From March 2007 Meth letters (continued)

   Once we got the taste of dope in us… well lets just say nothing was going to stop us from getting high… although being that we were both 17 we didn’t exactly have the kind of money we needed to get high properly … Which brings me to our first brush with the law… For about the next 5 or 6 months we were steeling government checks out of the mail and cashing them to get high… in fact we were doing pretty good at it to be honest with ya…. To about the tune of 60,000 over that period.. Not only could we get high but we stayed in the best hotels weeks on end…It wasn’t long before the secret service was knocking on my parents door though …. Well thank God for only being 17 yrs old….2 years probation 6000 in fines and was in the past…
   For the next 10, 15 years I continued to get high but also tried to mix the family life in there to.. Let me tell you just incase you don’t already know….Dope and family life don’t mix…. In that time frame I was married and divorced 3 times. To this day I have no idea what year or month any of the marriages or divorces happened….So I had enough and ended up in Colorado.. Before you knew it I was selling dope...I didn’t go there with the plans of it ..some how it just happened and I thought I died and went to Heaven ,(so I thought) never pay for dope again!! I loved it….and got good at it to….Before long I had every topless dancer in town buying dope from me.. Had the Harley nice place the works…. And was just tweaked out the frame constantly…. I really thought I arrived …About 2 years into it I started standing out like a sore thumb ,,I didn’t want to stop cause I was having way to much fun but I was scared of getting busted… .so I started taking dope to a friend of mine in Wisconsin twice a week… I was really making the money now .. But you know the fear I had of getting busted in Colorado.. Well it must of just been a vision as to what was going to happen in Wisconsin...needless to say I got busted and got 30month in dept of corrections… it sucked!! I was so high when I got arrested it took me two weeks to come down….. Then the reality of what happened started to sink in…. I felt like such a looser and thought life was over….30 months!!! Hell I had a hard time staying in the house all day…. It felt like a life sentence… I never was locked up before other than a day or two in Arizona one time..
   Once you got to the prison you went to what they called intake where they evaluated you to see your security level ….. Well since I never did time before I went right to minimum security camp….. (NO FENCE EVEN) well when I heard there wasn’t even a fence I thought I’m out of here jack….. So about 6 months into my bit I took off one night….. I had no idea where I was going I just knew I was going….. So after about a 20 mile walk on a cold cold Wisconsin night I finally came to a town caught a ride with a trucker and started hitch hiking to Colorado… All I could think of was a nice big shot of dope when I got to where I was going…
   When I finally got to Colorado 2 or 3 days later I found my friend Leo and hung out with him till I figured out what I was going to do….one day I was out the cops showed up looking for me…. I had no idea how they knew to look there … in fact I really didn’t even think they were going to look for me,,,I just figured they’d put a warrant out for me or something… well it seemed every where I went they were right on my heals ….. So I got scared and blew town….and went to new Mexico to stay with another friend….well I was safe there.. No one knew where I was and I didn’t tell any one either… About a month into that I was getting board and decided to jump on a bus and go to my dads house in pa. (long bus ride!!) he was in fla. For the winter so I figured I could break in his house and get some of my stuff I stored there…. I couldn’t let him know anything or he’d turn me in….. Once again going to my dads house was a stupid idea cause that’s where they nabbed me….. So back to Wisconsin I went , When I got there they gave me another year and a half for running off…..Plus now I had to spend it in maximum security….. Well I never been to a place like this before……kind of scary to be honest with ya…. This is probably the first time I had any kind of desire to learn about God…. As a child I went to church with my parents, it was a Lutheran church, looking back the fact that it was such a dry church is probably why I didn’t have much understanding about God… I noticed every now and then they would let people out of there cells to go to church services and bible studies.. So one day I went, mainly to get out the cell… well I heard the preacher say we could all be forgiven and still go to Heaven…. So I spoke up and said “preacher you don’t understand all my life I stole, did drugs, lied, cheated...and the list goes on…. I have way more bad than good…. There’s no way I can be forgiven and go to Heaven..” then he explained about how Jesus died on the cross so we could be forgiven and we just needed to ask him to come live in our hearts and be our personal savior and forgive us of our sins ,,,then turn from our sins….. So when I got back to my cell I did that… now to this day I don’t know if that’s when I truly got saved or later in my life ….. Only because I turned back to my old ways quit a few times after that… But after praying that prayer I did have a peace come over me that did help me get threw the next 3 years I had to be there yet…. Being in prison wasn’t like I thought it would be… nothing like all the fake stuff you see on tv.. If you mind your own business and do your own time every thing is ok…. It sure opened my eyes to a lot of things.. The saddest part was meeting people that were NEVER getting out.. Young dudes to.. And 80 to 90% of the time it always had something to do with dope.. Good people that just got caught up in the buzz.. With NO second chances.. Dam shame!!
