KCI The Anti_Meth Site

How to help her quit meth, drugs?

Nice Devil 945	How to help her quit meth, drugs? I posted here 4 days ago with a question about my GF and her meth addiction. I so appreciate all the compassion, understanding and wisdom y’all shared. I followed your advice and told her I cannot & will not see her again until she made the decision to quit and gets treatment to help her do that. So now my problem is solved. But what about her? She, of course, is still a user. What can I do to help her? I am fully aware that I can’t make her quit or do it for her. I know she will not quit until she decides she needs and wants to quit Is there anything I can do to help her make that decision? She has no one else who cares if she quits or not. Most of her family and friends are users. The rest of them are indifferent. In addition to her meth addiction, she also smokes pot daily and uses prescription morphine everyday, which, I think, she is also addicted to. In the past she was a very heavy drinker, but right now her consumption is rather low. She does not eat well. Her diet is primarily sugar – soda pop, ice cream, candy bars and pastry. Did I mention cigarettes? And if that isn’t enough, she also has a gambling addiction. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to help her see that she needs to change before she completely destroys herself? I’m not equipped to do anything except be her biggest cheerleader and supporter. I know she has a lot of challenges and I have doubts sometimes if she will make it. But I would be remiss if I didn’t do all I can to help her. I just don’t know what that is.
Replies...
Windy CityKen	Re: How to help her quit meth, drugs? If I were in your situation, I would attend an Al-Anon meeting. Although her drug of choice may not be alcohol, in my experience in attending AA meetings as part of my recovery, there has been minimal "translation" needed to get something out of being with alcoholics even though I'm a tweaker. Perhaps the same would be true in the Al-Anon tradition. The folks at these meetings have dealt with being having a loved one who is an alcoholic/addict and know how to be of help to them without going down with them. To find an Al-Anon meeting near you: www.al-anon.alateen.org/m...eting.html
k8 kanguru	Re: How to help her quit meth, drugs? Nice Devil Here is a little mantra you might like to repeat until you learn it by heart... "I feel with loving compassion the problems of others without getting caught up emotionally in their predicaments that are offering them messages that they need for their growth." (Ken Keys) Your girl has some very deep issues there, lots of self loathing and fear of facing self. Her problems are way beyond your scope to solve. She will need help from people with oodles of experience and expertise. You can't fix her. You even shouldn't try. It's not your job. All you can do is let her know you are one person who cares and thinks she's an ok human being despite all her c*ck-ups.
Rachel sue76	Re: How to help her quit meth, drugs? Nice, Wouldn't it be nice if the minute that we told someone that we were not going to see them anymore until they decided to stop using and get into a plan of recovery, if the did it? Unfortunately, that is not usually the way it goes. Sorry about your girl. You have such a little amount of time invested in that relationship.
jsmom	Is there anything I can do to help her quit meth, drugs? Short answer to your question, and one which may seem cold: probably not. You are obviously a compassionate and caring person, but it would be so easy to lose yourself in trying to help someone who isn't ready for help. Maybe she will be someday, and the fact that she knows you will be there for her when she is ready might eventually encourage her to get help. However, you alone can't change all the problems she has - drugs, diet, smoking, drinking at times- and you could end up being used or actually getting sucked into her world. My son, who is 22, is a user - in several senses of the word. He is addicted to meth & in the process, has turned into someone who uses people, especially those who love him. It breaks my heart to see what he has become. We've told him so many times that we will be there for him when he is ready to go to rehab. He knows that & I hope & pray that someday he will decide to get help. We have 22 years of our lives invested in loving him, and the situation is getting worse & worse & is sucking us dry. After just 7 weeks of a relationship with this woman, I feel that you've done what you can- told her you can't be involved with her & let he know that you be there for her when she's ready to get help. The rest is up to her. Take care.
Lisa	Re: How to help her quit meth, drugs? There is NOTHING you can do to help her unless she really and truly accepts that she has a problem, addresses it, and wants to do the hard work required to get past it. Without that....it's a losing proposition, unfortunately. DON'T get sucked up in her world....I know it's tempting when you're starting a relationship - I've been there, and I ended up basically losing six years of my life. Stand strong. It's the very best advice I can give, and I've been on both sides of the fence.
25 years but no more	Re: How to help her quit meth, drugs? Welcome to the board! Now you are treading on thin ice. You said *Quote:* Is there anything I can do to help her make that decision? Unfortunately, there is nothing that you or anyone else can do to MAKE her do anything. Helping a meth addict without getting sucked into it yourself is a hard thing to do. I would suggest that you run the other way as fast as you can and don't look back, but if you choose to try to help her then I do have a few suggestions to make. Knowledge is power and you can't fight what you don't understand. I would suggest that BEFORE you decide to try to help her, that you read all of the posts here everyday for 30 days. If at that time you still want to help her then you will at least have some kind of idea of what you are going up against. You owe it to YOURSELF to read the posts here for 30 days, so that YOU understand just how easy it is for YOU to get sucked up into it. You have less than a 1% chance of being able to help her, and she has a better than 99% chance of sucking you in. Choose carefully because this choice could cost you YOUR life.
nine years clean	Re: How to help her quit meth, drugs? *Quote:* Is there anything I can do to help her make that decision? In my humble opinion, NOPE! Move on with your life. Please. I wrote a response to your other thread, which I only read this morning for the first time. You may want to read it. Anyway, I have oodles of experience, and I am old. Thank your maker that her addiction was revealed to you after only 7 weeks. You cannot help her unless she wants help. Also, be prepared for lies and manipulation when/if you do talk to her about quitting. She will tell you that she doesn't have a problem, and she can quit anytime, and she may even promise to quit. These are all lies. Quitting and recovering cannot be someone else's idea, you see? She has to get to that place all by herself.
TerryCa	Re: How to help her quit meth, drugs? I agree, ditto to all of the messages above. I have a 22yr old daughter drug addicted. No matter how much I love her, try and talk with her about getting help, it doesn't STOP her from using. Who's got a problem? What problem? Huh? I'm afraid for her, not only exposing her self to scary situations and people, but afraid for those people she suckers in with what at the surface appears to be love and/or sex. The drugs are #1 above all else! Don't fool yourself. Yes, deep down she is still wonderful. Yes, I would love for you to help her, but I would be VERY, VERY AFRAID for you!!!!