My Son is begging for food

I was having a good day. Hot, don't like Mondays, to much work to do in a day-but a good day.

My oldest son just called and said my youngest son is out begging for food. This just absolutely crushes my soul, tears my heart out, just plain makes me feel sad inside. His Mamaw just gave him some food so I know he has a little bit to eat.

I will give him food. If he would just call me. I know he got paid for work he just did. Now, I just wonder where that money went.

I HATE THIS! Always in turmoil. Worry, worry, worry. I'm going to try so hard to not think about this. I just can't stand him being hungry. I know this is not my fault. If he were trying, I would give him my last dime, the shirt off my back.

Thanks for the rave!

Oh, oh, oh, I just had a good thought. If he is hungry he must not be high. I think that's right, maybe?

That is true!!! I am thinking about you today!! I hope it gets better for you. Take Care-Judy

Judy, hon, thank you.

I swear, I just get so tired. I think all is going fairly okay and then it just blows all to heck. Oldest had been in town and apparently he has asked several folks for food. To me, that is just so sad. It would be sad to me if it were a stranger, but my son..............Lord, please help me.

Kristy
Actually, he's not begging for food, he's begging for meth.

I know how tough this is for you because Ratbag would call me and tell me he'd lived on sugar and water for days on end. He was suffering from malnutrition but every bit of money he got went up his arm. He had people who would feed him but his pride got in the way.

So, hard as it is, it's consequences of choices he's making and it all this contributes to an eventual (one day please God soon) wake up to the pain and the decision not to do this any more.

I feel for you sweetie but it is his choice. Have faith that this is his path and he's in good hands. Now don't go hurting yourself any more on his account, ok?

Love
K8

Kristy, try not to worry so much. Why doesn't he apply for food stamps? He would probably qualify. He, gf, and baby all three would be eligible for assistance. The baby would also qualify for WIC and medicaid. Please suggest this to them. There is no reason for anyone to go hungry unless he is choosing to. He is trying to guilt someone into giving him 20 bucks or so. Do not fall for it. If he really needs food, there are places to get it. Many towns have a food pantry where needy people can go and get whatever they have that day. It is usually canned goods and dried beans. Hey it is better than nothing. There is help for him if he really needs it. Re he is choosing this path. It is his responsibility to get his own food.

Does your older son talk to his little brother about his problem? Maybe he needs to hear this from big brother?? Just a thought??

Kris, I agree with Outlaw here...he figures if he begs for food, he can get some cash...wouldn't be surprised if he started talking about being out of diapers... an all time favorite and an easy $5.

There are many programs that will insure no one need go hungry...WIC for mother and child, AFDC, food stamps...food shelf, Salvation Army...there is a long list.

I have little doubt he is sure all the reports are getting back to you and he has a little scenario in his head where mom takes them all back in and it all starts over again...he won't think about the start over part...his imaginary ending would be nice family together with use on the side...

He isn't stupid, he isn't all that ignorant, and I know social services covered all the programs available for the baby.

Active Addicts don't get dumb they get devious.

The bad news is.....This does break your heart.

The good news is.....He is doing what he has to do to reach his bottom.

As addicts we never seek recovery until we are at an emotional low.....a bottom.

Honey hang in there and my prayers are with you and your son.

"He is doing what he has to do to reach his bottom".

Is this an NA saying?

It struck a chord in me that has me crying!

How too true this is!

unwise,

My heart goes out to you several times over....
I don't know if I could bear it if it were my son, but there's a lot of hope in Milkischris' saying! Try to tell yourself that there's a REASON for this, and that reason may be your son's ultimate recovery!

My thoughts are with you!

Love,
Lisa

Unwise,
It is an emotional roller coaster everyday. When we don't hear a word about them our minds go into overdrive with thoughs that maybe sonething happened to them and nobody's told you yet. Then when we do it is something like they are begging for this or that and that breaks our hearts more because if they would just call we would feed them. I will keep your situation in my prayers I truly know the feelings you are having. Haven't heard a single word from daughter or any of her friends since I refused to pick her up from bus station. I worry so much about her. I second guess myself all the time about the tough love thing. I just have to trust that God is dealing with her and he is in charge.
((((((PRAYERS for your situation)))))))

You are all such a wonderful, comforting bunch of souls. I am so thankful to have you, and your wisdom, in my life.