   Once I got released ,I got paroled to my dads house in pa. …
About a week after getting out I when to a strip club with a friend of mine in west va.. It kind of brought back memories of the old dope dealing days… well while I was there I met a dancer named Gail….. I asked her if she ever went to Colorado ,she said no, I said do you want to go and a week later we were on our way… Well once we got there the party was on! We were so high for so long before you knew it we were living in my van behind my friend Stevies house…. By now Gail’s pregnant , we’re broke and the baby’s due in a week….. It wasn’t looking good…. I said we need to get the hell out of Colorado RIGHT NOW!!! We only had 20 dollars but I put it in the gas tank and started out for west va…..needless to say we only made it to Kansas but at least we were 3 hours away from the dope….After many calls and much begging we got enough money to make it home… we weren’t there 5 hours before Levi was born…. Close call!! But we were still homeless….not a good start for our new born son., before long after even more begging we got into a place and got jobs…. And probably went a year with out doing any dope.. Before long Gail was pregnant once again with our daughter Sierra…..It wasn’t long before we made the stupid decision again to move back to Colorado..
   Well it wasn’t long after that Gail got tired of the drug thing starting all over again and took the kids and moved back to west va….. Once she left my drug use moved to another level….I didn’t care about anything any more!! Not even my life… so I became very suicidal… after all by now pretty much all my old friends either killed themselves ,,been killed by some one else, had aids or were in prison……. It was all pretty depressing !! But before I did it I just wanted to check with a friend of mine that was a Christian and ask him this question….” “If you kill yourself do you go to Heaven or hell or does it matter ?” Well after hearing that Chuck said well you ain’t goin do that and tried to talk he out of it….I said no Chuck I am ,,I did all I want to do in life and I’m just tired of living……. Well some how he talked me into going to church with him the next day….. We were in Denver and went to Heritage Christian center…..it was the biggest church I ever saw 3000 people in the service…. I think some how God had planned for me to be at that service because it was made just for me and the title of it was “its time” Wow wasn’t that the truth!! Threw the service I even had to put my sun glasses on so no one would see me cry.. At the end they had a alter call I was one of the first one there…. that’s when I truly think I gave my heart to the Lord and got saved..
   For the next few months I hung out with Chuck and really started learning about God.. Lessoning to hours of church tapes… Going to church every time the doors open…… Even giving 10% of my money I made……Life was really going good and I was glad I lessened to Chuck and didn’t kill myself… Week after week my faith got stronger… the peace I felt in my heart could of only came from God …. It was great…. I didn’t even think about doing drugs….
   After a few months I decided I wanted ,,and was well enough to live around my kids again……I really was missing them BAD..
So I moved back to west va. And got a apt.. I found a good Church and stated working again…. Before I knew it Gail ask if I wanted Levi to move in with me full time…. I jumped at the opportunity !! It was a little scary being a single dad but I was going to make it work no matter what!!
   Life was going good …. The Lord was blessing us in every way….By now I had 3 years clean under my belt… more than I had in the past 20years…
   But once again I screwed it all up again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! One day out of the blue a old friend I use to get high with in Colorado called me…She got my number from another one of our friends….(I now know the devil sent her in to my life to tempt me and I fell for it) so we got to talking and I told her how well my life was going and asked her if she was still getting high….she said she was and asked for my address.. I asked why she wanted it and she said to send me some thing… I knew she was talking about dope but the weak side of me gave it to her anyway …. Well in a few days it came … the old drug addict in me just couldn’t wait to open it… I even went to the store and got a new needle …. Once I did a shot I rushed like I never have in my whole life….like for 45 mins… I left a crack for the devil and he crawled in with the quickness…..WHAT A FOOL I WAS!!!!! But I made my way to the phone to call her…. And told her that was some of the best stuff I ever did….and if she brought some to west va, she would make a killing because there wasn’t any around there…… she said “boyfriend I don’t have to bring any I’ll just make it when I get there” I said “there’s no way you made that!” well she did and I was intrigued … any one that ever did meth only could dream of meeting the cook!!
