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Will he ever quit? Meth, now Dexedrine?


Bronwynn
Raye
Will he ever quit? Meth, now Dexedrine?
Hello;
Thank you for all your help, I have no one else to talk to. My live-in boyfriend has used meth for many years, but "only a tiny amount to get through a tough nite"...I found out six months ago...I gave him six months to decide if he wanted to quit...he said he would, used again, and pretended he hadn't...I had to discover it myself (trust your gut, it never lies) and then he was clean for 19 days, then had a bad nite at work (again) and used and again, and then a few days later...I had to discover it by the cold feeling in pit of my stomach when I looked at him...I told him I was there for him, why didn't he phone me, he said "oh, it was late, you wouldn't have been up", riight...I said I would help him out and he won't even tell me he's having a bad day, and I have to discover it. I said go to a meeting, he did, and was straight for another 14 days...but then he was hinting about Dexedrine.
So, sure enough, I just knew he had done something Friday (Feb 3), as he messed up by not picking me up from work on time. He did Dexedrine and some other pill with it! I mean, he could not even function, and again he told me he had a bad night before at work and claims he wasn't able to call me (b.s.) and that his "friends" tell him Dexedrine is the way to help get off meth if you feel the craving, and that he's not as strong as me and doesn't have my willpower (I don't drink, smoke, or anything). What's with the not talking to me when he relapses...I have to gather the courage to confront him, while he's high, that he has betrayed both me and himself?!
He's a dj in a club, whines about quitting, as it's obviously a bad environment, but never does quit this two day a week job - he is incapable of a normal job, and is lazy.
So, now he's been holed up in the bedroom for two days, and when he comes out, of course he's not himself, but is pretending he is, but talks and talks and I know he's still slightly high and I hate it.

Well, yes, I know what to do - kick him out. My question is: if I have offered to be there for him, gave him a good home, been a straight, successful, compromising girlfriend...have I done enough? I mean, what else can I do? I am not going to enable, yet, I think I have already.
I want to send him to visit his sick mom in another province, I will buy him a one-way ticket...should I just then just change my locks and tell him to never come back? I have told him straight out to get out, as I have now seen that all he will do is talk his way around doing it again...yet he will not leave...I have not been free of him for one single 24 hour period...he'll go to a friend's but then come home when I leave for work. He's like a leech that won't go away.
I used to love him, but do not like the pathetic person he has become, and of course we have not had sex in a year and a half. The porn is all he claims he does, but I don't believe him, as who carries condoms around with them if they don't have sex...oh heck, I know I have to get him out of my life...he does nothing for me. Am I being mean? You see, it's my boring life that he blames, then if I'm not home, it's my fault, and my first holiday in five years (in Feb 05) I call him and he cries that he is so lonely (and he upset my idyllic holiday) and he told me later that is when he started using alot...and he gets lonely when I go down to my boat to get away from his highs...but of course I did't know why I had to get away until six months ago!!! ...duh, I know now. But it's my fault...riiight. I realize now, it's just his addictive personality...I cannot change that. He got off the booze, then it was "too boring", now the meth has destroyed any chance of a normal life for him, "too boring", especially now, I realize.
Ok, thanks for listening....sorry this post was so long. (thank god no kids nor wedding and at least I don't give him money, so I'm not a complete sap.)
     Replies...
coffeediva Re: Will he ever quit? Meth, now Dexedrine?
Hello,

I am sorry for your pain. Loving an addict is hard. I am the wife of an addict.

I think you already know in your heart that you need him to go. You are not married, you do not have kids and obviously are the supporter in the relationship. Not to mention there is no longer any intimacy in your relationship. You will be better off without him.

His behavior shows that he is NOT serious about getting clean. Laying the blame on you is just one of the many manipulations addicts use on their loved ones. You didn't cause it and nothing you can do will 'make' him use.

You have given him 6 months to make a choice and he hasn't done a thing to aid himself in his recovery. He will continue to use you and use meth.

Send him away now. You deserve a better life.
forget
suzette
Re: Will he ever quit? Meth, now Dexedrine?
No one will take responsibility for your happiness but you.
....if the grief out weighs the fun.

try to find happiness somewhere else.
TnSkye Re: Will he ever quit? Meth, now Dexedrine?
Only you can say when enough is enough.

With or without drugs, you are right, if you aren't having sex and he's carrying condoms, it isn't for show and tell. THAT'S enough reason to kick him out.

If he hasn't admitted to an addiction or to wanting help, there is little that you can do to help him. You are fighting a losing battle that isn't even your's to begin with.

I think I'm hearing you say you are ready to end this relationship but are having trouble either with following through with it or making him believe you are serious.

If his name isn't on the deed or lease, you can threaten to have him removed, but be prepared to follow through. Do NOT make threats that you are not willing to carry out.

Sure, pick a time when he's out and change the locks. Also, don't answer the phone when he calls or the door when he knocks. When you give him an inch, he thinks he can rule the world again. To end it, you have to really end everything.
Bronwynn
Raye
Re: Will he ever quit? Meth, now Dexedrine?
Thank you for your insight...you are all right: I am having trouble following through (13 years hanging out together) but yes, the grief outweighs any fun. And if I want to do something and "you weren't home so I used", well, I cannot help him...and it isn't my battle, is it?!
Thank you for being beside me...much appreciated. I know what I have to do.
another
family
Re: Will he ever quit? Meth, now Dexedrine?
You ought to seek therapy to find out why you would want to be in a relationship where you were treated like that. You are worth more and deserve more. Best wishes.
Bronwynn
Raye
Re: Will he ever quit? Meth, now Dexedrine?
Thank you for the support...I have meant to go to a therapist for awhile, but felt we could work it out, obviously not. And no, I am not happy and yes, I deserve to be in a caring, loving, and respectful relationship.

See also:

Quitting Crystal Meth / Methamphetamine

When does someone really hit rock bottom?

When will a meth addict quit using?


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