Acting - Is it a meth thing or a control thing?

Time4Change

Acting - Not for Real

I have to ask those of you that are/were a spouse of an addict. Did/Do you ever get the feeling that they put on an act for your benefit?

My example is that in my relationship my addict will IMO mope and be depressed around me. How do I know it's an act... well if one of his friends calls or stops by it stops then as soon as he hangs up or leaves it's back. Kind of like a switch he turns on and off.

Is it a meth thing or a control thing?

queenb92

Re: Acting - Not for Real

I would say yes, cause I had a few friends who would act like that every time they came around me so that I would feel bad for them and get them high. Its a little different situation but the same kind of acting skills. They want people to feel bad for them

Time4Change

Re: Acting - Not for Real

Yep that's exactly what I was trying to spit out but couldn't quite get it out... it's like he wants me to feel bad for him. On several occasions I've caught him watching me as if to gauge my reaction. It's like everything is an act... nothing is for real.

LoveMet

Re: Acting - Not for Real

My fiancé' was not like that but he did act around me. He would say he was tired and just wanted to go to bed so I would not talk to him too much. Or he would want to drink or smoke pot so I could not tell either. Or my least favorite is he would waste money on those energy pills and act like he had taken some if I felt his heart beat. He thought that his act was perfect and to be honest that was how he got caught by me because I could TELL it was an act. He tried way too hard to act normal and would over explain everything
Tera

kmb2006

Re: Acting - Not for Real

My husband does the same kind of thing. He gets depressed and forlorn, which I often believe is just to play on my sympathy. He does the same to his Dad and other family members as well as his closest non-using friends. He's only upbeat when he's talking to or is around one of the losers or our daughter. The sad thing is that I think that the upbeat part is the act. I mean, everything in his life has pretty much gone to crap because of his addiction - I'd be depressed too if I were him.

TnSkye

Re: Acting - Not for Real

Yeah, even now.

He comes to visit our daughter and appears to be so low and depressed, like the world is against him.

First stupid commercial to come on, he dies out with his cackling laughter and almost rolls in the floor.

From one extreme to another with the flip of a switch.

RedHurt

Re: Acting - Not for Real

This happens to me all the time, my ex will still do me this way. With me and our kids he acts so pitiful it is not even funny, like he has lost his last friend, but let one of his user buddies call and the world
is wonderful. It is so bad, that even the kids say "well is Dad coming over to give us the pitiful trip again".
Of course when I bring it up he says he doesn't act that way, it is just a reason for me to complain.....

queenb92

Re: Acting - Not for Real

See I didn't pull the pity act but for some reason I always fell for it. People always took advantage of it too cause they knew I would fall for it

anotherfamily
messedup
bymeth

Re: Acting - Not for Real

My ex was a very good actor. So good he even fools himself.

Time4Change

Re: Acting - Not for Real

Thanks for the replies. Even though I should know that I'm not a too far off base I need a little reassurance sometimes. I don't know why but being strong and staying strong is really hard for me.

Things get complacent and I find myself slipping backwards into the same rut of feelings and falling for manipulation and guilt trips. It's like I have to keep my guard up 24/7. I don't like to see anyone miserable... even though I know his misery is self inflicted

Rachelsue76

Re: Acting - Not for Real

Quote:
My example is that in my relationship my addict will IMO mope act depressed around me. How do I know it's an act... well if one of his friends calls or stops by it stops then as soon as he hangs up or leaves it's back. Kind of like a switch he turns on and off.

My husband does this all the time. But, I think that it is easier to talk to his friends that were not personally effected by his use. I think that for that little bit of time while he is talking to them that he feels like things are not so hopeless. They are guys ya know? They don't talk about the kind of stuff that I want to talk to him about. But, the guys that he talks to are not people that he has used with though. They are straight and they talk about cars and motorcycles and work.

They don't want to talk to him about feelings or addiction or anything monumental.

Time4Change

Re: Acting - Not for Real

Yeah, you've got a point the more I think about it he acts that way around the people that know and are effected by is addiction... His family and friends that know about his situation.

Funny thing is he's been this way with me even before I knew about the meth. I think it was his way of controlling me and keeping me off balance so I wouldn't figure it all out. But now that I do know it's still the same. I guess it's a learned behavior that hard to break.

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