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Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?


ruined
bymeth
Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
For those of you who left your addicts how long and how did you move on with your life? Did you quit dealing with them completely? Do you have any suggestions to help make the pain a less. I've been separated with my husband for 6 mos. now, we were together for 9 yrs and have a 5 yr. old together. Even though we have been separated we still haven't stopped seeing each other and the roller coaster ride hasn't stopped. I no I shouldn't see him but it's so hard especially when he tells me all the lies that I want to believe and when I see glimpses of the old him. I love my husband with all my heart and soul he used to be a wonderful man and father but is no more. I have already filed for divorce but I can't stop missing him and the life we used to have. Sometimes I get so depressed I struggle getting through the days and nights. I can never go back with him the old him is gone but when do I start feeing better and how? He came last night telling me about how he wanted to come home and work things out I told him I needed him to show me that words were nothing. Well he made all these promises that I wanted to believe. When he was asleep I looked at the texts on his phone I never do this but I wanted to know if he was serious about what he said, well I found quite a few from him and his druggy girlfriends along with texts about meth sales. Well in the morning he started taking about getting back together so I confronted him. He beat me up in front of our son. I wanted badly to call the PD but we live in a small town and they put the police reports in the newspaper and I don't want that embarrasment, so I just called his mom and he finally left. Now my poor son is tramatized, I'm bruised up. I'm going to stick with what I have to do and get my divorce and move on the best way I can but I just need some words of encouragement and advice. I just fell so down right now. I'm going to stay with a friend tonight so we'll be ok safety wise it's just healing the heart that I need help with. It's so crazy to me how someone can go from being a good husband and father to being a mean cold hearted @#%$. Throughout the fight he kept saying look at what your doing to our son you won't let me see him I want to here but look at the way you act. It's crazy that the last thing he'll do is look in the mirror and put the blame where it belongs. Also, for those of you that have left did your addicts ever wake up and take responsiblilty for there own actions? Sorry to make this so long I'm just feeling alot of emotions right now.
     Replies...
TnSkye
 
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?

Time will heal a broken heart. If you work on healing yourself you will come to realize that you are worth so much more. Being alone is better than being beaten, especially in front of your child.

If you keep seeing this man, the abuse will continue and worsen. Your son will grow up to abuse women as well if you don't take a stand and show him that it is unacceptable behavior.
Crystal
Clear
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
is to know that things WILL get better. Look how long it took to get this bad, and to expect things to turn around quickly may be unrealistic. My situation is different than yours, no children.

I just had to get off the roller-coaster. He never did admit to his Meth. use, but the only person who he is fooling is HIM.

It took some time, but I did regain respect for myself knowing that I would never "settle" for a life that included active drug addiction. I would never knowingly subject myself, or a child to this negativity. Life is too wonderful and as I get older I realize that there is less of it to waste. It gets mighty precious.

You didn't break it, and you can't fix it.

If you must be in contact, set boundries, and don't back down. Take care of YOU and your children, and let the rest go. YOU CAN'T FIX IT!

Make YOUR life work.

All the best ...
Was
Tweaked
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
So sorry you are dealing with this!
I was with me ex husband for over 17 years, no kids. He was the most warm, generous & caring man I had ever known...UNTIL METH!! I am no innocent, I used with him for years recreationally. When it began to take over his life & we wanted to stop I did & he did not. He sold my jewelry, gave away my clothes & tried to strangle me. The final straw was when he had left the state & told his buddy he was on his way to AZ to "put a bullet in her head". He was caught 1/2 way to AZ & was jailed for 6 traffic offenses. I believe that is what saved my life. Seeing my best friend/lover/husband turn into a monster was enough. I filed for divorce in 03, finalized in 03. I am now with a great guy that has beaten his herion addiction years back. He knows the druggie life & as we say, we pulled ourselves out of the gutter.
I never thought I would get over the ex, but I have. I still love the man he was, he will never be that person again.
He is a homeless user. Hope he gets his life together someday but no regrets on getting my life in order. LIFE IS FANTASTIC NOW :-)
If he beat you in front of your child I think you know YOU NEED TO LEAVE HIM NOW!!! YOU CAN DO THIS FOR YOU & YOUR CHILD!
angie
Ncali
 
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
I didnt read the entire post. I got as far as ... I can't help but missing him and the man he used to be ... something along those lines.

