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Revoke my husband's bond or send him to meth rehab?


   My husband overdosed Wednesday night. I'm talking about foaming at the mouth....seizures....completely comatose. He is VERY lucky to be alive. The doctor said another 30 minutes and his heart would have exploded. After leaving the hospital, he was arrested and charged with possession of methamphetamines and may also possibly be charged with distributing. When he was in the hospital, he reached out to me. It was the first time he has reached out to me in the 8 months since this nightmare began. His bond hearing is set for tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. I've been getting a lot of advice on what i should do now. This is a small town, and it's all about who you know here. Some strings can be pulled....my problem is that i don't know WHICH ones to HAVE pulled! I've been told that the best thing for him would be for his bond to be revoked on the basis that he could be a flight risk or could harm or even kill himself. Some (ex-users included) believe it would be best for him to set alone in jail and think....and think.....and think.....until his court date. Others have told me that i should have mandatory rehab as a condition of his bond. The judge has already agreed to this stipulation. Problem is....once he's there, there's no way to keep him there. He can leave if he wants. We're trying to get the judge to add to the stipulation that if he leaves the rehab, he will have to spend the remainder of time until his court date in jail. PLEASE EVERYONE....tell me what would be the best approach in your opinions. He nearly killed himself....we are DESPERATE!!!
- kish


Replies

Csmith -
   This is just my opinion and I'm a sister of a user. I'm still pretty new to trying to understand this even though I have found out she has done meth for years. My sister tried to slit her own wrists and was adamant that IF we put her in rehab she would kill herself when she got out. She went and was there for less than three days and is back to using again.
   I think that your husband should go to jail and sit there. That is 100% the only sure way that he will be away from the meth and it will give him time to think. THEN after he gets out, maybe he will go to rehab and STAY there. I doubt a judge telling him he had to go to rehab would be enough. Plus they would have to find him again to put him back in jail.
   Those are my thoughts on the matter, and good luck to you no matter what you end up doing. I've lived in small towns before and the pressure of knowing you are the talk of the town can really get to you.

amom - 
   It will be a while before the drugs are out of his system and his thinking returns to a level that is even close to normal (if it ever does). My opinion is that he is better off and safer if left in jail. God bless. Let us know how it turns out.

Cyndi -
   I am thinking what would I do it that were me. If Brad had been saved when he took that intentional overdose. As much as it hurts, I have to say that the best and safest place for him is in jail. I know that if it were Brad, and he were allowed to come home, or leave rehab, he would certainly follow through with suicide. Especially since he would have to go back to jail. It just isn't a very good idea to give him his freedom right now, especially after the overdose. He's probably a mental mess, and he needs to be in jail, locked up and safe, where he can't hurt himself or others.

T -
   Kish, My boyfriend is in jail and has been since Feb. 1st. I would have to say, so far it is the best thing that has happened. Not only is it a big weight off of your shoulders but it will give him time to get all the drugs out of his system and hopefully begin to think like a normal human being. My boyfriend has completely changed while in jail, I know that the real test will be when he comes home. He has faith now, he never had faith. He tells me how he hates that drug more then I do. He also tells me that everything happens for a reason and if he didn't go to jail who knows where he would be right now and we would more then likely not be together. So I personally thing jail would be best. I wish you the best of luck.
   Kish, I am thinking out loud because I know what it is like to hold those strings. In my daughter's situation, I have chosen to not use those strings at all and let bygones be bygones. In your husband's situation, he DEFINITELY doesn't need to bond out. Maybe, just maybe, it would be in his best interest to sit in jail until his court date and THEN be court ordered into treatment. He reached out to you last night and that is good. He also knew he was in trouble. My thinking is...if he sits in jail, he will have time to dry out and think. (it's no fun in there..my daughter spent a year) When his court date comes around, he would "hopefully" be in a better state of mind and be more open to what a rehab has to offer. Good luck.

lory -
   Generally if there is a court mandated rehabilitation stipulation, he must remain there or he will be remanded again into custody to finish out his sentence. Leaving rehab does not look good in the judge's eyes, and he would likely get a stiffer sentence. I know that in the court/recovery program that I was in, leaving rehab and running usually resulted in prison time for several.
   I am personally an advocate of both rehab and some jail. Jail so that you are alone with yourself to feel the bottom that you have created for yourself. For myself, jail was a beautiful bottom that serves as a reference point if a bad idea should cross my mind. I definitely would NOT just pull strings to get him out with no framework in which to guide his life in, no matter how he believes in his done-ness with meth. Some kind of rehab is definitely appropriate, if not imperative, at this time from what is sounds like.
   I would also encourage the judge to stipulate a long rehab. The odds go up with longer rehab. I have seen lots of people do pretty well with a combo of a month or so in jail, 1-6 months of inpatient rehabilitation, and either a follow-up after care or outpatient for another year, with plenty of 12 step meetings (like 3-4/week). Also, I would encourage the judge to impose plenty of random tests as a condition of probation.


See also:

Husband / Boyfriend Use of Meth


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