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Dentist, Teeth -- A Few
things to think about...the past haunts you
Angie -
If you are someone who is still using ... Oh lord let me warn you
... of what this stuff does to you teeth ... If you could feel the pain
i am in right now ... it might make you think about continuing to use
... And theres no way to control when and or if it'll damage your teeth
or not .... i used to be a pretty blond haired girl with a pretty smile
.... But i allowed my addiction to meth , ice,speed,whatever you choose
to call it .... become the most important thing in my life .... I
thought i was different ... that i was smarter that I could beat this
thing and come out on top .... I would never be one of those run down
tore up dope fein lookin tweekers ... OH GOD THATS SO FUNNY...
Monday i just 2 more teeth pulled ... 2 of my back right molars ...
because they were so damaged they couldnt be saved ... at least not with
out any insurance ... something else i dont have because i spent so many
years dedcating my life to smoking dope and sticking a needle in my arm
...... with those 2 teeth pulled out that makes for a total of 7 ......
What a pay off huh .... i'll give 10 years of my life to meth in return
for ??????? what a joke ...
I maybe almost 19 months sober ... but i still continue to have to
face what i've done in my past due to my inablity to hear what everyone
tried to warn me about all along...
Do you know what its like to now be 19 months sober and to
understand ... that i was NO different and what a fool i was to have
handed over all my hopes and dreams in exchange for that drug ..... and
to be sitting in that dentist chair .... for the 3rd time now ... with 2
people up to their elbows yanking and pulling on my teeth ... and all
because i wanted to get HIGH ... all because I thought I was different
... and "who am i Hurting ... No one ... i am just trying to have a good
time"
Sitting there with my eyes squeezed tightly shut .. and jumping (i
am afraid of the dentist) every muscle in my body is tightened up ...
and it feelsl ike they are rearranging my facial structure .... i am
absolutlely sure if he keeps on pulling on my mouth like that hes going
to break my jaw bone .... tears though i try to hold them back ... seep
out of the corners of eyes ... and all i can think is ..."God Angie why
??? why , why did you do this to yourself ? " and then i begin to pray
......
It's such a demoralizing thing to have to have tooth after tooth
pulled out my 30 year old head ... such a damn shame .... But i am fully
aware i traded those teeth for my high ... just as i did every other
thing i lost while in my addiction .... I gave it away ... in trade for
a lie ...
I am 30 years old ... and i live in southern California ... and i
spend most of my days NOT SMILING ... because my teeth are so
embarassing ... i live in the ,and of beautiful people ... and i work in
an office of them .... i try not to have to many conversations with
people i dont know because i dont want them to know ..... And this is my
life today because i allowed myself to believe the lie of meth ....
I pray you dont allow yourself to live it as long as i did .....
Trust me theres hope ... recovery and a clean life are possible
.... i have been on both sides and i know with out a doubt this side is
better ..
we are all here if you need us ... Please just post ... i am going
to go and pop some more motrin because my head and mouth are killing me
thanx for letting me babble.
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