I just want to say ... of course you can't. you spent many many years with him. You married him ... and when you married him ... this wasn't in the plans. This wasn't part of the deal. This isnt who he was.....

You got ripped off .... and it is hard hard Fking hard to accept that and move on. It hurts. It pisses you off. It is confusing and totally unfair. You may miss that man for a LONG LONG time. All you can do ... is do the best you can each day to make the most healthy choices you can for the time being ... for you and your child. Each day though it may not feel like it ... will get a little easier then the day before ... and some will feel Harder ... but they will help make things easier in the long run ... which is strange to say because not a DAMN thing about any of this is easier ... it is just a LONG PAINFUL CONFUSING Process/nightmare.


I just wanted you to know ... you don't have to feel bad or blame yourself for missing him ... or loving him .. or wanting for him to return to who he was.

If you didnt ... something would be wrong.

I am terribly sorry you are having to go through this.

Welcome to the board .... we will be here for you.
Aunt
Nell
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Ruined,
I left my alcoholic (not an addict) 25 years ago. I had a litle one (3 y.o.) that saw us arguing. I knew I couldn't live that way. It was fairly easy for me to leave him. But the sadness was overwhelming for me at times. We'd been married 10 years and had been together for 13 years (high-school sweethearts - yuk!). Also, he was having an affair, so when I left and filed for divorce - I was alone and HE WASN'T - which hurt even more. It took me quite a long time - years actually. I was very very sad at first, and within a year it got easier. For about 5 years though, if I drove past where we got married, or a place where we'd gone on a date or something like that, it would trigger me - and I'd sometimes cry. I NEVER regretted the divorce as I knew I did not want to live with an alcoholic. But I was sad over the destruction of our marriage and I missed the man he'd been and the good times we'd had.

One thing that will help you, is to not see him anymore. If you want him to see your child, arrange for someone else (such as his mom or someone else) to be the person. He hooks you with his words and then hurts you. If you don't see him or talk to him, you destroy his ability to hook you.

One thing that helped me way back then, is I began to love myself and take care of myself. I didn't have much money, but I treated me to things that I avoided when we were married. It helped alot when I let myself do something that he didn't like for me to do. I did some of the things you always hear about - new hairstyle, clothes, etc. But, I also, did other things...I saved my money and took trips (my husband HATED to travel). I bonded with girlfriends who were also divorced. We had a great time and 25 years later, I can still laugh at some of the antics we pulled.

Of coarse you are hurting today. I'm sorry he abused you. And I'm so very sorry that you are hurting. For the next few days...sleep as much as you can. Rest will be so vitally important for your emotional wellbeing. Also, eat well! Forget diets. Eat the foods that comfort you - WHATEVER it is - and don't feel guilty - enjoy!. You can get back to eating healthy when things are better for you. Let others do for you, if they offer. You will be able to do for them another time. If you have someone that you trust to take care of your child, have some alone time - to cry - or have fun - or whatever.

You will come through this and THE PAIN DOES GO AWAY. Today, I am married to the most wonderful man. He has never had any addictions to drugs or alcohol. He treats with utmost respect. We've been together 15 years. He's NEVER once raised his voice to me. There are good men out there who know how to treat a lady. Was it worth the pain of my divorce to finally end up with my husband that I have today? YOU BETCHA! Would I do the same thing again under the same circumstances? YOU BETCHA - pain and all!
Thinking of you,
wyld
angel
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Try not to look it as you are not going to be with him forever. Take it one day at a time, even one hour or minute at a time without him.

The thought of never being with him forever is frightening, but the thought of not being with him just today is much easier to deal with.

There comes a certain point where you know what it will take to stay or leave for good. Set your boundries and stick to your guns. Most people only know what they DON'T want from their relationship but never take the time to identify what they actually want. Figure out what you want and know that you can have that. It may not be now, and it may not be with him, but someday you will have a life of happiness that you deserve.
angie
Ncali
 
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Man that is what I get for not reading all the way through ....... well I still stand by what I said.

stay away from him. Cut all contact. I know that it will be hard. A man who will do this in front of his own child is obviously Not SAFE. And one thing I can Gurantee you is that until he gets some serious HELP .... TREATMENT ...
IT WILL GET WORSE AND WORSE AND WORSE. Right now he is LOOSING all control .... things are unraveling around him ... your confronting him about his SECRET LIFE ... the one he doesnt want you to know about because this will reveal that side of him .. he wants to manipulate people isnt real. And being under the influence and having a mind that is so altered even when he isnt high ... is VERY dangerous combination.

