely that he's going to be able to do anything until things get worse. If he has an attorney, his attorney will advise him what the court can and can't do for him. It sucks, but that's the way it is.

Meth makes users want rough sex from anybody anywhere. Ok, not fair to say ALL, but some......I wasn't so concerned about my husband molesting my daughter but very concerned that he would have her around someone who might.

We also had friends who gave it to their daughter so that she could 'keep up' with them and I didn't want my daughter to be drugged.

Then there is the fact that addicts become forgetful and leave drugs and paraphernalia lying around. I found a lot of stuff before our daughter could get to it. The one time I did see her find his stuff, the look on her face was unforgetable!

When they crash, they are impossible to wake up. The house would burn down and they would feel no pain.

I had/have plenty of reasons to not want my almost 11 year old daughter left alone with her daddy.

if you feel that her out of control lifestyle is harmful to her and her children, then as it was your responsibility to act in a way that protects everyone,without hestiation.as soon as this became known to you.this is your role. in the movie that is being played in your circle of friends, and your role is to be the one to wake up everyone.save everyone, and give everyone a chance to save themselves.
having her kids taken away could be the best thing that could happen to all of them. it will bring them together again in the end.its what she needs. she needs to realize what is important to her, and then shell have to work hard till it hurts to get back what she loves most,and st the same time realizing her own self worth. everyone will be given a great priceless gift in the end.its only a temp situtation.this is there movie, so that they have the expereince of moving to a place of love, compassion, and oneness.everything is perfect and plaing out just like it should.play your role.and play it well, with the intentions that you love them all and want to see them alive and in love. with themselves, life, and everyone they meet.
i know.i al,ost died a few times from meth, went to prison even for 3 years because of an accident, and hurt the ones i loved.
i learned that life,with all of its moments, must be expereinced with love, heart,compassion, and most important.....a clear idea of who you are and who you choose to be,and just keep choosing that in every moment,never changing your mind,or loosing focus.
"there is no you, there is only me"
make the world smile......be creative in word,thought,and actions, and care for everyone....and work damn hard to understand what you call wrong till you no longer call it wrong,so you can love them anyway.and heal them if they are ready.
"when you see god in the profain as well as the profound, then you will truly know god"
"no one does nothing wring giving there model of the world."
unconditional love,,,,
this means,no matter the crime, it is only a mistake, so sorry is not necessary,but a thankyou for realizing what the truth really is.it takes a human being to be compassionate,and open,to heal another.and in so doing will keep falling inlove withhimself over and over.
there is no you, there is only me.
there is only one of us.
Dino

At first I was going to dive right in and go to her ex-husband and tell him everything I knew...the one problem I'm having is my husband is also a recovering addict. He's been sober for 5 years now and has worked very hard...has given his life to God. He has a felony record...she has always been sort of vindictive even before the drugs. She's not just a friend she is also family. She was married to my husbands cousin. I had everything prepared and then the fear of her trying to get even for her getting her children taken away from her overcame me. We also have children (3). My husband is still on probation. What if she tries to do something to get him in trouble again. I have kids too that I have to protect...no telling who she knows...I know a lot of shady characters have been hanging around her house. I feel so selfish...I don't want her to die. I don't want her children to be harmed...I have had all that drama in my life before. But I know I need to do something. I don't want to hurt her. My husband is the strong one...He won't believe any of her lies. She tried to lie to him the other night and he just told her I've been there you can't lie to me about what you're doing and then she admitted to doing it all the time. She said it's not like I do it in front of my kids....but she's high when she has them. I've been praying for guidance. Maybe I'm just not listening very well....Fear is the abscence of God...She is just not herself anymore. She used to be very responsible and her kids always came first...now what im hearing is that she has incurred a lot of credit card debt she's not paying....she didn't pay her bond person...that is what landed her back in jail. Her family knows what she's doing...I've been talking to her mom everyday. Her ex-husband knows...I have to take my daughter to school...I really appreciate all the replies...it keeps me thinking. Thanks.

