Talking to yourself

Concerned

Side-effect question - talking to yourself

Hi, this is the 1st time I've posted here. I had a meth addiction 10 yrs ago and lead a relatively happy, addictive-free life now but am worried about whether I have permanent damage. I read some of the other posts but haven't seen anything about a sort of side effect where you aren't hearing or seeing anything that isn't there, but involuntarily talk to yourself. It happens much more when I'm stressed or overtired and seems to be a lesser version of something that happened while on meth that must have been meth psychosis but with this I still know exactly what's going on around me...I'll just be thinking about something painful and words come out. I'm really embarrassed and frightened and can usually hide this from people but I also avoid people a lot and spend more time alone than I would otherwise. The few times I tried to explain this to people in therapy or when I was in rehab, they didn't seem to have a clue what I was talking about so I stopped and hoped it would go away. Has anyone else experienced this or have any advice? Is there anything I can do or will it always be like this? And am I crazy? I can hold a good, professional job and have pretty good relationships but my fiancé heard me doing this the other day for the 1st time and I'm terrified he's going to figure out there's something wrong w/me.

cleanand
serene

Re: Side-effect question - talking to yourself

many people talk to themselves you don't have to be a meth addict. I know this lady at work who talks to herself all day and I know for a fact that she is not an addict. I think most people actually talk to there selves from time to time. If this is the only side effect you have to deal with then be grateful some people are actually talking to the people inside there brains!

imlostinky

Re: Side-effect question - talking to yourself

If it is odd to talk to yourself, well then count me in as odd too.
In fact my husband calls me on it quite a bit- just this morning as a matter of fact
What concerns me with you is

Quote:

.I'll just be thinking about something painful and words come out

Have you considering therapy for help dealing with the something painful that comes to mind?
You know, just having someone safe to listen is a big help.

Just a thought.

In the meantime, if talking to yourself is a criteria for mental illness, then I am certifiably nuts.

danimal55

Re: Side-effect question - talking to yourself

Concerned...you don't seem "crazy" at all, we all have a dialogue going on with ourselves, mind and conscience are always going at it. We all have some form of lingering damage as well, my ears ring 24/7, LOUD! & CRS that won't quit.
Like you said, other peeps hear voices while others suffer from lingering paranoia etc...
I know peeps who talk out loud who've never done meth. One fellow in our NA group has turrets, he explained it to us and just goes with the flow, along with the rest of us.
It doesn't stop him from sharing.
Getting to the bottom of stress and pain is always a good idea, lamenting over old baggage and pain and the fear of the future do little for our *present* well being.
Residing in the past and future tense rob us of the present tense and make it hard to BE HERE NOW.
If you can feel it...you can heal it.
Maybe some therapy to help rid yourself of pain and stress would be in order, help is ALWAYS a good thing!
Prayer and meditation work for billions of people, my obsession to use meth was removed by a simple and earnest request, never to return to haunt me.
Congratulations for 10/TEN YEARS!!
Hope to see you around sharing your success.
And trust me, you're no crazier than the rest of us.
We DO recover, and we DO learn to live in gratitude.
Damage and all.

Penel0pe

Re: Side-effect question - talking to yourself

I think everyone talks to themselves now and then.

One time I was at work, alone in the nurses station (I thought) and was talking to myself. I turned around and saw that the PSYCHIATRIST was in there with me, and she laughed her ass off. "I caught you!" she said - LOL!

I think it's pretty normal, whatever "Normal" really is.

lax2

Re: Side-effect question - talking to yourself

Yeah I know what you mean concerned. By day 4 I was having conversations with myself and could NOT shut up.

It's 4 years later and I often "Catch myself" talking to myself, often in the car or while on the computer. I don't think there is anything wrong with it. Sometimes things make more sense when we work thru them aloud.

Kellhappy

Re: Side-effect question - talking to yourself

I think I have instances where I need to talk myself "through" things or I just can't remember what I'm doing or why, but this isn't something that happens involuntarily.

