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Do loved ones of addicts learn to love again?


cortyshell Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
I was just wondering as an Ex~ lover of an addict, I watch myself sabotaged every relationship I've tried since I left my addict.

I either get involved with guys I KNOW it won't work out with. That's mainly where I've been.

I finally found this guy I want it to work out with. I'm noticed that I'm guarded and worried about getting hurt.

So I was wondering if there's anyone else out there who is an Ex~ lover of an addict who is actually in a healthy relationship now?
     Replies...
Naiev
Newlywed
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
Oh Corty - we're on the same page today.
cortyshell Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
I'm certain its going to happen for me SOMEDAY.....
Naiev
Newlywed
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
I ALMOST thought it was happening for me a few weeks ago - but it had to stop.
2fast2late Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
 Question?

Is it because of the drugs we did/or do?

Is it because our head is so screwed up that we can never function right?

Or have a good relationship with any one?

Or is it because we just don't trust ourself?
cortyshell Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
Those are great questions
I don't do drugs
I KNOW my head is screwed up
Still working on that GOOD relationship thing
I shouldn't trust myself and I DON'T

Still waiting for an Ex~ loved one in a now healthy relationship...... There's GOT TO be at least one!

Can you ever function properly once you've been burned so bad?
RedHurt Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
I know exactly what you mean, I am even afraid to start a relationship with anyone. I would like to, but don't even know where to start.
Spase
monkey
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
*shrug*

It isn't about not trusting myself. I really don't trust anyone enough to actually be in a relationship.

Spend long enough seeing just how bad humans really are inside and it makes it pretty tough to ever want to expose yourself to one.

Or at least that's how it is for me.
cortyshell Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
I understand that ...
But the thing is
I believe the BEST about people
I honestly think people have good intentions or don't go out of their way to hurt someone else.

But when it comes to me I think ...
How could anyone ever love me or think anything positive about me.
boys36 Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
WE LOVE YOU CORTY!!!!!!

And to quote Danimal "more than a little"!!!!!!!!!

I see lots of positive things about ya by the way....
cortyshell Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
Awwwww THANK YOU Alisa

I love you too!

Is there not A single healthy relationship around this board?
boys36 Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
This is probably NOT the best place to find a single healthy relationship............. you can find lots of great friends though......and lots of love and support!!!

That is the reason most of us come here in the first place because of a dysfunctional relationship we are seeking help in coping with. Be it a boyfriend, husband, wife , son or daughter. We are all a little dysfunctional arent we???? I know I am!!!!!"More than a little!!!"

P.S. We love and accept you anyway dysfunctions and all!!!
sickids
gurl
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
Ok- My husband and I have been together almost 2yrs we are both addicts and have only been clean 13days now. But, as far as our relationship goes we couldn't be happier.

It takes a lot of listening and understanding and compromise sometimes but, you can learn to love again.

I think the first step is learning to love yourself again. If you can't be happy with yourself how can you be happy with someone...? just my opinion.

Good luck with that to everyone!
Naiev
Newlywed
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
Quote:
Spend long enough seeing just how bad humans really are inside and it makes it pretty tough to ever want to expose yourself to one.

That's it - those are the words I've been looking for....

Quote:


expose yourself

Thank you

boys36 Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
So true ...........Sometimes we are our own worst enemy.
And happiness does come from loving yourself first.
You got to love you before you can love someone else!
Spase
monkey
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
I should mention,
I am sure my experience is different than that of most loved ones. I was an addict and spent some years homeless selling people drugs. My experience in relationships where I would call myself a 'loved one' have been relationships with other addicts and especially with my last girlfriend who tried to get clean with me for a while when I was getting clean but in the end didn't want it bad enough.

What our damage is depends on our experience of course. Self-worth can also be a very hard issue but I know for me so much of it is trusting other people with the ability to make me hurt.
Guene Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
Space, Sorry to hear about your girlfriend, that must have been very painful for you to lose someone you love to a drug, but I hope that someday you will find someone special to love again, it isn't always bad, I have been married for 32 years, sure we had our good and our bad, but we always loved each other.
lily Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
Like the song goes..........

"I would have given you all of my heart
But there's someone who's torn it apart
And he's taken just all that I had
But if you want I'll try to love again
Baby, I'll try to love again but I know
The first cut is the deepest..............."

When every aspect of your life has been screwed up by a drug addicted lover, how can u not lose all faith in ever being in a healthy relationship again, right?

But how can u learn to trust someone else again if u don't have faith and trust in yourself first. How u perceive yourself is how others will perceive u too, so any weakness or self doubt in your character is going to be seen by others.

Having said that, nobody is perfect and no matter how perfect someone appears to be in the beginning of a relationship, the flaws will surface eventually, because we all have them, but these very flaws is what makes each person unique.

We live in a society where there are so many degrees of dysfunction, so it's near impossible to find the perfect lover, perfect relationship, perfect union. It's even harder when you've already been hurt, since sometimes, we are attracted to similar people that have hurt us in past relationships.

With all the BS we are faced with on a day to day basis, hold onto to whatever faith u have left that love will come again, probably when u least expect it, and when you're not looking so hard for it.
cortyshell Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
It's frustrating

Does anyone else feel like "damaged goods"?
Guene Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
Cort, You are not "damaged Goods" you understand that, your not, please we all make mistakes, and we fix them. I think you a very special person not damaged goods, never put yourself down sweetie.
Rachel
sue76
Re: Do loved ones of addicts learn to LOVE again?
Yes, you can learn to love again. The way I see it is we are always risking getting hurt by someone we love whether they do it on purpose or on accident. You got to take the good with the bad ya know?

Spase, when are you going to see that the perfect woman for you is that beautiful girl that you are always talking so much about  She knows all about you and she still likes you and you know all about her and you still like her.

See also:

I love a meth addict and I'm miserable

Anyone start detaching while in relationship?

Did your meth user change you?

Guidelines for a healthy relationship

How do I recover from my meth addict?


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