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Being a Parent of a Meth Addict


scared
mom
Parent of a meth addict
Sometimes people just do not understand what it is like to have a son who is an addict. Some of my friends seem to think that (or i feel like they think) i am uncaring because i do not know exactly where Zac lives or exactly what he is doing for money. It is not like i do not want to know but if i ask him he will not tell me or he will tell me a lie. I do not want to be lied to. I would rather just keep the lines of communication open between us and hope to see him every couple of weeks for lunch. I know that when he wants to get better he will know who will be there for him. I know that we can build back up the relationship that we had. I do not want to hound him with questions that would push him away. I just want to have him better but if that is not going to happen right now i want him to feel good about calling a couple of times a week and saying hello. I want him to meet me for lunch so that i can see my childs face. I do not want to push him away, i can not see how that would help. Obviously he can not live at home, we will not enable his lifestyle but at the same time i want to enable him to reach out when the time is right for him.Thanks for letting me vent!
     Replies...
still
catest
Re: Parent of a meth addict
I think you are "good people" as they say over on the east coast.

I can feel the love for your son. I don't know what's "right" or "wrong" for parents of an addict to do. I've not had to be in that spot. But if you were my mom, and I was Zac, well, let's just say I would know who loves me.

What a great feeling you have given me just now. I can't describe it.

I just know that you are the kind of person who I hope to be someday.
Scared
Angel
Re: Parent of a meth addict
As an ex-addict, I feel that this is one of the best supportive statement from a parent that I have ever read.

You're giving him the freedom to reach out for help when ready, but not the freedom to walk all over you.

Don't worry about what naive people around you think. They are not the one living in your shoes.

Keep doing what you are doing.
mdfaz
alea
Re: Parent of a meth addict
You're welcome..venting is good because if you hold it inside it will eat you alive.

My mom was always there for me but this addict always took advantage of her in one small way or another soooo be careful. If he is still using...be careful....be on alert everytime you see him.
scared
mom
Re: Parent of a meth addict
Thanks guys. I know where to come when i need a bit of support I guess sometimes i just need a bit of confirmation. I feel better now. Thanks again.

Tina, i feel honored that you would want to be like me! You made my night.

Angel thanks for your kind words

Md, i will be careful... always careful but always willing to have a conversation or a lunch together. AND always quick to tell him i love him.
imlost
inky
Re: Parent of a meth addict
Kimberly, a lot of words come to mind when I think of you- unfeeling and uncaring would never be any of them.

You love your son exactly as he needs you to - You really do.
You are a fine Mother -I try every day to be like you

Some of your friends just don't know you.
They really don't.
I love you very much - and I admire you very much.
Lives
With
Wolves
Re: Parent of a meth addict
It is very hard to lovingly raise a child only to see them try to destroy themselves. There were no schools or courses in "being a parent of an addict". It is shameful in my family (even though there are many in my family).....hummmm, what does that say?

I too tread very lightly with my son. He has no where left to turn; kindof burned his bridges a bit. I know how very hard this addiction is and I feel for him. At the same time, I know how Meth changes a person and I hate that and won't tolerate it in my life.

I think you are doing a great job. But ya know what, it doesn't matter what I think. It matters that you know you are doing what you need to do for you and your son. Screw what the rest of the world thinks. They are NOT walking in your shoes and they probably haven't dealt with Meth addiction.

My dad had a bumper sticker on his car that read
WHO CARES

Be concerned with what matches up with your values and your view of the world.
mom
mab38
Re: Parent of a meth addict
I so admire u. I felt like I was reading about myself with my relationship with my daughter. U are so right about people not understanding why u do not know where your child lives or how they survive. Yeah, it may sound a little crazy, but i am just gonna enjoy "my time" i have with my daughter and soon to be my grand-child. When they wanna quit they will.Luckily, my daughter quit using when she found out she was pregnant. I admire her for being strong enough to quit.I think u are a GREAT mom. Your son is very lucky to have u. {{{HUGS}}}
no more
mething
around
Re: Parent of a meth addict
Scared Angel said it so well....

My mom did things to help me help myself but she did not enable me to use. I knew I would not be able to "use" her...no place to stay, come down, eat, money...and honestly, it helped me to "come back".

I knew my family loved me...I also knew I would not bring my @#%$ around them. They taught me how to treat them. That was with respect for them and myself or NO DEAL !!

I feel so bad about not being there when my family needed me because I was so caught up in my addiction but I have to say, they enabled me to come back by not tolerating it.

I hope this will work for you, too, as I see it as much the same thing...the door is always open but the screen is always there.

I'm so sorry, hearing these moms tell the stories makes me feel like such a piece of @#%$ for what I put my family through... I wish you all the best.
nano
banano
Re: Parent of a meth addict
You know what you're doing.....I just wish I knew what I was doing...lol.....

Have to run get the grandbabies, as my son is nowhere to be found.....but thought I'd pop in for a sec.

I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said something like: DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK...BECAUSE FEW OF THEM DO ANYWAY!

I thought it was pretty funny!

Hugs to you! You're a great Mom!
pcejp Re: Parent of a meth addict
Scared Mom--As a mom of a 17 year old in recovery (6 months), I couldn't agree with your position more. You cannot let your son's addiction destroy you. I think one of the most important things that us parents have to learn is we cannot cure nor control this addiction.

My daughter and I have always been very close. Because of our love for each other, our relationship survived her addiction, treatment and now through the beginning of her recovery.

Your son is very lucky to know that when the time is right that you will be waiting with open arms to support him in his recovery. I know that when this happens, your relationship will be as strong as ever.

Thinking and praying for both of you.
Guene Re: Parent of a meth addict
I knew what you mean and I've been there many of time. I think you should do what you feel is right for you and don't worry about what other people. A lot of my friends didn't understand either, they just remembered the little strawberry headed cut girl that was so sweet, they never seen what she could be like on drugs or drinking. Anytime you can spend with Zac you do it and I pray that both our children will come back to us the way they were
DSAL
O1
Re: Parent of a meth addict
Dear scaredmom,
I like your approach..I think it is good.
As a matter of fact..I think it's awesome.
Your a good heart.
micole Re: Parent of a meth addict
I think you are doing an AWESOME job with Zac! And no, they don't understand and we pray that they don't ever have to! What you are having to do for the sake of your son is one of the hardest things a mother of an addict has to do, you know that and we know that!
Terry
CA
Re: Parent of a meth addict
I know what your going through as I have a beautiful daughter that denies her addiction, but I try to be there for her also and enjoy our time together.
scared
mom
Re: Parent of a meth addict
Thank you all. You know how to put a smile back on my face.
Typically things that people who do not understand say just roll off me but every once in a while i take it to heart. Yesterday i had one of those moments but thank to you all it just lasted a moment.

See also:

Parents with adult kids that use meth

What hope is there for my meth addicted son?


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