Be CAREFUL.

I have ALOT of experience as do many of us here with men like this and in this situations.

He isnt that man you fell in love with right now.

I am so sorry.
DSALO1 Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Have you told your child yet to look both ways before he crosses the street so he won't get paralyzed for life or killed?

Or do you take your child for a stroll thru heavy traffic with false promise that neither of you will get hit by a diesel truck?

Are you more powerful than a diesel truck?

Meth is effects our rational thinking even if we are not the user.
no more
mething
around
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
ok. now I can reply. Sorry, just didn't want to type a long answer and it not work like earlier this a.m. Please do not put yourself or your child thru any more scenes like that !!You are already out the door. Don't let him back in. He will use you for money, a crash and burn spot, a piece of ass and whatever else you are willing to give him. Domestic abuse lasts a lifetime for the kids who have to watch it. My siblings and I put up with watching that shyt our whole lives. My brother beats on his girlfriend now, has no respect for women . My highschool boyfriend beat on me until he finally broke my back. I spent my senior year of highscool in a body cast enduring painful surgeries and treatments while he went off to college and moved on to the next girl. I lost all respect for my parents for making me run out the door in the middle of the night to call the cops after hiding my younger siblings under beds.This happened more times than I care to count and I still re them all and I am 40 years old.It didn't just happen between my own parents but in the subsequent boyfriends and step parents that followed. Then they would make me go to school the next day and I was supposed to act normal!! They would stay home from work and make-up and when we got home from school we all just pretended the whole thing never happened. Until the next time,anyway.My heart breaks for you but for your child's sake if not your own , don't let him back in. Your child will become an abuser or be on the recieving end. Concentrate on YOU - at least give your child one strong sane parent to trust and count on. Do not make your child become your caretaker because that is what will happen. It is SELFISH and not fair for your child not to feel safe. CONCENTRATE ON YOU!!! This man does not belong to you anymore. He belongs to the addiction.
wyld
angel
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?

If you are feeling insecure, imagine how your child is feeling.
Quote:
It is SELFISH and not fair for your child not to feel safe.
I once heard a quote that has stuck with me ever since. It was:

Mother is the word for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

It is your responsibility to nurture and protect your child and give them the opportunity to have the best possible life that they can have. Your child knows more than you think and needs to know that you are the one that is going to care for him no matter what.
blinded
for2years
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
I know exactly how you feel!!!! I was with my meth addicted man for 10 years until 2 months ago. I haven't felt better. It took me 2 years with him moving out 3 times to realize I'm better off. When he first left we still continued seeing each other, this was in 07/04. The second time in 04/05, we went almost 2 months without talking and then started up again. During this whole time he was still using, just better at covering it up. This drug has turned him into a psycho. He also was very abusive, physically and verbally while high on meth. He made me feel degrated, I felt like I had no self worth, no self esteem and no strength. I have always said I would rather have a broken heart than a broken spirit. This man has planned my murder several times and told me how he was going to do it. He quit using for 7 weeks and then started again and then the "user" came out in full force. I couldn't take it anymore. It is hard and I do miss the Old person he use to be. But I realize he's gone as long as he uses meth. My boys also saw my addict abuse me and also after coming down from being up for several days try and commit suicide. I only hope and pray that boys won't suffer in the long run for my stupidity.

You can leave this man and do better. I know it doesn't feel like that now but everyday it will get better. I'm not sure if this is good or not, but I remind myself of the hell that I went through and thank God I am where I am, FREE of meth hell! You will feel like that too. Just keep coming here, it has helped me so, so much.
DSALO1 Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?

