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Is a meth addict honest the day after using?


Juliett
55
Is a meth addict honest the day after using?
Most of my open talks with the my addict were when he feels the bottom, the day or two after the hit. He is weak, coming down and sounds open, wants help an tells me beautiful things about myself that he kept inside before. I found those to be rare times of his true self, as weak as he was.

What do you guys think?
     Replies...
blue
rain141
Re: Is a meth addict honest the day after using?
If he is an addict, that is his true self. When he is whispering sweet nothings, being "sincere" and having deep thoughts... that is manipulation.

Sorry if that sounds bitter, but I've been through this too many times.
Juliett
55
Re: Is a meth addict honest the day after using?
HE wasn't really manipulating me for anything, just being honest not having male ego in the way because he is too weak to have it at the time.

nine
years
clean

Re: Is a meth addict honest the day after using?
My husband and I were co-addicts. Whenever we were a day or two beyond our last run we would get like this with each other.

We would remind each other that meth was just f'ing up our lives and our little family, and that we were so much better to each other and to our kids without meth in us, and that we were spending money on meth and all of the other expenses that come with being high instead of our home or our kids or us.....

We would then vow to never touch it again; to walk away from that crowd and never look back; to get our shyt together.

I believe each of us were genuine and sincere during those times, with ourselves and with each other. We'd both be feeling like shyt, of course, so we'd do a lot of cuddling, and eating, and napping together.

Within a few days, however, when we were back to feeling "normal", eventually one of us would cave in and get some. The other would try to act mad at the one who brought it home, but truth be told, we were both elated, and we swiftly snorted the first of what would probably become a 4 or 5 day run with the meth monster.

This happened time and time and time and time again.

Finally, one day, I was serious about quitting. Dead serious. That was 10+ years ago, but my husband, now ex husband, continued to use and probably still uses to this day.

So, is your guy being honest? Probably. But today's honesty is no guarantee that tomorrow's reality won't include meth.
Juliett
55
Re: Is a meth addict honest the day after using?
Thank you nineyearsclean, I needed to hear that so much, I truly believe that too, but just feel insecure.
There are more of those days so I hope it will get to your point some day. Now he is going to AA, working full time, not talking, but I'm just trying to be supportive.
luve
piphany
Re: Is a meth addict honest the day after using?
Juliette, I too have ridden the emotional loving rollercoaster. Today is the hateful rejection-no communication-he's probably so wacked out he doesn't even remember me (even though he tells me he thinks of me all the time...  when he's "gone") and oh, he was ready to go to detox, loved me dearly, and was so thankful for me...Friday. Since then, no talk, no show, no answer, no nothing-just gone mean hateful rejecting abandonment of friend, home, and all he so convincingly professed to love four long long days ago.

Of course, he is never very open but doesn't it just keep me hanging on when I am the "only" one who can get him to talk---gag!!!

Like you, each time we are together, I think that "this is it" there is hope and light and love inside that meth ravaged perfectly capable person and each time he leaves, he will be back later that day...and I believe him. What more can we do but live our own lives-it's nearly impossible when you have a hopeful one that is controlled by such a powerful force. I always still ask why but I guess I have to admit, with Alanon/Naranon and this place and my own healing work on myself...it's getting easier to accept that nothing is real until that crap is out of their system's and only then can they ever be themselves.
k8
kanguru
Re: Is a meth addict honest the day after using?
When he's crashing he's dopamine-deprived, feeling burnt and blistered, overwhelmed by self-loathing, remorse and promises to himself and anyone else that this is the last time he'll do this to himself.

During this time, what The Addict needs is a "Mummy" who will make him better, support his need for rest and nourishment - physically and emotionally.

The Addict needs this to replenish and restore the body it has ravaged and depleted - so it can have something to feed off next time!

If you (in your desire to love and be loved by the body that hosts The Addict) are the person who fulfils this need and provides the 'replenishment' role, then of course you will be greatly valued during this time. You are providing what The Addict needs - a pit stop.

Once the body has been restored to a point where it can serve another run, The Addict will usually peck you on the cheek, give some bogus return date and stroll out the door with about as much regard for you and your feelings as an adolescent guy going off to party with his mates for as long as it takes for him to get tired, dirty and hungry enough (physically AND emotionally) to need his Mum again.


If you are happy playing this parental role in your relationship with a man, then it'll work just fine for you. You ARE needed, you ARE special and one of a unique and rare breed of women, you ARE loved, there IS a purpose to your life when you get to fix up the burnt-out body The Addict leaves for you.

But please don't pretend to yourself you're not in service to The Addict that is consuming the life of the man you love.
chick
peakiwi
Re: Is a meth addict honest the day after using?
Wow Kate, you just described my most recent encounter with my (ex) addict.......ha ..so true, so true

I played the "mummy" role quite well as you know, and he played his part to a T.... he could have bagged himself an academy award.  then sold it for some dope!

I wonder what the next installment will be

Missing you by the way ...
 
Juliett
55
Re: Is a meth addict honest the day after using?
No I don't play mommy, in fact he won't let me, he likes to get through bad times himself, but what I'm talking is him saying what he really wants at those times, even if he is not fully capable of following it. And yes it it makes me feel good that he values me and says he would like to be better and have me in his life....than shuts off.
Time4
Change
Re: is he honest the day after
The hardest part is that while I know this is what is happening in the back of my mind ... It's hard to face the reality that someone could and would say and make you feel that special one day and without a second thought be back off to the races the next.

I want so badly for everything to stay just that way... (*my fairytale* with the love and compassion I know I deserve) so... I hang on to that moment in my head and disregard the way he treats me the rest of the time.

It's very very hard to see and deal with the reality of the situation. I myself would never treat anyone that way. It's hard to wrap my head around the idea that anyone would think this is acceptable behavior.

In my experience with my addict add a little meth and he can justify anything. His thinking changes to "I have a good reason to use ... I'm not doing anything wrong... screw off everyone else... no-one understands".
 

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