I hope you can give yourself a break about it, I don't think you need to call yourself crazy. There are some consequences and some damage that comes along with our past behaviors. The important thing, in my opinion, is learning how to accept it, deal with it if needed, and how to live with, and through, it.

I think you did a really important thing by coming here to talk and vent about it. I find it's when I keep things inside that I feel the most "crazy". Maybe the more you share or talk about stuff, the less stuff will be pent up in your head?? You never know.

Peace and Love,
Kelly

catalina
juarez

thinking aloud

it could also be thinking aloud sometimes when you here yourself aloud you tend to get some things straight and when you lack an answer sometimes that is the way to plan even figure things out

pisces

Side-effect question - talking to yourself

I do that too...talk to myself in the car, at work, at home... at school...
even if people watch me. Sometimes I don't even realize I am doing it

Naiev
Newlywed

Re: Side-effect question - talking to yourself

I do this too.

When I was using it was REALLY bad - so bad that once my hubby called me on my cell phone and I thought I had hung up with him and hadn't and he heard me...he swore someone was in my car with me.

I do it now, but not as bad...I think that's the reason I got two cats - so I could say I'm talking to them and not myself....LOL.

Do you live alone? I think I do it for that reason...I'm alone a lot of the time. When I'm at work, I don't do it.

paul4fun

Re: Side-effect question - talking to yourself

Hi ... I like many others hear voices 24/7 and I talk back to them or just think back to them and they know what I'm thinking...I also am a very normal person if you were to meet me ... I believe meth makes you more sensitive to the spirit world .. it lowers the veil between our worlds ... I'm 12 weeks clean and I still hear, see and feel them around me ... at night I see energy flying out of my hands and across the room ... not sure if they talk to you and you respond but your not alone and a lot of people believe what I just told you also ... I hope this helps ... if you ever want to chat just let me know... paul4fun

Concerned

Re: Side-effect question

Wow, I didn't think that many people would answer me. You guys are such a caring and supportive group...wish I'd had access to something like this in my really dark days!

So I'm not sure if I described this correctly. I hear many of you wanting me to feel OK & normal (which is great) but it sounds like you think I mean the kind of talking like "hmm, what should I do
next" or something. This is more like when you see a schizophrenic person on the street or even autistic people and they're going "shut up, shut up, shut up" or "why did you say that? why" It's nonsensical and repetitive and, if I'm really stressed, it's loud, too. So I couldn't blow it off if someone heard me, but somehow if I'm alert to it I can suppress it for a while (can make it through the work day) but when I let my guard down in my car or if I'm feeling overwhelmed it's just there.

I do have other lingering symptoms (my ears ring and my vision is a little screwed up but that may have been from XTC), but this is the only one that worries me. For the most part, I think I got off easy and am incredibly grateful to have the life I have now. I liked what you were saying about it, Danimal, and I wish I could roll w/it like your friend w/Turrette's (it actually seems a lot like that!). The rehab program I went through was an awesome alternative one w/a lot of emphasis on meditation and the present moment. It was probably the best experience of my life and I'm certainly a much happier/better person than I was even before using.

Anyway, it sounds like a few of you who replied know what I'm talking about, which makes me feel less alone. Lax2 & Naieve Newlywed, so you can choose to not do it now? Paul4fun, I think you're experiencing something different but I have read that some of these drugs can create an unhealthy psychic opening. Do you think you have mediumistic tendencies and have you looked into methods of psychic protection/control or are you happy with how things are? That's really interesting but I'm not hearing any voices...it almost seems like it would be more logical if I were talking TO something :)

Thanks for all of your comments and well-wishes. This is a really nice community and I'd love to hang around and see if anyone has more input/insight. :)

no more
mething
around

Re: Side-effect question

Guilty as well...

Actually nice to see so many other people do this, too.

When I am lost in thought and a bad memory comes up, it's a Tourette's like reaction. A loud swear or self admonishment. My kids will ask me who I'm talking to.
I practice by myself something I need to say to someone else...checking my words to see how they sound before I open my big mouth. Hubby's caught me plenty of times, since he loves to scare the hell out of me by sneaking up on me. HATE that!

