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Why do more women visit the message board than men?


Rubyy
2zday
Women visit message board more than men?
I was just thinking about how many more women than men are here because they are affected by someone's meth use. Addiction knows no gender & I'm sure there are equal numbers of hurt males out there. But at this board there are ex's, mothers, grandmothers... I'm not saying there aren't any men concerned, so don't attack me, just seems most of the hurt loved ones around here are female. What do YOU think?
     Replies...
Loraura Re: Women visit message board more than men?
I think men and women deal with emotional pain differently.

Women, in general, are more likely to seek out help from others to solve a problem they see in their life.

Men, in general, are more likely to look within themselves to solve a problem they see in their life.

Not all, of course, but in general society has set examples of gender specific "appropriate" behavior for all of us since we were small children.

It's "OK" for girls to cry, to spend hours on the phone with their girlfriends solving the latest crisis over which nail color looks better and how they can possibly go to school ever again after tripping into a plate of mashed potatoes in the cafeteria.

It's "OK" for boys to laugh off a problem and pretend it never happened. It's "OK" for boys to keep their feelings to themselves.

Boys are pushed to take responsibility for themselves in their jobs and education. Girls are allowed to depend on others for assistance and not do so well at their goals and it's views as "OK".

Yes these are stereotypes and don't apply in all households. But in society at large, what we see on TV, in movies, in the news.... these things are accepted as normal for the gender.
Sfj Re: Women visit message board more than men?
Ruby,

Thank you for posting this.

I've asked similar questions in the past, but I get frustrated when searching for something meaningful answers.

By far, the number of women on this forum is greater.

But why are the 12-step meetings usually populated by more men?

This forum, and the women here seem to be looking for support, encouragement, a sympathetic ear and understanding more than they are looking for answers.

That notion is not as comfortable for many of us men.
Cindy
Luu
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
Sfj,

What do you think most of the men are looking for and have over us women? Do they have any answers? Or do they just check in once a year to see if there are any answers yet? What about talking things through to try and figure out an answer.. This place is a meat market of women. I remember when my other half told me how he was so mad that he had to take dance. He then noticed there were ten girls to the one him. He though he hit the jack pot.
Loraura Re: Women visit message board more than men?
Quote:
But why are the 12-step meetings usually populated by more men?
For every man at a meeting there's a woman asking him how the meeting was when he gets home!

Just kidding.

But SFJ, aren't the meetings you usually attend predominantly attended by gay men?
djmom11 Re: Women visit message board more than men?
I have no answers to the question - just what someone else said, men and women handle things in different ways. Me, I wanted to learn all I could, and it is "nice" (if you can say that about this!) knowing there are others who can understand where you are coming from. Here in my little corner of the world, in the few meetings I've been to with my kiddo, seems equal as far as men and women, but she would be able to answer that better then I.
Rubyy
2zday
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
I appreciate all of your input!
I agree that women are more likely to reach out & talk things through, whereas men are more inclined to figure it out themselves. Men see things more black or white, which has its benefits & downfalls. Women tend to consider all options before making a decision, which has positives & negatives too.
And I agree with Sfj that women seek support & men aren't as comfortable with seeking support.
*I didn't get the impression that Sfj was saying that men have anything "over us women", I don't know where that came from! Things get easily misread.
I wasn't trying to start any gender war & hope people can share freely.
I believe we are all equal. I also believe we are all different. Let's celebrate our differences!
nine
years
clean
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
My first reaction to this post was because women are natural care givers and nurturers. Grandmothers, I think, more readily step up to take on their grandchildren, because let's face it, they are going to be the primary care giver in that type of situation. Wives, I think, tend to be more committed to saving their relationships at all costs, than do husbands.

When I read some of the responses, like Sfj's, my first reaction was there are more guys in 12 step meetings because more guys are court ordered there than are women.

NOTE: I don't know these things for a fact, nor do I claim them to be fact, I'm just telling you that these were my first reactions. Before I thought them out, kind of shoot from the hip, reactions.