I do agree that not having food is having meth. My son’s g/f is really good at working the system. She learned from her Mom. These kids get 400.00 per month in food stamps, WIC funds and medicaid. They live in an air conditioned, 2 bedroom apt., rent free and all utilities paid. I have a real problem with this. Anyway, I believe they are trading the food stamps for money. I have no proof, but I believe they are. Thus, drug money.

I WILL NOT give my son money. I will provide food, diapers and personal care items if they are needed. I will personally go buy what is needed. When I found out my son took money I gave him and bought drugs with it....well, that was the end of the cash.

Yes, I feel sure he knew word would get back to me. Very, very small town and folks do love to talk. He is a good manipulator. He is devious and conniving. He tells untruths with the greatest of ease. Yet, with all this, I absolutely love him to death.

Thru this board, and all of you, I am learning to not enable him and to let him find his bottom. It is such a hard, hard thing to do. I want to rescue him. I know this is not possible. I just wish I could get to the point that his “drama” didn’t affect me to much. I’m really better when I just don’t know.

As far as older son talking to him about this - no, I don’t believe he has. He doesn’t think fast on his feet. I did point out to him, the other day, when youngest told him g/f was crazy because she was out of dope, that that would have been a good time for him to tell him he sure hoped he didn’t do nothing like that. Oldest says he aways tell him he loves him and don’t want anything to happen to him.

I have put the word out to him to call me. He has avoided my like the plague for sometime now. I wanted to tell him I would buy some things for them. No calls so far and I don’t expect any.

Thanks to all of you for taking the time for me, your wisdom, thoughts and prayers.

Love and hugs and gratitude to you
Kristy

Ok, $400.00 in food stamps? $400????!!!!

Ok, time to cut off all support other than financial! My God!

We have women here who are living in shelters, with friends, family...homeless trying to get enough together to have a home, we have families here living on less than your son and his girlfriend are getting in food stamps alone!

Milkchris, the bottom appears to be far off yet for this young man!

Kris, don't buy don't offer to buy! You work for your living...while he is living free and easy...excepting for his addiction...that he has to pay for!

I am sorry Kris, but he is still taking advantage of you and everyone else...every dollar you would have spent on him I suggest you place into a savings account for the grandchild...after all, that baby may one day want to go to college.

Thanks Ma.

You know all this "free" stuff really bothers me. I'm actually embarrassed by it. There was a time when it would have bothered him too.

I raised my 2 boys for a long, long time with no help from anyone. I was to proud to get food stamps and other
"welfare" that I could have gotten. These kids seem to think it's owed to them.

I found out yesterday that they are putting the baby in day care. This will also be free. Why? Nobody works. I guess he's just to much trouble for them. I could be jumping the gun, maybe she has a job, but I much doubt it.

It does just burn me that I work 50-55 hours a week, pretty much every week, and they do nothing. Ride up and down the road in a new car provided by her grandfather.

I did not raise this boy to be this way. I've told him they can't keep on with the free ride. It will catch up. He's got all kinds of fines, court cost and judgements against him. He doesn't seem to care.

Hopefully, I am not enabling, but others sure are.

I'm sorry that there are those that so desperately need help and can't get it and these 2 get so much and don't need it, don't deserve it. The system is all wrong, especially where I live.

Love and hugs to you Ma
Kristy

Well at least the child will have some structure and some good care in the daycare. I think this could actually benefit him. At least he will not be exposed to the crazy methed up world all day long now. God bless you Kristy. I am keeping you all in my prayers.

Kris, it doesn't matter that others enable him, what matters is you...they aren't here asking for help you are.

Let them enable, they aren't going to listen any more than anyone else did at first, not until they get burned will they believe the stove is hot.

I was discussing entitlements with a friend the other day...entitlement for everything from love and support to finances...perhaps there are too many entitlements, perhaps entitlements are applied in the wrong place at the wrong time...

I have no answers, I only know that you work hard and he or she does not...you paid your dues, it is time they do also.

Save your dollars for you, or if you have to support someone or thing adopt a child through one of the orginizations such as United Christian Children's Fund. At least there an entitlement will go a long way, and perhaps you will be able to see a real difference in someone's life.

Oh and why should you be embarrassed? You didn't take anything, they did, you didn't teach him this, he learned on his own...

Kris quit taking responsibility for his actions...it is enough to be responsible for your own.

Love ya anyway girl.