Sometimes the only person you CAN talk to is yourself!

chrisgonz

Re: Side-effect question

I'll be thinking of something and I'll say something out loud. My daughter will be like, what did you say. I have to tell her I'm thinking out loud.
I've taken classes where they tell you to practice what you're going to say, like a presentation.
I guess if you're just actively carrying on a conversation for no reason, yea, that would be 'odd'
I don't think letting words slip is too much to worry about unless you're saying things that are way out there.

Is laughing all alone odd??

Concerned

Re: Side-effect question

Aha! I'm so relieved to know I'm not the only person w/this. So "No More Mething," you're dealing w/it w/your sense of humor? I'm still working on lightening up
Oh and I meant to mention before to everyone that it was 10 yrs ago that I was doing the meth but that's not how long I've been sober. I got away from the speed by physically leaving and spending a couple of months in India but when I got back I decided that drinking and other things were OK. It was the alcohol that nearly killed me in the end but I've been sober for almost 2 years now (which is a lot in my world but I felt guilty getting compliments for 10 yrs so thought I'd clear that up.)

forget suzette

Re: Side-effect question

You just asked a room full of crazy people, if we think you are crazy.
NAW! you're OK!
....you might try psych central
yeah, I talk to myself too *mumbles*
I even talk dirty to myself when I masturbate.

Penel0pe

Re: Side-effect question

Quote:

I think that's the reason I got two cats - so I could say I'm talking to them and not myself....LOL.

I KNOW my neighbors think everyone in this household is nuts - because we talk to all the animals - and then we answer for them too. Each animal has it's own voice. Everyone in the house can do each of the animals "Voices." Each animal knows we are talking about him / her by the voice we are using. You can tell by the wagging tails...or the cats running up to you when you talk to it in it's "Voice."

I was out hanging laundry on the clothesline and I heard my hubby in the house talking to the pets and I started laughing, because I realized how LOUD we actually are at my house, and the neighbors were all sitting outside - LOL - he sounded like a maniac!

And I am 10 times worse than ANYONE here - I made up all the voices for each of the pets.... and I have a LOT OF PETS.

So, to the original poster... if you think YOU'RE nuts...

no more
mething
around

Re: Side-effect question

I think we are like a bowl of MIXED nuts here, each with our own flavor and purpose.

lax2

Re: Side-effect question - talking to yourself

No we're the EXTRA FANCY mixed Nuts...

no more
mething
around

Re: Side-effect question - talking to yourself

And....nuts are good for us ! Especially the fancy ones...
*delusions of grandeur set in *
I'll hog the cashews, and the almonds, and the pistachios...dammit, hard to talk to myself with my mouth full !

Naiev
Newlywed

Re: Side-effect question - talking to yourself

Concerned....

I don't know if it's the fact that I can choose to NOT do it while I'm at work - I think it's just the environment.

My house is where a lot of crap happened with hubby - and now that he's not there, it just hits me all of a sudden.

When I was using, I would hold conversations as though I were talking to him. Or the day he heard me when I hadn't hung up my phone, I was talking as though I was telling a story of what had happened during my last encounter with him. That's why he swore someone was in the car with me and he was pissed because I was telling all of his "secrets".

I think I only do it now when something triggers the memories.

But to add what Pen was saying...my daughter thinks I'm nuts. When she comes over and she hears me talking to the cats, which I am talking to them and answering for them too, she'll come in the room and say 'are you talking to me mom', and I'll say 'No, I'm talking to the boys'. She jokes with me that I'm going to end up the old cat lady in town!

Sometimes I catch myself doing what you're talking about....asking out loud 'why are you thinking that', 'you need to stop that @#%$ right now' and I'll be talking to ME.

It may not pass completely, but for me, it's manageable. I used to think I was losing my mind - but it gets better as time goes on. I think once he comes home, whenever that will be, I won't do it anymore. Who knows.

Best of luck to you.

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