" AFTER BEING MARRIED SEVERAL YEARS..THE MAN SHE CAME TO DEPEND ON...TURNED TO METH...UPS N DOWNS CONTINUED..TILL ONE DAY HE FORCED THEIR CHILD TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM." He presently lives in a hotel with user woman.
Rachel
sue76
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Lsat night....
Quote:
He came last night telling me about how he wanted to come home and work things out I told him I needed him to show me that words were nothing. Well he made all these promises that I wanted to believe
This morning....
Quote:
Well in the morning he started taking about getting back together so I confronted him. He beat me up in front of our son
You told him what you needed from him, he told you what you wanted to hear. Then when the time came for him to follow through with his actions, he spoke loud and clear. He beat you up. Not only did he beat you up but he did it in front of your son. A memory forever burned into that young mind of how a man treats a woman when he is angry with her. I am in no way saying that you are responsible. But, if you continue to stay and be treated like that your son will continue to think that this is acceptacle behavior.
Quote:
Throughout the fight he kept saying look at what your doing to our son you won't let me see him I want to here but look at the way you act.
Just how the hell were you supposed to act while he is kicking your ass???? Were you supposed to thank him??? Were you supposed to tell him yes, you are right, I am the one with the problem here???

I am sorry but, that would be the end of feelings for me. I would get that divorce and never look back. I know you love him but, he is not doing anything positive for you or your son. How sad it would be 20 years from now to have your daughter in law say the same thing to you about your son.
Quote:
I wanted badly to call the PD but we live in a small town and they put the police reports in the newspaper and I don't want that embarrasment,
No offence, but what do you have to be embarassed about? He is the one in the wrong. His actions were unacceptable.

JMHO.
TnSkye
 
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
True Rachel. Better to read his name in the arrests for the week than to read her name in the obituaries.

Save your own face, not his.
ruined
bymeth
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Thank you all for your encouraging words. I just got back home I took my son to school he goes to half day afternoon kindergarten so that means baby sitter in the morning and afternoon. I would normally be at work today but I stayed home sick boy do I wish I would have went. My arms and face are have bruises but they are nothing compared to the bruises I feel inside. I feel so bad for my son. My dad was an alcoholic and beat my mom on a regular basis sometimes he would beat her so bad I thought she might die. I can't bring myself to tell her about what I'm going through with my husband, I just feel so bad that I became her and my son is seeing what I saw as a child. I no that I have to use this as my strength to move on. It's crazy my father was abusive and a drunk and my father-in-law was into meth, coke, and alcohol. Me and my husband used to be the normal ones in the family, in 9 yrs he never laid a hand on my until recently. We fought for so many years to raise our son right and we never wanted him to grow up like us and in the end we exposed him to the awful life that both of grew up in. But I've been doing my best to raise my son right on my own. We go to church, go see my friends who have kids. I take my son regularly to see my in-laws he's crazy about my father in-law he quit drugs years ago and is crazy about my son. I'm going to try to take my son to counciling once I can get him on my medical insurance. My son used to have insurance through my husband but he lost it when his dad lost his job of 7 1/2 years about 4 1/2 months ago. It sucks I can't add him on my until open enrollment in Oct. and don't qualify for help through the state. I think I might try to go to counciling myself. My ex just makes me so sick I've been raising our son on my own doing the best job I can I go out occasionally but mostly stay home and yet he's he has the nerve to call me a whore and talk about me. I can't help but feel worse about him cheating on me I take it personal like what's wrong with why would he do this to me. Thinking about it logically they can have him and all the drama that he brings but I just can't help but feel low because of this. Thanks again for all of your responses and encouraging words I come to this site daily for strength and realize I'm not the only one going through this. My best wishes go out to all of you and your loved ones!
DSALO1 Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
I appreciate the fact that you appreciate our responses.

This post has an unusual amount of responses to your question.

There is a big warning going out to you thru all of us..the message is to GET OUT.

I am reading YOUR denial.....still.

You need to make plans...to leave.

Do you hear us? I have an enormous WARNING and concern in my spirit because of you.

I have been praying....praying

LISTEN,,,,LISTEN

I know it is not just me...you have a thousand people here being provoked by your post...I don't hear you packing...WAKE UP!
You go to church....are you arguing with the voice of truth inside of you...do you feel something inside of you telling you to go? Do you???? Or is it just me?

