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Methamphetamine: Stories and Letters of the Hidden Costs
by Users, Loved Ones, and Parents

    I wrote a letter on here 5 years ago as to how my husband of 24 years left me one day. He had everything: a wonderful family, job, friends, good health and money in the bank. He left all of this for a life of meth and to live a second life that we did not know he was living. Then it started, never knowing where he was, losing job after job, never having any money, not caring about family or friends. One thing led to another and he was homeless; he went to prison for distributing of meth. He finally got out and cleaned up. He tried to start over but the damage had been done - years of drugs had robbed him of everything - his good looks, his laugh and personality. You could see the sadness in his eyes. Sorry to say that one day came that I tried to tell him about, but his drugs was an evil he could not fight off. May he rest in peace.
    Anyone living a life as this please get help. Family & Friends are missing a wonderful person today because we could not save him.

E-mails are published monthly.  The purpose and intent is to discourage crystal meth & methamphetamine use.  If you, or someone you know, have been affected by crystal meth, please add your story so others may learn from your experience. We do not disclose personal information and edit out such when possible.  E-Mail letters to: kcimeth@yahoo.com

   Hello, I unfortunatly purchased a home that was undisclosed to me and was a Major Meth Operation in CA, I thought I was buying a dream and it was a nightmare. I can list 4 cooking sites and I have 10 Acres of dump sites with a backhoe going a 3 AM in the morning. I have psycially suffered from the lack of knowledge and non disclosure buy the addict seller and the neighbors who did not want to get involved, they let Me a 41 year old Dad with 2 girls 5 and 12 to Clean up the site with no protection. I have a picture of them working away on thier new home with smiles and I want to cry now that they are 6 years older. I hope for healty grandchildren. I suggest strongly that all law enforcement and home buyers look for Rust, on surfaces thet are not supposed to, like enamel coated lights garage door opener housings and metal hinges. Vent ducting in my kitchen disintegrated in my hands and I inhaled the rust laden acid, in my eyes and on my skin. It went down hill from there, I have joint flareup's and anxiety spell's that have never left. If you saw my home you would say it look's like a Compound, it has commercial lights 1000 ' of block walls and 15 cameras. It has a security gate as well. I was told he was looking for Gold, a good cover for the holes I found open. I made him bury them. I did not want my Girls to fall into a 10' deep pit. I also suggest for buyers to look for a residue on semigloss paints, it is reduced Muriatic acid or sulfuric acid is used. it has to be concentrated. Other chemicals are introduced that cause fires, the combination is more toxic that just on chemical. I replaced my duct work but I also have a slab with duct's under it I can no way get clean, I did hire a guy to blow out dust and specialized in duct cleaning. I was told by my realtor who had the dual listing, dont call Haz Mat it will Ruin My Title. I was done with all the nasty work anyway, I was resentful at my neighbors who let my little girls go in and clean it. I know know why they were so unfriendly, they did not want to get involved but did say it was a lab. I hope this helps someone out there, it messed me up and I live with the guilt of having my girls help thier Dad out. PS. My well is only 70' deep.
-- Kirk, the Anti Meth Captain.

Dear meth,
    I've heard about you, and I know what kind of damage you cause. What I didn't know is that I would ever have to watch you take hold of someone I LOVE. I didn't know that I would have to suffer and feel such pain and remorse. Why do you call yourself an outlet? Why do you make yourself out to be something you're not? Why do you open your FILTHY arms up to my family and friends? What's wrong with you? Does misery need company that bad that you have to take everyone and anyone? She had a good life ahead of her. She is beautiful and once you're done with her, she'll be barely able to survive. If you ever let her go, you've chained her to you, and I can't find the f#*king key. F#*k you, I can't make her happy anymore. I can't take her out to eat, because she's not hungry. I can't take her to movies because she doesn't have an interest in them anymore, all she cares about is you. I can't even hold her and feel right with her without her wanting it to be you. You disgust me. She means everything to me, and I used to mean everything to her----that is until your sickening ass came along. You took her from me. Ripped her away. Now I sit at home, waiting, worrying, hoping that she'll call. Let me know where she's at. But I'm not even granted that, sometimes she doesn't know what she's saying, sometimes she doesn't know where she's at. You've got her all confused, f#*king with her head. I hate you, I hate you, I HATE YOU. She's dropping weight, her skin is sinking in, you're the most abusive, most sorry piece of sh*t, that has EVER roamed the earth. You abuse me even----by abusing her. I have to watch her suffer. I have to watch her need help that is beyond me. If I offer to call someone for help, she screams and rages, tells me she f#*king hates me and you. You've told her that clinics and doctors are bad. So all she'll ever accept is your "help", yeah some f#*king help you are! F#*king murderer! You've taken her job, her car, her beauty, and her mind. Why would you do this to her? You don't love her, you don't even give two sh*ts about her. You've got thousands of other girls and boys. You filthy piece of sh*t! I don't want you around, but it's the only way I can even see her. You make her moody, do things to her body, and you cause both of us such pain. I don't love you, and I don't follow you. I don't need you, and I don't want you. Oh, but she does. I don't know what you said to her, I don't know what you DID to her, but I'm onto you. I'll get her back. I'll win her back. I'll take care of her and get her back to health. Even then, when she is better, it'll be a hell of a ride. You'll always lurk in the corners of my home, of my friends' homes, on the streets, and I'll have to monitor her, I'll have to sleep with one eye open to keep her from running back to you. You're a son of a bitch, and I hate you and your creator, and the people who recreate you. I hate the person who offered it to her, the person who handed it to her. I hate them, and I hate you. Most of all you----I hate your existence, your "purpose", I hate your mission, I hate you for taking her away from me, and I hate everything you stand for. You've taken my best friend, and my lover away from me. She's MINE not yours! So here's a BIG F#*K you. I hope you're f#*king happy you piece of sh*t. Goddamn you!