Listen,
when iwas out of control, neglecting my responsiblities,to the p[oint of loosing everything,i beg god one day to stop me before i kill myself.2 weeks later,i ran a red light and seriouslly hurt an old woman in a car,because i was up to long shootin and i fell asleep.i knew right at that moment that god has s aved my life, and i also believed that that the woman i hit on some higher level of conscienceness, chose to be in that car one day, not only to help me expereince the consquences of my actions,and stop me in my tracks, but also maybe to give her lovced ones the expereince of caring for someone they really loved very deeply, but might have been to busy with the foolishness of everyday life,to express that love to her, and the attentive we all love to recieve.
this is what i mean when i say"when you see god in the profain as well as the profound,then you will truly know god".
do you see how perfect it is?
is life not perfect?
are we not perfect???
we both gave each other a priceless gift. the gift of experienceing the unconditional love that we are.
believe me, i forget all the time,every day.but only occassionally.i work to make myself better. not better than another...just better than what i was the moment before.
when this stops is when we grow old,get sick, and die.
the moment we stop growing, stop changing...stop creating w ho we are, we die before we even die.life means change.we are life. keep changing all the time.passion will grow and so will you..
thanks for letting me share

hey shelly,
what can she do to hurt you? i bet not much.we are all protected by the laws, and people, even though they think they have some @#%$ on you, really in truth have nothing at all.my email is dino_dommeducci@earthlink.net....if you wanna talk im here
call child services, report the neglect, and theyll make sure she gets help, an the kids are taking care of too. and im sure youll help along the way. you sound like a goood friend...and just follow your heart.. you know what you have to do.believe me, in the end shell know who you are, and that you seen who she really is, and will love you for not throwing her away or judging her, like the ones, who dont know what that person is going through. they are to busy judung and hating, to understand the pain they are in.we all need help in our lifes, and thats the whole point. to go through it, so youll having something to do.....hey, when you have no self esteem, aaddiction, and you've given up on yourself and everyone around you,cause you believe that they given up on you too...and finally, on the day when your so tired, you finally change your mind about who youare...and give it all you got to regain yourself....thats living life....thats the expereince of loving yourself.and as you mature, youll never forget....all of a sudden youll have wisdom.....and youll be an example to all that comes in your path.
we need to be down.to not know. to have difficulty with life...so we have so point to grow from, from. isnt it beautiful!!!!!
its awe inspiring!!!!
email me when you get home if you want k,
Dino

Quote:

what if I stand here and say nothing and she dies or her kids die.

That would be my concern also. If I were you, and I know I'm not, so this is just what I would do: I'd call CPS anonymously and report my suspicions. I would take no chances with those children being around meth users on a regular basis, period.

I could be way off base, but I don't take meth, or meth around children, lightly at all.

IMHO,
Lori

call them first, they will tell you what has to be happening in order for them to help that family. you have to make sure shes useing when they go to the house.there has to be proof.get close to her..find out whats up....call them up and they will tell you the right info.
and then youll have to make it happen.
beleieve, it can only do good.shes dieing, and her kids are loosing themselves more and more everyday as they watch their mother disappear....step up to the plate, and make sure she has something to make her want to stop useing, and get her back to her heart.your her friend, thats your job!!!
>D

Thank you all for your help. I really appreciate it. Just like I told her ex the other day I want to make sure I know what is happening before I dive in and possibly make things worse. But to me they do sound pretty bad. Even if they aren't now I'm sure the storm is coming. He was going to see his lawyer the day I talked to him. I talked to her mother about him filing an emergency full custody she was going to call him and talk to him about it and I haven't heard anything yet. I am going to do what I can. We have asked her to let him have them util she's clean and I guess she didn't listen because she picked them up from daycare the next day. When a person is on this stuff do they know they can't take care of her kids...is she just being selfish or does she think she really has it together and is doing great? Later guys.

shes trying to hold on,and take care of responsibilities,with a full blown meth habit.
get everyone together, find a good rehab center,and intervent....present her with a plan....rehab, the kids can stay with family  for a few monthes so when she gets out in 28 days, she can focus on her,and have less stress,and still she can see the kids whenever she wants too.
if she refuses...at the end of the intervention,she does not want help, you need to take the kids away from her. call family services, and tell them what im suggesting.and see if this is a good idea.if this is how its done.we dont want to break any laws...but these kids cant see this @#%$...its tearin them up.ive never done an intervention before....so you might want to ask alot of questions with a few different people and do what feels right.