I've been praying that if I am being crazy right now for God to give me peace...don't have it yet...I just want to keep posting this strong to you...It's scarey for me to risk the way I look to other posters. But I decided I don't care...I'll be crazy lookin to others for you...for what I sense in such a strong way.
no more
mething
around
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
I am so sorry you are going thru this. Stay strong - you sound like you know what needs to be done. It is so hard to think logically about emotional issues. I will be thinking of you. Hugs and kisses to you and your son. Sounds like he is very lucky to have a mom like you.
blinded
for2years
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
I too was called a whore, slut and the whole "You can't turn a whore into a housewife" ordeal when the whole time he was the one cheating. He would get so paranoid that I was cheating that he would go through bank statements, cell phone records and then he was so convinced that I was cheating with someone who drove a certain car and then started a book with nothing but tag numbers to these cars. It got to the point where I couldn't stand to come home, I hated the weekends and was terrified what was to come when I knew he was high. He would wake me up to push me around, I guess me being asleep pissed him off.

Just realize it's not going to get any better as long as he uses drugs. If your's is like mine, you can detect instantly if he's high no matter how many times they say they haven't used. Today, my life feels so good right now. It's so nice to come home and not have to worry about anything. I promise it will get easier. I know those are only words but I know that for a fact. I didn't think I could live life without mine. Now the crying gets less and less and I have more good days than bad. In fact the bad ones are few and far between. Stay positive!
silly
veronica
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
My heart goes out to you - I cannot imagine going through what you have. I, too, have been with an addict but I'm in the process of moving on (it's been 3 days for me - 3 days in MY recovery from getting away from an addict). It's harder than people think ... just like they go back to the drug, we go back to them. In my experience, it hasn't gotten any better or any easier, and with every time that I've taken him back, leaving has been 10x harder the next time.

Just take it one day at a time. If you can cut off all communication, I've found that that is what works best. Just like they have to live for today, you do as well. Your situation is different than mine in that there is physical violence - you NEED to stay away, for your sake and the sake of your child.

You're not alone though - there are many of us going through this same struggle.
TnSkye Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
You should turn to your mom. There is no reason for you to feel embarrassed by what has happened TO you. She can relate and she is there in person for you.

You cannot control what he does. He's beating you in front of your child, where does cheating effect any of this?? You said you are separated, go forward, not back. Learn how to heal yourself and your child. If he decides to heal himself, that's great, but don't put your life on hold hoping for that to happen.

I think it would be a good idea to go and press charges RIGHT NOW. Get an order of protection to keep him away.

A few weeks ago, Katelin's husband smashed her head in the floor and gave her a concusion. Before that, Spooky's boyfriend tried to kill her, LITERALLY, but managed to get himself hurt pretty badly and went to jail where he ended his life.

Don't think that this couldn't happen to you because it could and right now you have the means to try and prevent it from happening again. In all honesty, you may not live through his next tantrum. Think about your son. Yes, he will have these memories the rest of his life, like you do from your childhood.

I really suggest going and pressing charges NOW!
no more
mething
around
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Check with your insurance company and their mental health regs. For instance, we had to cancel our health ins. in Dec.for the family ( 600 bucks a month and a bad winter ) but he still has it individually thru his work. We go to counseling occassionally together and the insurance will cover it with us.

I want to clarify that I mean counseling with your son. Our family counselor also gave us a half price break for what insurance didn't cover when she found out we had to cancel our insurance. You might be surprised at the options open to you if you ask. You mentioned church. Clergy can also provide valuable counseling services.

ruined
bymeth
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
I have an ex-coworker that just graduated with her masters degree in marriage and family therapy. I also work with a DV advocate that also does counciling I'm going to contact them today and see if they can help us. Also, for those of you that divorced your addicts how was the court process were just at the begining. I'm requesting for sole custody supervised visits. I'm not sure if he'll try to get ugly in court or maybe I'll get lucky and he won't show up. Thank God my house is only in my name so I don't have to worry about that. This just feels like at bad dream and I want to wake up. Thank you all again. Passion my heart goes out to you and your family. I'm so sorry for the pain you all endured.
Was
Tweaked
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
I hope you will find the courage to talk with your mother. Now you better understand what she went through (in a way). This could be something that makes the 2 of you closer than ever & you could use the family support :-)
We are here for you, so many have been there done that & DO NOT WANT TO SEND A POSTCARD!
It is not easy to move on, it is necessary!!!!! In time you will know you have done what was right.
You do not deserve to live this way nor does your son. Please find the strength within yourself to do this. It is there sometimes hidden down deep. You are worth it :-)
Your son is worth it :-)
Rachel
sue76
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Quote:
Mother is the word for God on the lips and hearts of all children.
From The Crow right?
wyld
angel
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Actually, it is in that movie! LOL But I also saw it in a quote book once as well. I just don't know who said it.
kwalby Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
I was married to my user for 19 years. He was clean when we met and we were looking forward to having a home and children and the whole till death do us part thing. Well the relapse into alcoholism was pretty bad (that happened about 5 years into the marriage) but was nothing and I mean nothing like the meth.