I also agree with the assessment that men want quick and easy answers, so they can go on with their lives without any sign of trouble to the outside world, and that women are willing to reach out to others in an effort to formulate answers.
Guene Re: Women visit message board more than men?
Will when I was taking Jamie to meetings at NA, there was alot more women than men, so I guess it just depends on where you go for your meetings. Yes I would say that there are more women than man, but I would guess that there are alot of lookers who are men. women seem to need to reach out and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Hugs Bobbie
TnSkye Re: Women visit message board more than men?
I was thinking that the women have to stay at home with the kids and the computer is the only way to be able to get help and support. Just a thought. I'd be in meetings too but TinyTown Tennessee has none to offer.
nine
years
clean
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
Yeah, Skye, I had that fleeting thought too, but then I couldn't think of very many stay at home moms that I know.

Most of the women I know work, but then, we're always working so how would we know how the other side lives???
TnSkye Re: Women visit message board more than men?
There are a few here. We may work from home, but try our best to stay at home.
Cindy
Luu
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
I am a stay at home mom.  I do miss working though.  Maybe again someday down the road I will be able to have an adult life. Let me tell you, it is not all that easy for me. I love action, people and life.. I put my children first and that is o.k... Not saying others don't..

I would neer pick on Sfj..  Or, maybe I would cause I think he is cool.  The whole men over women thing came from the statement that women are out looking for support, encouragement and a sympathetic ear more than they are looking for answers. I think that is very true, but I think women are also looking for answers. Its hand in hand to me.

I would like to address something else. Why does it seem like I always get blown off and when the other half has something that seems important to him he demands that it gets first priority until he is happy with the answer? It seems a little hypercritical to me.

Gender war...  That is a funny thought.. I am game.
SweetP
1126
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
I agree with Loraura on this one. Men just aren't suppossed to show emotion. They're not "suppossed" to talk about what bothers them, how they feel, and so on. It's just not the cool thing to do, for a boy/man that is. They think it shows weakness, because that is how they have been programmed.

IMO, I think that is why a majority of men become addicts. They don't know how to deal with all the things they feel, like disappointments, hurt, etc..., so they turn to drugs to help with the pain. I know there are a few exceptions, the ones that don't think they have to be tough, but I don't know very many personally.

Stereotypes are ugly, but they are a fact. Men have to be the tough ones and we women are the gushy ones. But in most cases, the women are the ones that end up having to be the tough ones, hold it all together. And the men are the ones that fly all to hell.

So I think maybe men should just try crying a little. It works wonders.

Hope I didn't offend anyone
Ben
Twelve
toes
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
Hi Sweet P:

In the beginning of my recovery I did a lot of crying. I cried from pain and I cried from joy. I agree with you that it worked wonders. For me tears are healing.

These days I still find myself with tears in my eyes but it is usually from the joy in my new life.

No offense taken here.
Who
LetMe
GetMe
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
Lolaura - Whenever I go to the rooms for meetings, the women latch onto me because I guess there may sometimes be men that have sexual afflictions or disorders associated with their previous use.

Plus for me.... I have a meeting at 5:30 today that's for women only and I totally dig that. I'm not out to meet anyone. Please, for all of you male readers, I'm sorry if I sound like a beotch hangin overboard but if you go to meetings and you think about what I'm saying then you will truly understand that I mean no offense.

Wow, what a trip.... Mormon missionaries were just at my door. I promised them I'd keep the pic of Jesus but wouldn't lie about calling the # for their free video! Hey man, atleast I'm honest, right?? Plus, no bullsh#@ing, they left! Right on!

A key for me is coming back to my higher power and I think it is sometimes easier for women to "surrender" if you catch my drift. We're, IN MY OPINION, more apt to state our weakness and accept our fualts.....

Just what I think. Thanks for asking....

Peace ~ Don't pick up, not matter what!
25 years
but
no more
Re: Women visit message board more than men?
Women will look for answers way before men do. Just like a woman will ask for directions long before a man will. Also, men are more likely to lurk in the shadows here longer then women will before they ask for help. Women find it easier to ask for help then men do. It is nothing against men, it is just the way that they were brought up. (For all of you men that are out there in the shadows lurking, the sooner that you ASK for help, the sooner that YOU will begin to heal. So, do yourself a favor and post something here. Nobody here can help you, if we don't even know that you exist. This goes for the women, and teens, who are here lurking in the shadows too.) Think about making your FIRST post today!!!

See also:

Women and Meth: Understanding Issues


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