   Well like a idiot I flew out and drove her back….and the nightmare was about to begin!!!! If you think a person can have a bad drug habit when you have to buy the dope just think how much worse it could be when it was next to being free and top quality every time……for months we stayed higher than I ever been before…. And my poor son was right in the middle of it.. I am so ashamed of letting it broad side me the way it did… but that’s just how powerful the drug is.. Before you knew it we had two labs goin…. Hers upstairs and mine in the basement… we started getting so paranoid of each other…. We had locks and booby traps everywhere… it got to the point we had baby monitors everywhere to so we could lesson to each other… just tweaked out the frame!! Before it was all said and done the secret service had a search warrant served on our place looking to see if we were making counterfeit money…. Well it wasn’t long before my friend went to prison for the money thing….. I continued getting high but I kept sensing God was hinting to me to stop… I think he was about fed up with the way I was acting… especially as far as my son was concerned…. Well one night I was sitting in my motor home getting high when a good friend of mine stopped by with a movie in his hand…. He only stayed for a few min’s and said to watch the movie it was good and he left…. I thought it strange he didn’t stay longer… the movie was called “Blow” for those of you that never saw the movie it was about a drug dealer that at the end of the movie got caught and got 60years and never saw his daughter again…. It was a sad ending…..but right when the movie was over I KNEW God was showing me if I didn‘t stop I was going to prison again…
   Well I really did want to stop anyhow but I had big plans for the next weekend and figured I’d stop after that…..(BIG MISTAKE!!)
amen I pray….amen…..
   When next weekend came I was in my motor home in the next town over making a batch with a so called friend…at one point of the night I gave him a real bad bag of trash to go throw
  Away for me….but instead the little snitch took it right to the police and told them where I was……shortly after that the sun started to come up and my ex wife called me for some dope…. I kept trying to blew her off because I knew she had both the kids for the weekend but she kept it up….. So I agreed to meet her at a parking lot … like a idiot she brought the kids!!!! Well the cops must have been lessoning on my phone cause when I got to the parking lot they were there to… along with Gail and the kids….. Needless to say we got busted as the kids watch…I never felt like a bigger piece shit than I did while riding away in the police car as the kids stood there and watched…..what a looser I became!!! My charges equaled 68 years!!! Almost just like the movie warned me….. Now my life was truly over… I didn’t think I’d get 68 years but I was pretty sure I’d get 20,,,,especially with the other drug felonies I already had…Levi was 9 at the time and I didn’t think I’d see him again till he was out of high school… what a looser I was!!!! Plus my dad was in real bad health and needed me to help take care of him…. I couldn’t believe how I let every one I loved down again.. just because I wanted to get high!!!!! Once in jail no one would except my calls or help me in any way……….. I was on my own!! Boy did I hit my knees and ask for Gods forgiveness……. Now that I look back God had to let me go threw this to get my attention…. And my attention he got!! After spending some time with God I knew in my heart he forgave me and our relationship was ok again….. But I still had this legal mess in front of me to face alone.. All my public defender kept saying to me was how they were going to make a example of me….. Not very encouraging words…I was screwed!!! Plan and simple….. One day I had to go to court for some thing… while in the holding cell I met with my lawyer he was still telling me they were going to make a example of me!! Plus what did he care … I’m sure he wasn’t going to try to hard anyhow…. Well while I was waiting for them to take me in I started to pray….. And I mean pray…. I was saying every bible verse I knew….finally the last thing I remember doing was looking up and saying God I just need a miracle !! I turn this whole thing over to you and what ever you do is ok with me.. And I went and sat down….. God as my witness within 10 min’s the jailor came and opened the door and said “ I don’t believe it but they dropped your charges you can go” … it blew my mind. I didn’t know what to think.. But I looked up a little and thought MAN WAS THAT A QUICK MIRACL… …. I knew they didn’t drop my charges…. But I wasn’t going to say any thing so I let them let me go……so they took me back to the jail and checked me out…. I was so nervous !! I kept thinking at any time they would figure out there mistake…. Once out I went right to a friend of mine I knew I could trust with my life…. I said Troy….after I said a prayer the next thing I knew I was out…..I kept saying it and saying it …..my mind was blown how God was right there with me in that cell…it was truly a miracle!! Well it wasn’t long before I was telling Troy how I needed a fake ID and this and that….. Then it hit me….. If it was God that let me out he wouldn’t want me doing all this sneaky stuff….So I thought Lord what is it you want me to do…… and the answer was one I didn’t want to hear……. It was turn your self back in…… Boy I didn’t want to hear that….but it was so strong in my spirit , I just knew it was right…. So I called my lawyer and told him what happened.. And I told him I didn’t want to run because I did it before and just wanted to do what was right this time …..well he made some phone calls and they still didn’t know I was gone after 2 days…. In fact I was the only one in the history of that county they ever let out accidental …but he said they still didn’t want to cut any deal…although they said as long as I went and checked in to rehab I didn’t need to come back.. Just so I went to court when I was suppose to …I thought cool I’ll do that……so I did….and let me tell you I loved rehab…..it was great!!! Even had snack time a 9 pm…..ha ha…. Well about 2 days before I was about to leave I called my lawyer to check in…. I said what’s the deal now…..he said no deal they are still going to make a example of you…..I got so tired of hearing him say that!!! I said WHY I AM DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT……but to no avail …… so I had to make the hardest discussion of my life…..Did I want to trust God with the rest of this thing and just walk into court willingly with every one saying they wanted to make a example of me or did I want to go back to what the old Bob would do and RUN!!! Well sorry to say but I failed God and every one once again and got a bus ticket to Oklahoma city ….