I found out about the meth about a yearans a half before I finally divorced him. I think he'd been using for about 12-18 months before I found out but I'm not at all sure.

Yes I took him back multiple times. For some reason meth's hold seems to extend to the non-user. I wanted so badly to believe that he really wanted to go back to the life we had planned. I dropped the first divorce, took him back, and his "good intentions" lasted all of a month. He was back on the @#%$, pipes in the garage, scuzzy friends coming around, phone calls to his girlfriend, money missing, taking off for weeks at a time. Finally a bag of dope under the bed!

So I filed again. This time I went through with it and I STILL took him back after the divorce!!!!! 3 times!!!!!! But the funny thing was I could tolerate him for less and less time until the third time I had to ask him to leave after being back for 2 weeks.

After that I didn't hear from him for about 4 months till he got arrested, and of course wanted to "work things out" again. And I even considered it!!

But it's now been a year and a half since the divorce and It's OVER. Actually at about the 6 month stage I still wanted the "old" person back but not the person he had become. At about 8 months he was asking to come "home" if he could get probation and I had the sense to say NO! About 10 months I was ready to start accepting dates.

In the year and a half since the divorce was final, I was able to sleep, get financially stable, buy a new home, the kids are happy he's gone, (as well as the chaos), am now dating someone, able to focus on my job, ENJOY MY LIFE!

Take it easy on yourself and re that you too are dealing with an addiction, an addiction to him. It's called co-dependency. Stay away from him, except for what dealings may be legally necessary, treat him like your drug of choice and realize that you will be going thru a period of withdrawal.

But kicking you addiction will be worth it. And re addicts will say and promise anything.... anything to keep you taking care of them. He has to be cut loose if he is going to have any chance at all, but you have to get this in your head. No dreams of a wonderful reformed person showing up at your door. You get on with the business of building a life for yourself. It's the only way!!!
miles
4logan
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
I moved out 2 years ago and am still trying to make it work. Not that it is any better but I've only suffered emotional abuse. He beat you up in front of your son. That is wrong. I find myself wondering the same thing, how to make it thru the night without crying, etc. And I haven't an answer. I think someday it just comes. I hope anyhow. And I hope that day comes for you also. Meth is very evil and I'm starting to believe that something very bad has to happen before they quit. My husband can tell me he wants to quit and tell me how miserable he is, but his actions say elsewise.
I'd say take it day by day, hour by hour. Enjoy your son and do what you can to protect him. As far as the blame, they will never accept any.
I wish you luck.
k8 Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Moving on happens when you're able to recognise that the man you're longing for died some time ago and allow yourself the space to grieve for him without looking for him in the man who now uses his body and speaks with his voice.

You trip yourself up when you think this imposter can be in your future the person your man was in the past.

Your recent encounter should be all the evidence you need to demonstrate to you that this is NOT the man you loved in the past.

Shut the door and keep yourself and your children safe. Move if you have to. Don't go there with this dangerous person looking for a man who you used to love who has already died. What you're doing now is just as dangerous as any addict going back time and again to a drug that will eventually destroy them.

I'm sorry sweetie, it hurts that your beloved died, but that's the truth of it. Honour your grief in private. Treat yourself ever so tenderly. Wrap yourself in cottonwool and keep you and your baby safe.