   Hi my name is Carmen I was addicted to meth for 13 years. I started using when I was 12 years old and it only took one time trying it and I was hooked. People in the world that are addicted to that stuff say that can not get off of it well yes they can they have to want to get away from it. I call that drug the devils drug or the spider because it is a drug with legs. In October I will be sober from that vicious drug for 2 years I am so proud of myself for being and staying sober this long I didn't think that the day of getting sober would ever come. In October 2008 the love of my life came back into my life she was incarcerated for drug use so there for when she was released I didn't want her around me seeing what I was doing and her getting addicted to what I was doing. So I took off and went to my dads house and I got high a couple times but in my heart I wanted my girlfriend. The next I was cooking off some meth with a friend and it came to me that if I kept going with the meth my girlfriend would never be with me. So I got up got in my drug and went to my dads were I was staying I prayed all the way there for the nightmare from that drug to end so I could get on with my life. The drug was killing me I was sick,wore down and heart broke because I missed my girlfriend so much and hated being so far away from her. plus I was tired of my family seeing messed up all the time. Finally after arriving at my dads house I went in smoked a couple of cigarettes and took a couple of downers and passed out. When I woke  up my dad was standing over me he wanted my truck keys I gave them to him and told him I was gonna finally get sober. I was ok for a day or so then the sickness hit me I started hurting,throwing up you name it I was going through it. It seemed like the withdraw last forever but I'm sure it didn't last that long. After a month or so without having the drug in my system I was wore out I had no energy no nothing but with gods grace I made it. I finally got to were my life was OK and I started working. Me and my girlfriend finally got back together in Dec 09 and have a house together. Today I'm still tired from the meth but I don't have the desire for it. Since I went off it cold turkey it has messed with my health I have seizures,memory loss and sometimes I get irritable there are times when I cant do much then there are times when I'm ok. I-m not able to work right now like I use to work but I'm in college now and hopefully things will get better and I will be able to get back to work. I want to help people out there and let them know that you have to have the willpower to get off meth. My girlfriend is going to college for substance abuse counseling and I'm majoring in construction management I want to start my own business I want to build houses for people out there that are homeless and really need a place to call there own. Things can be rough when you finally put the dope down I have been there and know how it is so I want to help those people that are going through what I went through.

   1999 was the start of my drug journey, which entangled me in living hell! The first few years I started using pot, ecstasy, cocaine and steroids. The more I used the more I needed. My drug use went from a weekend warrior to a full time drug addict. By 2006, I transformed myself into a daily crystal meth user. Meth controlled every aspect of my life. I would stay up for days, chasing a high I could never catch! My life revolved around a glass pipe.
   It says in Romans 6:20-21, “When you were a slave to sin, you were free from the obligation to do right. And what was the result? You are now ashamed of the things you used to do, things that end in eternal doom. “
   Meth had isolated me to the point where it imprisoned me in my own basement. It stole my, family, friends, appearance, finances and most of all time. I missed weddings, birthdays, and even Christmas’s. Life was all about trying to satisfy my fleshly desires. I had no self respect. Meth controlled everything in my life.
   In March 2008, I was pulled into my boss’s office and she confronted me on having an addiction. That day I broke down and confessed for the first time ever, that I had a drug problem. My boss then put me on medical leave to start rehab. In rehab my drug addiction continued. All my attempts from trying to escape from this drug had failed miserably.
   Then two weeks into rehab something inside of me started stirring. That something led me to call Randy & Melissa Hartz. They had a similar past to me and now had something different. All I remember is that whatever they had, I needed also. So I called Randy and ask if I could come to church with him.
   That Sunday I walked into Faith Family and knew that I was in the presence of God. With mixed emotions of guilt and shame, I wept the entire service. I knew that this was my something more. At the end of the church I was invited to attend a membership luncheon and Randy asked me if it would be ok if the pastors prayed over me. After a brief description of what I was going through, the pastors, (Pastor Mike, Pastor Vicky) Randy and Melissa laid hands on me and began to pray over me.
   During this prayer, I let Christ into my heart and was supernaturally delivered from every bondage that entangled me from the last 10 years. The weight of sin that left my body at this time is unexplainable!! For the first time in years I finally felt freedom! True Freedom!! It says in 2 Corinthians 5:17” Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” From that moment, my cravings were gone!! Dreams of smoking the drug, which haunted my sleep, were gone!! I had not one side effect of these drugs! I knew my battle was over and I had been supernaturally delivered.
   I literally walked into Faith Family one man and left another. I went home that afternoon and destroyed my drug paraphernalia, all my demonic music, DVD’s and cleared my hard drive on my computer. I swept my house clean. Romans 12:2 “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” I unlocked arms with old relationships and relocked arms with men and women who feared God. I started to study and obey the bible. I started reading faith based books.
   One year and 4 months ago, I devoted my life to Christ. The Lord had mercy on me and I thank him every single day for his mighty miracles in my life. It says in Joel 2:25 The Lord says, “I will give you back what you lost to the swarming locusts, the hopping locusts, the stripping locusts, and the cutting locusts.
   He has restored my faith, my health, my relationships, my freedom, and my finances. Everyday I get up and thank Jesus for my restoration. For his love and his mercy…I am truly thankful to have a new start on my life. Psalms 104  1 Praise the LORD, O my soul. O LORD my God, you are very great; you are clothed with splendor and majesty!
   Kci- I have been clean now for over 2yrs!! I have never once looked back!! There is a way out that can shut the door forever and more people need it. Others have followed and have had the same results! Complete freedom!
-- Travis

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