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| michelle |
What to say to my son
whose in jail... My son, Michael (25) is currently in jail awaiting rehab. I have what might be an unusual question. I have found in relating to him, (when visiting or when writing to him) i am sometimes at a loss as to what to say... How do I relate to him without lecturing, or expressing expectations? (I know he has a fear, of course, of relapsing.) He knows how very much I love him, and want the best for him. (Brings to mind when he was 15 and in juvenile hall...I told him how I wanted the very best for his life, and he turned to me...(the most serious he had ever been) looked me in the eye, and said..."but mom...I have to want the best for my life." Sooo...I just want some ideas on what are the most helpful things that I can say to him? Thanks for any input you can give!
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| Guestwho |
++++++
Can't you talk about everything else instead?
Your son is going to come around one day. He just wants to do it when, why, and where he wants to. He wants to be responsible. He might still be rebelling. I'd try to let him be responsible for his own life, not even give advice. Just work on an even stronger bond and let him come around.
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| sdmsanjose |
Re: ++++++
Quote: How about showing him family pictures of
the good times?
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nineyears clean |
Re: What to say to my son
whose in jail... Quote: I would suggest that you let him do the talking when it comes to where he's at and where he has been and where he wants to go in his life. I wouldn't be judgmental at all, but I would, as a mom, do the natural thing, which in my opinion would be to gently guide him in the right direction.
I'd also remind him of this conversation. I'd remind him of who he was before dope. Remembering who I was before dope helped me a lot to get back to that person. She was lost for so long, I almost forgot who she was. Quote: Sweetheart, unless you've lived the sad,
desperate life of an addict, you're not going to be able to
relate to him. Things he speaks of will be foreign to you, and
in those instances, all you can do is listen, and when you do
respond, speak with hope. Let him know there is hope and nothing
he's done can't be undone.
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| Imgetinrite |
Re: What to say to my son
whose in jail... Quote: The question I would ask him, If it were
me, is, Do you know how to get the best in your life? Or what do
you think you would like to do differently than your doing now.
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| Guene |
Re: What to say to my son
whose in jail... I'm a mother of a recovering addict, and I have found that it's hard to talk to her about anything, she was always so mad all the time, but when we did talk I tried to talk about the good times. She love to hear stories about our family and what she called the old days. Hugs |
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Paws from hell |
Re: What to say to my son
whose in jail... Michelle: I wish I could offer some wisdom here but I'm not a professional psychiatrist or Dr. Phil. I'm Al and I'm a recovering addict, and I'm 51. I only recommend that you keep coming back to this forum and sharing your life with people here who care and are experienced in what you're going through. And any time you want into an addicts head , I'm right here , alongside a long list of smart, caring, recovering people. When I was in jail myself, and went into a rehab, I had to come to the decision... myself.... that my best thinking had gotten me "how far".... and what was I going to do now to make it better. And at age 25, all I can say is I didn't know, didn't care, and thought it was all part of the deal. Rehab offers the keys to understanding the nature of chemical addiction, but for me recovery comes from living my life drug free and not using even when I want to. |
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nineyears clean |
Re: What to say to my son
whose in jail... That's right, Al. That's the way it's been for me since Day 1. Using is NEVER an option.
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| michelle |
Re: What to say to my son
whose in jail... Thank you everyone for your helpful replies! They are MUCH appreciated!!!
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| a2ahome |
Re: What to say to my son
whose in jail... Michelle, As tacky as it sounds I am glad to hear your son is in jail awaiting treatment. As far as what you should say to him. I've been in jail and what I wanted was to be able to live vicariously through someone. Tell him you love him and that will always be true. Talk about your feelings if you are so led. Our feelings will always be valid. As far as advice, I would hold back. Each of us has a different way of learning. And this is a lesson we all have to learn on our own. Let him be the one to reach out if he wants. Be his Mom, I know that's all you have longed for through this ordeal.
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| michelle |
Re: What to say to my son
whose in jail... Thank you so much for your reply! You're right. I just want to be the best mom that I can be to him, and to give him all the encouragement I can without giving advise. Thanks again everyone!
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| imlostinky |
Re: What to say to my son
whose in jail... Quote: Maybe the most helpful thing you could say
is nothing- just listen? |
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| michelle |
Re: What to say to my son
whose in jail... You're right, Sometimes when i am searching for the right words to say, i just need to be still, and listen. Thanks! |
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