Do not open the door to this monster no matter how sweetly he seduces with your lover's voice.
ruined
bymeth
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
I just came back from my inlaws their great. I went to the sheriffs dept. to have them serve him with the divorce papers I tried to have him sign him this morning but he just wrote FU on them. He doesn't want to act like were married but he doesn't want a divorce. The soorry thing is I had to pay $90 bucks to the sherriffs to have him served at his mothers house but he doesn't even stay there we have no clue as to where he stays but I have to attempt to have him served before I can do it in the paper after that we can do a default if he doesn't repond. All this stuff is getting to me I want to be done and over with this. I haven't got a lawyer yet cause for one I can't afford but people keep telling me it should be easy and that he has no grounds to put up a fight. But I'm worried since I'm risking the custody of my baby that maybe I should get a lawyer. Well it was good I talked to my in-laws and told them what I want and what that I'm asking for sole cutody and they were cool they said what kind of mother would give him anything but this. I didn't call the PD cause the family I have around town would have a field day talking about my business and I didn't want to be the talk of family gatherings for years to come. I also haven't talked to my mother but I did talk to my mother-in-law. I'm only 24 yrs old I started dating my husband when I was 15. I think of my in-laws as family and guess I have a closer relationship with them then my own family. I didn't tell my mother the things she went through with my dad made her a very bitter and angry person and hope eventully my husband my recover and we can get along for our son and my mother would never get over it if I told her. I always think of my husband in two people the wonderful man before the addiction and the selfish monster he has become I just wish my son could have his daddy back but I guess for now I have to stay strong and be mom and dad for him. Lots of love, take care!
another
family
messed
upbymeth
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Left my addict husband. He too, takes no responsibility. After hitting me, I called 911. As my son was crying, he says "look what you're doing to your son". Look what I'M doing?? I said.

You're kidding yourself. He doesn't love you. He only wants to keep living the status quo, the comfortable life he was living before you left him. He wants to continue to use meth, have you there as the good wife and mother, while he snorts, smokes, and screws his crank whores. (talking about my husband, but I've found it to be true of many meth husbands). You and especially your son deserve more, much more.

How did I move on? First of all, I grieved. I grieved for the life I should have been living. I grieved for the life my children lost out on. I allowed myself to grieve it. Then I ignored my husband and only spoke to him regarding the children. Only through electronic means at first (email, text messages, etc.).

You have to go through a sort of death, and come to acceptance after the grief. Accept that your child's father is a violent drug addict. Accept that you can't fix him, change him, make him a good person/father/husband again. Look at what you think it is you're loving. Are you loving the man you used to know? He's gone. He could come back someday, but don't count on it being this year, or next year. You have to move on and just hope he gets his shyte together, for your son's sake.

You can still report the beating to the police, it's not to late. I would do so, and I'd get a restraining order in place. He could do something crazy. Change the locks on your doors.

Best wishes. Please, for your child's sake, stay away from this man who now inhabits your husband's body.

I hadn't read to the end of the posts, so I wanted to add this.

Don't count on your inlaws staying on your side. Blood is thicker than water. He'll come to them with tears and stories about you being crazy and telling lies. They may soften.

Unless you owned your house before you married him, it is community property if you are in a community property state and he gets half in a divorce.

File for custody right away. It is worth consulting a lawyer about. If he has no criminal history or history of drug use, it's your word against his.

Good luck.
MJBAJK Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
ruined,

My heart goes out to you and your son. I don't know what state you're in, but check on an Order of Protection or ex parte. You can get the restraining order against him without pressing charges if that's your choice. In some states, filing an Order of Protection also gives you custody of any minors in the home. I don't know if it's like this in all areas, but it's worth checking out. A court advocate at a local women's shelter could help you with this.

Stay safe and yes, you will grieve for the man he was and the life you had, but you know you and especially your son deserve better than this.

Is he out of your home? I've been through what you are going through now and sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. I was able to get a security system installed on payments in my home after the violence and stocked up on mace. I know it's unbelievable to think about the man you love beating on you or even trying to take your life, but it does happen, so worry about your and your son's safety first.

I also agree with the post to distance yourself from your in-laws also. I love mine very much, but he is their son and in the end, that is where their loyalty lies.

My thoughts and prayers are with you,
katelin24
 
Re: Left your Meth addict? How did you move on with life?
Quote:
A few weeks ago, Katelin's husband smashed her head in the floor and gave her a concusion.

Tnskye is correct

Keep yourself safe! My husband hit me pretty damn hard and he's not even on meth anymore. It was a psychotic episode cause by a trigger. I had a major headache for days. He could have hurt me a lot worse, the state he was in. Be careful!


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