   Are you starting to see how much Grace and mercy the Lord has???? As many times as I failed him he still loved me and didn’t leave my side as you will see…..
Well about a month went by and my court date was next week and I still haven’t let any one know where I was….. Some thing in my spirit said to call my lawyer one last time…. When he answered the phone he was pissed and said do you know we have to be in court next week??? I said yea and I ain’t comin!!! He said why and I said all you can do is keep telling me how they are going to make an example of me….. He said let me make one more phone call…… when I called him back he said ok here’s the deal 2 years DOC….I said well I’ll do that!! But now I thought he might be tricking me to come back… but he assured me he wasn’t ….. Well this was a true test of my faith to trust God……So I said ok God if you want me to go back I’ll trust you…….so I went…… it sure was scary that day to walk into the court room but I had a peace over me that every thing would be ok……. Well we agreed on 2 years and after the judge heard they left me out accidental and I turned myself back in he made it 1 year instead!! Praise the Lord!!!!!!!!!!!! I was happy it was all going to be behind me soon!! But do you see how God was in this thing from start to finish???? He will never leave you!!
  Which brings me to the present…. I been out of jail 4 years now and have 5 years clean from drugs….Levi is back living with me…. Oh by the way my dad did die…but the Lord was merciful enough to keep him alive 1 day past me getting out of prison so I was at least able to see him one last time…..Thank you Jesus!! The Lord also blessed me with 31,000 dollars from my dads will to get a fresh start with……I love the Lord with all my heart now more than ever for all he put up with from me and will NEVER turn my back on him again…. If your reading this please take it from me and don’t do like me and waste 26yrs of your life over dope!! Get high on Jesus …. He’s truly the only one who can bring true happiness to your life………. If you don’t know him and want him in your life then pray this prayer from your heart….. Praying this prayer also is the ONLY way to Heaven….. You don’t make it to Heaven just by doing good… you must have a relationship with Jesus…
Dear Lord Jesus .. I come to you as a sinner in need of your forgiveness.. I believe you are the son of God and died on the cross for my sin…I now turn from my sin and ask you to come live in my heart and be my personal savior .. Make me the person you want me to be…in Jesus n

Well that’s it, my life…… And I have a pretty good idea that most of you are thinking ,why would he tell everyone all that?? Doesn’t he know everyone will be judging him now and putting a label on him…ect,ect,ect… well I sure didn’t write it because I was trying to be in some kind of popularity contest or some thing… I wrote it for 3 reasons….Number one to give God the glory because he’s the ONLY way a person can be changed from the inside out with the kind of change that’s real and lasts a life time.. Number two… in hopes some one will read it AND believe it to the point that they can either stop using drugs or never start and avoid all I and thousands of other people had to go through… And third …. Just to let people know there is a Heaven and Hell and you just don’t die and automatically go to Heaven…. Do you know there’s not one day in my past I would change….Do you know why?? Because if I wouldn’t of when through what I went through I may never of turned to Jesus and got saved…. In my opinion the person that is in the most danger of ending up in Hell is the person that never did any thing wrong in life… life just went nice and smooth and there never was any reason to worry about crying out to God for any reason….. That’s the person I pity…. Please don’t end up that person!!